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Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 10:10:37 AM

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Ok, so I realize that this is the second post I have made, but I have yet again another question.... I read on here a while back about "Falling" for your Master.... now....if that were to happen, what if it happened the other way around too? I think that my Master believes in a poly-lifestyle (which I do not have objections to at all!) but I'm confused by some things that he does.... for example there was a brief period of time where we could not talk on the phone and he would tell me online that he missed hearing my voice....and little things about me....then when we were able to talk on phone again, litterally a min after his slave that he lives with, left the house to go shopping he calls me, and we talk and hes about to say something and then has to stop because she came in the house......

im confused...is what going on what i think is going on?

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 10:12:11 AM

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run

run far and fast

He is obviously hiding you, or at least a part of the details of the relationship he has or wants to have with you, from this other woman. You don't need that shit in your life.

< Message edited by Rastimmipitwax -- 11/23/2007 10:13:48 AM >

(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 10:18:39 AM

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Are you real time or on-line only?

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(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:00:56 AM

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Is it not obvious? This guy loves you so much that he is afraid that his slave will become jealous if she listens to the conversation that he is engaging in with you. I'm sure he mentions to the slave that he cares for her and probably shows her some random affections....It all pales in comparison to the emotional depth that he harbors for you. How thoughtful and selfless can one individual be? You are extremely lucky to have found him.

People like KatyLied are only asking if it is real time or online to ridicule....They don't understand the depths of submission that can be reached through a LDR. Don't question why this Dom does what he does...You are but a confused little sub...Any response that he would offer might hurt your noggin'...He is acting on your behalf with only the thoughts of not wanting to hurt the woman/slave that he currently lives with by constantly ranting and raving about the love he has for you. I like this guy.

Go with God.

You are an angel. Please send gash shots ASAP.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:05:03 AM

Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2006
From: Adelaide, Australia
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Run. Unless there is a damn good reason he feels the need to hide his talking with you, and I for one can't think of any realistic ones, even hypothetically.

_____________________________

Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.

-Tao Te Ching

(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:10:22 AM

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I have to agree with the advise to run.. I can not think of any reason for him to do that other then his other does not know about you. I have dealt with cheeting people in the past and what you are telling us is classic sigals of that.

(in reply to Qithoras)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:14:36 AM

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Joined: 11/4/2007
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He doesn't hide from her what we do, it was just that one time and one time only, but other than that she's pretty involved in most things we do too and is usually there when I talk to him, and SHE encourages me to talk to him when shes not around too. He doesn't hide anything at all, that one time just struck me funny or well a little off. His slave herself has told me that I won him over, which is really hard to do according to her...haha, and she has hinted about that word as well... anyway, thank you for your responses so far....I'm still just a bit confused... And yes I am a real-life slave as well.

< Message edited by wonderingslave -- 11/23/2007 11:15:20 AM >

(in reply to Qithoras)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:15:56 AM

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From: Portland, OR
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For the other responders; why is the first suggestion at the hint of trouble to 'run.' Even if there's something suspicious, directly addressing the problem is the first step towards any healthy relationship. If it was a male submissive asking the same question, would you offer such cut and run advice?

Hi wondering,

It sounds like he's hiding something. Considering you haven't actually met him in person yet, it's not a great sign. I'd ask him directly why he acts weird when his other girl is around, and if he's actually discussed you with her. If he addresses your concerns truthfully, and you honestly believe he's not jerking you around, you're fine. If he becomes overly defensive or turns the issue back on you, then I'd say he's using you as a cyber fantasy relationship with no real future.

The only person who needs to be happy with your relationship (at least before you're collared) is you. If you're not fulfilled, and don't see that changing, then I'd say it's time to move on.

So, to answer your question, from what you've told us it sounds like he's not very happy with what he already has, and you're a welcome distraction from his unhappiness. That doesn't mean his feelings for you aren't real; but it would certainly mean that he's not emotionally grounded enough to give you the love and care that you're hoping for.

Good luck,

Stephan

Edit:

seems you posted some information that completely changes the picture. I'll leave my original statements, as I think they're worth a thought.

Beyond that.... I'm not really sure what to tell you. It sounds like there's issues between her and him that they're not discussing with you. That's entirely their right, mind you; poly relationships take a lot of effort and communication between all parties. Being the newcomer, you're not really exposed to the problems they are and have been facing between each other.

The things you've told us suggest you have some concerns about issues; my suggestion is you take those concerns to him and let him do his job. It's very hard for dominants to manage submissives, when the submissive doesn't share the whole picture with the dominant.

Good luck.

< Message edited by Stephann -- 11/23/2007 11:21:27 AM >

_____________________________

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Qithoras)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:23:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

For the other responders; why is the first suggestion at the hint of trouble to 'run.' Even if there's something suspicious, directly addressing the problem is the first step towards any healthy relationship. If it was a male submissive asking the same question, would you offer such cut and run advice?

Hi wondering,

It sounds like he's hiding something. Considering you haven't actually met him in person yet, it's not a great sign. I'd ask him directly why he acts weird when his other girl is around, and if he's actually discussed you with her. If he addresses your concerns truthfully, and you honestly believe he's not jerking you around, you're fine. If he becomes overly defensive or turns the issue back on you, then I'd say he's using you as a cyber fantasy relationship with no real future.

The only person who needs to be happy with your relationship (at least before you're collared) is you. If you're not fulfilled, and don't see that changing, then I'd say it's time to move on.

So, to answer your question, from what you've told us it sounds like he's not very happy with what he already has, and you're a welcome distraction from his unhappiness. That doesn't mean his feelings for you aren't real; but it would certainly mean that he's not emotionally grounded enough to give you the love and care that you're hoping for.

Good luck,

Stephan

Thank you Stephan for your advice, it has been very helpful.

The only thing I have to disagree about is that I believe he is happy with what he has, I just think he is interested in adding to it, which could be a bad or good thing, but I am about 95% positive he believes in living a poly-lifestyle, and I have been talking with them for a very, very, very long time and we are meeting soon...so who knows....I just...that thing happened a few weeks ago, but for some reason it just keeps running across my mind.

Thank you again though for your advice.

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:44:12 AM

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Not sure how I double posted. Sorry

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/23/2007 11:46:51 AM >

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(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 11:45:55 AM

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If this only happened once, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe they were in an argument at the time. Maybe she's having a hard time accepting a third. The bottom line is how does the relationship work for you? Does it fit your needs?
I have to admit that I tend to overanalyze things at times and get caught up in whether relationships are deep enough, or whether I'm falling for him, him for me and all other variations. I have to stop to realize that as long as he is acting in a loving, supportive, caring manner and filling my needs, and his needs are being met at well, it doesn't really matter, does it?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/23/2007 11:47:54 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 1:02:32 PM

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From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wonderingslave

Thank you Stephan for your advice, it has been very helpful.

The only thing I have to disagree about is that I believe he is happy with what he has, I just think he is interested in adding to it, which could be a bad or good thing, but I am about 95% positive he believes in living a poly-lifestyle, and I have been talking with them for a very, very, very long time and we are meeting soon...so who knows....I just...that thing happened a few weeks ago, but for some reason it just keeps running across my mind.

Thank you again though for your advice.

My pleasure.

I had the assumption that you had already met when I edited; thats the smartest thingyou could do though, is meet in person and go from there. Until you've spent some time face to face, in the flesh, you honestly have no idea what you're dealing with.

It's very hard to get a read on if someone is genuine or not based on the quality of emails and telephone conversations. Often, when we meet someone from the internet, we build an idea of what they might be like, and fill in the holes with what we hope for instead of genuinely seeing things as they are.

Till then, you still have to go with your gut. If you approach meeting him from a casual perspective, without obligation on either side, it could turn out great. If you do it from a place of 'he's my one and only, and I can't possibly imagine it going bad' you could end up with a nightmare on your hands.

Do it smart, and do it soon if you're going to do it at all.

Good luck,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 1:03:13 PM

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Question is whether you have more faith in his words or his actions - most answers are found in the latter.

He tells you he's poly but it seems a big mystery to his live-in "slave" - and he's acting like she's unaware.... So I'll bet the reason he's stringing you along is that she isn't a slave at all; that he's living his fantasies through you instead.

As others have said - run!

Focus.

(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 1:15:53 PM

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If he does this frequently I think you have the right to know why he does that. Find out if she knows he's poly cause to me it sounds a bit fishy.

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RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 1:21:20 PM

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From: Adelaide, Australia
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quote:

For the other responders; why is the first suggestion at the hint of trouble to 'run.' Even if there's something suspicious, directly addressing the problem is the first step towards any healthy relationship. If it was a male submissive asking the same question, would you offer such cut and run advice?

Well I can't and won't speak for others, but with the information at the time (My reply would have been much different had I know the rest) the thought comes to mind; If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

Probably isn't always, I know. but its either run, demand an answer and hope it honest, or play the interrogation/smoke and mirrors game.
I never offer the last two as advice unless I knew the situation in question very well.

_____________________________

Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.

-Tao Te Ching

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 2:03:08 PM

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You said this only happened the one time. I am betting that there is probably nothing untoward going on, and it may be more about you than him. Especially since you haven't met yet.
Just relax and don't build up any expectations.

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Boycott Whales!

(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 3:00:47 PM

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Maybe she came in with an armload of groceries and she needed some help?

Sometimes life isn't all about YOU, y'know? I'm not saying that to be bitchy but think about it. People's circumstances may leave you feeling short changed when you shouldn't be feeling that at all. It's just life and things that happen. If you were talking to a friend and their SO came in and they suddenly had to go would you be wondering the same thing "what's wrong?"

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to Estring)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 3:08:10 PM

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I am very aware life is not all about me thank you. And I still was on the phone when she came in too, she had no groceries by the way. Obviously opened up a can of worms here. Not gonna do that again.

(in reply to Sabella)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 5:47:12 PM

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Maybe when he stopped talking to you it wasn't because of a slave, but because his wife walked in.

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(in reply to wonderingslave)

RE: Is he falling? - 11/23/2007 9:06:13 PM

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Has anyone considered that he got quiet so that he could provide his full attention to the other partner?

I'm not saying that's what happened, but it's entirely possible - splitting his attention with either the slave or the sub on the phone would not be fair to either of them and do them both an injustice. I know, I split my attention all the time and my wife lets me know that it doesn't make her happy when I do it. ;)

(in reply to southernhart)

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