RE: My final submission?

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Dari -> RE: My final submission? (11/26/2007 4:10:54 PM)
Time wounds all heels. Give it time before you decide what you permanently want, but there's nothing wrong with meeting this friend of yours and seeing where that leads, too. Perhaps this wound is too much to heal, and you won't choose to be submissive again. Perhaps you will. Just make sure that the decisions you make between now and then will never be things that you will later look back on with regret. And please don't make any permanent decisions until you've had some time to heal. That being said - my heart goes out to you, as do many virtual hugs.

DesFIP -> RE: My final submission? (11/26/2007 4:59:56 PM)
I'm not sure how someone caring enough about their primary's feelings to allow him/her veto power over other partners means they are submissive. But I understand you are hurt and angry and seeking to destroy your image of him in order to get control over your feelings. I wish you well.

ThinkingKitten -> RE: My final submission? (11/26/2007 6:10:44 PM)
FR: You are the pendulum at the end of its swing. Does it move up, or move down? You are the electron, unseen. Are you a particle or a wave? You are the ebb tide - the waves rush forward, and yet somehow it all moves outwards. Strong emotions can halt us at these key moments of time, they elongate, stretch, become infinite - and then blink, time moves on again. Pause, reflect while you are given this chance to do so - and life will move forward once more, it always does if we give it the chance... Act in haste, repent at leisure. A horrible cliche, but darn it's SO true. I hear you. Be well.

Missokyst -> RE: My final submission? (11/26/2007 6:35:19 PM)
nah. Topping will do for me. It isn't as if I havent attempted to be with anohter. I have for a few years. I just don't feel it, ya know? The ex knew how to move me, it isn't something I see with other men. Mostly I think because it is all sooooooooooo PC now. People follow rules I don't adhere to in my life. As long as all the "dominants" I meet come from online roots, I think the issue will remain. I am just happy I met my ex before he was programmed into the way. And even though we are done, I wouldn't have traded in even all the heartbreak if by doing so meant losing that closeness we shared. Kyst

MaamJay -> RE: My final submission? (11/26/2007 11:59:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: astarri As for never being submissive to another, i would not be so sure. You were hurt badly causing the submissive side of you to retreat and your dominant side come to the forefront (i am kinda making it sound like you have split personalities here lol but that is not what i intend i assure you). I echo astarri here ... 4 years ago, my sub side was crushed when my "Master" dumped me for another 3 days before my Birthday. At the same time my present Master's Dom side was crushed when His (not live in but regularly visited sub) took off from Aus to USA to marry some vanilla guy there (it didn't work out). He and I were online friends who had been talking for some time ... our mutual hurt drew us closer together and the failure of his computer took us to the phone. We poured out our hearts ... he operating through a rarely seen sub side and Me through My Domme side ... we had the chance to meet for 5 days and we did ... I Dommed him. he proved to himself that subbing WAS possible (he'd begun to doubt it) ... and I loved the chance to explore his gentle side. It was awesome and incredibly healing for both of us. And ... we fell in love ... suddenly and totally unexpectedly. Back in our homes and we kept talking ... and, remarkably quickly, our "other sides" healed and made themselves known again ... and we switched ... almost imperceptibly, certainly not deliberately. It just felt right, it flowed. By the time i went to visit Him just 3 months after our first meeting ... He was Master and i served Him for 11 days. W/we are celebrating the 4th anniversary of that this week [:)] That switch was the one that stuck ... He is still Master, and W/we have now lived together for 3.5 years. He has never felt the need since for his sub side to come back out ... though W/we don't preclude the possibility, it's not envisaged as any time soon. I am much more a Duality and am so much happier with both sides of me operating 50:50 ... so My Domme side still seeks a sub. I tell you all that to show that yes, in those with more than one string to their bow, it seems likely that the other one will come to the fore when one is hurt. That in the perfect vision of hindsight, my other "Master" and the other sub dumping us was a blessing in disguise, for it led us to a far more satisfying relationship than either of those had been. That allowing the other side to carry you along can definitely foster healing ... I've never healed that fast from a broken relationship before! ... and the whole experience teaches you things about yourself that you might never come to know otherwise. I know at the time, it's damned hard to see through the darkness and the pain to the silver lining ... just believe that it IS there and it will reveal itself in good time. I echo those who have said don't make permanently life-changing decisions at this time ... the last thing you would want to do is to hurt this friend who is standing by you by setting up expectations you can't sustain. Perhaps couch everything in terms of mutual exploration rather than commitment. Hope that you will soon be feeling stronger Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Prinsexx -> RE: My final submission? (12/13/2007 2:56:31 PM)
Hi I am back. I had no phone, no internet since I came away from collar me. It was necessary and I went back into stark relaity cold turkey for a while. I have readLL the lovely replies and want to say a huge thankyou to evry single response. I truly missed it here and these are the responses that really went in: rawkmehard something changed; he didn't think it was worth fixing. Missokyst For me, topping is simply service. Bita Trouble the future remains forever mutable. MasterFireMaam deep depression Missturbation She topped from the bottom, he allowed her too and boom it was over. Stephann I think if you're bending yourself too far in a direction you know you're not, you'll simply end up hurt Literalist Forget the role be yourself. DesFIP seeking to destroy your image of him in order to get control over your feelings. MaamJay all of what you said!!! wowLivingin Sin hugs back thanks for love. All except agreement with domiguy…come out in public to say how happy and crash and burn...it wasn't because I came out in public that I crashed and burned btw...but I may have misread you.I am still feeling stuck in switch limbo but very very mush clearer abouty what happened....in truth i didn't like the feelings of being out of control.....what I mean is that I didn't like the feelings of being out of control within myself....and I am clear this is different from having feelings of wanting to be in control.....I've had a huge creative kind of outpouring and more professional energy than ever...but what is it about professional success that makes others go sort of distant? Is it jealosy, fear, resentment what? I tried to let the domme side surface with men but it won't and being a submissive hetero masochist isn't incompatible with being successful in my own experience even if it's a combination that triggers others....got a sense of my edges and my boundary, got a sense of my skin backkk......now will somebody just come and whip it, kick it and lick it please/ without wanting to control the fuck out of my life..... thank you all so much for the PM s as well.......so lovely. Huge thanks. Curtsies. bows and all the rest of it.....and smiles of irony returning as yes....time has come back and life moves on regardless of what the hell is going on in my head.Prinsexx XXXXXXXX

Dnomyar -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 8:51:58 AM)
Look at the bright side. A light bulb went off and you saw something. Most people dont have that experience. You have water under the bridge. Go with the flow of new water and start again. You vented now move on.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 9:26:00 AM)
Glad that you are BACK! I was so worried when you didn't read my PM, but I am Auntie forever... Onward to new adventures!

RCdc -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 9:40:21 AM)
[sm=kiss.gif] 's for Prinnie... the.dark.

Prinsexx -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 9:46:25 AM)
Very strange day......I am realising that 'the same situation' looks entirely different from the position from which i look at it....derrrrr...as if i didn't ever realise that before...but you know i think i realise things and then i think i realise things and then i think i do and then it goes around and around again......the big realisation is that i am who i am and cannot change myself no matter how submissive i might be changing my own needs cannot be done simply in order to be in the lifestyle....BUT finding a dom who fits my needs ahhhh that's the problem....no that's not all the problem though and this is where i am finding it SO tough.... i am by nature polyamorous and get depressed actually when i try to be monogamous....BUT i also expect loyalty and honesty...so cheating or going outside the dynamic and not telling me is one of my limits....i am also bisexual so, justy as being hurt by a dominant makes MY dominant side emerge, so being hurt by a man makes my lesbian side emerge....is this making as much sense to anyone reading it as it is to me? i know right at this moment in time that i am not going to be really fulfilled unless i am part of a three and have known this all my life but somehow for whatever reasons have not found the magic other two.......the WORSE limit that can be crossed for me got crossed and i know in reading my amazing responses that many have experienced that limit being defiled also....namely that HE allowed HER (a secret HE kept away from me as a form of promiscuity for HIM) well SHE topped HIM.....and that was it......not only the power dynamic broken but the hopes and wishes for my bisexuality to be fulfilled.... there that feels a whole heap better and whew! a load off my mind....

chellekitty -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 9:56:23 AM)
Prinsexx, i know the last time we communicated that you were mad at me...but i truely only had your best interests in mind....i am so glad to see that you are doing better and wish you well in your path forward....learn from the past...it was not a mistake, just a learning experience....we all have them.... take care chelle

Prinsexx -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 11:04:44 AM)
chellekitty your pics just get better and better and i know you only have my best interests at heart and sometimes it just gets twisted up here in this form of communication...... and yes i am humbled by my experience this time and no i cannot put into words what i have learned and yes i am the only one to blame as i let it happen and went into it with my eyes wide shut as they say...... we are miles apart and so different and yet i know you understand and therefore because we will usually answer questions from a different pint of view you and i and come at it from different directions if by chance we meet then its beautiful.......also a great saying...... Prin xxxxx PS fkn 'ell kitty you almost had me lyrical :)

velvetears -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 2:01:35 PM)
i don't know what it is like to be a switch as i have no switch tendencies. Some of your post i struggle to understand, such as - Basically; I submitted.....in a relaionship that almost did become public property on here. What does public property on here mean? Maybe you mean "public knowledge". The thing that stands out for me in this post is that you qualify everything with what you did, felt, sacrificed, etc and in doing that, when you don't get the return you expected you crumble. No where in the post does it talk about any communiation attempts. Maybe there were some but you didn't speak of any. He did something that seemed to push that last button and wham you cut him out completely. Maybe he deserves it, i really h ave no idea i am just going by the information you are giving us. The tone of the post sounds jelous to me - he gave preference to her desires and it upset you, very much. Also it doesn't sounds like you found someone who was very stable in what he was looking for. This isn't the first post where you talk about finding the love of your life only to be crushed and heartbroken. This has happend what 3 times now since you started posting to the threads? Maybe you need to slow down and stop feeding that needy frenzied aspect of your sub side - hog tie her and tell her she has to be patient and wait. Not everything has to be as dramatic as you are making it. Is this the end..... why because some man disappointed you it's going to derail the whole train?? You got involved with someone who didn't even know what the heck he was looking for - why let that make even one iota of a difference in your life - would someone like that deserve that much of your energy? Then you go on to speak of a conversation you had with a vanilla guy and talk about him bringing out your dom side etc etc..... seems you are desperately searching for some kind of a connection. You have to take the desperation out of the equation and just be prinny - no dom, no sub, no switch just the woman - see how things develop, let the emotions flow, let the intellect guide you and keep your emotions in check untill you feel it is right. [edited to add - i have no freaking clue how to fix the screwed up font change so heck with it]

Prinsexx -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 2:22:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears don't get the return you expected you crumble. No where in the post does it talk about any communiation attempts. .......... Also it doesn't sounds like you found someone who was very stable in what he was looking for. This isn't the first post where you talk about finding the love of your life only to be crushed and heartbroken. This has happend what 3 times now since you started posting to the threads? You got involved with someone who didn't even know what the heck he was looking for - why let that make even one iota of a difference in your life - would someone like that deserve that much of your energy? Then you go on to speak of a conversation you had with a vanilla guy and talk about him bringing out your dom side etc etc..... seems you are desperately searching for some kind of a connection. heck velvettears I have had to put my glasses on..... the above points I can see how those came across and want to thank you for noticing them. the three guys I have posted about are actually all the same person...it was a relationship I stopped, came out of and went into and out of again......just because it seemed like he had a hold over me, and i asked to be released but the words he used, the things he said.....actually we did communicate quite well i thought.....and there was and still is a chemistry which when i think about what chemistry is between two people i simply don't know how to explain as chemistry kind of bonds two people together regardless of life circumstances, intellect, age and so on.....and the vanilla guy i have actually known for four years or more.....and yes i agree i got involved with someone who didn't know what he was looking for...probably didn't know what 'hit' him.....as i am that dramatic about relationships well about everything.....i just prefer to call it energetic or enthusiastic.....and i simply wouldn't be me if i just did everything by intellect.....but have come out the other side feeling chastened???but it really does feel like the magic has gone from submission or at least submission as i knew it.....i could role play at it i suppose....anyway yes patience, patience ............i can smile and even laugh at my desperation now but in all truth i wasn't laughing at all a month agao as it felt bad...the whole world just felt pointless......have learned never to expect to want. expect, need, consider someone else as being what makes me feel whole....but it's hard being a twin and an empath......it's a blessing but also a curse...... PS click cursor into text and press ctrl A then go to text bar along top and selct tahome then change font size to 4....:) ed. to add i feel defensive now about most things

velvetears -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 3:39:42 PM)
Thanks for clearing that up prinny, i did indeed think it was three different doms. It puts a different spin on it now that i know it is the same man. i love your energy, enthusiasm, passion, i wish i could have more of it, but that has to be tempered with something else because if it is the only thing leading you, well.... it can lead you astray to where you need to be. As far as not feeling submissive, i think thats natural after the trials and tribulations you have been through with this man. Give it time. i actually think this is one of the more positive things you say "but it really does feel like the magic has gone from submission or at least submission as i knew it....." Key word is "as you knew it." You have had experiences which have changed you, changed the way you see submission, changed the way you feel about it - maybe they are good changes, maybe without all that "magic" it will be a more realistic submission that will bring you a deeper satisfaction in the long run. You can only be who you are... and deep down that will surface sooner or later, so why slap any label on yourself for the moment. Take time to heal and time to reflect. Good luck, i think you made a hard but good decision to really truly get this man out of your life.

chellekitty -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 5:03:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx PS fkn 'ell kitty you almost had me lyrical :) does that make me almost a muse? [;)]

taintedgypsy -> RE: My final submission? (12/14/2007 10:45:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst ... And even though we are done, I wouldn't have traded in even all the heartbreak if by doing so meant losing that closeness we shared. Kyst This is pretty muchhow I am seeing things atm ... No real advice other than what has been said ... let time heal a bit before making life changing decissions and all my best wishes to you.

Prinsexx -> RE: My final submission? (12/15/2007 7:03:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx PS fkn 'ell kitty you almost had me lyrical :) does that make me almost a muse? [;)] amusing :)

SilentTigresss -> RE: My final submission? (12/15/2007 7:55:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Was this my final submission? I am asking both a rhetorical question and a direct question here and simply wondering if anyone else has been here, where I feel I am at the moment. Basically; I submitted.....in a relaionship that almost did become public property on here. I carried out instructions, I took the crop/cane/pain and satisfied his sadistic tendencies and my own masochism I fell into subpace with him simply from a face smack....and in my way of putting it....submitted from my heart. I was happy doing it and believed totally in the dynamic. It was, has as beeen described on here, a semi-open relationship....which was that I agreed to tell him of relationshups I was involved in but agreed I supported him as the dominant to have others in relationship. However: he used, played jealousy games, played each one of us each against the other and finally told me that he preferred to swing. The worse shock was that he would only swing with those she wanted and found attractive and was quite content therefore to be submitted to her. That was the ibiggest shock. I have salvaged the situation. I have stated my withdrawal, triangulated hm by asking a member of his family he had introduced me to, by asking tem he not contact me again. I have not outed him or said why.I have been deleting his text messages as unread. Over the weekend I admitted to feeling so depressed as to feel suicidal....something I was very very clear I would not do...but just so feeling that I couldn't go on in the lifestyle anymore. Since I have a business and youngsers whom rely on me I would never do it but the sheerdread of what and how to move forward was overwhelming. i have dealt with this by having my telephone line changed at home and my internet put on hold. I am typing this at a friends and will check for any responses here in a couple of days time as I feel there on many whom I respect here who will identify and offer support. It might be my final act of submission. As a switch, whom is usually only domme with women, I have called a friend....a vanilla friend whom I have known for over four years via the internet but have never met. He asked me a simple question: what do you want of me? And in that moment i realised that he had put me in the dominant postion and it was an absolute thrill.....similar to the thrill I would normally feel if a woman had asked. He gave me the power and pulled my soul back together. When he and I first met on a vanilla dating site four years ago our emails when searching each other out crossed at the exact moment in time. He is a friend and in the same people business that I am....however I need to make the switch. Not out of feelings of revenge. Not out of reaction. But out of a sense of responsibility, out of a sense of wanting something, and as yet I don't know what that is from this potential new relationship. It feels like my final switch or quit the lifestyle. Does anyone recognise this pattern? I suppose the question relates to those who are switches, but not necessarily. Who made the final switch and why? Heart felt searching again as ever: Prinsexx. i have been there with the questioning of whether or not to stay in the lifestyle. i have been there when i was always number 2, then that turned into being replaced really. It was a "poly" relationship, his way. i can not say that it's made me think to switch (in the sense of Domme'), as i have already tried that when i found this lifestyle- it's not for me. my difference to your surprise was that i began to disengage 2 yrs. into the relationship, but still held onto hope that things would get better. Just wanted to say you are not alone with some or almost all of your thoughts you spoke of. A Day at a time, a day at a time. Do what you used to enjoy. Smell the rose.

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