RE: Would/could this be effective?

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TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 3:47:53 PM)
quote: ANY energy she turns towards you is energy that she needs to turn inwards and work on herself. This one line struck a chord with me more powerful, perhaps, than any other on this forum. By now, I realize that the M/s play has got to stop, but..lemme just tell you that I think that fuckin' sucks. I wanna play damnit.[sm=frown.gif] Luckily, I've never been a monogamous creature. However, if I was to just be like 'well..since you can't be the slave I want, I'm going to have to find another one' because, well..that'd turn out to be a fuckin' disaster. So..since she identifies herself as a switch and she's bisexual..I'm wondering..would it hurt to try things as a Dom/Domme couple and look for a girl to submit to both of us?

mistoferin -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:12:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic So..since she identifies herself as a switch and she's bisexual..I'm wondering..would it hurt to try things as a Dom/Domme couple and look for a girl to submit to both of us? OMG, You really are not serious with this question are you?

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:16:37 PM)
yes, I am. should I not be?

Lucylastic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:20:36 PM)
I think he is.scary..... makes you wonder who has the mental instability here shakin my head Lucy

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:26:25 PM)
argh.. if she's not the one who's being a submissive and it's something she'd enjoy..what's the problem? if she's given control (or the illusion of control, rather) of the situation, I don't see her having an episode during play

CutieMouse -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:33:15 PM)
What you are so elegantly failing to grasp is that this is a person who is not mentally stable/healthy enough to make decisions regarding "play". In addition, you are so focused on getting to "play" that you are unable to see that there is a bigger picture here than "playing". Essentially, you just want your kinky piece of ass, regardless of what condition it is in, without any true forethought as to how said "play" will impact her (or you) two hours from now, two days from now, two years from now, two decades from now. christonaswizzlestick.[8\|]

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:47:39 PM)
what is it, exactly, that you're concerned about? it's not as if she's some raving lunatic running around with drool coming out of her mouth while babbling incoherently. sure, she may be bipolar..she may freak when put in situations where she has no control..but she is capable of doing things without hurting herself or anyone else. Perhaps you're right and I'm just not seeing how it would impact her. But, to say that neither one of us should be able to do anything we enjoy because she needs to help herself right now is just a little bit hard to grasp. are you going to say that we can't go to an amusement park or check out a new movie, too?

velvetears -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:51:33 PM)
i think it will do more harm than good. You might have intentions to help her but you cannot fix her, she has to do that for herself. By catering to her you are enabling her. Accept her or leave. It's up to her to get help, that cannot be forced. You cannot help her - she needs professional help and possibly meds. All you can do is support her. Do you love her enough to make compromises for her till she becomes more in line with what you want? If so take a step back and allow time for her to get in balance. You seem torn between what you need (bdsm play) and what you feel obligated towards. If she has you to cater to her and trying to fix everything how is she ever going to get the motivation to change? You are becoming her puppet - snip those strings and start controling what you can - YOU.

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:54:34 PM)
quote: But, to say that neither one of us should be able to do anything we enjoy because she needs to help herself right now is just a little bit hard to grasp. are you going to say that we can't go to an amusement park or check out a new movie, too? So I got a little carried away with that part and forgot to add that I really am interested in how you think it might impact her.

thornhappy -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 4:54:50 PM)
The point everyone is trying to make is that you two have enough problems to work on without introducing a stranger into the mix. Just go hang out on the poly board to see how that works out - periodically there's a thread from a member of an unstable couple thinking that a third will fix things. thornhappy

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:00:02 PM)
oh I don't think it will fix things at all.. it's quite clear what steps need to be taken to get her help. but we both still want to have some sort of BDSM in our lives, so I was curious as to whether or not that might be an acceptable way to have our fun in the meantime.

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:02:37 PM)
honestly, if any of you were faced with giving up the lifestyle, wouldn't you try to find every other alternative beforehand? really, I don't see how anyone can blame me for trying..put yourself in my shoes..give up the lifestyle? really? that shit's not going to be fun.

laurell3 -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:10:42 PM)
Life is not always "fun". Look at it this way. You aren't actually giving up the lifestyle, you are being a responsible Dom and taking the appropriate actions for the situation. Just as you would put down the flogger when she was getting close to injury regardless of whether she wanted you to or not. Now, get a kink friendly therapist and stop asking the same questions to us, ask them, the professional that has knowlege and actually knows both of you.

velvetears -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:10:55 PM)
Who said give it up? That is your own fear talking. i hear people saying put it on hold till the situation is resolved because it doesn't seem to be working for you the way it is.

Jeffff -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:12:00 PM)
SO ...it comes down to balancing fun.aganst. if not a loved one. some one you care about's mental health.What a dilema that must be for you. . You are beyond contempt. Jeff

CutieMouse -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:13:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic what is it, exactly, that you're concerned about? it's not as if she's some raving lunatic running around with drool coming out of her mouth while babbling incoherently. sure, she may be bipolar..she may freak when put in situations where she has no control..but she is capable of doing things without hurting herself or anyone else. Perhaps you're right and I'm just not seeing how it would impact her. But, to say that neither one of us should be able to do anything we enjoy because she needs to help herself right now is just a little bit hard to grasp. are you going to say that we can't go to an amusement park or check out a new movie, too? Dude... I lived with a Borderline Personality Disorder + Bi-polar for almost 20 years. There are reasons why most Bi-polars need to be medicated. There are reasons why most therapists limit BPD clients to 1 or 2 at a time. It's called really freaking delicate brain chemistry and inability to input/digest/act upon information, in a healthy and functioning manner. There is more to life than "will she hurt me? will she hurt herself?" - like learning how to balance one's illness and become a functioning member of society, who doesn't freak out when placed in situations when one isn't in control. quote: honestly, if any of you were faced with giving up the lifestyle, wouldn't you try to find every other alternative beforehand? really, I don't see how anyone can blame me for trying..put yourself in my shoes..give up the lifestyle? really? that shit's not going to be fun. Guess what? Life ain't always fun, and most of the time is isn't fair.

angelikaJ -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:25:52 PM)
Just trying to understand... 1. she has a therapist 2. she does not have a psychiatrist AND is not on any meds? 3. you want to be a supportive person to her but do not have a therapist of your own? 1. that is good but likely without 2. in place it will be of limited use. Are you worried that going on medication may just cover things up or because of her past history of drug use that she may become addicted? 3. it is difficult to keep any sense of perspective about one's own life when one is being consumed by the mental illness of another... Consider a therapist... it will make things better for you...if things are better for you it will make things more stable for her. and an observation... it is a natural reaction to try to solve a problem...the more complex the problem there can be a tendency to become very creative in trying to solve it.... square pegs do not fit into round holes...not even if you hit them with really big hammers...you can try but you see, then they aren't square pegs anymore. aJ

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:28:30 PM)
quote: it comes down to balancing fun.aganst. if not a loved one. some one you care about's mental health If it truly does come down to that, then, of course I'm going to choose her mental health. But, am I really so wrong for trying to find a way to have both?

laurell3 -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:38:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic quote: it comes down to balancing fun.aganst. if not a loved one. some one you care about's mental health If it truly does come down to that, then, of course I'm going to choose her mental health. But, am I really so wrong for trying to find a way to have both? yes

Jeffff -> RE: Would/could this be effective? (11/30/2007 5:41:30 PM)
YES........you don't get to choose. The circumstances have chosen. Be what you claim to be. Be a man Jeff

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