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Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 4:17:15 PM

xiam

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What do you find to be most effective.. sex or emotion? Do you typically appeal to a sub's sexual appetite/kinks as a way to get into his or her head or do you dig into their past to find more psychological buttons? Is one any more effective than the other when it comes to creating that need?

RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 4:45:33 PM

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I can tell you what controls me more without a doubt.... emotions are far more easy to control me with than sex.... in fact without emotions I do not want the sex.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 5:51:39 PM

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xiam,

For me it is mind and thus emotion.

CP

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 5:59:05 PM

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Although she loves pleasure, and response effectively to pain, nothing get's into My Pet's head like emotional play. How she feels when being humiliated or toyed with is incomparably stronger to her physical response.

Emotions are so strong with her that I promised to only use psychological punishments if she truly deserves them. No spanking could cause more pain than when I made her take a gift without kneeling or thanking me.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 6:10:05 PM

xiam

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It's always been mental for me, too... but i recently had a man try to get into my head through primarly through sex and i found this approach to be interesting. I suppose it works for the moment, or even a few days, but it certainly wears off pretty quickly. I remember thinking at the time, "He thinks he's very clever", but it all seemed very transparent to me.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 6:18:25 PM

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I find that the most effective means of exerting control is being yourself, demanding exactly what you want, not tolerating anything less than the utmost respect and obedience, and following through on all of your statements.

Trying to push a sub's buttons, on the other hand, never works for shit.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 6:21:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

What do you find to be most effective.. sex or emotion? Do you typically appeal to a sub's sexual appetite/kinks as a way to get into his or her head or do you dig into their past to find more psychological buttons? Is one any more effective than the other when it comes to creating that need?

I'm not sure there's one answer for everyone. For me, having the Dom act in a manner which makes me feel safe to trust and care for him and want to serve him the best way I can is what is most effective. I would say the overall strength of the relationship is much greater than any sex or emotion strings would ever be for me.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 7:08:33 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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As many have stated in the past..if you have her mentally, her body will surely follow...Tempting

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 7:25:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

What do you find to be most effective.. sex or emotion? Do you typically appeal to a sub's sexual appetite/kinks as a way to get into his or her head or do you dig into their past to find more psychological buttons? Is one any more effective than the other when it comes to creating that need?

I have found with my two girls the most effective method of exerting control and authority is to be the person I am. Being who I am has motivated them give all they can to me. Being who I am touches them in a way that is both emotional, intellectual and to a lesser degree - physical.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 7:26:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

What do you find to be most effective.. sex or emotion? Do you typically appeal to a sub's sexual appetite/kinks as a way to get into his or her head or do you dig into their past to find more psychological buttons? Is one any more effective than the other when it comes to creating that need?

Neither

I respond to the person; not what that person is capable of doing or how that person is capable of feeling.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 7:27:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I find that the most effective means of exerting control is being yourself, demanding exactly what you want, not tolerating anything less than the utmost respect and obedience, and following through on all of your statements.

Trying to push a sub's buttons, on the other hand, never works for shit.

mmmmmm maybe I should of read through the thread before making a long winded post... when all I had to do was say

DITTO to LaM's post.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 7:50:44 PM

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People respond to various stimuli in specific ways. So, figure out how an individual responds to specific stimuli and then control that stimuli and presto... control.

When people talk about earning respect, being dominant, being themselves... that's all any of that really boils down too. When you earn someones respect you are in fact doing nothing more than fulfilling certain of their expectations in a very specific way... that is you are stimulating them in specific ways which result in their treating you with respect. Being dominant is a behavior that stimulates other people in certain ways, some individuals respond to that stimuli with submissive behavior. If you are "being yourself" and have some respond to you with submissive behavior, its only because whatever behavior you exhibit when you are "being yourself" happens to stimulate them to behave submissively... which is no guarantee that will be effective with anyone else.

People are individuals. The range of behaviors they are capable of is amazing. The range of behaviors you can elicit from them is amazing. Being astute enough to observe all those stimuli, understand the relationship between stimuli and response behaviors, and then deliberately manipulate specific stimuli to get specific behaviors... that's the tricky bit.

Didn't say it was going to be easy.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 7:51:53 PM

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Yes for me it's a combo of Knight and Lam- it's not about control, it's about authority. And for me it's simply laying it on the table. They either accept it or not. Now I'll kick my own ass up and down to get the job done and work with you to get where we want to go- but as the one in authority. Knowing there is NO compromise when it comes to the fundamental values and dynamics we engage in together.

I know that might sound odd as a switch, but I think that's really what makes for a lasting authority dynamic based relationship on any side.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 8:00:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Yes for me it's a combo of Knight and Lam- it's not about control, it's about authority. And for me it's simply laying it on the table. They either accept it or not. Now I'll kick my own ass up and down to get the job done and work with you to get where we want to go- but as the one in authority. Knowing there is NO compromise when it comes to the fundamental values and dynamics we engage in together.

I know that might sound odd as a switch, but I think that's really what makes for a lasting authority dynamic based relationship on any side.

LA, just out of curiousity why would you think it would sound odd as a switch?

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 8:04:35 PM

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Cuz we tend to be fluid in orientation, so taking a hard line on anything can be rare. As well, we're perceived to be weak, wishy washy undecided types.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 8:22:50 PM

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Interesting. Thank you for clarifying.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Most Effective Means of Exerting Control? - 12/1/2007 8:33:11 PM

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Dear Xiam,

While it's (IMO) the mind that one has to control, oftentimes the body is the best handle to manipluate it with...

and of course we have to prepare the body through the mind...

Damn. now I am looping.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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