RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or Inexperienced?

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 11:22:37 AM

subrdn8

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

Some people in a D/s dynamic are going for a lack of privacy for the submissive. Invasive lack of privacy. For those folks, reviewing emails and other online activities would be viewed highly positively.

_____________________________

'always pleased to serve'

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 81

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 1:13:13 PM

thisslavetoown

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: miltonkeynes
Status: offline

I Am Switcher And i would not bother to Check emails. But as a Submissive, As a Submissive i would let my Wouldbe mistress read my emails,i submit

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 82

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 1:55:55 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

Speaking only for Myself and My little girl...There is no lack of trust or lack of communication here, nor am I insecure or inexperienced. Having said that, I check her e-mails for a few reasons: (In no specific order)
She belongs to Me. Therefore, she holds nothing from Me. It is My right to have access to all of her. That includes anything she might write or read. My favorite place to be is in her mind and reading her written thoughts or reading what she finds interesting is another way of gaining access to it.
It's a sign of her trust in Me that she provides access to all of her e-mails, accounts, passwords...etc. Which I have. I would never betray that trust and she knows that. My having access to everything of hers re-enforces that trust.
By Me reading her e-mails, I can delete all the come-ons from other Doms that write her almost constantly. (Especially here on CM!) It's funny, her profile clearly states that if a Dom wishes to speak with her, he should contact Me first. And yet, almost daily I'm deleting mail from Doms. Not because I'm worried...Hardly. But some have been very rude and disrespectful to her. It's bothered her in the past and I won't have that. So rather than have her waste her time and energy reading and/or deleting "blue" mail, I take care of it. It's part of Me taking care of her. That's time and energy of hers that can be better used serving Me.
This is what works for us. It may work for others, it may not. Quite frankly, It doesn't matter to Me. This is WIIWD.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 83

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 7:50:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
...what I do not understand is why a few seem to have their panties in a wad on this?...Tempting

Hi Tempting,

I think people just get tired of having what works well for them criticized by people who make ignorant assumptions. "Insecure" and "Micromanager" are often descriptors flung around when someone does not understand why a certain control is given over. I'm actually chuckling because my email is one thing my Master has no interest in seeing, even though I have offered it. I will send him or relay to him email conversations I think might interest him, but he does not want my passwords.

So I wonder if he is still a micromanager or if this somehow negates that?

Hi owned

..thank you for clarifying...I had read the OP and did not get the criticism factor from it..I simply read it as a typical message board question..but that would explain some of the "panty wad factor"..I must of been in a fairly mellow mood ..~wink~ menopause factor on the down lo and all..as for your Master..I suspicion he does not like to be too predictable in his actions..and likes to keep you on your toes, literally as well as metaphorically (sp).~grinz~....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 84

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 8:12:28 PM

kitttty

Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline

Mine deletes emails from my account sometimes after he sees that I have read what he sent to me. He does this just to see if I can remember his instructions properly.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 85

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 8:41:13 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

as for your Master..I suspicion he does not like to be too predictable in his actions..and likes to keep you on your toes, literally as well as metaphorically (sp).~grinz~....Tempting

Ha....why yes, you are quite right, on both counts!

And yes, any time "micromanaging" is used to describe a dominant, you can pretty much bet that it's being said critically. It's been said about mine countless times. It's not something that bothers me anymore, but it used to.

Thanks for replying!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 86

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 9:41:01 PM

tmo2

Posts: 18
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

Actually I have wondered the same thing about why someone would feel they had to or send all email through their Dominant first. We were talking one day about me changing my passwords regularly because of other issues. He commented something about my passwords. I let the comment pass at that time. Later, i just sent him all of them. Does he check my emails or my chats I have no idea. I have nothing to hide and the only thing he would read or hear from any friend of mine is the same thing I have told him.
I did it because I wanted to not for any other reason. If, I was required to I would think twice about the relationship.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 87

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 10:06:50 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Yup. Slaves who don't like to be invaded don't have much of a chance with me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subrdn8

Some people in a D/s dynamic are going for a lack of privacy for the submissive. Invasive lack of privacy. For those folks, reviewing emails and other online activities would be viewed highly positively.

(in reply to subrdn8)

Post #: 88

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 11:38:59 PM

tdslittlehelper

Posts: 79
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

My Sir doesn't read my e-mail... but if He did it would make me happy because it means two things. (to ME) 1. He cares enough to use His time to find out about me. 2. I am once again being protected by the control that I have given over to Him.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 89

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/13/2007 11:53:49 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Daddy allows me into his accounts too, I log into his netflix and I am allowed to putter about and put what ever movies I wish, watch what ever instant play movies I wish, I am allowed to play warcraft on his account. I am even allowed to log him into his bank account when he needs to and can't get to the keyboard.

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I wonder what it means if I have all of His passwords...

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 90

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/13/2007 4:07:56 PM

smilingjaguar

Posts: 271
Status: offline

He has all of my account names and passwords and I have His. We have no need for secrets between us. It's not D/s. It's just who we are and the openness we chose to have in our relationships. I do nothing that would upset Him and He does nothing that would upset me.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 91

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/14/2007 5:23:34 AM

MasterIceStorm

Posts: 12
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

Some consider this a trust issue? Considering there are conventions, If a Dom really had trust issues, and lead a more active lifestyle then just online. Then there needs to be understood there are no passwords at conventions or No passwords on other peoples hotel rooms when you lay your subs down for the night..

To me, most submissives offer this to thier Doms willingly. Before the Dom even ask for it. And yes I check my submissives account. Why? Because we laugh at half the idiots that fail to read her profile that says she isnt allowed to talk to other "Doms" without my permission. Its not a lack of trust, more a shield wall against stupidity.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 92

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/14/2007 8:16:25 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: torturemenow

i can't believe i am reading this. You MUST mean Dom and Sub. for a MASTER w/ a slave the question is moot. MASTER has every right to know everything --everything about his / her slave. The slave has no email. Only the Master "may" allow his/her slave to post. but MASTER owns the slave --ergo MASTER owns the slave email account. MASTER has the right to control the slave every minute of everyday. Perhaps you should redefine your question to apply to Doms and subs. a real MASTER/slave relationship should have begun with the understanding that MASTER IS ALL.

Does the master own the slave's sister also that he's reading her private mail sent with an expectation of privacy? Email isn't just generated by one person, there are all those others that the slave writes to and gets emails from.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to torturemenow)

Post #: 93

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/18/2007 7:13:28 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

Thats was my point Des..seemed lost on most...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 94

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/18/2007 7:32:47 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear TheEnglishDom, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Those who have nothing to hide, hide in the light. I also have to have cause before I start checking a slave's E-mail.

I would like to know that my slave has some privacy, even though the relationship is based on full disclosure and open to me as their Owner/Master/Mistress.

I will hope my slave 'invites' me to look at their E-mail. I will also have in negotiations if they are over-due, haven't checked in within 24 hours--I will start searching for clues as to where they were last so I can start a search--I want to see my slave safe. I don't mind if they're with friends--Dominant or submissive; all I ask is to check in so I don't add to my gray hairs. Trusting my slave is just as important as respecting them and giving them some sense of privacy and keeping in touch with family, friends and such. And, I hope for the same trust and privacy in my E-mail. I feel this is the only fair thing to do and to ask.

Should the slave be plotting to leave my household, seeking another Master--so be it. I much rather see the slave go, get out of my house and seek their happiness. I am not one to plot revenge or cause drama. I will be hurt, mourn, sorrowful but--I will survive. But, the last thing I want, is a slave who doesn't want to be with me.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 95

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/19/2007 10:04:53 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline

i think it's just a matter of preference for some.i just know that my Lord and Mistress don't log on my pc to see my emails or to see what i am posting. we all trust each other enough to where we do not have to do that kind of thing

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 96

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/19/2007 4:25:39 PM

agoodgirl4Daddy

Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

As others have noted, there are a variety of reasons behind it...inexperience, insecurity, sharing, a lack of trust, etc.. If it works, then more power to them. I have rather a cynical but, I think, realistic attitude. If I accept a submissive's submission, then I trust her. Not blindly but to a great, great extent. That means that I don't keep tabs on her activities to the point of what I consider micro-management. And here is where the cynical part comes in...I am not a computer expert...far from it. If a submissive wants to screw around on me, she can give me every single email password I know about and still have an account set up that I don't know about. What am I going to do? Put a keystroke counter on her computer? Hire an expert to go through her hard drive? How much trust would that display on my part? It doesn't work for me as I have too many other things to keep track of in my life outside the D/s relationship and I would rather be spending my time doing other things with my submissive than checking her email each day. Though I would expect her to show it to me if I asked.

I agree with much of what Creative Dominant says in his post.

My question is. ... would you (Master/Dominant/Dom/me/Daddy) offer her (slave/submissive/girl) the same courtesy? To check your email if she requests it?

Though i am seeking a Daddy/girl relationship, my email is my email, and if someone feels the need to have my password and access to my email, He isn't the right one for me! If he thinks that i am hiding something or not being honest, he needs to ask me, instead of logging in. If he doesn't trust me...we have nothing.

< Message edited by agoodgirl4Daddy -- 12/19/2007 4:30:49 PM >

_____________________________

~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 97

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/19/2007 5:33:14 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

Ah, so it's a sign of insecutiy or inexperience? You're not even asking if it's neither? Jeeze man.

I suppose Dom's tie their subs down since they're scared the subs will run away, too, right?

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 98

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/19/2007 6:42:46 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

I figure if a submissive wants to be with me, she wont be hitting on other people or seeking other relationships.

If a submissive does not want to be with me, she will set up a new email account and hid things from me so I dont know.

I have posted similar things in the micro-management threads. I have better things to do with my time here than worry about my submissive's communications.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 99

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