slut or submissive? (Full Version)

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SubmissiveAK -> slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 10:08:07 AM)

Hello All,

It seems ever since I started using IM, it seems I regularly get dominant men who want to explore my slutty side. Its not just the regular "looking for sex" calls, but professed dominant men who would rather force me to be thier slut and the submission is almost a secondary concern. I do kinda want to explore that (much as it scares me) but Im a little thrown by how many people seem to put the sex forward first. Is it common to discuss sex early in a Dom/sub-male or sub-tgirl relationship?

softly kneeling,
~AKsubmissive~



Nosathro -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 10:11:45 AM)

greetings
 
Well for me I discuss why they have come to this lifestyle first off. Then any o/l and r/t experience.  Sex is usually last for me.
 
Be Well

Nosathro



IrishMist -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 10:13:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

Hello All,

It seems ever since I started using IM, it seems I regularly get dominant men who want to explore my slutty side. Its not just the regular "looking for sex" calls, but professed dominant men who would rather force me to be thier slut and the submission is almost a secondary concern. I do kinda want to explore that (much as it scares me) but Im a little thrown by how many people seem to put the sex forward first. Is it common to discuss sex early in a Dom/sub-male or sub-tgirl relationship?

softly kneeling,
~AKsubmissive~

For some yes. For others no.

Grow a backbone and learn how to use that ignore, and turn off button when someone gets too close and personal too fast.



DesFIP -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 10:29:42 AM)

If you don't like men who do this, then be grateful they have shown you immediately that you are not compatible. Block and ignore.



CMRTyson -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 10:48:36 AM)

Talking about sex within the first conversation is a good signal to stay away. It does show quickly where the priority and and interest in you lies. But you have to ask yourself was the topic something you brought up, was his reply vulgar and boorish, or respectful and amusing?

Tyson



MistressNoName -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 11:16:08 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

Hello All,

It seems ever since I started using IM, it seems I regularly get dominant men who want to explore my slutty side. Its not just the regular "looking for sex" calls, but professed dominant men who would rather force me to be thier slut and the submission is almost a secondary concern. I do kinda want to explore that (much as it scares me) but Im a little thrown by how many people seem to put the sex forward first. Is it common to discuss sex early in a Dom/sub-male or sub-tgirl relationship?

softly kneeling,
~AKsubmissive~


First keep in mind that this is a totally free site, highly het male-focussed, with a lot of hets on the DL. Couple that with the hoards of men out there seeking anonymous cybersex encounters only and you have an idea of what a significant portion of the CM population is. This is NOT based on any hard stats, but just what I have experienced and observed on here. Taking all that into consideration, it's no surprise to me that men come onto you in this way. But if you do not wish that kind of encounter, thanks but no thanks always works...that and ye olde block button.

I'd hold out for quality.

Best,
MNN



ctrlaltdelete -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 11:25:45 AM)

Does it matter what's "normal" or "common"? Unless you want to be just another lemming in the herd galloping for the cliff, you decide what's normal and common for you. Let your standards and comfort dictate the pace - not to worry, you will still spend plenty of time engaged in the nether regions.



batshalom -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 12:37:05 PM)

There are a lot of HNG's on the other side. If you want to dabble, do so and have fun with no guilt. If you try it and don't like it, simply stop doing it and focus instead on the other D/s aspects.



CelticPrince -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/13/2007 10:32:36 PM)

AK,

It is different strokes for different "D"
But remember a sincere "D" will go for your mind first and your booty last.

CP



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/14/2007 3:11:06 AM)

Ok, I enjoy sex, I enjoy BDSM, I enjoy power exchanges, I also enjoy getting to know somebody as a person as well.    I want my cake, ice cream, cookies and a milk shake too. 

You see, I'm into the mind, body and soul aspects completely.  Yes, this includes exploring the slutty sides as well. 

I really don't think it matter if sex is talked about early in a relationship, actually that is a good thing.  However, if the other person can only talk about sex, and sex is all they seem to be interested in.   You have to ask yourself is sex all that you are interested in as well?

There's nothing wrong with getting sexual aspects out in the open.  Generally, if I'm talking with somebody and all they seem interested in is SEX, well... I tend to loose interest in them or see if they fit the requirements of becoming my Ultimate slave whore fantasy girl.   Damn it, nobody has been a big enough slut to fill my requirements yet! LOL...   Even still, I don't know how long I'd own a Ultimate Slave Whore Fantasy Girl if I ever found her, because she would not be long term sub/slave material.   I'd end up tossing her ass aside after I had all the mindless cheap humilating degrading sex out of the way.   She'd simply be a fuck buddy in some extended on going scene.. basically until I got bored.   Not a very fullfilling D/s relationship, however would serve the purpose of fantasy fillfullment.

So, with this said, if you want to explore your slutty side... why not go for it?  Just keep in mind it might not be a long term thing.  There are no rules that says all BDSM relationships have to be long term relationships, or deep meaningful ones.  People use each other for meaningless sex all the time.. even in the vanilla world.   Some people have fuck buddy friends (play partner) that have a somewhat more meaningful connection to one another.   Some people have very deep meaningful one-on-one relationships.

The thing is to know what kind of relationships you are open for, what you are looking for or not looking for in a partner.  Also, if you have similar interests, mindsets and limits.

Just make certain you two are playing on the same page and wavelength, with the same understanding. 

It's up to you to decide what you feel is right for you,  so basically... the ball is in your court in regards to what you want to do and who you are willing to do it with.   Just use some common sense when it comes down to your own safety and welfare. 






SubmissiveAK -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/14/2007 5:39:52 AM)

TY all for the replies,


The reason I asked, aside from the common sexual advances, is that I recently had a guy contact me via IM looking for a sexual relationship. For a long time I just turned him down, but he isnt the... typical horny guy type. I didn't realize he was a Dom until later, I thought he was just looking for a fuck-buddy. It kinda left me wondering if he is a Dom looking for a fuck-buddy, or might be looking to train me and see if it develops into a relationship.

The odd part is that while knowing he is dominant makes his proposals more interesting, it also makes me more wary. Im interested in exploring slut-training, but ultimately being in a D/s relationship means more to me. I just dont know where he's coming from I guess.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/14/2007 9:21:41 PM)

It's very common- mostly because they don't know how to handle a relationship other than on a sexual level or they know that's the easiest way to get a woman to stop thinking rationally and just start playing along.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/14/2007 9:38:32 PM)

Which is one reason in many that I have backed away from IM communication.I wearied of the utter BS expounded in IM ...I wearied of how easy it made for someone to say things they would not necessarily say voice/voice-face/face..I wearied of the anonymity on mine and their parts..It made them and me.. less...to my way of thinking..To me... the IM ..has been exploited by way to many wankerish types and I got tired of sifting through the oh so many frogs in that particular pond of scum...The IM has the ability to create Kings and Beauty Queens in many an Immer's minds..when face it...we all are simply people with feelings and experiences that we hide behind, in the almighty IM......Tempting(cynic for the moment)..:0)



Lordandmaster -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/14/2007 9:52:07 PM)

I usually don't start talking about sex until they're naked and hogtied.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/14/2007 10:17:40 PM)

For many people, the kink lifestyle gives them a reason (or an excuse, depending on your viewpoint) to become who they really want to be. A lot of time for submissive women, this is being as sexually free as the desire. Having a Dom given them "permission" to be a slut takes away some of the guilt society has pounded into us about sexuality. It's not entirely healthy, in my opinion; people should learn to be who they want without the permission of another, but it's at least a start.

Het men who are horny have realized that kinky het women are often more open to sexual exploration and whatnot. Thus, they see them as an easy lay. In fact, Maxim ran an articles several years ago telling me that if they wanted a hot time in bed to find a Fem Dom. *rolls eyes*

Master Fire - who might be easy, but who is NOT cheap. *chuckle*



DiosDeEsclavas -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/15/2007 1:08:42 AM)

So I am new.  That ice cream cone is not mistake.  I'm still trying to figure out.... I don't know what. So now I will pose a question which will show the depth of my ignorance.  I don't really understand why you wouldn't talk about your BDSM preference almost immediately.  After all, that is the one thing you know you have in common and that shared interest are why you are both on this site.  Sure will need to know if you both like the same movies/books/ect, but it seems most efficient to start with the most stringent criteria (time requirements, limits, fetishes, expectations).  If those are passed, move one to the more mundane requirements...  Maybe I'm just wish there were an easer way to know if someone is a potential friend or submissive(subset of friend?). 
I hope my question at least made sense to some of you.



rmanrr -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/16/2007 1:01:45 AM)

Greetings
(firmly jokingly and sarcastically)....only the cock knows for sure...the one she is fucking or the one she is sucking or perhaps both at the same time? heh heh.
Posted without reading the rest.



SlavesSoul -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/16/2007 4:12:49 AM)

    Do what I do, state clearly in your profile or journal that you want to take your time to get to know someone before anything else happens. I consider it rude to call me a slut / cunt, whatever...that until and unless I am wearing your collar, thats not welcome.   

  BDSM...I have casual play partners, my need for play is met. This does NOT include sex, it is SM play only. When I say casual, I mean these are good friends I know and trust, some for 10 years or more.

   Sex for me, happens inside a relationship...and that takes time. When I'm involved, I am an insatiable slut....but I reserve that for someone that was interested enough in me to get to know me first.

   Nothing wrong with telling someone that when they start down that path in conversation. If they bail at that point, well...that tells you something too

K



BlackWolfSwitch -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/16/2007 7:20:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

For many people, the kink lifestyle gives them a reason (or an excuse, depending on your viewpoint) to become who they really want to be. A lot of time for submissive women, this is being as sexually free as the desire. Having a Dom given them "permission" to be a slut takes away some of the guilt society has pounded into us about sexuality. It's not entirely healthy, in my opinion; people should learn to be who they want without the permission of another, but it's at least a start.

Het men who are horny have realized that kinky het women are often more open to sexual exploration and whatnot. Thus, they see them as an easy lay. In fact, Maxim ran an articles several years ago telling me that if they wanted a hot time in bed to find a Fem Dom. *rolls eyes*

Master Fire - who might be easy, but who is NOT cheap. *chuckle*



After reading the OP, I was going to give at least a reasonable response until I read this one here. I will have to agree totally on the quoted.
 
And as for my own words....
Let's be real about this. Lots of men think with their dicks. Just /ignore them, as they won't serve much more purpose than hopefully another speedbump on a sidestreet. ^_^
 
Pawprinted,
The Wolf



decstorm37 -> RE: slut or submissive? (12/16/2007 8:02:15 PM)

I think it depends on the people involved and how they answer your questions. For example i met Sir on here He sent me an e-mail very nice and polite. Nothing sexual in that e-mail. I replayed based on that. We had a lot of non sexual things in common. The first time we talked on the phone we talked about a lot of things from sex to favorite books music foods etc. The thing for me is i go off my gut feeling and listen to His answers.
 It all depends on how comfortable you are talking to them about everything and not just sex.  Yes sex is a big part of this lifestyle but you have to be able to talk about other things outside of the bedroom.



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