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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/15/2007 3:37:03 PM

tantan

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Joined: 12/14/2007
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well i;m not an expert or even wise about sex but my advice to you to leave ur girls choose thier way and thier life .. leave them choose but take care and watch them at the same time to protect them as much as u can .. only god know the life secrets .. maybe after 2 or 3 years from now u see that ur daughters married to good men and have sweet babies and they have a wonderful life .. that's my openion and sorry for my bad english

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 8:16:15 AM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
I think waiting until she is twenty-one is an excellent idea. The time is not far off, it gives you some time to get used to the idea, and it was a reasonable boundary to set.
<snip>
And age 21 marks the passage into full adulthood and high-risk behavior in our society in other important ways.

To speak in general, I think waiting until one is comfortable and prepared to have such a discussion with their child is a fine idea, be it before the 21st birthday or after.

I don't think the age of entry into BDSM is 21. There are TNG groups and various BDSM groups across the country that allow persons 18 and over, an age policy with which I agree. Some local groups that have a 21 and over age restriction have it for alcohol related reasons. I recognize that with respect to media and sensationalism, should such an unwanted event occur, a policy of 21 and over is safer but do not think it is enough of a reason to deny entry to those who are over 18 but under 21.

In my opinion, the issue at hand is not the age but the parent-child relationship. If I were at a BDSM munch and a 20 year old and then a 22 year old new submissive came to me and asked me questions, the two situations would not feel very different due to the ages alone. I expect I would be able to comfortably respond to the 20 year old on the spot. It is when the question comes from one's child that one needs time to reflect upon one's boundaries, or overcome whatever reluctance societal taboos create--the reluctance and boundaries are a result of our culture and its stance on sexuality.

My two cents.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 8:24:26 AM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Boondoggle
I think that the best resource, by far, is a strong local community, especially if there are groups for people closer to her age. TNG (The Next Generation) groups, aimed at those ages 18-35, are fairly popular, but certainly not everywhere. It looks like there is one in Atlanta: http://www.whippersnappers.ws/

I agree that a strong local community and participation in TNG will help. I am involved with two TNG groups and the activities include groups discussions, demos and speakers, field trips to BDSM events, and activities and ways for TNG to give back to the BDSM community.

Incidentally, here is a good resource to find TNG groups:

http://www.tng-i.com

There is a map at this site which shows locations by state.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 12/16/2007 8:40:30 AM >

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 8:32:51 AM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
I don't think the age of entry into BDSM is 21. There are TNG groups and various BDSM groups across the country that allow persons 18 and over, an age policy with which I agree.

The age of exploitation in our country is 18. This is when young people are allowed to enter into relations of power with more powerful parties--sexually and politically--without the more powerful party suffering legal consequences for making use of them. This is true of the state as well as adults wanting sex from them.

The age of personal responsibility in our country is 21. This is when human beings are expected to have gained enough maturity and responsibility that they can engage in high-risk behaviors like drinking, and take responsibility for the consequences of their own actions if they cause harm to others.

The girl in question wants to be a domme, not a sub, and thus I think 21 is a good symbolic age to start learning about domination formally from a parent. Domination is much more about exercising power responsibly than it is about being exploited without the protection that society offers a child.

As you point out, 21 in this case is merely a convenient symbolic age. There is no legal statute barring the girl from attending a munch, just as no one can stop her from whipping the hell out of her boyfriend in the privacy of her own bedroom.

If she had wanted to learn about it on her own, nothing could have stopped her before now I'm sure--I routinely run into people who are actively kinky at 18 or 19. I was not advocating a new rule about who is allowed to play the kinky reindeer games, I was just talking about the brief wait it represented in this particular case.

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 8:37:01 AM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
Sea: You're correct in saying it was a shock and that is why I said 21. lol... There aren't any legal reasons. I did take a few minutes to check her understanding of BDSM. She apparently has been reading.

Thank you for clarifying. I agree with cbtok that you seem to have done a fine job of parenting to raise open-minded and grounded daughters. I expect that you will have many conversations with your daughter and that the process of determining your boundaries will be dynamic--you might discover or overcome boundaries as discussion topics bring them to the forefront.

One other thought to consider is how one can teach another and yet allow the other to develop her own style--I have no suggestions to present, only the thought ;-)

I wish you well.

Cheers,

Sea.

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 3:02:52 PM

MistressFaye1

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Thanks to A/all that replied. I've received some great input, suggestions, and ideas. For once I didn't need to sit and figure out a specific strategy... it was all right here on the great posts written.

It's funny... though my daughters knew, I didn't see any of them as being interested. I thought it would have come up long before now.

One thing I have decided to do as part of the inspirations I've gained from reading the posts, is to take her to her first ClubFem gathering that we have each month. We had the Christmas Party last night and I sat there taking in the people and the scenes through new eyes. I also placed my daughter there and felt it would be a great time and great way to start because of the family of friends I've come to know.

What a great way to celebrate turning 21! Until then, she will have several reading assignments to complete and lots of discussion.

Again, I thank you all!

Faye

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You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 3:36:31 PM

TheInstrument

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My mother and I also have a very open line of communication, and while I've never directly discussed BDSM with her, most of the non-sexual ways I deal with subs were things I definitely picked up from her. Guess it's a black mother thing...haha.

< Message edited by TheInstrument -- 12/16/2007 3:37:41 PM >

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 4:02:54 PM

Firuze

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My gut reaction wuld be to find someone who you trust to mentor her. My worries would be that this may haunt you both somewhere down the road.

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/16/2007 4:48:40 PM

MistressFaye1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firuze

My gut reaction wuld be to find someone who you trust to mentor her. My worries would be that this may haunt you both somewhere down the road.

My gut reaction is to lead my darling child down this path of life, as I had others so far in her almost 21 years. For the more sexual aspects, I will turn her over to Dommes that I trust.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Ms. Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/17/2007 3:25:28 AM

mons

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greetings

wow i know the feeling i made a mistake and told my son i was in the lifestyle i thought he was mad at me for being in there and i talk to him about it and wow he was upset i told him but i guess boys are so much more different the girls. i say go so carefully. this is still your daughter. i think you need to get someone you trust to teach her. it is just to close for you your her mother. there are so many part that will not be comfortable no matter how you trust her and she trust you. this is one of those things that border ons being to close plus it may be a touch strange, and i mean not disrespect to you . this is you child you baby i say find someone whom you trust and have them teach her. i have a niece and we were talking i was telling her some things and she said i made her "hot" now that made me so uncomfortable and i did not like when she said this. i trusted her and she broke my trust and told my family about me she told her son that made me so mad he had just came out O prison for a violent rape. so when it come to family and i felt that my niece was like my child . ok i am ranting but get someone else it is just to close . and i am glad you have such an open relationship with your daughters . good luck

take care and i wish you the best one this
mons

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/17/2007 3:38:55 AM

MasterFireMaam

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I feel that there would be a line that I'd not cross. I talked to my mom about sex and she gave me "pointers" and fed me all the information I wanted...or, if she didn't know, she encouraged me to read. But, she never came to bed with me and my husband or boyfriend.

So, personally teaching the BDSM? I don't see why not. Personally teaching the dynamic? Certainly. Personally teaching the sex? I'm not so sure.

But, I don't have children, so really I'm only conjecturing about what I'd be comfortable with. I do know of a few mother/daughter teams, so to speak. To my knowledge, the do co-Top but they don't do threesomes in bed.

Master Fire

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RE: Like Mother, Like Daughter? - 12/17/2007 7:44:59 AM

MistressFaye1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings

wow i know the feeling i made a mistake and told my son i was in the lifestyle i thought he was mad at me for being in there and i talk to him about it and wow he was upset i told him but i guess boys are so much more different the girls. i say go so carefully. this is still your daughter. i think you need to get someone you trust to teach her. it is just to close for you your her mother. there are so many part that will not be comfortable no matter how you trust her and she trust you. this is one of those things that border ons being to close plus it may be a touch strange, and i mean not disrespect to you . this is you child you baby i say find someone whom you trust and have them teach her. i have a niece and we were talking i was telling her some things and she said i made her "hot" now that made me so uncomfortable and i did not like when she said this. i trusted her and she broke my trust and told my family about me she told her son that made me so mad he had just came out O prison for a violent rape. so when it come to family and i felt that my niece was like my child . ok i am ranting but get someone else it is just to close . and i am glad you have such an open relationship with your daughters . good luck

take care and i wish you the best one this
mons

Hello,

Thank you for your comments. I will not be teaching Her anything sexual as far as demonstrating... I am not sure a Domme/Mistress will have the same ideals and opinions that I have. Eventually, My daughter will form Her own thoughts, etc. Another thing thing that I've considered...Her comfort level. Since She came to Me, I feel honored that She did. I don't know if She would feel comfortable enough to be as open when it comes to questions about basic knowledge. I also want Her to do the groundwork to see if this is something She truly wants to explore or is She curious... but THINKS She wants it.

I think the next couple of months will be the deciding factor. She will have reading to do and I may even allow Her to speak to some of the submissives I know so she can ask questions.

So sorry to hear about what you went through with your neice.

Ms. Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to mons)

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