"Forced" Consent

"Forced" Consent (Full Version)

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LadyLynx -> "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 10:11:39 AM)
What are your thoughts on it? I will post my thoughts on it in a little while. Thanks in advance!

Rover -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 10:16:12 AM)
As a dynamic, it's a contradiction in terms. As a scene or role play, it can be quite enjoyable. John

DesFIP -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 10:18:59 AM)
Take down play? Play kidnapping? Play sexual assault? Sure. But this is why safewords came about, so if you're shouting stop, stop while he's pinning you down and tickling you, he will know when you really do need to stop.

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 10:36:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLynx What are your thoughts on it? I will post my thoughts on it in a little while. Thanks in advance! The very phrase "forced consent" is an oxymoron. Anything that was truly "forced" would be a criminal act, abuse, and IMHO not a legitimate part of WIITWD. Consent under duress is NOT valid consent. That's why many "confessions" in criminal cases are thrown out of court. Let's face it: "forced" anything is usually a mutually agreed upon fantasy to add flavor to some act the principals want to perform. Let's say, as an example, that I have a Hard Limit ruling out "Forced Bi". The Domina presents me with a real cock to suck. If I cry "no, no, please Mistress not that!", beg for mercy, and whimper, that may add excitement to the adventure for all concerned. Perhaps she beats my ass to "force" my consent, or grabs my hair and pushes my head to the target. However, if I don't call out my safe word or use my safe signal, exactly how much of that is "forced consent"?

fusion -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 10:57:01 AM)
That is the eternal question playing safe sane and consensual yet give the slave that rightless hepless piece of property, whipped into obediance, feeling? To make someone thrilled scared frightened and nervous quivering with what could happen to them, still make then feel safe? How I handle it is the collar if she puts it on all power flows to me, when it comes off we are more or less equalateral. But what greater pleasure is there? then to force by words or deeds to force anothers surender, or for the surrenderee to do so. Weither they must be broken always resist the pain the urge to cry out, or a pleaser pressing to please even more.

ghitaPVH -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 11:06:58 AM)
I guess it depends on th econtext how I feel about it. Are we talking about a scene? Where someone has alreayd agreed to be "forced"..if thats part of the fun, then Im all for it, it can be rather hot. But I dont know if Id really use that term. Its not really forced. It'd be more like...play rape, or kidnapping, or whatever...where its sometimes fun to struggle and put up some resistance....kinda like the borg.....resistance isnt futile, resistance is half the fun! ok, anyway. If you are talking about actual "forced" consent, its still not consent. its still illegal, I dont care if the girl did beg you to fuck her. If you held a gun to her head and told her youd kill her if she didnt beg you to fuck her, its still rape.

IrishMist -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 11:23:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLynx What are your thoughts on it? I will post my thoughts on it in a little while. Thanks in advance! I know what I am going to say is going to cause everyone to get out their legal books and dictionaries so that they can start quoting how wrong and illegal this is; but, right now…it really does not matter. My relationship with my husband; the M/s, D/s, BDSM…whatever label you wish to use so that you can understand….was not fully one of consent. The only consent that was present was in the fact that I entered the relationship knowing full well that I was going to be forced to do things that I did not want to do. That is where my consent started and ended. Everything past that had nothing to do with me…meaning that I had no say what-so-ever…and everything to do with him. There were two sides in our relationship…the side where I absolutely refused and he then forced physically; and the side where I refused and was shown the door. Only once did I ever walk out the door; and it was within the first year of our relationship. I went back less than two weeks later. I was never given a choice again. Now, I am not saying that forcing is the way to go; on the contrary. I have said before and I will say again…if anyone asked my advice about this kind of relationship; I would tell them to run and run very fast. However, for me; it worked. What’s more, it was what I needed. Not wanted, but needed. So, with that said; I see nothing wrong, personally with being forced; but it is not something that I would recommend to anyone else.

Missokyst -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 11:24:41 AM)
I enjoy it. But then again, I consent to be forced. It is a matter of what is acceptable to you, and what flips your switches. It is not for everyone. Kyst

SunNMoon -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 11:36:03 AM)
I’ll be the odd one, this is just in my opinion and I know lots of people feel differently. But I can’t get passed the I’m forcing someone to do something, which to me is against their will and it just leaves me personally feeling icky inside. I’ve talked to a lot (fine some subs) where this is one of their favorite things but I can’t get over the icky feeling I get. I do get the why it’s fun and hot and everything, but it just doesn’t work for me.

sexyone4you -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 11:39:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I enjoy it. But then again, I consent to be forced. It is a matter of what is acceptable to you, and what flips your switches. It is not for everyone. Kyst Well put. I'm the same way. However, I have to be able to trust that the person I serve will not damage me. So, if the trust, sanity, and familiarity are there, then I am all for it.

kinkiness -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 12:04:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyone4you quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I enjoy it. But then again, I consent to be forced. It is a matter of what is acceptable to you, and what flips your switches. It is not for everyone. Kyst Well put. I'm the same way. However, I have to be able to trust that the person I serve will not damage me. So, if the trust, sanity, and familiarity are there, then I am all for it. Agreed however I found difficulty recently when my master agreed to let another master use me. But the other Master deliberately forced me into breaking my other masters rules. This then led to a switch fight because I felt he had disrespected my master. I then struggled all night he would not play with me I was not allowed to come yet woke up on ym belly being taken. Then when he was pulling my hair he twisted it round and it felt an unatural - possibly fatal pain in my neck said stop as in properly stop and he continued and increased pressure which could have ultimately led to serious damage. I am young and finiding that frced s tuff works very well fo rme but at the same time i feel in this occasion that I was in affect raped and forced into consenting with force such as strangling and pain in my nipples and other areas. I unltimately DID NOT WISH to disobey my masters orders but was forced to with out consenting to being forced if that makes sense?

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 12:37:11 PM)
to kinkiness - i felt angry and sad reading your post. That situation is one which any Master who cherished his submissive or slave (IMHO) would never have put her. For me, BDSM is healing, spiritual, exhilirating, and intense. For one to be "forced" to submit to non-consensual rape IS RAPE. i believe that the submissive or slave (and the Dominant) need to have the ability to stop a scene whenever he / she needs to, ESPECIALLY when scening with a new partner. This is important for physical, emotional, and mental health. I call into question your "Master's" ability to care for his you with integrity and honor. For me BDSM should not traumatize the participants - and Yes, i do believe that consensual rape/torture is something that actually can be a healing, growth-affirming experience (with the right participants..at the right time..for the right reason). You obviously did not experience that interaction in this way, and if you haven't already, i would suggest you let your "Master" know your thoughts and feelings about being used by the other "Dominant."

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 12:38:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I enjoy it. But then again, I consent to be forced. It is a matter of what is acceptable to you, and what flips your switches. It is not for everyone. Kyst Seems to me...if you gave consent....it's not being forced....

ghitaPVH -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 12:47:58 PM)
I think thats how I see it to. I mean, I know there are times I do things in my relationship I dont really want to do. things I wouldnt choose to do on my own. But I do them. I gave my consent when I entered the relationship. Im not technically "forced". I could walk out the door if I really wanted to. Sometimes he, well..."forces" me to do stuff cause well..it turns me on. but, its not really...forced. to me, forced is well.....do it or die. or suffer extreame unwanted pain or other abuse. forced consent would be things like....asking someone if they want to do something, then telling them they either have to say yes or you'll kill them or break their legs or something.

Kalista07 -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 12:51:58 PM)
perhaps i've gone to the other side.....or am too much of a literalist In my opinion, and in my relationship, i don't really think i can be "forced" to consent to anything....Because at the start of the relationship i gave my consent...i consented to anything and everything as He sees fit...Like ghita said, if i don't like it or don't agree i know where the door is....But........... Kali

Missokyst -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 12:55:10 PM)
seems like an oxymoron doesnt it? And yet it happens. The key is (like sexyone says) knowing your partner. I would rip the head off anyone who tried to force me.. unless I trust them. Then it doesnt matter if I want it or not, if I trust them, they can make me, and there is no bad feeling about it. But there are limits for me. Sharing, bi, ect.. the deal is finished and that force stuff is not going to happen. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I enjoy it. But then again, I consent to be forced. It is a matter of what is acceptable to you, and what flips your switches. It is not for everyone. Kyst Seems to me...if you gave consent....it's not being forced....

Decimus -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 1:04:52 PM)
I have a somewhat unique view on this. I will not give consent to have sex, period. I am a virgin and intend to stay that way until marriage for multiple reasons(if you are curious none are religious as I am athiest). However I fully believe that the woman who will want to marry me will forcibly take that from me as a sign she would like to spend the rest of her life with me, as she knows the significance of said act. It is a way to both prove authority and to show that I am hers completely. Granted on the other side of the coin I would never submit to someone who I did not care for a great deal as I feel this type of relationship only makes the connection between two individuals stronger. I am sure I will be flamed as being naive or that it is wishful thinking on my part. I can only say that Aerith is my one and only goddess, if she were to play with my heart or abuse me in some way...I would cease to exist as a person so it wouldn't really matter anyway what had been done to me.

subtee -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 1:13:02 PM)
Within a well-articulated dynamic, my articulation is "mmmmmmmmmmmm..."

abytchgoddess4u -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 1:46:46 PM)
"Forced" is one of those words that I find highly misused and raises my hackles when I hear it as such. Once consent is given, it's given. Unfortunately; this seems to give rise to abusive and illegal behaviour on the part of some truly evil people...as in kinkiness' case. In Irish's, it worked well. Clear communication is key, as is respect on the part of both parties. I recommend having paperwork backup. But, I almost never play into the 'forced' aspect, b/c it feels fake and icky...as Sun said. If I have a sub sucking some other guy off, I want it to be b/c I told him to do so and he wants to please me...not b/c I'm holding his head on it.

flower2007 -> RE: "Forced" Consent (12/16/2007 1:50:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abytchgoddess4u Once consent is given, it's given. Maybe I'm reading this comment wrong...but you don't believe consent can be revoked?

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