RE: What to look for in a second sub

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: What to look for in a second sub

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RE: What to look for in a second sub - 1/5/2008 6:52:13 PM

masterdougyes

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

This could get really long. First, start by looking at your own relationship with the current girl. Is she really willing and able to control her jealousy? How about you? Can you contol yours if this girl turns out to love your girl more then you? All of these things can happen.

Next, Look for a girl that is bi, not just straight or bi-curious. I've had a number of them come to me but were really interested in pushing the other girl out. Be prepared to always show the first girl the respect due if you should end up loving the second girl more then the first. Yes, it could happen. Be honest with yourslef and with her and talk about all this before you start.

Decide what kind of relationship you'll have. Are you Dom and your girl is the Alpha and the new girl is to serve her too, or are you Dom to both and neither has authority over the other. This needs to be defined and agreed to up front or you'll wish you'd never started this.

They should be about equal in desire to serve, A girl that is a switch will never work with a girl that is a total slave, unless the first is allowed to be the Alpha girl. If you want to have those wonderful three-somes, then they should be balanced in their need to serve you and themselves.

When there are 2 people, there is one relationship. When there are 3 people, there are 4 relationships and everyone has to be committed to make them all work. One weak link and the whole poly relationship will fail and it'll be really hard to pick up the pieces. It is constant work, but when it does, as mine does, it is so well worth the effort.

Similiar height, weight is nice, but I have one that is 36 and the other 53. One is 170 lbs and the other 250. One has children and the other raised them years ago. But, amazingly it is working and working well as they are both slaves and totally love me and love each other as sisters.

I hope this has helped some.

(in reply to snapdragon9)

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Post #: 21

RE: What to look for in a second sub - 1/6/2008 8:51:22 PM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

Altho, I think she should have nice legs too... we should construct her one peice at a time.

This one is going to cost more than 6 million dollars when done...................

(in reply to BiteGirl)

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Post #: 22

RE: What to look for in a second sub - 1/21/2008 12:10:21 PM

Bound2Knight

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline

thank you for this from the bottom of her heart.

(in reply to chellekitty)

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Post #: 23

RE: What to look for in a second sub - 1/21/2008 12:13:38 PM

Bound2Knight

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline

thank You for this advise from the bottom of her heart.

(in reply to masterdougyes)

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Post #: 24

RE: What to look for in a second sub - 1/22/2008 2:29:49 AM

MinofSin

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline

I think the majority of advice in this thread was excellent, but what struck me most was the "stop looking" comments. And I have to say, that's pretty accurate. All of my best relationships, both vanilla and kink, have been when I wasn't looking. Those people, including my current slave, just as someone else said, fell into my lap. While my slave and I are definately interested in a third, perhaps taking the "not looking" approach might be best, and might also prevent some needless and pointless drama and mismatches with people who say they're into it, only to find out they really aren't.

Excellent thread.

(in reply to Bound2Knight)

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Post #: 25

RE: What to look for in a second sub - 1/22/2008 7:41:41 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterdougyes

They should be about equal in desire to serve, A girl that is a switch will never work with a girl that is a total slave, unless the first is allowed to be the Alpha girl. If you want to have those wonderful three-somes, then they should be balanced in their need to serve you and themselves.
_____________________________________________________________
I disagree on this. Years ago, I joined a household with my Trainer and His then collared submissive. I switch and I am a slave. I had no desire to Top His submissive, nor did she wish to Top me. His submissive was not particularly service oriented, but I am. I think that was particularly important to the success we enjoyed for the three years we resided together. There was little squabbling over who would do what, as the activities she did not enjoy, I tended to enjoy and vice versa. She and I were not sexual with eachother and as Sir loved to say, He wasn't running a hippy love commune. However, we did grow to love each other and became friends, but I would not say best friends.

I think what is most important is that all three are willing to put their expectations, concerns and fears on the table on a regular basis. Everyone needs to be honest with themselves and each other. Keep talking and respecting each others viewpoint. Good luck.

(in reply to masterdougyes)