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Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 6:15:01 AM

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i've only recently become a sub to a real dom, to me it's everything i've been wanting for a long time, but it isn't quite as enjoyable as it could be

i'm stuck worrying that i'm not pleasing him. i don't know how to respond when told to beg for sex, or when i'm asked questions - i don't know what he wants to hear

any information about what masters find pleasing, and what kinds of things u want to hear from your sub while ur beating them

all advice appreciated

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 7:53:39 AM

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This is going to sound so obvious, but it always gets overlooked. Ask your partner. That's the person you are claiming you are unsure about concerning feelings and response. The only real way to find out is to actually ask him.

I used to suffer from this same thing, and then I learned to ask the woman who was in charge of me at the time. It made things SO much easier.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 8:14:05 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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From: Rochester, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missidian
i'm stuck worrying that i'm not pleasing him. i don't know how to respond when told to beg for sex, or when i'm asked questions - i don't know what he wants to hear

The simple and easy answer is that I want to hear the truth. I am rather clear about what I ask for. If I tell my property to beg for sex, I expect her to beg for sex. If I don't like the way she is begging, I will correct her. If I don't correct her, she is doing just fine.

When I ask a question, I expect the complete truth. I don't ever want my property to tell me what she thinks I want to hear.

The best thing you could do for you dom is to relax and let him have the control. If he doesn't like what you are doing, he is free to change it. Please him the best way you know how, but don't over-think it. I have found that "paralysis by analysis" happens quite a bit, and a sub will choose no action over fear that she will pick the wrong action.

If he is a good dom, he will want you to be happy in your submission. Give him that gift. Just remember, if he isn't happy with how you are doing something, it is in his power to change it.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 8:54:30 AM

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From: Washington
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quote:

i'm stuck worrying that i'm not pleasing him. i don't know how to respond when told to beg for sex, or when i'm asked questions - i don't know what he wants to hear

My advice would to just be yourself. Don't try to say what you think he wants to hear, but say what you think and feel. It's ok to ask him what pleases him unless he has told you not to for some reason. It's ok to make mistakes, that's how you learn, and those punishments can be fun anyway

.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 10:43:11 AM

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The only one who can answer your question is you and he. You're the ones in the relationship. Sure, others can tell you what they would like. However, everyone is different. Others are'nt him.
Communicate. I'm sure he knows you are new. Ask him for his guidance. Tell him you are misunderstanding. If he beats you because you misunderstand without him training you he is'nt a Dominant in the first place.
Just communicate first and foremost.

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 3:12:51 PM

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Missidian . . . communication is the key...whether it be verbal or non verbal. as TD&W pointed out, give your Master the truth...if it does not agree with Him, He will correct you. be true to yourself and your submissive heart and you will both find what works and what doesn't. the beginning of a relationship is a 'feeling out period' that allows you both to learn about the other...as your relationship progresses and you come to understand each other, your questions will become fewer.

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/7/2004 3:39:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missidian
what kinds of things u want to hear from your sub while ur beating them

Your dom probably doesn't want to hear, "You go girl."

On a more serious note: what are you feeling, Missidian? Your dom should want to know that. And care.

You should care too.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to Missidian)

Am i satisfying? (From Missidian) - 7/7/2004 4:16:07 PM

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Missidian wrote:

"i don't know how to respond when told to beg for sex"
.........I am a highly enducated and sucsessful 43 yo woman, knowing that, I will share that I faultered many times when asked to beg (for whatever at that moment) ... I couldnt find the words either. Was I rebelling? Did I not belong on my knees beneath Another? Is this all a joke Ive convinced myself of? I had an identity crisis. My mind reels when I begin to question, instead of follow. In the long run, I was simply not used to speaking up and voicing my desires in DS format. I speak publicly and well, but I found my words had left my mind completely everytime. It helped that the dominant I was before, saw that I meant no malice, and let me simply begin to ramble on.. I began with my feelings, my embarrassment, my fear to let go.. in fact all my ramblings had nothing to do with the original request/question. After a couple of weeks, I was comfortable hearing me state words the shared my depth in D/s. My depth in begging, in telling of my commitment, in all matters submissve-like. I no longer felt bottled up. So, my advice to you is to speak with this dominant you are with, explain that you need an oppurtunity to loosen up. I am sure that all will go well, especially if you and the dominant are sincere.

" or when i'm asked questions - i don't know what he wants to hear"
.......what he wants to hear.. Hmmmmmm.. hopefully there were already set and understood responses spoke about before (such as always a "yes Sir" or things along those lines), but if you are worried about what to say, based only on you giving him what he wishes to hear ONLY, then you are depriving him and yourself of your gift to the relationship. That gift here, would be your OWN INDIVIDUAL answers to his questions. How else can he guide you and share in your deepest submission if you are thinking of only offering botteled answers? Perhaps I am taking too much into assumption here, and I'm good with comments in return.. but all in all.. answer him with your honesty and your heart. That is the only answer anyone wants.

"any information about what masters find pleasing"
........Not botteld answers he could hear a parrot say back to him... *smile*

"and what kinds of things u want to hear from your sub while you are beating them" ......Hmmmmmm.. i scream terrible threats, then they turn to begging, then they are only gutteral sounds, then there is a slumpped peggy hanging/bent (or what have you) and all is usually completed... There are no SET sounds. BE YOURSELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"all advice appreciated" ....... I hope so, cuz I just blabbered my thoughts all over this page *grin*

Take care...

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/8/2004 6:11:01 AM

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From: New Castle, PA
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required/expected smartass answer follows

quote:

i don't know how to respond when told to beg for sex

"Please fuck me Master!!!!!" has always worked for me

okay - now that that is out of the way/out of my system

quote:

i'm stuck worrying that i'm not pleasing him

believe me, if you are not pleasing him he will let you know, and usually in no uncertain way

quote:

i don't know how to respond when told to beg for sex

maybe pretend you have been stranded on a desert island for a month, or played with and teased to the brink of orgasm for an hour without release, and go from there

quote:

i don't know how to respond<snip>when i'm asked questions

open your mouth and say whatever is on your mind (okay I ll try to keep the smartass to a minimum) - just answer honestly in response to the question - share your feelings, ideas, whatever - communicate

quote:

i don't know what he wants to hear

more people have come to grief over being told what they want to hear than I care to remember - even though this is a D/s relationship, it is still a relationship - with all that entails - open, honest communication is basically the key - and if he is the type that has to be told only what he wants to hear, then that, to me, is a BIG red flag

quote:

any information about what masters find pleasing, and what kinds of things u want to hear from your sub while ur beating them

this will vary from master to master - some like their subs to be quiet while being beaten, others to count the strokes, others for the sub to be screaming bloody murder at the top of their lungs - you just have to find what your master deems pleasing - again, communication will show you the way

Apply usual caveats here

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Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/8/2004 9:12:06 AM

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Missidian, all these questions you are asking here should instead be directed to your Dom. He is the one who should be instructing you and training you in how to please him. If you can't ask him, or if he isn't interested in talking to you about this, then you got bigger problems.

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/8/2004 9:15:41 AM

confusetheswede

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From: THE DIRTY DIRTY
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i'm not a master, but beating, to me any how, is abuse and not BDSM. i say this because beating is a loaded word that implies blood and bruises.
ask your master/dom what he wants you to say. if you feel as though you cannot do this, then why, may i ask? are you with a man of who you can't talk to? realtionships die because of communication gaps.

_____________________________

The Scorpio with hazel eyes.

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/8/2004 6:57:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: confusetheswede

i'm not a master, but beating, to me any how, is abuse and not BDSM. i say this because beating is a loaded word that implies blood and bruises.

What's wrong with blood and bruises? I happen to adore both of those things. And a good beating is a thing of beauty at times.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to confusetheswede)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/8/2004 8:41:19 PM

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Having read this thread, I have to agree with Estrict that these questions are ones which should be addressed to your Dom/Master.

As a side comment, if my submissive came to me asking these sorts of questions I would
respond.

1) Honestly answer the question
2) Kindly indicate that the submissive was thinking too much and to just LET GO.

Life, to me, is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved.

Just me, could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/8/2004 11:29:35 PM

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I've been with my slave for almost 4 years...and sometimes she asks me this same question. Maybe it's because she's had a bad day...maybe she just needs some encouragement...regardless of the reason, it always surprises me. At these times, I like to sit her on the floor in front of me and braid her hair while telling her about all the various ways that she pleases me.

Talk with your Master, missidian. Ask him how you can please him "better". We all have different things that we enjoy...the only one who can answer your question, is the one you are with.

confusetheswede,

when I use the term beating...it certainly means that blood and bruises are what I have in mind. Fortunately, my slave enjoys walking funny for a few days, eyeing her marks in the mirror at every opportunity, and breathing a little, happy "sigh" as she sits on her very tender girly bits.

~Thorns

(in reply to Missidian)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/9/2004 12:57:19 AM

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From: Tidewater, VA
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My dear Sherri-

and you _do_ bruise so nicely<eg>.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

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RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/9/2004 5:29:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

My dear Sherri-

and you _do_ bruise so nicely<eg>.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

We should gang up on her for one of our infamous studded-paddle-blood-splashing-all-over-the-place, just-between-friends scenes.

I'll bring the eye protection!

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to topcat)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/9/2004 5:52:09 AM

confusetheswede

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From: THE DIRTY DIRTY
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some one beating you to the point of death isn't love or sex, it's violence. and as a woman you should be proud enough not to endor that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

quote:

ORIGINAL: confusetheswede

i'm not a master, but beating, to me any how, is abuse and not BDSM. i say this because beating is a loaded word that implies blood and bruises.

What's wrong with blood and bruises? I happen to adore both of those things. And a good beating is a thing of beauty at times.

_____________________________

The Scorpio with hazel eyes.

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/9/2004 3:31:11 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: confusetheswede

some one beating you to the point of death isn't love or sex, it's violence. and as a woman you should be proud enough not to endor that.

Blood and bruises from a good beating doesn't equate to death. A skilled top (hell even a barely competent one usually) can cause blood and bruises without doing any significant harm.

Besides, my SM doesn't have to have anything to do with love and/or sex. Sometimes it's all about pure adrenalin rush shared with a friend.

Try not to judge what you don't understand, hm?

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to confusetheswede)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/9/2004 3:32:38 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

We should gang up on her for one of our infamous studded-paddle-blood-splashing-all-over-the-place, just-between-friends scenes.

I'll bring the eye protection!

Woo hoo! Sign me up! Lawrence and Suz together is a greedy bottom's dream team. *grin*

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: Am i satisfying? - 7/9/2004 3:50:15 PM

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

We should gang up on her for one of our infamous studded-paddle-blood-splashing-all-over-the-place, just-between-friends scenes.

I'll bring the eye protection!

Madame-

I have the most _fabulous_ goggles for heavy scenes- I actually bought them for dirigible racing, but that doesn't exist

I think we must do this thing.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MizSuz)

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