RE: ER advice *May Squick*

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 12/25/2007 12:37:05 AM

YourhandMyAss

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obese patient (400+ pounds) p/w left scrotal pain secondary to sitting on his own testicle.. further analysis shows the guy crushed his own twig and berries..

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 12/25/2007 12:53:13 AM

YourhandMyAss

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when you are have a double AKA and 3 inch long fingernails, please dont spend the time in your wheelchair scratching at your crotch, gathering cheese under your nails and then show them to me exclaiming "doctor i think i have a yeast infection"

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 12/27/2007 11:33:39 PM

calicowgirl

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Forgot to mention how the formerly not breathing patient you just shot up with narcan wakes up pissed swearing they only had 2 beers. I actually had one wake up happy. He jumped up from where he had previously been near death doing a great rendition of the Mexican Hat Dance and singing La Cucaracha. I almost fell over laughing.

A chisel and hammer taken to a live military ordnance in an attempt to get to the copper wire to sell and then asks when we arrive "Is it still there?" in reference to his penis which is now dangling by a tiny piece of flesh.

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 12/28/2007 5:53:45 PM

Saratov

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Weeellll... maybe he did only have two beers. They just didn't mix well with the other drugs of choice.

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/5/2008 6:02:04 PM

Hanable

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wow.... im wondering about some pplz thought process now.. or lack of said process... im scared... hold me?

H >:)

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/7/2008 4:06:50 AM

rosanegra

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My EMT-Basic instructor had a fun addition to the "accidentally sat on something that ended up in my ass," story.

First of all, the patient was a college student at a realllllly conservative college. I mean this place actually kicked people out for homosexuality, fornication, or anything they didn't feel was within the college moral code (they were like the counterpoint to my college, which was the safe haven for all liberal hippie weirdos like myself). He "sat on" a tennis ball. With his pants on, no less... Apparently it went through his pants and got into his rectum with no lube or help at all...

It would have been pretty typical were it not for the fact that tennis balls contain latex... which apparently this particular boy happened to have a very bad allergy to. It involved emergency surgery and I truly hope that the kid never did something that stupid again, since it almost killed him.

Still, doesn't it sound like the makings of a Darwin award to you??

< Message edited by rosanegra -- 1/7/2008 4:24:05 AM >

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/7/2008 7:12:26 PM

Saratov

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Saw the x-ray of a guy who 'swallowed' a thermometer and it ended up in his bladder.

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/28/2008 7:02:10 AM

wideeyedgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rosanegra

He "sat on" a tennis ball. With his pants on, no less... Apparently it went through his pants and got into his rectum with no lube or help at all...

Still, doesn't it sound like the makings of a Darwin award to you??

I just to the closet..and got out a tennis ball. I had a good laugh for about 10 minutes, thank you. owch. heh

Dont forget the infamous stories...about people using swimming pool suction devices for own enjoyment...and then pulling out intestines in the process

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/28/2008 12:04:49 PM

BlackPhx

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The things people do to themselves and others is a wonderous cornucopia. I had a friend who used to work for Bellvue's ER

1. Do not stick your genitals into a vacuum cleaner hose. Do not abandon the hose for a direct connection with the hose coupling on the vacuum proper. There is a fan in there. It does not recognize flesh.
2. Duct Tape and Saran Wrap are wonderful tools for mummification. Do not cover the mouth and nose with either. Do not leave on for any length of time. Realize the person inside is going to dehydrate quickly as heat causes them to sweat. Dehydration is NOT good for the human body.
3. Zip ties (cable ties) are fun to play with. Safety scissors (bandage scissors) are MUCH better than a pen knife to cut them loose.
4. If you have pissed off your Mistress or wife..hide the crazy glue!
5. Do not insert small objects (beans, toys) into the nostrils. (this is not just for kids)
6. Rubber bands WILL embed themselves in the flesh if wrapped tight enough to impede circulation.
7. If it ain't food, wasn't food, can't be food, no matter how biodegradable it will rarely do so in the body in a period of time not to cause problems.
8 You can get just as drunk on a wine enema as drinking it. You can get alcohol poisioning that way as well.

poenkitten

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/28/2008 12:10:41 PM

BlackPhx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

obese patient (400+ pounds) p/w left scrotal pain secondary to sitting on his own testicle.. further analysis shows the guy crushed his own twig and berries..

OH my God!! LOL was his name Eric? 3rd husband used to have a habit of leaping onto walls or his bike and landing squarely on his "berries". Reminded me of the old Laugh In skits where Artie Johnson would ride and tricycle and fall over.

You know you are a stone cold masochist when you ride the NY City Subway to the end of the line, asleep with your cashed paycheck visible in your pocket. (self same man)

poenkitten

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RE: ER advice *May Squick* - 1/28/2008 12:23:07 PM

GreedyTop