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The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 11:46:08 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
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This question came up for me when I was reading the "No thanks..." thread. There, Dommes were discussing how so many sub men write them back repeatedly after having been told "no thanks," with questions like, "are you sure?" and "why not?"

Well, I've been having a problem that frankly baffles me...considering where I live. And this may be a twist on the same happening, but I find that I'm sort of stuck in this endless circle game with a group of the same NY area men...I tell them no thanks or ignore them, as the case may be, and 2,3, even 6 months down the line, there they are again, sittin' in my inbox...

Now this is something I've only recently noticed and yes the easiest solution is just to block, block and block some more. But the reason I'm posting is first, I'm curious if others have experienced this, esp if you live in a major metro area, esp if you live in NYC. And I'm also curious if anyone has any thoughts as to why this keeps happening beside the obvious, "some men are just brain dead" reason.

Thanks for responding.

MNN

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Post #: 1

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 11:58:37 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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Perhaps they may figure that if you've not found anyone after 6 months of looking, you might reconsider them or think differently about their "new & improved" profile? Then again, some may just have a memory that's as short as the amount of time it takes to get an erection, stroke it a few times and ejaculate.

- pixel

Collared to Majik

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Post #: 2

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 12:36:28 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

MistressNoName,

This has been happening to everyone I know for many, many years; on Collarme and on its predecessors, for as long as I've been on the internet.

Why? Who knows... they probably write to so many women that they just forget who's already told them "no." I have had some men write to me over and over, for as long as five years in a row, showing no sign that he remembered me from before.

I have also gotten numerous letters, some more or less polite, others quite vicious, stating something like "So you haven't found anyone yet, will you reconsider me now?" Or, a meaner version, "You'll obviously NEVER find anyone who meets your ridiculously narrow criteria. Therefore, you should realize by now that you must settle for me or remain alone foreverrrrrr!"

It's all just annoying rubbish and background noise. I think blocking them will give you more peace of mind than trying to figure out their nonsense reasons for doing it.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 3

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 1:08:40 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Heck, I get that on here from certain folks from a variety of places... and it's always the ones there is never a chance in hell with -Those that it wasn't a case of "not now, but maybe if circumstances change" or even "no, it's highly unlikely. I doubt it completely" but rather "not ever, I would turn to inanimate objects and start considering other mammals first if we were the only two humans left on the planet".

I head it under "desperate" and either send another "no thanks", ignore their message, or block them finally.

What really shows them as what they are is when they have a habit of sending me the same cut-and-paste again a few months later after I've turned them down... and then there's the couple of people who ever few months send me the same "got yahoo?" message again...

Those all are the ones I don't block because I like messing with them a little before compeletely blowing them off again. I figure if they're that rude, I'm getting some entertainment out of it haha.

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(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 4

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 1:12:12 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

Why? Who knows... they probably write to so many women that they just forget who's already told them "no." I have had some men write to me over and over, for as long as five years in a row, showing no sign that he remembered me from before.

That seems to be the case with the ones I've encountered. They forget that they have written to me before and send me another introductory letter, just like the first one they sent. When checking with Domme friends in the area, I often find that they have sent the same or a similar message to them, too.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 5

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 1:18:18 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
Well, I've been having a problem that frankly baffles me...considering where I live. And this may be a twist on the same happening, but I find that I'm sort of stuck in this endless circle game with a group of the same NY area men...I tell them no thanks or ignore them, as the case may be, and 2,3, even 6 months down the line, there they are again, sittin' in my inbox...

Some people take the bulk approach. I have received the same lame "slave spam" form letter from the same man within weeks, in fact. The fact that the guy was sending an obvious form letter at all probably should have been grounds for instant blocking, to be honest, but he was so careless and out of touch that he couldn't even remember who he had sent it to.

A lot of people are not here for any kind of human contact. Ever. Their behavior makes it clear that at best they come here when they want to yank the gerbil. At worst they are looking for a way to enjoy the services of a zero-strings pro domme for free.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 6

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 1:52:12 PM

unravel

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

I have also gotten numerous letters, some more or less polite, others quite vicious, stating something like "So you haven't found anyone yet, will you reconsider me now?" Or, a meaner version, "You'll obviously NEVER find anyone who meets your ridiculously narrow criteria. Therefore, you should realize by now that you must settle for me or remain alone foreverrrrrr!"

lol man what a twisted illogical argument that is, the meaner version one! lol
i do not suffer from that tyoe of repeat emails obviously, but i would just use the block function. Easy-done.:)

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 7

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 2:08:57 PM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

What really makes me sit back and laugh are the ones that I have contacted. I saw their profile, liked what I read, liked their picture, and contacted them. They brushed me off with a "you are too old", "you are too far away", or "I know what I want, and you are not it". Then... low and behold... sometimes within weeks... they email me with "Wow! You are so beautiful! I want to be yours", or "Where have you been all this time? Want to get to know each other?" or some other come-on line.

I usually repond back with... "Use the 'notes' feature, dear. You brushed me off when I showed interest. Guess what? My pictures are the same and so is my profile. If you had made a note on my profile that you had rejected me, then you wouldn't have been tempted to make a fool of yourself by contacting me now."

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(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 8

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 2:39:52 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

the block user button is one of my favorite features. unless they change profiles, they don't come back.

PM

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I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

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Post #: 9

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 3:48:42 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

I love your responses, folks. Amazing to me that others have had the same experience...Online dating is so cool, in' it?

Geez...

Rumpus, your "mess with `em" approach was especially uplifting...I'm considering using your approach.
MystressDream - that's a new twist...had not heard about that experience. On one occasion, it was about the 2nd or 3rd go-round with the same guy, I made the mistake of suggesting he use the notes feature. Little cur actually tried to put it off on me - suggesting that instead of him just keeping track of who he spams that I should block him...Of course that's a battle only won through the block feature, and so I did.

Anyway, thanks all.

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 10

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/21/2007 6:15:20 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Like it or not, we will continue to face time wasters and insincere messages. You must develop a system to deal with it yourself. I make judicious use of three things on the other side: delete, block and the user notes section. For anyone I delete an annoying or rude note from, a comment is entered. Anytime I block someone offensive, I enter comments so I recall why they were blocked. These user notes help me tremendously. In fact, just this week, I twice found myself writing back to people with "You have a history of this. Don't write me again" and blocking them. Life's too short to deal with this sort of nonsense.

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(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 11

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 5:52:12 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

Hmm. As a submissive, if I searching for a new relationship (unlikely!) but *if*, if I made a sincere overture asking for a date or play or "let's meet for coffee" or whatever and was rejected with little information, I am very likely to write back and ask, POLITELY, if the domme would be willing to tell me why they made that decision -- whether it's just "you do nothing for me", or "your approach sucketh mightily" or whatever.

I think it is a mistake to ignore the possibility of learning from your failures.

When I am searching for a job and am turned down, I will contact the hiring manager and politely ask them what things I could have done better, so that when I search for that type of position again I can either have rectified my lack through further training, or by editing my résumé to be clearer, or in how I perform at interviews.

And I have gotten some *excellent* feedback this way, then applied it to my life. And I've actually sent a "thank you" letter back to hiring managers who offered me feedback when I was hired down the line, telling them that I'd applied their suggestions, and that I'd made them work for me, and thanking them again for their time and candor. One of those subsequently hired me for another position a year later, and remembered me out of the pack as someone who sought advice then used it positively, which was a prime consideration for what she wanted in a team member.

I do acknowledge that many of the people who ask for a "profile review" here are just trying to drive traffic to their profile in hopes of nabbing an interested person -- the power of indirect advertising! But I respect those who genuinely are looking for constructive feedback THEN APPLY IT.

I figure that the ones who are spamming and don't recall who they have been rejected by in the past probably are not keepers anyway. As a sub, do you think I am gonna trust you to remember my limits once I'm tied down if you couldn't freaking remember that you sent me overtures in the past? Holes in the head, that's what it is! The holes in their head let the memory -- and any brains -- leak out.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 12

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 9:06:30 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I always try to be helpful to a sub when they apply to me.
I don't always have the time or the patience though.
I have never had to block anyone.
It took me ages to realise that all subs were not in fact submissive and looking for TPE lol.
However we all live and learn.
This is a good place to do so.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 13

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 9:18:31 AM

indygirl2

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Heck, I get that on here from certain folks from a variety of places... and it's always the ones there is never a chance in hell with -Those that it wasn't a case of "not now, but maybe if circumstances change" or even "no, it's highly unlikely. I doubt it completely" but rather "not ever, I would turn to inanimate objects and start considering other mammals first if we were the only two humans left on the planet".

Hee! Yeah, it does seem to be the that last category that suffers from this disease the worst. Which only stands to reason - just another brick in their massive personal wall of Oh, HELL No.

quote:

What really shows them as what they are is when they have a habit of sending me the same cut-and-paste again a few months later after I've turned them down...

The "Recent Message History" feature is a dog-send for this problem. I always scroll down after I hit Reply to give my standard brushoff, and at least once a week, there's the exact same email from a month or two ago right there on my screen. It's a time-saver, really - lets me copy and paste my own previous reply.

Note to the OP: as indicated by my incredibly creative screen name

I am in Indianapolis, which is tragically far away from NYC, and only considered a "major metropolitan area" by a few. I still get these emails on a ridonkulously frequent basis, from both local boys, and those halfway around the world.

< Message edited by indygirl2 -- 12/22/2007 9:24:49 AM >

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 14

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 9:22:12 AM

indygirl2

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Drifa, the vast majority of the "but why?????" emails I get are from total wankers, who are neither sincerely seeking nor have any probability of applying constructive advice. The other few are those I've turned down for not being attractive to me personally, which I don't think is a constructive bit of information anyway, just unkind. Not to mention irrelevant to an ongoing search, as he might be perfectly to the next lady's taste.

(in reply to indygirl2)

Post #: 15

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 9:37:40 AM

MadameShy

Posts: 31
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

We all get them I get them all the time from ones that just don't read the profile I use block feature no since in repeating yourself

One out of country kept begging to be slave I told him that I only want local that do not require to live in my house
his reply was
"I will relocate for you then how rich he was"

I then told him if he insisted to get a apartment or room in town I have on profile and move then contact me then

Yes I was playing with Him I knew he would never follow thru

oh then it was back to living with me being under me just a prinsoner and slave

so I told him that I do not have room for another in my house and do not wish to support him the rest of his life [yes I remember he said he has money but if prisoner and slave like I'd let him out to get it?] so when he relocates to write me again

his answer back was

YOU STUPID CUNT I SAID I WAS WEALTHY AND HAD MY ON COMPANY DON'T YOU REMEMBER! NOW YOU LOST YOUR CHANCE

I think I laughed till tears were rolling down my face

apparently he didnt remember I said I dont want another live in I have one and that I only wanted locals to begin with

Hmmm whos the stupid cunt now?

some just make me almost pee My pants

< Message edited by MadameShy -- 12/22/2007 9:39:59 AM >

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Post #: 16

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 10:34:00 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

I think I did not structure my original question as well as I could've. Most of the responses here are great, and many of them even a bit comical...some just sad. But the other part of my question I don't think anyone has responded to yet is the issue of numbers. I mentioned that I live in NYC, as we all know, a huge metropolis...a little world unto itself. Collarme boasts of being the largest online BDSM community...with the huge numbers those two point obviously suggest, why does it seem like it's the just the same duds over and over? There's an expression, "water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink." That's what it seems like. Do other people in major metro areas get the same feeling sometime? And what do people do to counter that? My issue is not to block or not to block. I know how to use the feature and I use when I feel I need to (thank you CM for offering it)...and I feel I do have a system for weeding out folks and I utilize it and it works for the most part, although a few do slip through...I guess I'm trying to learn from other people's experiences here. FYI, I'm fairly active in my local community...I'm a member of a few area groups, I even moderate a kinky yahoo group...still, "water, water..."

Thanks,

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to MadameShy)

Post #: 17

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 10:42:34 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

What really makes me sit back and laugh are the ones that I have contacted. I saw their profile, liked what I read, liked their picture, and contacted them. They brushed me off with a "you are too old", "you are too far away", or "I know what I want, and you are not it". Then... low and behold... sometimes within weeks... they email me with "Wow! You are so beautiful! I want to be yours", or "Where have you been all this time? Want to get to know each other?" or some other come-on line.

I usually repond back with... "Use the 'notes' feature, dear. You brushed me off when I showed interest. Guess what? My pictures are the same and so is my profile. If you had made a note on my profile that you had rejected me, then you wouldn't have been tempted to make a fool of yourself by contacting me now."

I find this amazing! It's not often a Domme approaches a sub out of the blue who hasn't posted something of interest on the boards. I'd think most would be flattered that you'd approached them and would then want to pursue a dialogue with you to determine if there was some kind of compatibility instead of dismissing you with a rude brush off!

To then contact you later with interest & zeal, loaded with compliments on your physical attributes instead of what you might have in common says even more about how pitiful these men probably would have been as compatible submissives for your consideration.

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 18

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 10:58:35 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

You know, MadameS,

I've gotten at least one of those kinds of abusive notes and the first thing that ran through my head was, that it must've been written either by some 15 year old who thinks he's getting away with being naughty by getting on this site...or it's by some psychotic person off his meds. Either case, not much chance of anything happening.

This site is interesting...I go back and forth between sometimes thinking it's just a wash and I should pack it in and then, finding someone on here that sounds interesting enough for me to pursue him, at least for a while...strange place, this CM.

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to MadameShy)

Post #: 19

RE: The No Thanks Circle Game - 12/22/2007 11:07:31 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Sometimes it could juts be a form letter they sent to every one, regardless, sometimes they forgot the contacted you before. Maybe they hope you won't remember. or maybe quite simply they're hoping you changed your mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

And I'm also curious if anyone has any thoughts as to why this keeps happening beside the obvious, "some men are just brain dead" reason.

Thanks for responding.

MNN

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 20

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