RE: Question mostly for 24/7 types, but anyone can chime in...

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RE: Question mostly for 24/7 types, but anyone can chim... - 12/25/2007 1:55:12 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I've had this said to me, by my current Dom, and it always led to a fight. As we talked on and on about it, it turned out that he meant that some of his previous subs were more compliant than I am. This made him have to work a bit harder with me than he had with them, I guess. It was a comment of frustration but he no longer does this. I hated being compared like this and it hurt my feelings and made me insecure too.

(in reply to LittleWench)

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RE: Question mostly for 24/7 types, but anyone can chim... - 12/25/2007 10:26:29 AM

ligar59

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

To the OP
Let me guess, you didn't drop to your knees fast enough and kiss his feet, or shower him with ego boosting phrases for the honor of washing his underwear? Well this might be an exaggeration, but I sometimes wonder if this is how some Doms judge one's level of submissiveness.
He should have never made such a comment. If he feels you are not as he wants you to be, then he needs to rearrange his schedule and put forth the time and effort to mold you into the sub he desires.
Yes, you should ask him what he ment by his comment.

To the other commenter
With all due respect to your Master, but if his cooking is the reason you have put on weight, then he needs to adjust what he is preparing for you, adjust the portion size if necessary, He should also needs to start and monitor your exercise habits even if that means hiring an exercise trainer. I have a hunch that him wanting you to find a domme is more about one of his fantasies, then it is about your self improvement

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

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RE: Question mostly for 24/7 types, but anyone can chim... - 12/25/2007 10:32:55 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

So last night, just before HE fell asleep, Master commented to me that I was not as 'submissive' as the other two slaves He has owned.
What would your reaction be?

You are not as submissive as the others he has owned. And yet... you are there with him, and they are not.
So comparing you to a former is, while rather annoying, not exactly to his advantage. Think of it this way... maybe they were "too submissive" for his tastes, which is why they are former and you are current.
It is a callous and thoughtless comment, but I would have a snarky remark such as "Well, we can always ring one of them up if thats what you prefer... it wont take me long to pack."
Comments like that are often (in my experience) a jab to try and make you conform to what an ex used to do that someone liked. There are much better ways to go about eliciting the behaviors you want rather than trying to play on someones knee jerk reaction to outdo a former partner.

Just me, holiday time doesnt take the edge of my snark, just makes me watch my language a bit more.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

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RE: Question mostly for 24/7 types, but anyone can chim... - 12/25/2007 10:47:21 AM

spicybrains

Posts: 35
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Comparisons are never fun. Even if it is a positive one, it may not seem that way to the recipient.

That said, there is a great phrase that I got from an admittedly hacky T.V. psychologist that is quite famous:

"Stop complaining and start requesting."

It is always much better to give your mate/submissive/slave/roommate/etc. a suggestion (or command) on how they can better meet your needs than to point out how something is wrong with them.

So, instead of getting pissy, a good reply might be, "Sir, will you please help me to understand what I can do to be more submissive for you?" I also think it is appropriate to communicate how the comment made you feel. It may not be appropriate in a D/s relationship to criticize the Master for his comment, but that doesn't mean you cannot communicate about it.

(in reply to ligar59)

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Post #: 24