What do you expect in a first contact email

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What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 7:22:50 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/21/2006
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Perhaps I'm just not experienced with this type of community and what people expect as far as initial communication. I'll admit trying to find someone online is relatively new for me. I've been on this site for a while and I think it's excellent but I have yet to receive any response back from any of the women I have contacted via mail. I know they are reading them, but they just do not respond at all.

Obviously, not everyone is going to be interested in me, however I think I have made at least 20 attempts in over the past 6 months with no success. So I have to believe I must be doing something wrong, which is hard to admit but must be true.

I take a lot of time to read the profiles/journals of the women in my area so I can get a good feel for them. In doing so, I've been able to glean what they don't like, none of which I do. I often read angry journals from women saying they are sick of being emailed by doms who immediately expect them to get on their knees and worship them, call them "master" etc. etc. They don't like men who demand them to relocate or do things that they clearly say they don't want to do in their profiles or who send them "stories" of what they would fantasy thing they would do to them if they met them. I don't do anything of these things, I never have.

In the email I send to someone I think I might be interested in, I usually just introduce myself, mention why I decided to contact them or what in their profile got my attention and what things we have in common or have compatible. I tell them a little about myself and send a (clothed) picture.

I don't believe being a dom means you're rude and demanding, especially to perfect strangers, and I don't expect a girl to immediately be submissive to me just because I am a dom and she is a submissive. I feel this is just like any other relationship where you need to get to know the person before you just "dive" into things.

I feel a polite 2 paragraph or so email to introduce myself is appropriate, but maybe it's not.

So I'm asking what a sub expects in the first contact email.

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 7:34:17 PM

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
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it sounds as if you are doing all the right things, or at least those are the things that would get my attention in a first contact email...just please rememeber that female subs are most times drowning in emails from Dom/mes so you may need to just be patient. 20 or so emails is not that many considering the size of this site..do your best to continue to respond respectfully to their profiles and keep on trying is the best advice i can give...i am sure others who have been on this site longer might have more to say about the subject

you might also consider working on your profile as most female subs do read them before responding....a nice picture would be helpful and IMO get rid of the word "true"..it tends to make some run away when "true" anything is mentioned on this site

good luck to you

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 7:57:51 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Also, it could be that some of the women you are emailing are already involved, to a point, with others. If they are getting to know one (or more) people when you email them, there just may not be room in their day for one more person.

I don't always respond to unsolicited emails, or to emails from people I don't at least recognize from the forums. I used to, but that resulted in them trying to talk me into more involvement, complete with their IM names, their cell phone numbers, etc., etc. One person, local to me, wanted to come pick up me and my ums and go for a drive. This was on the 2nd email in the space of about an hour. Uhh, nooooooooooooo.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:00:05 PM

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Joined: 1/21/2006
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Thank you for the response. I actually thought nobody read profiles so I didn't put much effort in mine because it's always been my impression that women don't really read profiles. Also I purposefully didn't put a decent picture up because I prefer my privacy. However I do always send a very good quality picture when I email because I know that is important (it's not the one on my profile).

Because of collarme's features I can see who views my profile... and nobody ever does, including the people I email.

I will take your advice about the word "true".

(in reply to Hergirl0824)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:05:07 PM

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Oh, I didn't realize the forums were an intricate part of the website as far as gaining trust and recognition. I will keep that in mind.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:19:56 PM

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

As said, remember that the sub ladies on here are inundated with emails from Doms every day. 20 extended "hands of
friendship" emails isn't a lot, so don't get disheartened.

Talking in the forums is a great way to let people know who you are beyond the profile info.

Your profile is lovely, you don't act like many an arsehole on here and you have a photo. It's just a matter of time, so chin up!

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:26:49 PM

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Alright, I will definitely spend more time here. I have several years of experience so I think I could find my nitch.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:37:41 PM

Cage

Posts: 202
Joined: 7/6/2004
Status: offline

I viewed your profile and am of the opinion that the photo you have there does not show your dominant side. Check out my profile if you like. I actually have a good percentage of my first contacts come from submissives and slaves desirous of opening up a dialogue with me.

Guidelines for a good photo are as follows:
1. always turn your torso 45 degrees away from the camera.
2. Turn your face nearly back to the same plane as the camera.
3. Tilt you head a little forward and down.
4. look straight down into the lens.
5. The camera lens should be about 5 degrees lower than your eyes. (no more than 10 degrees)
6. wet your lips.

Hope this helps.

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:50:24 PM

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
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If a Dom catches my interest after the first email, I immediately go to view their profile. That decides how I will respond or if I even will respond at all. Usually I try to send a "thanks, but no" but I don't always.

And I do like knowing that a potential Dom has posted in the forum before. I don't know, but I guess it makes them seem more real to me, less fake. That may not be the case, but it's the way I feel. It supports to me that (IMO) they're on the site for more than a piece of booty. That may not be the case, and not every sub may do it my way,but that's my outlook.

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:50:35 PM

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You may or may not be right about my photo. I'd actually rather not have one to be honest.

However I don't think it matters.... no one VIEWS my profile. When I send an email, those persons don't go look at my profile ever. They look at the picture I send which is completely different from my profile picture.

(in reply to Cage)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:58:52 PM

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Ill veiw your profile dude

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 8:59:28 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Okay, this time I went and perved your profile. The whole first paragraph should be deleted. You're starting off with negatives, and that is a drag. I would just start with the second paragraph.

I'd also kill your last journal entry... another negative opening paragraph.

You want to project that you are confident, and secure, and know what you want. You don't want to project any negativity or whining.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:11:09 PM

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Joined: 10/26/2006
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First impressions, Zim...The pic on your profile belies who you are presenting to us on the boards. The pic looks like a scene out of a bad porn flick. Seriously. I'm not saying that to put you down, only to suggest perhaps a more neutral and welcoming photo. What may be happening, is that when your profile pops up or folks do a search and see that pic, it might turn them off to even reading your profile. Well, it did me, I'm sorry to say. The trick is to try to draw people in.

The other thing is that many people can view the preview of your profile without actually viewing your full profile. Only those who view your full profile will end up in you "who's viewing me" list. But that doesn't mean no one is seeing your profile. But your pic should give them a reason to want to read on. Why not post the better pic? I mean, we've already seen the face in the pic, so your privacy is shot.

And most important, is to realize finding someone on this or any other site, or even in real time, takes time and positive effort.

Best to you,

MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 12/27/2007 9:12:56 PM >

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:21:03 PM

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Joined: 1/21/2006
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As I have said about 5 times now.

today is the first day that any person on collarme has ever looked at my profile. In general, nobody does. I guess by going to the forums it causes people to look at your profile. Since I've never been here before I did not know this. But up until today, I never took any care in my profile because there was no need to. Actually my prifle is really the way it is because I know nobody looks at it.

My question was about initial contact letters. Those inital contacts do not look at my profile. So, although there may admitedly be things wrong with it, it's not an issue in my question because the persons who I contact have not ever looked at it.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:22:47 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Zimm, you're not understanding something. People can look at your profile without showing up on your "who's viewing me" list. So you do NOT know that they have not looked.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:27:04 PM

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Joined: 9/10/2007
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when you email people some of your profile shows up on the bottom of the email so they can read some of it witout looking at your profile

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:35:44 PM

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Joined: 1/21/2006
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No I do understand that. But to view a profile from a collarme email, you would actually have to vew the whole profile. So the only thing you see from my profile is a picture and stats when you send a collarme email, to read the profile, you'd have to click on it.

I will change my profile, however my issue was not with profile views, I never really cared about my profile or wanted people to view it. Profiles are vauge and generic and it's always been my experience that people really don't read it. I'd rahter send a personal message that is specific to the person I'm talking to.

As I said in my first message, I started with the impression that maybe I didn't know something about being in this online community, and I guess the thing I don't know is 1) you need to participate in the forums... just this one thread has netted me over a dozen profile views... and 2) you need to actually have a profile because people do not respond to email, they actually look at profiles.

Thanks for your help.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:37:30 PM

Posts: 6973
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From: in the palms of His hands
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"IF" I were looking for a Dom.... A polite first email would get a response from me. I'm one that likes long winded emails... for that matter, long winded voice mails drive me bananas too! I'll delete the voice mail before the end of the message *yawns*. IMO There's no reason to spill your whole life story in the first email... just some general small talk stuff would do.

Oh, and I highly suggest reading through a subs/slaves profile before you even contact them

girly

(in reply to Rushemery)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 9:38:45 PM

grlneedstolearn

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i want someone to say something about themselves, especially if it's not already in their profile, and what they like. More or less of an introduction, i feel also that 3-5 lines is sufficient enough. i had to cut one person off for always writing 5 words total.

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/27/2007 10:10:38 PM

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/18/2007
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Welcome to the kinkosphere.

(in reply to zimmeron)

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