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RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 6:00:19 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

~random thoughts~

I would not be interested in a dominant who was into allowing other dominants to dominate him.
I don't understand why people are on a kinky dating, hookup site if they are unable/don't want to make their own decisions.
How can someone else decide the best match for you?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ares12)

Post #: 81

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 6:28:48 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

If I am not mistaken....recently in a similar thread.....Ron put every woman here under consideration.....just so everyone knows

Jeff

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 82

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 6:43:16 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

I feel much safer now. Decisions are such a ....chore.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 83

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 6:49:02 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

~random thoughts~

I would not be interested in a dominant who was into allowing other dominants to dominate him.
I don't understand why people are on a kinky dating, hookup site if they are unable/don't want to make their own decisions.
How can someone else decide the best match for you?

Generally speaking, this has been a common theme throughout this thread. I certainly don't disagree that those who are not adult enough to make their own decisions in this regard are often unappealing (and the validity of their consent could be questioned as well). I also have no idea how someone else (generally a cyber acquaintance living a thousand miles away) could possibly know what Dominant (a complete stranger also living a thousand miles away) is most compatible. And I can understand why some might feel that they're being asked to "submit" in order to gain access to the potential partner.

But I believe the bigger point (in my view) is that the submissive in this scenario already has a Master... her "protector". I don't care how you slice and dice it, in my view they already have a power exchange relationship and I have no desire to be the interloper (even if invited to do so).

Besides, if that sort of relationship dynamic appeals/works for her, I know without question that she does not appeal to me. In other words, it really has very little to do with "him" and everything to do with "her".

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 84

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 7:21:08 AM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

~random thoughts~

I would not be interested in a dominant who was into allowing other dominants to dominate him.
I don't understand why people are on a kinky dating, hookup site if they are unable/don't want to make their own decisions.
How can someone else decide the best match for you?

This is a concern of mine, as well.

********

Generally speaking, this has been a common theme throughout this thread. I certainly don't disagree that those who are not adult enough to make their own decisions in this regard are often unappealing (and the validity of their consent could be questioned as well). I also have no idea how someone else (generally a cyber acquaintance living a thousand miles away) could possibly know what Dominant (a complete stranger also living a thousand miles away) is most compatible. And I can understand why some might feel that they're being asked to "submit" in order to gain access to the potential partner.

But I believe the bigger point (in my view) is that the submissive in this scenario already has a Master... her "protector". I don't care how you slice and dice it, in my view they already have a power exchange relationship and I have no desire to be the interloper (even if invited to do so).

Besides, if that sort of relationship dynamic appeals/works for her, I know without question that she does not appeal to me. In other words, it really has very little to do with "him" and everything to do with "her".

John

As mentioned before, this is not a Dom "thousands of miles away" who suggested this to me. It is my first Dom, we split several years ago but have been friends again for quite some time, and he lives maybe 10 miles from me, at best. He and his *current sub* and myself, are *all* good friends (so much so that her and i often hang out together without him).

i meant to read through all the recent posts before replying but a few of the above posts make me feel that possibly a very important part of my first post was overlooked. Unless i'm in a D/s relationship with a Dom, i make my own decisions each and every day. Because of this, it is even difficult at times, when i *am* in a D/s relationship, to sit back and let someone else make my decisions.

This is the part of my original post that some may have overlooked:

[my first Dom, who i still and will always respect, has been observing my struggles here. He has suggested that he could offer me his "protection" or "guidance" when i am ready to resume my search. However, as i've mentioned to him, i believe this could deter a potential Dom. i'm not sure *i* would be so comfy knowing someone might read my personal note to another so why should i expect someone else to be comfy with that?]

During this conversation, he sensed my hesitation and then told me that it's a moot point right now anyway, as i'm only seeking friendships here rather than a relationship right now. But, he said we could "revisit" that topic when i decide to search again. So, out of curiosity, i decided at that point to see how others perceive what i have an already formulated opinion about.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 85

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 7:27:22 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

as i'm only seeking friendships here rather than a relationship right now

Okay. Be prepared. A few hot flirtations can lead to the stage of maybe, perhaps, relationship-material.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 86

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 2:32:02 PM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline

am i understanding this correctly? is this guidance and support, someone to ask questions and give input? or is this person actually making diecisions for you?

i see two possibilities here, and two seperate ways of how i would take this person into consideration.

as i said earlier, bruno had a similar situation. and was for guidance and support and was not his mouthpiece. i did not have to submit to his dom in order to gain acceptance. his online dom was more of a counselor and advisor, than he was the all seeing, all knowing dictator, ruler.

but i am not about to pay a finders fee

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 87

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 6:08:21 PM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

am i understanding this correctly? is this guidance and support, someone to ask questions and give input? or is this person actually making diecisions for you?

The only way i would i personally would feel comfortable with any guidance scenario is in the "sounding board" area...much like i use my good vanilla friends advice...although they can't help me in this particular area (although they know of my interests...but they have no experience in the lifestyle). my intent was never to imply that he would be the one making the decisions.

Would he like to read the emails of potentials? i've no idea...but i seriously doubt it. i don't know this because we dropped the conversation before finishing it.

i see two possibilities here, and two seperate ways of how i would take this person into consideration.

as i said earlier, bruno had a similar situation. and was for guidance and support and was not his mouthpiece. i did not have to submit to his dom in order to gain acceptance. his online dom was more of a counselor and advisor, than he was the all seeing, all knowing dictator, ruler.

i would never expect a Dom to "submit" to or ask permission from another Dom. That just doesn't make sense to me.

Btw, even when my first Dom and i were together, i would not have referred to him as the "all-seeing, all-knowing dictator/ruler." i adored him as my Dom then and as my friend now...but i clearly state in my profile that i do not want someone to "micro-manage" me.

but i am not about to pay a finders fee

Hahaha...now, that's just funny. :)

(in reply to masterlink65)

Post #: 88

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 8:41:03 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

seems youre getting wayyy more input then youd hope for, hey shellz?
*kisses*

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 89

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/3/2008 10:29:47 PM

trusting

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline

i would not allow anyone to put me 'under protection'...what the hell kinda crap is that?

it would seem to me that you would be just as good as he was at judging another's character... maybe he will help you out? i doubt it! seems like he would only prevent you from meeting other dominant men that may have an interest in you.

who would want to speak with a sub/slave that is unable to decide if she is through with a previous dom? what kind of sub/slave would not be able to choose her own dominant without another man's help/direction?

the decision is up to you and you only... just throwing in my two cents.

_____________________________

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 90

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 6:13:37 AM

ADom442

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Shellz,

I have had (and am currently having) experience with this from both sides, and not surprisingly, my experiences have run the gamut. I've talked to some submissive women who were under someone's protection only to have them come back to me after realizing that they were more attached to their "protector" than they had realized and that while their relationship with him was not all that they wanted, they were willing to remain "protected" for the long term.

I became friends with a woman who was under another's protection and she eventually ended the protection relationship because her protector wasn't willing to answer her questions about the lifestyle and I was.

Currently, I have a woman in my service who is a close friend and who is looking for her long term partner. She is currently seeing a man in the community, and I can share some of how I'm handling the situation.

First, I would not attempt to dominate one of her suitors. I wouldn't be willing to be in that position, and it would be rude to try to put him into it. I did talk with him before I gave her my permission to pursue a relationship with him, but my goal in the conversations wasn't to decide whether or not she should enter into a relationship; it was to be sure that he was safe and sane. Whether she wanted to learn more about him was her decision, not mine, and I made that clear to her.

She and I have a common vision of lifestyle relationships - that a D/s relationship comes from an emotional bond and that this bond must be present BEFORE any BDSM type relationship is created. My only requirement (and it's one she totally embraces) is that she and he must begin with a vanilla type relationship until she begins to want more.

While I do provide a sounding board for her, I mostly stay out of their business.

I hope this helps some with your decision of whether or not you wish to enter into a "protection" relationship.

ADom

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 91

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 7:32:58 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I have gotten along just fine in my lust life without a babysitter advising me. I don't think I will start now. I would blow by your profile.

BadOne

It's a sick would and I'm a happy man.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 92

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 8:12:28 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

If I read "under protection" I stop reading because I immediately think "internet player not interested in reality".

Just my thoughts.......

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 93

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 8:13:09 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

yup LT I agree, immediate hide button.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 94

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 8:17:46 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I love the hide button! Saves me from the " my eyes, my eyes!!!!!! " stuff.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 95

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 8:20:07 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I love the hide button! Saves me from the " my eyes, my eyes!!!!!! " stuff.

Wow.....I never thought of that....thanks LT.....

Jeff

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 96

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 8:24:12 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

As you may or may not already know out here, I am seeking a wanton cocksucker, among other attributes, I have worked the hide button and all other criteria down to where maybe every few hours the profile screen changes and only once every few days does a completely new profile pop up (however many of those are remakes of really old profiles)

Still no luck, but alot less to deal with.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 97

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 10:43:55 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

To me "under protection" means spoken for. I don't play with the property of others. It has nothing to do with who might read my e-mails. It is a matter of respect of other DOM's.

< Message edited by AMaster -- 1/4/2008 10:44:51 AM >

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 98

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 1:21:11 PM

SpareBoyfriend

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea
Without going too far into my personal situation, i'd like to know how many Doms and/or Masters would be "put off" or "deterred" by viewing a sub's ad, only to find out she has someone who is offering to "protect" or "guide" her in her choices. Would You choose not to make contact with her knowing that someone else may eventually view Your email or at least be made aware of Your intent?

I'd pass. I'm not interested in wooing your protector.

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 99

RE: sub under "protection"...would it deter You? - 1/4/2008 3:35:19 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

As you may or may not already know out here, I am seeking a wanton cocksucker, among other attributes, I have worked the hide button and all other criteria down to where maybe every few hours the profile screen changes and only once every few days does a completely new profile pop up (however many of those are remakes of really old profiles)

Still no luck, but alot less to deal with.

Ron

Ron, please... in the name of all that is holy... place my profile on "hide". Give up ghost... it's just not gonna happen.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 100

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