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Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 4:14:24 AM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
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Have you noticed any prevailing difference between the responses of (supposedly) vanilla women and men if/when they find out about your Femdom interest/orientation? In other words, generally speaking, are either men or woman more accepting, curious, repulsed, indignant, etc., in your experience?

Regards, ATP

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 6:56:47 AM

Politesub53

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Hi ATP, most people i have talked to about this are curious, including all the responses you have mentioned. Oddly enough some of the ones i have thought to be more enlightened were just the opposite though.

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 7:57:36 AM

Lashra

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I've had some women say that women like me are "ruining" things for them. I don't see how my lifestyle has any effect on their own, I think they are looking for a scapegoat because they cannot accept their own failures in their relationships.

Some are really supportive or even curious as to what its about and ask intelligent questions. I have noticed more men seem to be accepting of my femdom lifestyle and some have even stated that they wished that their mates would be interested in exploring such a lifestyle.

I am just to the point in my life that I am going to live it the way I want too and if people do not like well, tough shit.

~Lashra

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 8:24:55 AM

canupleaseme

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Ive found that women have seemed to take it more seriously and want to understand it bettter and men have gone all manly and blokish about it. Ive only spoken to one vanilla person who thought it was awful and felt that while she didnt practise bdsm she fully believed that men should be the dominant and that she in essense does that of a slave but its not bdsm its just normal right behaviour

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 8:51:01 AM

unforegvn

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Men are often more curious than women as to my sexual orientation and my choice of lifestyle both sexes see me as a freak; the uninhibited conservative comes out in the most liberal people when I am involved.

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 9:34:19 AM

MistressNoName

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Interesting question. But would you indulge me a few lines as I try to give a more complete range of reactions/responses that I have gotten/noticed?

1) Vanillas: By far, the vanilla het male response has been the more curious and more accepting response than het female. Het females I've encountered don't seem to understand what a woman would want with a submissive man, because they tend to see submissive men as weak. Unfortunately, I can't speak about vanilla gays or lesbians, because I don't know any vanilla gay men and the only vanilla lesbian I'm friends with, I am not out with her yet, not because I think she would disapprove, but because of distance and circumstance.

2) Kinksters: I wanted to include this group, because we Dominant women don't just get the sideways glance from the vanillas. There are plenty of kinksters who think we're weird and "playin' ourselves," and otherwise denying our "true (read submissive)" natures. And those would be mainly some, not all, Dominant het men. I've come across a few of these folks - esp, among kinky Christians. And I've heard from submissive men who feel misunderstood and unwelcome among some Dominant het men. for the most part, I have not found this to be the case within the lgbt community. That is, the kinky gay men and lesbians and bi folk I know don't seem to have a problem with Female Dominance, in general. And I just wanted to add that the Dominant het men I am speaking about, who seem to have some kind of problem with us FemDoms, don't really say it aloud, ie in mtgs etc, but it come out in attitudes they project. It's just an interesting little challenge that we face as Dominant women and that some sub men deal with.

Thanks for your indulgence.

MNN

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 9:59:13 AM

MystressDream

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The only vanilla people in my life are co-workers and family. I don't share my private life with any of them. It's none of their business. I have one vanilla friend, a het female, who I shared it with and she just smiled and said it didn't surprise her.

The gay and lesbians I have in my life are all kinky too, so I haven't dealt with any of that. They know... and love and understand it. <grin>

As far as the het Doms, I have only met two in all my years that gave off the "you just haven't found the right man" vibes. One came up to me and said so, right in front of the other one. I just smiled sweetly and said, "Well, my dear... if you wish to kneel at my feet and petition me for the privledge of being that "right guy", I just may consider you." Everyone around us laughed, and that was that. All of the other het Doms in our community treat me with the same respect I treat them with. I haven't had any problems.

I told my adult sons about my lifestyle choice. I explained what I enjoy doing, and why, and tried to explain to them how the dynamics work. They still don't really understand it, but, being protective sons, they made the comment "Well, at least you are on the right end of the whip. Whatever turns your crank, Mom". Typical response from sons who have no real understanding of the dynamics. All they thought about was at least I was not getting hit by anyone, so they didn't have to think about protecting me. <chuckle>

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 3:35:12 PM

HelenaTroy

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People who know anything about my personality could probably discern that there is some dominance there. I have had men say that they strangely feel compelled to want to do things for me and they don't know why. I don't think anyone would be repulsed or object to finding out that I'm interested in FemDom. They'd probably look at me and think, "Yeah that makes total sense for her."

Also, most of the people I hang around are open minded and alternative in some way, so I doubt they'd object.

The thing that I find the most hilarious is when I'm hanging around a guy who is obviously submissive to me but he insists that he is dominant. Maybe he is - with some women. But I guess not when they're around me!

Miss Helena

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 4:01:19 PM

KindLadyGrey

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I hang out with a fairly liberal crowd, so these tolerant reactions probably aren't typical. Even the vanilla folks in our crowd are well aware that at least half of their friends are kinky and/or poly and have long since learned to roll with it.

Typical Vanilla Female reaction: "That is really hot and you have a good deal with someone to serve you when you want. . .but I kind of like it when the guy takes charge."

Typical Vanilla Male reaction: *nervous laughter*
(After which, I usually tease them a lot.)

Occasionally, I also run into a really macho vanilla guy who looks at me like I'm an alien then makes some joke about women and kitchens.

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 12/31/2007 9:55:05 PM

AllietheKitten

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My friends and family tend to ask a lot of questions and kind of get a vicarious thrill out of it.

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 1/1/2008 2:33:34 AM

AnnabelHell

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Joined: 10/14/2007
From: Columbus, Ohio
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I've had varied reactions from very curious and supportive to outright appalled. I generally use discretion when discussing my personal life with people I do not know - but at the same time I am covered in tattoos and it's fairly obvious I'm not like most girls. My most favorite is the store where I go at the mall to pick up fishnets. The counter girl squeals every time I walk in and screams "Oh!! It's my Dominatrix!!" She's so cute I could eat her up.

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 1/1/2008 8:14:40 AM

TallDevoted1

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By far the most common responses from vanilla women are:

A) I already have children and don't want another. (ie. they equate themselves being in control with the man being passive and not contributing to the relationship)

B) That is interesting! But can you dominate ME?

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RE: Reactions of the uninitiated - 1/1/2008 9:21:16 AM

Elorin

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From: San Antonio, TX
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I find women are more willing to ask questions in a small group, but men are willing to ask about it in private.

I find LGBT to be more aware of kink to start with and less judgemental.

I've met "you haven't met the right man (Dom) yet..." guys, but they rarely exude that to me. I was delighted that when I DID submit to M, I didn't get any "finally" smarmy comments from the het Dom population.

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