RE: Self esteem

RE: Self esteem (Full Version)

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Noah -> RE: Self esteem (1/1/2008 6:02:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ligar59 During the course of a relationship, a Master may find that their slave/sub may has lost some of their confidence and self esteem. At this point, I would assume that the Master/Mistress would do their best to assist the sub/slave in raising their confidence level and self esteem. Now suppose the Master/Mistress knew the individual had low confidence/self esteem issues before going into the relationship Would you... 1-Come in on your white horse and save the day or?... why or why not 2- Pass them by for someone who has it more together?.... Why or why not??? What I would do is not view the world in either/or, black/white, #1/#2 terms.

masterlink65 -> RE: Self esteem (1/1/2008 6:08:58 PM)
who really has it together? is the person a flake or just have a couple issues? too many things to consider to give a generic answer. both my slaves have had issues of wether they are doing what they should be. maybe part of slave wanting to do proper job, more than an actual inadequacy. people who jump on others because someone did not use the spellcheck option, i would consider to pass by very quickly before someone who can actually admit they may come up short on a few things

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Self esteem (1/1/2008 7:31:11 PM)
I wouldn't base any relationship someone's lack of self esteem. I cannot fix them. However, unless it's a severe case, I wouldn't turn someone I get along with well away because they had low self esteem...IF they're willing to overcome it. Master Fire

Vanatru -> RE: Self esteem (1/1/2008 7:47:59 PM)
Ron's good at sharin his luvin stuff! grin quote: ORIGINAL: dawntreader ... i pay attention to what you say - you are just so all over the place on these forums, i can't keep up with you! LOL!

antipode -> RE: Self esteem (1/2/2008 1:35:32 AM)
I have, in the past, sent a live-in sub to see a therapist (and paid for it). Self esteem and related issues are nothing to do with the D/s thing, and should be dealt with by a professional, a specialist. It's just the same as that sub from South Africa who came off the plane with a cough. I took her to the doctor, as opposed to the drugstore. She had not a cold, but pneumonia. Then, I made her finish the freakin' antibiotics. That was my job. ------------------------------------- Trixie: That's right Ralph, Carlos is teaching us the mambo. Ralph Kramden: Ohhhhhhh, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that puts a different light on everything... when I first came in here, I didn't know what you were doing... now I know, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that makes a world of difference... One of these days, one of these days... POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

dawntreader -> RE: Self esteem (1/2/2008 8:35:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vanatru Ron's good at sharin his luvin stuff! grin quote: ORIGINAL: dawntreader ... i pay attention to what you say - you are just so all over the place on these forums, i can't keep up with you! LOL! That's the truth! quote: ORIGINAL: Noah I say totally pay attention. Anyone who shits typing errors is gonna be worth watching, in my book. Exactly!

KatyLied -> RE: Self esteem (1/2/2008 9:08:00 AM)
quote: What I would do is not view the world in either/or, black/white, #1/#2 terms. Well said. There is also a difference between helping a person by giving them the tools to work through their issues and riding in on a horse to save them. I have been in a relationship where I gained a lot of insight and help with self-esteem and some other things. I certainly wouldn't consider the dominant who helped me as a savior or someone with a knight kink. He is someone who took the time to listen to me and asked me to elaborate on what I felt needed some attention in my life. argh, I can't type today.

toservez -> RE: Self esteem (1/2/2008 9:26:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Neither, saving someone never actually works and I don't just pass someone by because of flaws. It really depends on how/how much they are fucked up and how well we find ourselves to be compatible. In good relationships I find everyone helps "save" eachother on a regular basis- Ms is irrelevant. I agree with this. It is not a dominant is type question. It is regular world question. If a person has low self esteem then hopefully they help themselves and if not have someone help with it. It could be a significant other, friend, family member or professional help. Thinking that as a dominant I can do this and this and that will fix the submissive is an ego trip and quite honestly the white knight syndrome is fatally flawed because the white knight gets off on the very fact they feel superior to the person they are saving and can never look at them as an equal. As LA wrote compatibility is key and on small stuff we all deal with this issue now and then but thinking because one is dominant they can fix a broken person is a fool’s journey.

DesFIP -> RE: Self esteem (1/2/2008 10:41:16 AM)
If during the relationship they develop self esteem issues, my abuse radar would be going off loud and clear. People lose confidence when they lose jobs or don't get promotions but that's different. If they really have started to believe that they are less than they used to be, that they don't deserve better, then their partner needs a swift kick in the pants and they need help getting out immediately if not faster. As far as someone who has self esteem issues due to a past partner who put them down constantly, why not. Just be aware enough of yourself that if you only seek people in this shape, you have abusive propensities. Also be aware that if you need them to be wounded so that you feel better, then you're the one with the self esteem issues needing therapy. Good partners seek to build each other up. If you're the most confident person on earth, yet you are only drawn to wounded women, I'd wonder what that says about you. Not about them. Since neither The Man nor I were starry eyed teens in our first relationships, of course we both had wounds and tender spots. Anyone who's been through a bad relationship will have them. So we validated each other in different ways, in the ways we individually needed.

wisteriaV -> RE: Self esteem (1/2/2008 3:19:38 PM)
During the three years I have been with Master, I can honestly say my self-esteem has dropped quite alot..especially over the past year and a half. I am NOT in an abusive situation. My low self-esteem comes from dealing with medical stuff that has limited my ability to function the way I want to. I miss not showering alone, or shaving myself. I get annoyed when Master has to step in and help me cook his meals for him because of the medical stuff. Master tries to help me with the low self-esteem stuff, but just this past month I started going to therapy to learn to deal with the psychological implications that the medical stuff is doing to me..thankfully Master loves me enough to keep me. We take one day at a time..some days are better than others.

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