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RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 10:49:18 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		My apologies for the offensive term. i sincerely hope that i didn't offend anyone, i was merely quoting a term He uses when i become.....for lack of a better word, combative to anything i don't want to do.

Respectfully,

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 10:53:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't think anyone thinks badly of you for quoting. But we do think badly of him for viewing women like that and for blaming you for his failures. Or does he really think you never have the right to think about what he says, and call him on it when he's being an ass?

See, part of my job description is to make sure he doesn't make a fool of himself. He knows he isn't perfect and he much prefers that I call him on it, and not that he fucks up in front of a potential customer, or any of the ums.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 11:30:52 AM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

My apologies for the offensive term. i sincerely hope that i didn't offend anyone, i was merely quoting a term He uses when i become.....for lack of a better word, combative to anything i don't want to do.

Respectfully,



Uh-huh. Sounds like a winner. 

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 11:39:23 AM   
Eagles


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline 		A true D/s relationship is basicly a "vanilla" relationship with a few twists. As in any relationship,COMMUNICATION is truely needed to make it work. If the Dominant is not willing to listen to his submissive as far as her needs and requirements in her everyday life and  COMPROMISE as to what is needed to make the relationship suceed,then I personally feel that he just wants someone that he can possibly use as he wishes.
But the submissive must be willing to give control to him that she feels comfortable with and submit to his wishes, within her limits. If he wants more from her then it needs to be communicated to her that he wishes to push those limits. 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 11:40:28 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty


What is the difference in your eyes, batshalom? (Anyone can answer this, i was just responding to batshalom's note above)


I have always been the control freak in any given dynamic. I plan, I check on the plans, I double check on the plans, I send letters, make phone calls (these days e-mails) to make sure things are on schedule. I don't like nasty surpises, and nasty surprises are things I haven't made room for in the larger task. All the Dom / Master has to do is to tell me to "get X done". Not once has any Dom or Master looked over my shoulder to tell me exactly how to do a task - the freakishness is mine alone.

I had a Master once who imposed days of silence. It was his prerogative to do so. It didn't make him a control freak - it made him the decision maker. Dom does necessarily not = micromanager or control freak. The Dom / Master has the authority, which could be confused with control freakishness, but remember that the Dom only acts with the authority you give him and is in the position of power. Also remember that a LOT of subs are control freaks. (Lots of threads about it - do a search.)

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 11:44:21 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't think anyone thinks badly of you for quoting. But we do think badly of him for viewing women like that and for blaming you for his failures. Or does he really think you never have the right to think about what he says, and call him on it when he's being an ass?

See, part of my job description is to make sure he doesn't make a fool of himself. He knows he isn't perfect and he much prefers that I call him on it, and not that he fucks up in front of a potential customer, or any of the ums.


Thank you, DesFIP, He allows me to voice my opinion, but to accept His final decision.  i do admit to voicing my opinion in a rather abrupt way at times especially when i'm adamantely (sp) against what He has in mind and when i continue to argue my point, then i'm called a "vanilla cunt".  He told me during my last outburst to just list all of my hard limits so this won't happen again and i told Him very respectfully i may add, that i have no way of knowing all of my hard limits since He has such a vivid imagination of ways to use me, that i don't know i have a specific hard limit until He brings it up. Surprisingly enough, He grudgingly admitted that was a good point....score one for moi!

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
http://www.chkittyclub.com/pages/home.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ThankYouCar

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 12:54:36 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My issue with the way he refers to vanilla women is his lack of respect for all women who will not do his bidding. It makes me think that he probably would think dommes were "cunts" too. I would have an issue with being submissive to someone that disrespected others because they wanted a different type of relationship than he did. In other words, he is just incompatible with vanilla women, that does not make them less because he has different relationship needs...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 1:42:44 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Yep. Cunt can be a particularly good word or a particularly contentious one, depending on the speaker and the intent.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 2:11:49 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Some are both, some are one, many are posers looking for easy sex. They are easy to spot in public, face to face. BUT NOT ONLINE. 

I for one have always had great experiences with giirls. No I or they were not perfect. However I always get my way, ALWAYS. In the bedroom and in public. Is it that I attract and or go after girls who want a incharge personality. Or is it that I lead and will not take any other position. Those who do not get there way  I thought when I was younger and less knowledgeable were ALWAYS WEAK MEN!  Who knows, who cares. It only matters when you want to repeat the process. You need to determine what causes to resulting success or lack there of.. BUT as I have found one mans cunt is my wet obedient hole. I know how, I know how. 

I am a alpha dom male. I am a take charge person. I lead. I have an assertive, agressive personality. I want to crush weak doms and do so often (face to face always, never online, a waste of time). I am not here because some girl did not suck my cock. Those men here because of that are POSERS. playing the part of a dom (as is, was your dom). They FAILED to get easy sex from clueless girls elsewhere so they show up here..They polute this lifestyle. 

Domination has many forms. A dom leads always. The slave(s) understand and want that and obediently follow. BUT they will only follow a leader. Not one who needs his cock sucked and can't get it elsewhere.    

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 3:40:45 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		This reminds me of an old joke. "What is the difference between a slut and a cunt? A slut is a woman who will fuck anyone. A cunt is a woman who will fuck anyone--but you." It sounds like sometime in the past he has been soundly set down by a woman, and has anger and insecurity lingering because of it, moreso than it being a question of Dominant versus controlling. If we don't fear something, we little reason to deride it.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 5:27:36 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Gosh, no. Good question though. I am a control freak, and once I discovered that, which took a loooong time, I decided to get out of vanilla, and into "domming". I can't say I tired of "vanilla bitches", it was more something along the lines of "vanilla life bores me", but that's hardly the bitches' fault. Better to be able to be a controller with a consenting adult on the receiving end. I personally think that men who look down on vanilla women are simply disrespectful - in life, one negotiates for what one wants, and if there is a mismatch one should walk away from it.

-------------------------

Trixie: That's right Ralph, Carlos is teaching us the mambo.
Ralph Kramden: Ohhhhhhh, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that puts a different light on everything... when I first came in here, I didn't know what you were doing... now I know, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that makes a world of difference... One of these days, one of these days... POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 5:42:33 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It is a curious mess...Is it not easy to simply take control of those who wish nothing more? Whoooopteee fucking doooo!

Now taking control of those "vanilla cunts"...Isn't that really where the ultimate challenge lies?


I've decided to kick off this new year by trying to be nicer....You people slay me. Control...lol.

I am the ultimate Dom! The Sun sets at my command!!!

I do not need control nor do I actively seek it in my day to day walk through this world. I like adventure. I enjoy surprises. I am not rigid. I am confident enough to think that I will be able to handle the curves that life throws my way. Isn't that what the journey is all about?

Fuck control...Either you are delusional or a God....Such a thin line.


Did I ever tell you about the time that through my infinite wisdom I spied a man who had the word "ass" spelled out in his hair? I am a God.

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 5:56:03 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Hello all:

i trust that everyone had a Happy Holiday and you're anxious to get back to the old routine of everyday living ;)  i pose this question to the Masters w/the hopes of receiving more insight to the Dominant mind.  Are you a Dominant because you got tired of "vanilla cunts" and just want to have your way ie control of everything in the relationship?  Do you not like a woman/man to speak her/his mind thus your entry into the Dominant world? i ask because i remember in the beginning my potential Dom stated that He was tired of "vanilla cunts" mouthing off to Him and He wanted to be the ruler of the household, having the final word.  Is that the action of a "true" Dom or just a control freak or are they one/the same?

Respectfully submitted,


I think his frustration towards 'vanilla' women is mildly understandable---though his name calling is not.

My Dominant -is- a control freak.  It would be extremely frustrating for him to be in a relationship with someone who did not -balls to the wall- give up their control.  Particularly before he discovered BDSM, I think the fact that his girlfriends did not do what he told them to when he told them to was highly frustrating and even damaging to his self-esteem because to him disobedience=rejection. 

While I was dating vanilla men I constantly thought, 'How do I end up with all these pansy ass little boys?'  and I didn't really mean it.  They were decent human beings, but being given equal authority in a relationship and being expected to act in a way that was unnatural for me was stressful and confusing.  Since I think of dominance=love, I felt unloved by those men.

So I'm not defending this guy, but perhaps he is not as villainous as the solitary quote you give us suggests.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 6:05:33 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Some are both, some are one, many are posers looking for easy sex. They are easy to spot in public, face to face. BUT NOT ONLINE. 

They are easy to spot online.

quote:

I am a alpha dom male. I am a take charge person. I lead. I have an assertive, agressive personality. I want to crush weak doms and do so often (face to face always, never online, a waste of time). I am not here because some girl did not suck my cock. Those men here because of that are POSERS. playing the part of a dom (as is, was your dom). They FAILED to get easy sex from clueless girls elsewhere so they show up here..They polute this lifestyle. 

Domination has many forms. A dom leads always. The slave(s) understand and want that and obediently follow. BUT they will only follow a leader. Not one who needs his cock sucked and can't get it elsewhere.    




I want a man that is a man first and my dominant second. I want someone that does not equate strength with domination... these are not the same things at all. Anyone can be a strong person, whether dominant, submissive, or vanilla... to equate strength with domination is not applicable. My Daddy wants someone who has strength equal to his own... my Daddy wants an intellectual equal and an ethical one too. He does not get strength from being compared with others. He does not care what other dominants are or what they are not, and he does not care if others follow him or do not... I follow him because of this...

What most inspires me to submit to him is that his attitude is that the stronger I am, the stronger he must be to remain my dom, or we will not be evenly yoked. I am an "alpha" female, people follow me, but I need an alpha male, and he fits that bill...as he has stated many times, how awesome must he be to control one that has control over herself, someone who he admires and respects. He is not aggressive at all, in fact he is rather neutral in his being... he gets his way because he sits and waits for his way to be open to him instead of battling for every inch of the way..... Martial arts served him well.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/2/2008 6:06:39 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 6:12:24 PM   
Magick323


Posts: 9
Status: offline 		Greetings,
Personally, I seek cohesion.
Great topic, thank you..

M.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/2/2008 11:39:19 PM   
darkpassenger434


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Thats a tough one. I am probably a bit of a control freak at times, but that really isn't the only reason I'm a Dom/Master. As a matter of fact, failure to provide opinions or thoughts has been a frequent cause of frustration with previous D/s relationships I've been in. Its definetly not a woman hating thing. As a matter of fact I love them so much I want one to be the most valuable thing in my world after myself. That being said there is a time for obedience and a time for questioning, but thats really a case by case thing. Sometimes theres no time and sometimes there are so many factors or intuition being used such that I can't fully explain something, not on the spot anyway.
-R

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/3/2008 5:37:22 AM   
ares12


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I do not need control nor do I actively seek it in my day to day walk through this world. I like adventure. I enjoy surprises. I am not rigid. I am confident enough to think that I will be able to handle the curves that life throws my way. Isn't that what the journey is all about? 

Now you see I am the exact opposite, I need control in my life wither it is where I go or who I meet, I like to know and control it, my last girlfriend had a submmissve nature and I loved it, if I asked her for something I knew I would get it... pity we broke up ah good times... back on topic.

(in reply to darkpassenger434)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/3/2008 7:51:30 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Did I ever tell you about the time that through my infinite wisdom I spied a man who had the word "ass" spelled out in his hair?



Let that be a lesson to you, Domi. Never take your hat off in a mirror store.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/3/2008 5:56:48 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty


Thank you, DesFIP, He allows me to voice my opinion, but to accept His final decision.  i do admit to voicing my opinion in a rather abrupt way at times especially when i'm adamantely (sp) against what He has in mind and when i continue to argue my point, then i'm called a "vanilla cunt".  He told me during my last outburst to just list all of my hard limits so this won't happen again and i told Him very respectfully i may add, that i have no way of knowing all of my hard limits since He has such a vivid imagination of ways to use me, that i don't know i have a specific hard limit until He brings it up. Surprisingly enough, He grudgingly admitted that was a good point....score one for moi!


Apparently you did not want to accept his decision and you kept whining about it.  Although I would have used different verbiage.  Like "It's my decision to make so shut the fuck up"... .  It was entirely in his control that you gave him to put you in your place.  So next time shut up and do as your told.

As far as limits go... you should make up a list of things you won't do.  It shouldn't be to difficult.  ie dog, piss scat to name a few.  So you get a half a point.  smirkle

BadOne

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dom or control freak? - 1/3/2008 6:47:01 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Hello all:

i trust that everyone had a Happy Holiday and you're anxious to get back to the old routine of everyday living ;)  i pose this question to the Masters w/the hopes of receiving more insight to the Dominant mind.  Are you a Dominant because you got tired of "vanilla cunts" and just want to have your way ie control of everything in the relationship?  Do you not like a woman/man to speak her/his mind thus your entry into the Dominant world? i ask because i remember in the beginning my potential Dom stated that He was tired of "vanilla cunts" mouthing off to Him and He wanted to be the ruler of the household, having the final word.  Is that the action of a "true" Dom or just a control freak or are they one/the same?

Respectfully submitted,


While not a dominant, I feel I can fairly safely say a few words regarding Valyraen's entry into the world of d/s since I was there from the begining.

No, he didn't become a dominant because he got tired of "vanilla cunts", nor did he ever have any interest in a woman not speaking her mind. We talked about it, talked about what the terms "dominant" and "submissive" meant to both of us. And gradually, he came to realize that he was dominant. We put off going into a 24/7 relationship because we wanted to make sure that it was what we wanted. Far from being upset about women speaking their mind, one points he has always been insistent about is that I remain the outspoken woman he fell for.

To be honest, the terms used above would be red flags to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 40
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