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You know you're kinky when - 1/3/2008 1:50:04 PM

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I found these jokes on a website. Do you think theyare funny? Can you come up with some better ones?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE KINKY WHEN...

- You keep the ACE Hardware catalog with your other pornography.

- You were always disappointed that the book Of Human Bondage wasn't.

- Sticks & stones may break your bones, but that's an acceptable risk.

- You read Andrea Dworkin for the pornography.

- You call people other than your Father "Daddy."

- Reading the word spanking makes you blush.

- Your first, favorite scout badge was for knot tying.

- You moved to Oregon so you could wear more raincoats.

- Kitchen utensils are found in your bedroom.

- Tack shops: Not just for equestrians anymore.

- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't employed in law enforcement.

- Your contracts involve punishments, but no money.

- Your friends covet the bondage cross in your bedroom.

- You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"

- Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.

- You give a new song a rating of 65. It's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.

- You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

- You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent-Of-The-Month.

- Canning season gets you *really* excited.

- You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor guy needs a PERSON to cane.

- Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.

- You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.

- Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.

- Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

- They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at four local leather shops.

- You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.

- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/3/2008 2:41:09 PM >

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/3/2008 2:40:28 PM

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"Everything happens for a reason."

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/3/2008 5:37:16 PM

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I must not be kinky then, I can get by with a 6x12ft enclosed trailer for transporting my toys.

(in reply to ta2dqt)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/3/2008 5:45:13 PM

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You know you're kinky when you keep a dog-eared copy of Psychopathia Sexualis on your coffee table to thumb through for ideas

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RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/4/2008 8:06:08 AM

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..... when you slam your finger in a drawer and yell your safeword instead of cursing.

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You need a parachute to skydive twice.

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RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/5/2008 5:37:18 AM

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Have you done that?

(in reply to sweetstorm)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/5/2008 8:29:43 AM

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hahaha all gooduns........only one i can think of is....

when someone pours a glass of ice water down your shirt, thinking you will freak, and you automatically close your eyes, get perfectly still, and enjoy every sensation as it runs down your back and beyond, damn near buckling ya knees.....

ps that one will make the pourer look at ya funny-lol

< Message edited by SeeksOnlyOne -- 1/5/2008 8:30:22 AM >

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in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/5/2008 8:53:40 AM

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From: i'm headed to HIM...
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when you're at home depot buying a 1 foot length of their biggest, fattest chain and the guy cutting it asks you why you only want 1 foot.....hehehe, squirmy moment.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/5/2008 9:09:57 AM

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From: Adelaide
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You know your kinky when yoru gettling envious of the turkey your stuffing for christmas dinner

(in reply to christine1)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/5/2008 2:36:23 PM

ItalianSMistress

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From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
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I love the first one, but have to add:

if only half your sex toys are from a stag shop, the other half are from Home Hardware

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"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

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(in reply to anubicdarque)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 1/5/2008 5:06:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

- You moved to Oregon so you could wear more raincoats.

OK, wait, I live in Oregon! Where are the people in raincoats? I did buy some hot looking mauve rain boots the other day... does that count?

girly

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 4/3/2008 2:32:13 PM

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From: St George Utah
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You know you are kinky when renting an new apartment reruires you to inquire about the load bearing capacity of the Celing Beams between floors.

You know you are Kinky when you lose you Rental Deposit from all the Hooks left in the celing.

You know you are Kinky when you spend nearly 1000.00 at HomeDepot and have repaired NOTHING In your home.

You KNOW you are kinky when you can't tell the difference between your Play Paties and your Birthday Parties.

Steel

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RE: You know you're kinky when - 4/3/2008 4:24:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

..... when you slam your finger in a drawer and yell your safeword instead of cursing.

not that specifcally, but when in pain, i have yelled my safeword instead of cursing....

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to sweetstorm)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 4/3/2008 4:32:22 PM

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When you see rimming sugar in the grocery store and the first thing that comes to mind is NOT margharitas..

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 4/7/2008 10:33:24 AM

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...several on that list...
wow...

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 4/7/2008 10:47:59 AM

lemmebeYourMine

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You know you're kinky when, being locked in stocks or pillory's isn't a thing of the past to you, but a current event or future plan.

(in reply to TorinFalta)

RE: You know you're kinky when - 4/7/2008 12:18:49 PM

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When you need pallet wrap to wrap things for shipping, and have to empty the toy bag to find it.

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lemmebeYourMine)

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