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Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 6:08:42 AM

ligar59

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

Maybe it just me, I see people get together and then 5 minutes later(well not quite that fast), I see one or the other posting that they are looking for a third. Maybe it is just me, guess I’m kind of old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I personally like to focus my attentions on just one person. I suppose after a couple have been together for several years it might be a doable thing. But it seems like couples aren’t taking enough time to explore each other; and now they want to bring another into the mix? Well I guess if it works, more power to you

Thoughts anyone

Post #: 1

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 6:17:38 AM

heartsemerge

Posts: 29
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

I tend to agree with you here. While I am bisexual and enjoy women and want a threesome, i refused to have it before My Master fully knew me, or loved me. Him and I have been together long enough now, where a threesome would be doable, and there would be no misconceptions. I feel that before you bring someone else into your relationship, you need to make sure your relationship is stable and healthy. You cannot do that if you barely know your significant other.

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 2

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 7:02:17 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Maybe for some the idea that exploring getting to know everyone at the same time puts all at the same 'level" within the family unit instead of adding a 3rd months/years later when the 3rd can be harder to intergrate. Eaither way the more people involved the more work it takes.

Mike

(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 3

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 7:13:55 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'm a bit curious as to why it would bother you.
Obviously, not everyone will feel the same about every kinky endeavor; if it isn't dangerous, harmful to others, or illegal, than why worry about it?
And not everyone looking for a third is necessarilly going to involve sex, (although most probably will)
Not every person here wants to be in a monogamous one on one relationship.
People do things when they are ready. I'm not sure it's anybody else's business...

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 4

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 7:56:51 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Ligar59....I get what you are saying...I also feel like alot of people put the cart before the horse. I also get that this is a discussion board to discuss qusetions and /or observations any of us might have. I personally didn't think you came acrossed as bothered or worried about it.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 5

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 8:39:54 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

He gets off on being a Dom.

She wants to please her Dom.

He says "Wouldn't it be cool if we got another girl to join us?"

She says "Sure." Sometimes she means it, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she thinks if she says "no" then she's not being sublike. She wants to be a good sub. She wants to be a good girl, so she agrees to search for a third to "be pleasing."

There's not much more discussion about it, no check-in "how ya doin' with this" conversations - hell, there weren't any of these conversations to start with - and then, either during the search she realizes he meant it and she gets pissed / hurt, or the new relationship with the new addition doesn't go well, and we wind up with copious jealousy threads.

Of course there are exceptions.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 6

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 8:57:45 AM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

He gets off on being a Dom.

She wants to please her Dom.

He says "Wouldn't it be cool if we got another girl to join us?"

She says "Sure." Sometimes she means it, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she thinks if she says "no" then she's not being sublike. She wants to be a good sub. She wants to be a good girl, so she agrees to search for a third to "be pleasing."

There's not much more discussion about it, no check-in "how ya doin' with this" conversations - hell, there weren't any of these conversations to start with - and then, either during the search she realizes he meant it and she gets pissed / hurt, or the new relationship with the new addition doesn't go well, and we wind up with copious jealousy threads.

Of course there are exceptions.

My willingness to have a sister slave/submissive is one of the things that brought my slave and I together. (not the only thing of course but part of it) We have been in a constant search for a third for almost a year...it will happen but well aware it may take along time to find...

Again, like so many posts here in the past and I am sure in the future.......COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, CUMMUNICATION!!!!!

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 7

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 9:27:36 AM

missAnn77

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Commuication is very key and ever so important in any kind of relationship. If something is meant to happen then it will, and its just a matter of timing things right with that said 3rd person. I myself am looking for a sub of my own and I am currently married to the love of my life who has discussed it with me that we have more than enough love to share with a 3rd person....as to the particulars of who, what when and where well thats up in the air so to speak. Just enjoy the person you are with for the time being and the rest will fall into place eventually when the time is right for it to happen.

Miss Ann

(in reply to Slaveless1)

Post #: 8

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 9:35:30 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Some people like threesomes. I understand why you think it's better to get to know your partner a little bit before you start mixing in other people, and basically I feel that way too, but other people might not. Hell, some people might think it's better NOT to know too much about your partner. You only live once...

Also, most men who are on the outside observing this kind of thing assume that the sub females (they're almost always sub females in scenarios like this) are being abusively pressured into finding more pussy for their dom. Bring me another female or you're out the door, bitch! Well, I can tell you that some sub females VOLUNTEER to recruit pussy. It's a wide wide world.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ligar59

Maybe it just me, I see people get together and then 5 minutes later(well not quite that fast), I see one or the other posting that they are looking for a third. Maybe it is just me, guess I’m kind of old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I personally like to focus my attentions on just one person. I suppose after a couple have been together for several years it might be a doable thing. But it seems like couples aren’t taking enough time to explore each other; and now they want to bring another into the mix? Well I guess if it works, more power to you

Thoughts anyone

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 1/4/2008 9:36:06 AM >

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 9

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 10:51:14 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

I agree completely!

~meticulous~

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartsemerge

I tend to agree with you here. While I am bisexual and enjoy women and want a threesome, i refused to have it before My Master fully knew me, or loved me. Him and I have been together long enough now, where a threesome would be doable, and there would be no misconceptions. I feel that before you bring someone else into your relationship, you need to make sure your relationship is stable and healthy. You cannot do that if you barely know your significant other.

(in reply to heartsemerge)

Post #: 10

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 11:50:47 AM

sublibrarian

Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

I suppose it depends on if you're talking about threesomes in the poly-relationship sense, or just sexual threesomes. I've had threesomes with my Dom and it's made me feel closer to him as I was the woman who went home with him afterwards. We haven't been together long. Adding a third can be just plain hot.

But if it were to be adding a third to a relationship where I lived with someone, then hell yeah, I'd need to know the relationship was strong and stable. I don't live with my Dom and we're both poly from before we met each other. My relationship with my vanilla primary was solid before we ended up seeing others seriously.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 1:36:17 PM

SpareBoyfriend

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Well, some single girls were open to threesomes to start with, so when they get into a relationship they are already half-way there!

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 12

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 2:39:20 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

He gets off on being a Dom.

She wants to please her Dom.

He says "Wouldn't it be cool if we got another girl to join us?"

She says "Sure." Sometimes she means it, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she thinks if she says "no" then she's not being sublike. She wants to be a good sub. She wants to be a good girl, so she agrees to search for a third to "be pleasing."

There's not much more discussion about it, no check-in "how ya doin' with this" conversations - hell, there weren't any of these conversations to start with - and then, either during the search she realizes he meant it and she gets pissed / hurt, or the new relationship with the new addition doesn't go well, and we wind up with copious jealousy threads.

Of course there are exceptions.

Actually, ours went...

Me: You know I miss playing with boobs.
Valyraen: So go have sex with a girl.

Ok, it was a longer discussion involving our relationship that happened over several months that then moved onto why I'd rather have a girlfriend, not a quick fuck. But that was pretty much how it started.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 13

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 2:54:07 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Before he ever put the collar around my throat we made a few clear cut rules regarding threesomes. Mainly he will not try to guilt or force me into one. I lived that nightmare with my ex-husband and vowed never again. If and when we have a threesome it will be because we both agree to it and are comfortable with the person we choose to play with us.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 8:05:32 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

Sir and I have had this talk several times throughout our relationship. I do want to have a threesome, it's just a matter of finding a good match for us.

girly

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 15

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 9:38:07 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ligar59

Maybe it just me, I see people get together and then 5 minutes later(well not quite that fast), I see one or the other posting that they are looking for a third. Maybe it is just me, guess I’m kind of old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I personally like to focus my attentions on just one person. I suppose after a couple have been together for several years it might be a doable thing. But it seems like couples aren’t taking enough time to explore each other; and now they want to bring another into the mix? Well I guess if it works, more power to you.

This is the same backhanded "more power to you" comment you'll see when a couple plays on the first meet, when a dominant collars a submissive fairly quickly or whenever someone does anything else that the author would not do. In this case it's a very thinly veiled anti-poly statement. Poly isn't your cup of tea but it does work for quite a number of folks. Looks like it's a bit more viable than just being "doable".

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 16

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/4/2008 10:32:15 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

My best answer to this (and please do not flame)..is that in todays society, we are used to that instant gratification thing...to wait, for many ,is just inconcievable..sheesh!! I am turning into my mother!!!

...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 17

RE: Threesomes??? - 1/5/2008 6:06:02 AM

RoughFN

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

Heh. I basically fall into this category, though I feel silly about doing it. Collar my permanent girl and a few weeks later change the profile to saying that I might be interested in messing around with a third.

I did it because it's something we're both interested in and I'm looking for a very very specific type of person. I don't want to collar anybody else (I don't expect, at least), and I don't necessarily want a full serious relationship. I'd be looking for someone for a long term, occasional thing. It's gotta be long term since short term BDSM stuff just doesn't work, we need time to figure out how the other person works in order to be effective. But it's also gotta be occasional since she'd be the 3rd person I'd be involved with.

So I'd want someone that's willing to get together as an ongoing thing, on a potentially infrequent basis. Somebody that needs some training and work, but isn't completely green out of the gates and requiring a lot of attention and serious work. Someone that's willing to take on that reduced role that I'm looking for and wants to be active alongside someone else, probably almost exclusively.

In short, someone very rare and very specific.

So my profile says that I'm sort of half assedly looking for someone that fits those criteria. It's not something I need to do, it's something we're interested in trying out. If somebody appears and looks good, I can start talking with her and see where it goes. But if it takes a month or a year for that person to show up, no big deal. I'm not being terribly active in what I'm looking for.

At the end of the day I figured it'd be better to be up front about this and have a leisurely search than wait a year and then start seriously looking. The net effect is probably the same anyway.

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 18

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