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RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 12:33:10 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislonewatchspet

Can someone please tell me... how to say you are sorry to your Master when they wont listen.  It is very hard for me and I need some advice....

Well let me see...I am sorry has always worked very well ...try that



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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 12:36:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		But he won't listen.  Perhaps he's trying to communicate something to her.  Maybe it's not something she wants to hear.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 12:38:17 PM   
Cherish1102


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather


quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

To the OP perhaps give your "D" type some time...BUT if your "D" type is withdrawing and ignoring you as a "punishment" I personally would RUN not walk away from that type of person .Someone in another thread said about such behavior ... "thats not how a Dom/Domme acts...thats how a weak, spiteful person acts."


Maybe that's how the D type person in a relationship with an s type who gets off on any other kind of "punishment" (rendering it not punishment at all) acts when he really intends to punish.
We really don't know, now, do we?






I understand breatheasone's reply. If a Dom is ignoring you out of spite, I agree, run away. However, I love my sub. I would never, ever ignore him out of spite. My rules are quite simple. He is not to lie to me or disrespect me. He has broken my rules once. I told him that I loved him, but he needed to give me time, and spent one night pretending he didn't exist, no speaking to him, etc. The next day, we discussed the issue. We talked it out, and I made absolutely sure that he knew why I had punished him in that manner. It was not done out of cruelty. Not in the least. Relating this back to the original question, just keep it in mind that he could be doing this for a good reason.

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 12:38:27 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Maybe heather. However, such an action is a very passive aggressive thing to do without an explaination or pre-arranged type of punishment - but without the OP confirming this, and from the way the OP is posted, I would not assume that this was the case.  It comes across - at least to me - that this isn't something prearranged or what is to be expected.  I would hope the OP might confirm either way for a clearer post.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 12:51:27 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps Master is dead...Have you considered a seance? He still might be so pissed that he will not acknowledge your pathetic attempts at contact.

I go by many names....The Soiux refer to me as Akecheta which means "Warrior." While I am known to the Hopi as Cheveyo or "Spirit Warrior." The Navajo have called me Nastas .."Curved like foxtail grass." Due to the obvious bend in the Domidong.

Here in the righteous halls of CM I have several names as well....Whether you call me Domiguy or MasterDave....I shall respond....Unless the response is to Hislonewatchspet....She deserves not my forgiveness. Unless she grovels in bat guano... Tis my command!

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 12:55:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather


quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

To the OP perhaps give your "D" type some time...BUT if your "D" type is withdrawing and ignoring you as a "punishment" I personally would RUN not walk away from that type of person .Someone in another thread said about such behavior ... "thats not how a Dom/Domme acts...thats how a weak, spiteful person acts."


Maybe that's how the D type person in a relationship with an s type who gets off on any other kind of "punishment" (rendering it not punishment at all) acts when he really intends to punish.
We really don't know, now, do we?




No...sorry i stand by what i said....



We do not know if he is ignoring her. We do not know if he released her. We do not know much of anything about the situation. For the most part I agree with you, ignoring someone is not a very mature or productive thing to do, but there are some conditions that it seems an appropriate way to act... it is all situation dependent... and you may run from such treatment, but not everyone will, or for that matter should.

For me any sort of "punishment" is something I have no desire to submit to. I found a Dominant that agrees with me, but for others punishment works... I am not going to say that one punishment is wrong while another is ok...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 1:24:37 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If he's not listening there may be a good reason for it.  Or he may be a passive-agressive prick.  Or this may be a thing that plays out in their dynamic as a way of processing things.  We don't know.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 2:37:46 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather


quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

To the OP perhaps give your "D" type some time...BUT if your "D" type is withdrawing and ignoring you as a "punishment" I personally would RUN not walk away from that type of person .Someone in another thread said about such behavior ... "thats not how a Dom/Domme acts...thats how a weak, spiteful person acts."


Maybe that's how the D type person in a relationship with an s type who gets off on any other kind of "punishment" (rendering it not punishment at all) acts when he really intends to punish.
We really don't know, now, do we?




No...sorry i stand by what i said....




i concur with breatheasone. 

i also think that an apology needs to be SINCERE - including WHAT one is sorry for & what will be done differently from that time forward.

further, ACTIONS do speak louder than words.  i want to, first, SEE that the person is remorseful, and second, SEE change in behavior. 

oh..and i think that apologies work on both ends of the spectrum...sometimes it's the "D" type who needs to apologize to the "s" type.



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~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 3:01:41 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Maybe heather. However, such an action is a very passive aggressive thing to do without an explaination or pre-arranged type of punishment - but without the OP confirming this, and from the way the OP is posted, I would not assume that this was the case.  It comes across - at least to me - that this isn't something prearranged or what is to be expected.  I would hope the OP might confirm either way for a clearer post.
 
the.dark.


That's what I meant by "we dont know".
We dont know if this is a pre-arranged type of punishment or not.
All we know is that someone is sorry and perceives another person as "no listening".
Not much to go on there, IMHO. Advising people to "run like the wind" when one has not much information to begin with strikes me as reckless.
Im not a fan of passive-aggressive behavior any more than the next guy. I am pretty proud of the degree of emotional maturity my D and I display in our interactions. I agree that if this sort of behavior, coming out of left field, is a bit of a "flag".
But we dont know out of what field this behavior is coming.
We dont know anything at all about this relationship.
It seems like in every thread somebody says "Run!" and this time, the information with which we are presented is almost none.
Know what I mean?"

< Message edited by justheather -- 1/4/2008 3:02:24 PM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 3:03:01 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

But he won't listen.  Perhaps he's trying to communicate something to her.  Maybe it's not something she wants to hear.


Then again some ''Masters'' are simply dickheads who don't know how to handle a situation so instead run from it by ignoring. I use ignoring very occasionally but I do not intend to never offer mine an opportunity to apologise. If there is a message I need to state then I state it. We don't know even if the OP has met this guy do we? Any ass can label him/herself a Master or Mistress big whoop and this is why I detest those labels as they are self hung mantles usually and many of the shoulders cannot support them.

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I will never make someone a priority, when they only make me an option.

FEAR the pixels....NOT!

Some things in life are like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 3:07:11 PM   
cherrypez


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislonewatchspet

Can someone please tell me... how to say you are sorry to your Master when they wont listen.  It is very hard for me and I need some advice....
He won't listen or won't hear it---there's a difference.   If you told him you were sorry and shouted it right in his ear and he is not deaf, chances are he heard you.   If you sent an email and he opened it, and read it chances are he heard it.   If he isn't listening meaning he is is not accepting the apology, he needs to work it out providing that your apology was totally sincere.   If he asked you to apologize and you said, "Sorry" simply to appease him, I would not consider that sincere.  

(in reply to Hislonewatchspet)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 3:32:50 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		You must accept that there are some things sorry won't fix.

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-there is no remission without blood-

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 3:41:45 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I am at a loss. How can someone advice you on how to say I'm sorry when we dont know what you did wrong, why he wont listen, what you have ALREADY tried...
Is he a real life face to face Master, or is he someone online who might have disappeared when you did whatever it is you did that needs apologizing for? Is it possible he is hurt by what you did and being around you to alow an apology would be harder than leaving you on your own for a bit?
There is another side to this we dont know, after all. Your Master might have a very good reason for being out of touch. It might not have anything at all to do with not wanting to listen to your apology, too, there might be something else completely and you feel guilty and assume thats why.
There isnt nearly enough information to give real advice.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 4:19:08 PM   
sakidorei


Posts: 65
Status: offline 		i concur with the other respondents that you haven't really given enough information ... as others have alluded to ... is the sorry for you so that you can feel that things are -fixed-?  Is it that He won't listen or that He won't alter the course He is currently on in responding to your misstep?  Often times i want "i'm sorry" to fix everything ... to make it the way it was prior to the mistake.  i might say "He won't listen" but what i really mean is ... He won't change His response to what i wish He would change it to. 
 
i'm sorry has it's place in my relationship but it will not alter the course of His reaction or discipline.  i will still face my consequences and no manner of "i'm sorries" or tears will change that fact.  Often times He is very NOT interested in hearing my apologies or much of an extended explanation at the moment or time of the disclosed mistake.  He will establish that i have broken His rule and MIGHT or MIGHT NOT give much of an ear to my -side of the story- depending upon what the situation is.  If it is a clearly broken rule that i understand i have broken ... then consequences often come before the processing ... it gives me time to think and Him time to reflect as well.   
 
When He is ready to process the issue at hand with me ... He will listen to what i have to say ... usually alter something about our interaction to hopefully prevent a future similar mistake or disobedience.  The worst thing in the world to me is this part ... yes the actual consequences are bad but hearing Him say ... "I take responsibility for this because you felt it was ok to break one of my rules ... obviously I have been too lax with you in some way" ... or something to that effect is the worst cut of all to me. 
 
Sometimes you have to just take the medicine ... and all that comes with it ... and hope that the mistake isn't fatal to the relationship.  Some are ... some aren't.
 
~saki
Property of Master D.

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Followers, do not backlead. Not only does it make leading more difficult, but it also makes it more difficult for the leader to avoid collisions.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 4:22:26 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislonewatchspet

Can someone please tell me... how to say you are sorry to your Master when they wont listen...


wait until Master will listen, if ever, and say it then.


Agreed.  You cannot send any message saying anything to anyone when they aren't listening.  Unless you want to give us more information, your very question indicates the answer is you cannot.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 5:50:34 PM   
masterrich175


Posts: 19
Status: offline 		If you understand go away for awhile. 

Fix what is broken. Do your own repair.  Get set, get out, do the work  
No fear, little one.  Do it for yourself.   

Be surprised. 


(in reply to Hislonewatchspet)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 6:59:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Think about why you picked someone who doesn't believe in open and free communication but instead someone who uses threats to maintain a relationship?

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 7:19:21 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Think about why you picked someone who doesn't believe in open and free communication but instead someone who uses threats to maintain a relationship?


Maybe he is genuinely thinking about ending the relationship?.... We do not know because the thread starter went AWOL on us...

Think about it, are there things someone could do to you that would make you unaccepting of their apology? If the answer is "yes", why are we all sitting around quarterbacking this ballgame when we do not even know the score, who has possession, or if any of the players are even injured?


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 8:08:34 PM   
PrizedPosession


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavemaia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cherish1102

I, as a Mistress, sometimes punish my subs by ignoring them (if what they have done is serious enough).


 Ouch, the worst, i mean worst punishment for this slave.

ditto. i hate it when Master ignores me...but He will sit on the phone with me and not say anything and not let me do anything but listen to nothing on His end of the line. it makes me sad thinking about it.



But in the end it is up to Master when He forgives. its a period (at least for me) that is filled with anxiety and antici -   




pation. But maybe He just needs time and im sure in the end it will be alright.

Best of Luck!

(in reply to slavemaia)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sorry - 1/4/2008 8:24:50 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislonewatchspet

Can someone please tell me... how to say you are sorry to your Master when they wont listen.  It is very hard for me and I need some advice....


You don't.  You show him by listening to him.  If he tells you not to tell him you are sorry it sounds to me like he's heard it before and is sick of hearing it and doesn't have faith in those words any longer. Only you know if that is true or not.  If this isn't a pattern and you did something to displease him, maybe he's just a hard ass teaching you a hard lesson by making you suffer. Saying sorry is really more for the offender then the offended - it relieves them of guilt. They get far more from it then the one offended. 

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Hislonewatchspet)
Profile   Post #: 40
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