juliaoceania
Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006 From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Status: offline
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I can only relate my experience. When I was searching for a dom it seemed like limits and kinks were the first things that we talked about. Of course, I was looking for a compatible partner, and that was why I wanted to discuss these things right off the bat. I had some that spoke of ignoring my limits, pushing my limits, and some that stated they would respect my limits... but none of them were compatible. And then I began talking with my Daddy, and I began to ask him what his kinks were, etc... and he had no trouble talking about his kinks, but when I began to list my limits (kinda a rehearsed formula of discourse on the topic that I had come up with) he stopped me, and he said something no one else ever had "I do not like to list limits like that, what I would prefer is that before we engage in any new sort of play I gain your consent, and we have a safeword so that if I cross a boundary you can let me know." This worked for us. There are many things he knows I have no interest in trying, or that I would have trouble with, and we have had long talks about these things... I never had to make them limits with him, because I trusted that he would not do anything to harm me, and that is the key, if I were you I would find that trust place before I began to let him in that deep. This is a new relationship, and while the limits imposed today may have no meaning tomorrow (I found this true for us, there are things he does to me that used to be limits, and they are not so anymore... I keep them listed on my profile for a reminder that limits change over time) if I were you I would still want to retain some control until that level of trust had been established... Some people get off on having their limits pushed, and some love to push limits... if he is a limit pusher, and that is not your mutual kink, that could become a problem... a huge problem, which essentially is a kink compatiblity issue. There are those who get off living on the edge, and he is letting you know he enjoys a partner that will let him take her to that edge.. if that isn't your scene, it just isn't. At lease he was honest.
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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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