Collarchat.com

Join Our Community
Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

Obeying Dom's Online?????


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Obeying Dom's Online????? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 5:29:52 PM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
I have yet another silly question. I have talked to Doms online, and have found a few of them wanting me to do something completely off the wall. Of course, I'm not into cyber...etc...in any way. But, isn't that a little in the wierd side? I know some people get off with that, but if you really think about it. Isn't submission something only to be given to YOUR Dom? If you give submission to just anyone you're speaking with online, it kinda defeats the porpose. Sorry, but I fail to see the logic in a Dom even suggesting such a thing. I'm new to this, and have no experience, yet I'd think that much giving of yourself would require more than just a computer screen and a keyboard. Not trying to upset anyone, just get some insight on what may or may NOT be going through their minds.

Again, thanks for your imput. And, I hope we can be civil...lol...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 5:32:29 PM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
Typo correction.....input. LMAO, don't you hate it when that happens? Then it's worse when you start to think you may have been right to begin with....

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 5:52:10 PM   
subinfyniti


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/10/2004
Status: offline
There are hundreds of people out there that profess to be Dom's....Domme's.. etc. Trust me, they do not have a clue of submission. Though I am sure they do get some sense of power from giving off instructions to new submissives. Submission is a gift and as we don't give gifts to anyone, we do not submit to just anyone. We care about the people we give gifts to......
I have even run into the situation in RL... in an environment whereas a group of Dom's and sub's all spent time together for a party. The sub's seemed to be expected to wait on any or all of the Dom's. I sat there. I was there with Bruce and not about to wait on, serve or even clear off a plate for another person because the have claimed their status in society.
Though I see submission as a gift, the joy I get from being Bruce's submissive is the biggest joy in my life.
When a connection is made, you will feel it, it feels right.
peace
infyniti

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 5:54:33 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
I see nothing wrong with having play sessions with a dom online, even if you don't consider him to be your dom as long as you both want it. If you are in a committed relationship you would need your true dom's permission of course, just like at a play party. Also it is only meaningful if you actually do all that he is asking of you, as long as it is within your limits. Playing on cam is another option for a little fun, but for safety i would be sure he isn't able to capture the cam shots, unless you know him very well and trust him. Before i had a r/l Dom i used to play a lot on online and had a great time and learned a lot from it.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 5:55:58 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Typo correction


You can edit your post by clicking on "edit" upper right side of post.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 6:00:55 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
The experience of many of the "doms" that you will meet online begins and ends online SentForu. They are here for a vicarious thrill. It's the fantasy of a woman doing what they say. It isn't even you that they are addressing, really, it's the fantasy girl in their head. The take home lesson for you from this is to trust your intuition. The D/s culture (at least the parts of the culture that you are likely to have access to as a novice) are not particularly foreign when it comes to things like common courtesy. In fact, things like common courtesy and frank, adult discourse are more highly valued than they tend to be in the general population. If someone (doms included) is interacting with you in a way that you find rude, inconsiderate, outlandish, or just plain dumb, one of you is clueless, and it's probably isn't you.

There are subcultures within D/s where a slave is expected to defer to any free man or woman in the group, but those subcultures tend to be tight-knit and secretive. As a novice, you probably aren't going to run across any genuine groups like that for a long time, if ever. The notions of manners that your mom taught you will stand you in good stead here. Just send the idiots packing without a second thought.

Take care of yourself.

Leonidas

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 6:02:02 PM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
Thanks proud. Like I said, I know different ppl like different things. And, if you get off on it, hey I'm not going to try and stop ya. Maybe I see it as too serious????

< Message edited by SentForu -- 7/8/2004 6:04:00 PM >

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 6:06:52 PM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
It's just that I don't see myself submitting to just anyone. That takes a lot of time and thought. Would take someone you can trust. Sure, they can have a little fun online. But, I think it should take more than any given command from a stranger to have a submissive submit herself like that.

(in reply to subinfyniti)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 6:23:37 PM   
QUIETMASTER


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/25/2004
Status: offline
It sounds like you are heads and shoulders above the ?dom's you are talking about. You have a very good handle on what this is about . Continue to build your desires on the foundation you have and you'll do fine. Don't worry about a lack of knowledge about this life style. The more you learn the more you will realize what you don't know. Good luck.

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 8:44:31 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I see nothing wrong with having play sessions with a dom online,


I dont do online.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

In the words of the loser Jeffery Lebowski (The Big Lebowski) in response to Jackie Treehorn telling him 100% erotic software was a thing of the future, "I still jerk off manually."

Of course, Jackie Treehorns response was "Of course you do," so I am probably wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to QUIETMASTER)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/8/2004 11:15:39 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
How you decide to conduct yourself online is entirely up to you. Some people believe that there are certain "chat rules" that simply must be obeyed if you are to be a "true" submissive and therefore worthy to be in their presence. These are virtual rules for the virtual world. Submit to whomever you choose to submit to, however I would recommend some common courtesy...just because being courteous to others seems to be the right thing to do.

In real time, there are organizations that expect slaves to adhere to high protocol. We have monthly "Acadamy weekends" that involve a lot of training and mentoring for Masters and slaves alike. While attending these weekend events, you will follow protocol, or you will be asked to leave.

Hope this helps...


~Thorns

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 12:55:22 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

But, isn't that a little in the wierd side? I know some people get off with that, but if you really think about it. Isn't submission something only to be given to YOUR Dom?


Midear Sent-


Yes, it's silly.

Here's some good advice- never call anyone 'master' unless you _feel_ he's matered you<g>.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 1:53:50 AM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
Thanks hun. Common courtesy should be a given in any of life's situations, though at times it isn't. I'm not really talking about respecting a person. I like to think I give respect freely, at least until you loose that respectful standing with me. But, does common courtesy include being submissive to someone who hasn't even earned that part of you? I have no problem knowing I'm talking to a Dominate person, and he gets all the respect from me due. However, I don't think it's really necessary for me or any other submissive person to be expected to give all of themselves to that person. If that makes any sense...lol. When you're being obedient to him/her, it's more than just acknowledging them as a dominate in general, you're acknowledgind them as your dominate. I think there's a difference between a general dominate and YOUR Dom. Respect is due to both, but your obedience is due to only one. But, again I'm still new so maybe totally confused....

(in reply to MrThorns)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 7:26:10 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
What you are talking about here is abstaining from baiting a dominant that you are talking to by trying to dominate them. There is a good deal of talk among submissives about submission being earned, and given only to those to whom they choose to submit. Unfortunately, some submissives believe that they need to be agressive, overbearing, bitchy, or whatever you want to call it to put the dominant on notice that they aren't submissive to them. This kind of behavior is approaching the bounds of common courtesy in the opposite direction. If the man or woman that you are talking to is a truly dominant wired, you will "butt heads" with them at best by behaving that way. If they are a dominant of some experience and maturity, they will probably just smile politely, and silently write you off as "one of those". The net effect is that you may alienate some people that were worth knowing before you ever get to know them.

The truth is that if you interact with anyone for any length of time, one of you is going to "lead". If you observe closely, you will see that this is true even among groups of people at work, or among groups of friends that know absolutely nothing about D/s culture. It is subtle, and not as overt as some of the coarse, exaggerated protocols in the D/s community, but it is there. In any group of humans, there are always those who defer, and those who lead. If you have spoken with a "dominant" for any length of time, and you don't find yourself naturally deferring to them in the conversation, the fact is that they aren't more dominant than you are, no matter what they have chosen to call themselves. People who demand that you defer to them (as opposed to letting the dynamic naturally evolve) either don't really understand the nature of dominance, or they do, and are insecure about how dominant they actually are.

There I go telling you how to build a watch when you only asked what time it was.

Take care of yourself.

Leonidas

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 10:40:29 AM   
wizcitrix


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
Well this is only my opinion and who am I but a lonely sole in this session we call life, but I would say definately trust your instict. The fact you are even asking this question is an indication that the doms you meet are not the ones to submit to. However I would say the same thing about RL doms. If you are asking other people if you should submit the answer is no that dom is not the correct dom for you.

You are asking the specific question about submitting online. I would say just like with offline it depends on the circumstances. If you talk to someone offline 5 times are you going to suddenly start submitting to them? Of course not, who would. The same thing applies online. However both in BDSM and vanilla relationships, I have known people who met and were successfully a couple before they met. One of these couples actually have to children and a very special alternative relationship. As with all things I believe it depends on the events leading upto the submission/domination.

By the way I think this is a great discussion and topic and I may just blog about it. I thank you all so much for the information and service you provide to this site that makes it so great. I am new but the sight is fabulous and without people like you guys it wouldn't be possible :)

wizcitrix.tblog.com

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 10:47:27 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
Theres a huge difference between courtesy, respect, and submission. COurtesy, to me...is just treating others as you'd wish to be treated and such. Respect is something that is earned through actions, (words will only get you so far...) and submission is something that many people hold near and dear to their harts and only offer it to a select few. You get to decide who you offer it to...their title grants them no special rights or priviledges. (Although there are some situations... I wont restate them..and I don't believe that chat is one of those situations.)

~Thorns

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 10:58:41 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Sent,
You asked a question that has been asked so many times before with different words. The mod's recently pulled a post off of collarme echoing the same sentiments.

Myself, I obey nobody online. I do when they have earned some respect. The bottom line is I can change my name to the queen of England. Does it make me so? Should I expect to be treated the way the queen is treated? Come on this is real life. Treat others, as you would like to be treated yourself.

If I run into a Dominant in a chat room. They demand something from me not knowing who I am or anything. Do they truly deserve anything from me? If they get mad, that raises red flags in my book. If you cannot control yourself in a simple conversation online how are you ever going to control yourself when I actually do something wrong in person?
My feelings are a Dominant should be in control of themselves most of the time. If they are acting like a child online then I am more dominant than they are and just aren’t worth the time I'd have to put into them.

As far as cyber sex goes. If seeking I find it a good addition. Why do you ask? Well, in cyber sex they are telling you their fantasies. You can get a good feel for what a person is like in real life.

Take my advice here for what you wish. Although this is a true story that happened to me. Before I met my Dominant I was seeking online. Literally a thousand alleged Doms at a time. For various reasons they would be narrowed down out of existence. Anyway, one stood tall among the others. A guy from Austin, Texas. Two years he made it through. So I decided to meet him. We had planned a conference in San Fran. Far enough away from both of our homes. I knew people there for safe calls. Here was my principal mistake. I let him know what hotel I was staying at.
Anyway, he showed up unexpectedly. Next thing I knew he was ripping off my clothes and I was half tied to the bed. Four-poster bed at that. Rapidly became a three-poster bed. Within about 45 seconds all of this happened. I really didn't have time to react.

Suffice to say I made it out with just rope marks on my wrists, he pretty much ran from the scene. When he got back to Texas he was real apologetic like any abuser would be.

However, he gave me notice of his intentions online. In cyber sex. To me cyber sex was always a joke. If a female how are you going to masturbate and actually carry on a conversation? However, what they say in those conversations are windows into their soul.
I would always here..Pet I'm going to tie you down. Bite off your nipples. HEY, he tried that.
On the computer you tend to hear what you want to hear. If something sounds off you say hey...well I'm just interpreting it the wrong way. Well heads up, you aren’t.
These are their fantasies and they will live them out if you give them opportunity.

Now as for my current Dom we've been together 5 1/2 years now. I met him in a So Cal chat room. We have yet to cyber. So go figure there.
Use your common sense. You clearly have some. Don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/9/2004 8:16:05 PM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline
sub4hire, OMG I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. I've never thought about cyber in that text, gives me a few different perspectives. Makes a little sense to role play a bit before actually meeting someone for the first time. The only problem I have is when strangers are always wanting that. But, like I said before, whatever floats your boat...lol. BTW, his running from the scene clearly states that was not consentual and he knew it. It would have been different if that was something you had talked about and agreed on before hand.
Thanks again to everyone who has replied and given their thoughts. LOL, any and all opinions are completely welcomed. Hugs and kisses to you all.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/11/2004 1:31:40 AM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline
when i first got into this lifestyle all i had was online. i had an online Master that i did obey, trust, and cared for. when we first started from the beginning we decided to give our relationship online the same respect as if it were real life. i believe it was a way of learning more about me.... not about BDSM as of course that is impossible, cyber spanks don't have that sting i love so much lol. but it did help me to understand the mental side of D/s...and of myself. i was lucky as i had found a place that many of the people were in this lifestyle in real life. i was able to pick their brains and learn. when i started feeling comfortable about being a submissive and i got a bit braver i started going to munch groups and meeting people in real life. i used it as a sort of step off point. yes, i understand that he had no way of really knowing if i were actually obeying him. but my way of thinking at the time was if i didn't obey him...i lied to him. how could i call myself a submissive, how could i call him my Master. as i said while i couldn't at that time experience the full experience it did give me an idea. i also know that there are many that weren't as lucky as i was.

there are those that perhaps because of physical disabilities or for some reason can not experience real life D/s in it's fullest. (what a shame) but they might still have those real needs and feelings inside. online does give them a way of being able to experience the D/s side, the mental side...........ig its taken and given the same respect as real life meaning... if you tell your online Master yes Master i'm doing such and such do it...but also remember this lifestyle isn't just about sex. my online Master was good in that aspect...many times our time was spent picking a topic involving this lifestyle, searching, reading, learning...discussing it and how it dealt with us. both knew it wasn't going off line for us..together, but knew we both wanted offline. we used that time to prepare ourselves. not as cyber sessions.

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Obeying Dom's Online????? - 7/11/2004 7:13:15 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
Great post angel. I think our online experiences were very similar.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to angelthighhighs)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Obeying Dom's Online????? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.666