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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/10/2008 5:39:08 AM

Rule

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In fact there are eight known herpes virusses that afflict humans and many others that are peculiar to various species of animals.

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/10/2008 12:31:54 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari

My thanks to you all for your input. It is interesting how wide and varied the knowledge is.

Basically, if I have understood correctly, a high percentage of the population has some form of the virus, it is controllable to an extent. Like everything enjoyable in this life, sexual contact has some risks, it does not kill. The main thing that seems to have come out is that because it is rated as an std, it frightens a lot of people, whether that is justified or not I have yet to decide. In fact I need to keep an open mind to be able to support this sub.

Again many thanks all for your inputs.

Hatari

yes, this is true. herpes simplex 1. Is not an std. A cold sore can be obtained and usually obtained as a child. matter of fact the difference in genital herpes and oral is one is above the waist and one below it. You dont have to have sex to contract it. It just depends where the blister is located. One thing for certain women do have about a 5% higher risk as they have more mucous membrane---- a nice warm moist wholes. Herpes witlow which is usually on the finger is obtained mostly by people who wrestle. Chicken pox is a form of herpes. It too lies dormant. Both my sister and my mom got herpes zoster, which is called shingles. Shingles is a re-emergence of the chicken pox virus. It is treated with the same drugs as herpes simplex.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/10/2008 12:35:42 PM >

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/10/2008 4:28:28 PM

Evility

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari
Suggestions please as to how she lets any prospective Doms know, does she put it in her profile or what?

Nobody has addressed this part of the issue, so I will. I'll leave the task of dispensing all of the information (and misinformation) about the clinical side of the STD to the others.

I don't know whether this is something that must go in her profile as some sort of scarlet letter but maybe that isn't a bad idea. The bottom line here is that a prospective partner is either going to have issues with this or he is not. Waiting for the 'right' moment to disclose this sort of information isn't really prudent and may exacerbate the problem by creating a feeling that she wasn't up front about it somehow. Most people want to know this information sooner than later.

She has it and she has an obligation to disclose it. Why not save time and trouble on everyone's part and put it right out there? This would eliminate the hand wringing about telling them/when to tell them and would sort out those who don't want to be a part of that right from the get go.

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/11/2008 7:32:35 AM

adoracat

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chicken pox is an odd creature. they say that once you get it, you cant have it again....but i had it very badly twice when i was a little, neither one of the imps has ever had it, although satan has gotten fever blisters (lip infection of herpes) since she was 10 (she's 25 now).

i get shingles, which i know is another form of herpes, but dont have the genital version. i consider myself lucky.

i have a friend whose husband has herpes, they have always been very careful about it. she got pregant, and never showed a sign of being infected, then their son got an eye infection from the virus as he was born...she'd still never had an "outbreak", but was obviously infected with the virus. it can be a terrible thing, indeed (their son was eventually alright, and fortunately didnt lose any of his eyesight from this).

kitten

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/11/2008 8:01:26 AM

MsBearlee

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This is a sad, sad topic for me. I do not have Herpes, but I don’t want it, either.

A few years ago, I had a very good friend and mentor. This Dom is poly, which didn’t bother me as I didn’t love him (but did like him a lot, just not romantically), so when he invited me to go visit another regular partner of his (whom I knew), I went along. We all had a blast, played together very well (she and I are both bi and as I said, liked each other) and slept in the same bed like a pile o’puppies.

I am nearly halfway between his home and hers, so he regularly came to my place, stayed a day or two (in my bed) and went on down to see his girl. However, when he started nearly living with yet another girl…….who has Herpes……..I told him I would no longer be able to play with him, nor invite him into my bed. He pitched a royal fit!

We all saw each other at Thunder, and one evening celebrated my birthday with a bottle of wine and another couple we all know. People sat on my bed, including the new girl, I hugged him when he left…including the new girl…and thought I could just sort of be ‘unavailable’ for play. When he later pressed the point; he insisted I was rude to his girl. We even went around and around on this one nearly a year later.

He said she is on meds, he is very careful and has slept in her bed for over a year now and still does not have Herpes. It is my contention that, as he loves her (and he does), it is likely worth it to THEM to be as careful as they can and hope for the best. However, I have heard all the same commercials others here have heard, and I know that even ON meds…people can be contagious. I’ve read about the asymptomatic viral shedding and understand this ‘shedding’ is included with all the skin-cells we all shed every day. And…I believe sleeping between sheets that have been slept on for a week at a time…is upping the odds. It has to, does it not? Still, if you love somebody... but I didn't; that was the difference for me.

Still, there is something like a quarter of our population infected with this and it seems to me plausible that nearly all of us will end up with it in the next ten years or so (so I’ve heard). But I don’t wanna! Now, IF I were in a long term relationship with someone who discovered they had the infection…would I toss ‘em out? Hell no; I’d be careful and feel the benefit THEN would outweigh the risk. In the mean-time, do I shun those with Herpes or even AIDs? NO…I hug um, and invite them to dinner like any other person; I just don’t sleep with ‘em.

On Alt, their profiles actually have a place where one chooses to let others if they have a medical issue. I, for one, appreciate such honesty. Sure was a shame to loose a good friend, though. <sigh>

Rule, I’d be interested in your book…or your research, should you decide not to publish it.

MsB

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This one, as well!

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/11/2008 11:13:56 AM

domahpet

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sub4hire, sorry i dont know how to do the box thing.
but, it is as Rule and sublibrarian said.
no there was no penis kising involved, god i dont evern know where you got THAT
from.
i person with herpes simplex (1) who did not have an active "coldsore"
kissed my baby on the cheek. simple as that and her life was doomed
thanks to Rule and sublibrarian for adding the proer info while i was away.
EDUCATION- GET SOME

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/11/2008 11:22:52 AM

domahpet

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Type much? let me try again:
sub4hire, sorry i dont know how to do the box thing.
but, it is as Rule and sublibrarian said.
no there was no penis kissing involved, god i dont even know where you got THAT
idea from.
a person with herpes simplex (1) who did not have an active "coldsore"
kissed my baby on the cheek. simple as that and her life was doomed
thanks to Rule and sublibrarian for adding the proper info while i was away.
EDUCATION- GET SOME

edited to become english
and to add-
if i was thinking about getting together with
someone i would definetly was to know ahead of time wether
or not they had any kind of infection and i Would use this in my decision
making process. true dom or not, true love or not.
i did alot of things before i was properly educated, yet remained std free all
my life. id never ever give that up for any partner

EDUCATION- GET SOME

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/11/2008 11:58:22 AM

KatyLied

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I did not realize that herpes causes cerebral palsy, so I learned something new today. I always thought it was from brain injury due to a difficult birth. I was told that by someone who has a son with CP.

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/12/2008 6:35:33 AM

Hatari

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Thank you everyone who has contributed to the thread. The sub concerned has been reading it avidly and has found a lot of information useful.

I think it has made her feel better, and the direct emails that I have received have been forwarded to her where permission was given.

Hatari

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/16/2008 1:00:35 AM

ZENBDSM

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All,

Gotta stick up for my fellow man here....

Herpes affecting the mouth, genitals, finger, taint, anus, eye.....whatever is contagious. Yes.

There is a concept called Asymptomatic Shedding ( Viral Shedding when you DONT have symptoms)
There is a concept called Symptomatic Shedding (Viral Shedding when you DO have symptoms )

IF you get Herpes...you may have the following symptoms (tingly or itchy or rashy or light pain or heavy pain or light burn or heavy burn ) or no symptoms.
I don’t know anybody who has never had these symptoms....hmmm.

I know a gal who has Herpes and also has a CP child....coincidence? I don’t know if there is a relationship. I do know she has some medical assistance and if the previous responder is 100% certain who it was that gave the child the Herpes Virus and is willing to be tested herself to confirm she does not have any antibodies, feel free to contact me I can pass on contact information to you.

I know couples who have not had 'outbreaks' for years...and yet still play it safe by Wash n Rinse -See Below.

Given: A Virus is contagious. Exposure to a Virus has risks.
Given: Not washing yourself, your toys your equipment has risks.

Suggestion: If in a committed relationship where condoms are not used...practice "Good Plumbing Maintenance"
Wash and Pee...or if not precise enough...WASH and RINSE.

The Herpes Virus cannot survive very well when Soap and Water is used promptly.

Anybody can get a test to determine if they have Herpes Antibodies....You would be hard pressed to find anybody who does not have them.
Had a cold sore? You 'have' Herpes and you have the Antibodies.
Had Chicken Pox? You 'have' Herpes and you have the Antibodies.
Had Shingles? You 'have' Herpes and you have the Antibodies.
Have HSV? You 'have' Herpes and you have the Antibodies.
Have HPV? You 'MAY have' Herpes and you probably have the Antibodies
Have None of the above...you STILL MAY have Herpes and STILL May have the Antibodies. ( Remember...people dont always have symptoms )

Next time you have your annual physical feel free to ask for a Herpes test (need a sore to test ) or a Herpes Antibody Test (sore not needed)
You may be able to determine the strain...and STILL not know where any viral shedding may occur.

Also...the CDC declares Herpes a Sexually Transmitted Disease.
There are other Virus's which are NOT diseases...and there are Non Virus's which ARE diseases, so go figure.

Perhaps if it is a Virus and Sexual in Nature...it is a "Disease".

And yet...Prompt Wash and Rinse addresses or at least decreases the impact of exposure to Herpes.

If a woman has an abnormal PAP smear...it COULD be HPV (or nothing! )
And guess what...there is not a discriminating test to determine how a woman got it.

I know women AND men who have a Positive Herpes Smear Test (virus confirmed from lesion)...and not had sex in years. -

So...not to minimize the adulterous ex topic/likelihood, you/we can have it and not know it.

So...lets be aware of our words here folks. Herpes is Transmittable, sure. Is it always? No. Does it always go away with Washing? No.
If you have a positive lesion/zoster Herpes Test result, does that mean the current/recent lover passed it on? Maybe.

For Symptomatic or Asymptomatic there MUST be viral SHEDDING.
For Shedding to occur,
A. There would have to be an imbalance in the body enough to shed the virus so the 'holder' of the Virus;
i. Would have a compromised system (tired, drained, sick, low grade fever for example)
ii. Have physical contact with another person AND
iii. Make contact with the shedded virus area to the recipient.
I for one am NOT going to refuse to put my hand on someone’s ass or not kiss her if she has had cold sores...That kind of Orwellian Paranoia just isn’t relevant in my life like that.

Now...really folks. The most important thing you may want to use from my comments beyond the fact that YOU could have it now and not know it are...
#1 You CANNOT confirm who, where and when you got Herpes. ( Delay of Symptoms exist )
#2 You CANNOT confirm you do NOT have Herpes. ( Antibody existence mask the situation )
#3 You CANNOT confirm when, where or how viral shedding occurs, (Wash and Rinse, please )
#4 If you have Herpes it is NOT life threatening...it is an inconvenience or a pain at worse. ( The longer you have it the less it is a distraction )

You want to REALLY get scared..?
#5 Hepetitus is a serious, life threatening situation, with little to no symptoms and the psychotropic drug treatments are hell.

Bottom line...be aware, if concerned - have a conversation with someone who HAS it, has worked with it in a clinical environment or been involved in independent case studies vs. anecdotal/drug company or CDC alarmist comments.
( The CDC after all IS charged with protecting the public vs telling you how manageable a given situation is )

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It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought out principles rather than blind reflex.
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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/16/2008 6:08:13 AM

SugarMyChurro

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"In the U.S., up to 60 percent of children are exposed to the virus by late puberty and nearly 90 percent of adults carry the virus by age sixty. Only about 40 percent of those infected experience outbreaks of oral herpes."
http://www.yourdentistryguide.com/oral-herpes/

It is thought that either type of herpes can transmit to both the genitals and the mouth. So, someone who's got it on their mouth can give it to you on your genitals. You might go down on someone that has it on their genitals and get it orally. Or you could try it the old fashioned way and actually kiss and fuck. Cock to cunt, cock to ass, cock to mouth, mouth to mouth, mouth to ass, mouth to cunt, mouth to cock (did I miss an option here?) - you're still fucked!

...

"Overall, about 75 percent of the US adult population has been exposed to HPV.15 By the age of 50, it is estimated that 80 percent of women have contracted HPV..."
http://www.arhp.org/healthcareproviders/onlinepublications/healthandsexuality/cervicalcancer/revealing.cfm

Guess what? HPV transmits to the genitals, the anus, and the mouth also. Yay! There's no need to go through the various permutations again is there?

...

Allow me to add, that these facts ain't stopping me one bit...I mean, you're going to die of something eventually. Try living a little first, eh?

Edit:

Wait, I have more to say...

What I was trying to say is that chances are pretty good that if you are sexually active, you have been exposed to these diseases. What are the odds? Probably something like 3 in 4 for most adults - upward of 70%. Castigating someone because she knows she has herpes is sort of absurd. She's just unlucky enough to know for sure. Everyone else just doesn't know it as a fact. And sure, there are some 30% of people that might be disease free entirely - probably esp. true if they have had very few sexual partners.

But if you have ever been a slut of either gender, or intend on becoming one - well, at least know the road you are on leads most likely to diseases that are hard to prevent. All it takes is one partner who has been a slut and you well on your way to joining the slut disease club.

I don't know for a fact that I have either HPV or Herpes of any kind. But it wouldn't necessarily stop me from pursuing a worthwhile person that knows they have one of these diseases. I need more than all of my digits to count up my former sexual partners, so I am not probably stainless in this regard given the odds - I just don't happen to know it for it a fact.

< Message edited by SugarMyChurro -- 1/16/2008 6:24:49 AM >

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/16/2008 6:44:49 AM

SugarMyChurro

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You made a big deal of nothing, MsBearlee. By your approx. age the numbers are 90% and 80%. As you appear to be someone that plays in piles of puppies - guess what?

Yup, chances are good you carry both of these things already.

I do also respect your right to choose your own partners, as we all possess such right.

Just sayin'...

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/16/2008 7:15:31 AM

MercTech

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Chill people... you are taling about "cold sores" Everyone gets em and they are highly contagious when active and rarely contagious without an visible lesions.
Genital Herpes is just cold sores on the privates. The HPV-2 strain is pernicious and more active than the common cold sore virus.
A little bit of common sense and sexual hygiene will go a long way. I lived intimately with someone who had HPV-2 for a decade and never contracted it.
Remember, FUD sells.

Stefan

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/16/2008 8:13:10 AM

domahpet

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ZENBDSM, sorry it took so long for me to get to you...
yes, every person in the family was tested, and the 'kisser' as well. he was the only one positive.
so we are for sure on that point.
everything is as well as it can be, and my child is cared for above and beyond expectation.
god is that kid spoiled! she is healthy as a horse, except for the cp.

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/17/2008 3:01:36 PM

sublibrarian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

What I was trying to say is that chances are pretty good that if you are sexually active, you have been exposed to these diseases. What are the odds? Probably something like 3 in 4 for most adults - upward of 70%. Castigating someone because she knows she has herpes is sort of absurd. She's just unlucky enough to know for sure. Everyone else just doesn't know it as a fact. And sure, there are some 30% of people that might be disease free entirely - probably esp. true if they have had very few sexual partners.

But if you have ever been a slut of either gender, or intend on becoming one - well, at least know the road you are on leads most likely to diseases that are hard to prevent. All it takes is one partner who has been a slut and you well on your way to joining the slut disease club.

This is exactly my thinking. Herpes and HPV are so prevalent (and testing unreliable) that it's not really possible for any sexually active person to claim without a shadow of a doubt that they don't have either one. No need to discriminate against those who know they have it in the name of "protecting yourself". Personally, I have too much fun being a slut and recognize that stds are a risk I take. :-) This of course doesn't mean you shouldn't minimize risk with consistent condom use (especially since HIV is easily prevented with consistent condom use) or should have sex with someone who has sores or warts you can see (gently let them know that they need to get that seen to and that you can have sex another time when the issue is cleared up). But you can never know about the things that are there and invisible, and don't show up on tests.

If you're going to be paranoid about stds you should just not have sex. Period. Ever. That's the only way to be "safe."

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/17/2008 3:17:17 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

What I was trying to say is that chances are pretty good that if you are sexually active, you have been exposed to these diseases. What are the odds? Probably something like 3 in 4 for most adults - upward of 70%. Castigating someone because she knows she has herpes is sort of absurd. She's just unlucky enough to know for sure. Everyone else just doesn't know it as a fact. And sure, there are some 30% of people that might be disease free entirely - probably esp. true if they have had very few sexual partners.

But if you have ever been a slut of either gender, or intend on becoming one - well, at least know the road you are on leads most likely to diseases that are hard to prevent. All it takes is one partner who has been a slut and you well on your way to joining the slut disease club.

This is exactly my thinking. Herpes and HPV are so prevalent (and testing unreliable) that it's not really possible for any sexually active person to claim without a shadow of a doubt that they don't have either one. No need to discriminate against those who know they have it in the name of "protecting yourself". Personally, I have too much fun being a slut and recognize that stds are a risk I take. :-) This of course doesn't mean you shouldn't minimize risk with consistent condom use (especially since HIV is easily prevented with consistent condom use) or should have sex with someone who has sores or warts you can see (gently let them know that they need to get that seen to and that you can have sex another time when the issue is cleared up). But you can never know about the things that are there and invisible, and don't show up on tests.

If you're going to be paranoid about stds you should just not have sex. Period. Ever. That's the only way to be "safe."

I agree here. Some of these posts sounded like they wanted to put a scarlet letter on all those hith HSV. Thats just crazy to me. If we worried about all viruses that kill or injure seriously such a small pecentage of people. Well, the flu is way more deadly.

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/17/2008 6:33:13 PM

fluffyswitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

What I was trying to say is that chances are pretty good that if you are sexually active, you have been exposed to these diseases. What are the odds? Probably something like 3 in 4 for most adults - upward of 70%. Castigating someone because she knows she has herpes is sort of absurd. She's just unlucky enough to know for sure. Everyone else just doesn't know it as a fact. And sure, there are some 30% of people that might be disease free entirely - probably esp. true if they have had very few sexual partners.

But if you have ever been a slut of either gender, or intend on becoming one - well, at least know the road you are on leads most likely to diseases that are hard to prevent. All it takes is one partner who has been a slut and you well on your way to joining the slut disease club.

This is exactly my thinking. Herpes and HPV are so prevalent (and testing unreliable) that it's not really possible for any sexually active person to claim without a shadow of a doubt that they don't have either one. No need to discriminate against those who know they have it in the name of "protecting yourself". Personally, I have too much fun being a slut and recognize that stds are a risk I take. :-) This of course doesn't mean you shouldn't minimize risk with consistent condom use (especially since HIV is easily prevented with consistent condom use) or should have sex with someone who has sores or warts you can see (gently let them know that they need to get that seen to and that you can have sex another time when the issue is cleared up). But you can never know about the things that are there and invisible, and don't show up on tests.

If you're going to be paranoid about stds you should just not have sex. Period. Ever. That's the only way to be "safe."

I agree here. Some of these posts sounded like they wanted to put a scarlet letter on all those hith HSV. Thats just crazy to me. If we worried about all viruses that kill or injure seriously such a small pecentage of people. Well, the flu is way more deadly.

my feelings exactly. as long as you make the attempt to make yourself safe and are happy with your partner more power to you. yes there are cases of extreme side effects, and yes there are situations where very sad things happen but those are in the rarity. there are so many other diseases that cause many more dangerous medical effects that i think should be given as much or more attention.

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