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Rage - 8/26/2005 9:41:06 PM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
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It is HOT in the High Desert this week and the air conditioner in the truck I run at work all day is lousy. The boss has been on my ass, the new customer is a whining pain in the same spot and I broke a bootlace this morning. I'm in a foul f***ing mood and my girlfriend is hinting that she wants to play. I think it's best that we don't.

We are newbies, long term interest-short term actual experience. I know where her breaking point is and in this foul mood that wouldn't be nearly enough.

I'd appreciate hearing the thoughts of those who have been doing this a lot longer.

WyrdRich

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RE: Rage - 8/26/2005 10:03:56 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

It is HOT in the High Desert this week and the air conditioner in the truck I run at work all day is lousy. The boss has been on my ass, the new customer is a whining pain in the same spot and I broke a bootlace this morning. I'm in a foul f***ing mood and my girlfriend is hinting that she wants to play. I think it's best that we don't.

We are newbies, long term interest-short term actual experience. I know where her breaking point is and in this foul mood that wouldn't be nearly enough.

I'd appreciate hearing the thoughts of those who have been doing this a lot longer.

WyrdRich

My personal feeling is you are making the right decision. Anger and pain isn't a good combination.

If she wants to play, how about a nice service scene. Rio was staying with us this week and every morning she'd wake us up with a nice tongue job. This was followed by a long relaxing bath with her exfoliating us with a loofa and drying us with towels warmed in the oven. Finally, we were treated to a nice massage.

If your lady has got a bit of a service kink, this sort of thing should feed her needs as well (almost as well) as a good flogging and it might even help with your rage.

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 12:47:23 AM

SadistDave

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Joined: 3/11/2005
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Years ago I performed sword fighting demonstrations at a few of our regional Renaissance Festivals. I found through years of experience that by simply picking up a sword, I was almost instantly transformed from the most foul mood into a calm rational human being. Edged weapons still have that effect on me. I pick one up, and instinctively know that it's time to stop being an ass.

I remember the first time I handled a flogger. I knew instantly that I could use one because it felt just like a sword hilt in my hand. For some reason though, when I'm angry and pick one up, I don't get that calming sense of reason which holding 4ft of steel gives me. In fact, if I were having the sort of mood you've described, Syn would be safer having me throw axes at her, than me hitting her with anything from the toybag.

So where is this going? Know yourself, and your limitations. I know thats sort of a long read to get to that simple statement, but I'm in that kind of mood tonight. It sounds like you made the right choice.

-SD-

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 2:56:43 AM

Sir4now

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/14/2004
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You are doing the right thing for you not to play. I feel a Dom knows best when they should not be hitting on a submissive. Now you should all so think she sees your need and maybe trying to give you a place to vent. I think any of us that have been in this lifestyle any time at all know how you are feeling. Try to understand your submissive has a very deep need to see you happy and that maybe why she wants to play. When I am in that sort of mood I will not play with a cane or whip but I do find controling my submissive and having her do things for me turns into some of the best times we have together and there is no pain play at all. You know better then to hit when your bad and that is a great thing now teach her how to please you in other ways. She will be happy you did.

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 9:27:56 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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If you can control yourself, taking her to the breaking point could be a great way to at least have an intense delightful shared experience.

If you aren't totally sure you could control yourself to that point, then just let it pass.

Playing with anger and frustration can be an extremely primal and amazing way to play...but it's not for the faint hearted or for novices.

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 9:35:41 AM

Lordandmaster

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I recommend jerking off, actually. You'll feel better, and you'll probably be too tired to whip anyone's hide off.

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 2:16:14 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
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everyone has different buttons to push..and most have a lever to pull that shuts everything down...I'm in agreement with JW on this one...I'm someone who would like to say I'm in control at all times..but knowing it's not the case...at those times when the fuse is lit and getting shorter by the minute...I find that becoming completly immersed in service to me is the water on the fuse...being bathed...toweled...primped...nails trimmed...nice cigar lit ...relaxing rub down....well you get the picture...with all that care and attention...how could one not let everything else wash away with the bath water...

Fury

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 6:15:26 PM

LASub4Real

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Joined: 1/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SadistDave

Know yourself, and your limitations.

...and after that, don't trust yourself because there are plenty of people who only thought they knew themselves and ended up hurting someone else.
Take a chance on injuring yourself and you're just being foolish.
Take a chance on injuring someone else and you're being a monster.

I'd agree with you, if you have to ask the question, the answer should be no.

lasub

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RE: Rage - 8/27/2005 9:59:53 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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So you are starting off new?

Well it's great to see that you already know that your girl friend is not meant to be your punching bag for getting out frustration. Though I've been naughty and sadistic to my subs, I've never used one to relive my anger. That's what the gym and the real punching bag is for.

A very big rule for a dominant is that you can't be a dominant if you can't dominate yourself. It's important you discipline your sub but even more important that you discipline yourself atleast twice as much. Your BDSM envolvement with each other is to be fun and enjoyable. There are those times of using discipline that aren't always so fun but the punishments and discipline that you enforce are not out of anger but out of love and understanding.

It's always important to let her know when is and isn't a good time for scenes and play. During these times of high stress, you can have a differnt type of scene where she is to draw you a bath, bring you drink, and give you a massage. If it's in the case where you need to be alone, then be alone. Communication and trust are the two most important things for you to have in your relationship if you are going to continue to love each other weither you decide to continue BDSM or not.

Best of luck and wishes to the both of you. My first impression is that the two of you will have many wonderful experiences.

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