Shawn1066
Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
Inspired by the desire to rip the head off a real life friend...
It takes more than just being a big to be a big beautiful woman!
Just like being skinny doesnt automaticaly make you attractive, neither does being big and giving yourself a title.
I think, after this conversation today with a very egotistical reallife friend, I finally understand why some people don't take BBW as seriously as they should.
There are some truly and incredibly gorgeous BBW out there. Those who are self confident, happy wth themselves, who take care of themselves and make an effort to look good ALL the time. Ther are those who dont even NEED to make an effort, they are just stunning.
And, like my friend I spoke to today, there are women who let themselves go, and decide to give themselves the BBW title becaue they are now big. They dont bleieve it, they dont make any effort to keep themselves up or to look good and they think that by calling themsleves BBW it makes everything OK. I find that insulting! I tried to explain to her how I felt, and she told me that since I was NOT a big girl, I had no right to have an opinion on the subject. I disagree.
It takes more than a title to make someone beautiful. It takes a look, a personality, a confidence in yourself and a happiness with who you are. I dont give a damn if you are male or female, big or small, tall or short. If you dont have what it takes to be beautiful... you wont be. I am not talking about ebing a swimsuit model, I certainly never will be and I dont care. I think I look good, I am hapy with how I look and I am confident in myself. If someone considers that beautiful then I am flattered, of someone doesnt then I advise them to look elsewhere. But ust like someone calling themselves a Dominant and then expecting everyone to agree ot getting upset when they dont... calling yourself beautiful doesnt ust work by default. Those who feel the need to proclaim it to anyone who will listen probably dont think they are and are digging for the compliments to boslter their confidence.
Frusteration wins out, my friend and I had a short shouting match and she stormed off. According to her, I am a small mided woman who thinks just because I take care of myself and lost weight that she is ugly now. I dont think she is ugly at all. I do think that the fact that since she has not put any effort into wearing anything that fits properly, wearsn nothign but sweatsuits (some with stains she ignores even if we are in public), hasnt done a thing with her hair aside from pull it into a tight pony tail and doesnt seem to be bating regurlarly makes her unattractive. If she put even a quarter of the effort into presenting herself now that she used to, shed be drop dead gorgeous. But she refuses to do anything now, which I think is a bout of depression. She says she doesnt HAVE to. She said there are men out there that LIKE women like that (which I find difficult to believe someone would not want their partner to at the very least keep up with their personal hygiene and take some interest in how they look) and she is a BBW and if I dont like it I can kiss off.
Am I wrong to try and convince her to try and take a bit more pride in how she looks? Am I being a bad friend by telling her that the title alone doesnt make her appealing?
Please, dont flame me for this, I am looking for real opinions. This is not a fat vs skinny thread, this isnt a BBW is wrong thread. This is a thread to ask if, no matter who it is, does suggesting to a friend that they have to take pride in how they look make you a bad person. It bothers me she is looking at the term BBW as a defult fallback that allows her to slack in the personal hygiene department.
*sighs*
DV
I am off to work, I am going to have to wait until I get home to see how badly this explodes. I am hoping for the best.
I'd actually give you my two cents in private when you get home, but I might not remember...so here goes.
You mention that your friend is egotistical. I find this part interesting. If she doesn't take any pride in her appearance, perhaps she convinces herself her that everything is OK in an effort to just sweep it under the rug, so to speak. She's beautiful, and anybody that thinks otherwise is just being intolerant.
In theory, I'd say this was a positive mindset to have...if she really believes it. From what you've written, it certainly sounds like she doesn't. If she'd really believed it, then things wouldn't have degenerated so badly...friend or no.
Were you wrong to suggest to her that she should take more pride in her appearance? No, I don't think so.
Was she wrong to be made upset about it? No, I don't think so either. It's an old cliche, but the truth hurts.
All and all, when you speak to her again, I'm sure cooler heads will prevail and maybe she'll start taking some of your advice.
Just my two cents.
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A short rant - 
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Even though She is plus-sized, She still takes pride in Her appearance. I encourage Her to express Herself and Her individuality, but if Her grooming habits and hygiene start wavering, I'd definitely tell Her something about it. While She doesn't have to dress to the nines all the time, I don't want the hair on Her lip and legs to be longer than mine. Sorry, but I draw the line there! 
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