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DesFIP -> RE: Meeting needs. (1/16/2008 7:11:26 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NaiveTempest
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I can't possibly meet everyone else's needs. I can't even begin to guess at them. All I can do is be sufficiently self aware to know what my needs are, and to be articulate enough to convey them to others.
Maybe this is my problem. I seem to have issues conveying my needs/wants/interests properly I guess. For one, I always add qualifiers, because how will I know unless I try it a time or so? And what sucked with one person, may be 'da bomb' (hehe) with another. And how do you not cross the "I'm telling you to do this to me" line when conveying those needs/wants/interests? How would you word yourself? Color me confused.
Easy. Put stuff in lists. One list is stuff you absolutely need. In that list I put bondage, lots of sex, affection, affirmation.
Then a list of stuff you won't ever do, stuff that squicks you, stuff that gives you panic attacks etc. My list includes scat, inverted suspension, golf (except miniature), duct tape gags.
Then the list of stuff you aren't sure about but are willing to try in certain circumstances. Possibly at a workshop under supervision, or only after you've been together for a long time. For example, I wouldn't do knife play first thing with him, now I'm really interested in him cutting my clothes off me with a knife while growling at me to keep still or else. It took a lot of time for the relationship to get to this point. And it wouldn't ever have gotten here if we weren't committed to each other, which I said. I don't try risky stuff until later on after I know the relationship is good. Also in this list I also put watersports. It holds no real interest for me but I am willing to try it in the shower with the warm water on for the first time. I'm not drinking it though, that's in the no way list.
Stuff you aren't sure about but are willing to try to see if it's different with him or it might grow on you go on that list. A list that says you aren't making any guarantees. That tells him where you stand. And if you exploring doesn't work for him, then you aren't compatible.
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