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Fed up? - 1/17/2008 7:49:37 AM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
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Do those of us here not get fed up with trying to define what a switch is?

I do not like the word 'switch', as I find it ill defining of my mentality, but for places like here, it has to be.

Are we not all 'fed up' of trying to define what it means to be labelled and there fit into that label as other people define it?

If it is all labels we are all bent on, perhaps it is time to create a new word that more defines what we are, like;

Just plain,

'kinky and open minded' ?

'Multidirectional' ?

Any of the above explain my interests, but as for what I am at a given time, that all depends on whom I am with and the dynamics that exist at the time.Dynamics, based on mood, feeling and perception.Me believing that to dominate effectively, one has to be aware of a submissives wants and vice versa. To me, domination is in reality submission, as it is a submissive that controls a scene.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 8:19:36 AM

oliderid

Posts: 63
Joined: 1/1/2008
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quote:

'kinky and open minded' ?

This sums it all up really :-)

(in reply to Aneirin)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 8:22:44 AM

KaylinSilverfurr

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/15/2008
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Some people, sadly, are bent on labels. It's how they provide understanding for themselves in ways they can digest and come to grips with. Experience plays a role in that understanding as well.
That being said, yes, I am tired of having to define what a switch means (to me of course, YMMV). I can do both, and enjoy doing both. Changing the lingo, unfortunately, may be what's contributing to the confusion in our cases. The fact that we change our ideas on what term we should use to describe ourselves does tend to make others view us as wishy-washy or confused. Just a thought though.

~Kaylin

(in reply to Aneirin)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 8:29:39 AM

MollyTroubletail

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/4/2005
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Labels are just one of the ways to (hopefully) communicate in a sort of shorthand, when the labeling word is well defined or understood by the majority of people.

When the word used as the label becomes controversial or not well-defined, its usefulness as a shorthand word is ended. You're then left with either trying to define yourself in another way that people will understand, or to have no shorthand at all and try to explain your meaning with as many words as you need to use.

I think it comes down to personal preference, whether someone feels a labeling word is still accurate enough for them to use, or to decide to drop the label because its generally understood meaning no longer feels like it fits. This I found to be true for all such people-labels, not particular to the word "Switch".

(in reply to Aneirin)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 9:09:54 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I don't think you can define any role really. It's all individual. Even a submissive is different from person to person as is a dom/master...etc. I'd really stop trying to define it and just tell others what you are looking for personally, it seems to work much better.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 9:53:28 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Hi A
My advice is don't allow your emotions to be dominated by someone elses lack of forethought. If your fed up, then don't bother explaining, just say - this is me - here I am. Someone worth your time will spend enough time with you to find out about you without the need for labels at the end of the day.

And no, not all submissives control a scene. Nor do they control relationships unless it is an unhealthy one.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 10:18:18 AM

vampiresscammy

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
just say - this is me - here I am.

the.dark.

exactly!! wonderfully put thedark! OP- don't stress over someone else's inability to accpet you as you are, if they are for you, they will take you as you are and not expect you to explain it.

(in reply to RCdc)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 12:08:26 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
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I thank you for all your thoughts, but really, I am not stressing about it, I posted it because the forum which describes me, I rarely come to anymore due to the same type of threads, i.e, what is a switch, does the name fit etc etc.

I have long accepted I am just me, kinky and open minded, the world is there for me to explore, I go where I feel is right for me.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to vampiresscammy)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/17/2008 12:10:02 PM

Maynard

Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Do those of us here not get fed up with trying to define what a switch is?...
...Are we not all 'fed up' of trying to define what it means to be labelled and there fit into that label as other people define it?

If it is all labels we are all bent on, perhaps it is time to create a new word that more defines what we are, like;

Anything that becomes overly repeative gets anoying.
Since the idea of a 'switch' seems to have some sort of negative cognotation to it, for somepeople, the never ending act of defining what a switch is will continue.

Although, new names for things are always fun....it won't fix the 'problem'.

(in reply to Aneirin)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/20/2008 6:09:46 PM

aldonza1

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Joined: 8/1/2005
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I think sometimes lables are important to identify oneself.
I guess I'm a switch but I am gender specific. I only submit to men. And, if play is involved I only Top women. Male subs don't get that I have zero interest in being their mistress, they only see I'm a switch. Male Dominants hesitate when they see me identifed as switch.

So lets play change the lable. Has anyone a name for a switch that is gender specific?

(in reply to Maynard)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/25/2008 7:32:35 AM

Termyn8or

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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Please don't tell me we are going politically correct on this. None of my ideas would ever make it.

For example a female dominant who will bottom during pony play - Bitch with a hitch.

Kidding aside though, maybe there should be Dom-switch and sub-switch. I've correspoded with a couple of submissive types and they say they can't switch. They can't bring themselves to do it.

Maybe I not into the "scene" enough to see it (I don't mean a scene, I mean the scene, know what I mean ?), but I do not see any negative connotations to the title or label - switch. In fact I consider it positive in an almost profound way, that they can take what they dish out.

T

(in reply to aldonza1)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/25/2008 8:06:10 AM

Alumbrado

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I prefer 'Full-Spectrum Dom' myself...

(in reply to Termyn8or)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/25/2008 4:14:42 PM

tied2it

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Joined: 12/21/2007
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I don't really care that much about explaining who and what i am . If someone asks then i describe me not my " lable" But i know what your getting at . IMHO i see a switch as the best of both worlds . I don't think you could honestly say that a dominate person is a better top because they have never been a sub or ever would sub , and the other way around . There are good subs , good tops , and bad of both . Some switches are pro dom and others pro sub and others are equall at both and they all can be good or bad at it. I do what i like to do and i will sub to who i want to and top who i want to (with my tops permission of course...lol ) and if that does not fit perfectly into " your " idea of a sub, top, or switch than thats ok with me . I am who i am , lables or not take it or leave it .

(in reply to Alumbrado)

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RE: Fed up? - 1/25/2008 5:23:00 PM

Violently

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Uk West Midlands
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Yes fed up.

For a supposedly Pansexual Open Accepting etc place to be, the scene is surprisingly quite black and white when it boils down to it....
Far too warped for my tiny lickule mind :)

V

(in reply to tied2it)

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Post #: 14