RE: Safe Word

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Safe Word

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Safe Word

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 4 [5]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 4:55:22 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MRandme

We use the color system. He will often ask me what my color is, to check and see where my head is at... and the answer is 'green' more often than not. This is as useful to Him as 'yellow' and 'red' are for determining how i am taking whatever He is doing. Feedback of any kind is important.

i have a bad tendency to NOT use 'yellow' when i should. The desire to please Him is so strong that will push myself to go just a bit further. We also use a number scale from 1 to 10, rating how aroused i am, how close to orgasm. This also helps Him monitor me, as my numbers will drop if i am too distracted by pain. He enjoys making me stay at high 9 for a long time, so He doesn't want me dropping. *grin* i have never had to use 'red' but He knows i will if i need to, and i know He will stop if i do.

For a lifestyle that chants "communication, communication, communication", an outcry of "Safewords? hell, no!" seems contradictory. It is just another way for Master/Dom and slave/sub to communicate, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

After giving it a bit of thought, i think this communication stays valid after the beginning of a relationship because people's desires, tolerances and limits change over time and even from day to day. What is fine and dandy one day can be way too much on another, depending on the demands of life, amount of sleep the night before, medical conditions, the last time the sub ate, etc. Dominants are people too, capable of missing a grimace or moan, or of misinterpreting what they do hear.

g

I liked to read your post...the color system seems interesting..and the rating too. Thank you for sharing

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to MRandme)

Profile

Post #: 81

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 6:05:14 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I don't use safewords....and I don't believe in unicorns either.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Profile

Post #: 82

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 6:07:37 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I use colors too. I dont like to say red or yellow. Only if I am feeling nerve pain does yellow get spoken. But never red.I like to be tough.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 83

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 1:11:13 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

Safewords are part of just playing or doing things sanely!
All these people saying how well they know there subs/slaves and can read there minds is garbage.
Sure you may be able to see the physical signs...maybe..but what if a get a pain in my chest or find i cannot breathe then what?
I have a safeword which i can use if my limits are accidentally taken way too far during play...but during punishment the WORD is only there if i suddenly feel ill or fear for my health.
Whats wrong with a safeword? i thinks it just being sensible.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 84

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 1:46:02 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

No one said using a safeword is 'wrong'. Use it if it works for you - but do not rely on it - that is when the problem sets in. If I have a pain in my chest then how the hell would Darcy know if I shouted out a safeword? Why use a safeword when the word 'chestpain' works just as effectively?

Use a safeword if you like, just don;t rely on it.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Profile

Post #: 85

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 2:27:28 PM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

No one said using a safeword is 'wrong'. Use it if it works for you - but do not rely on it - that is when the problem sets in. If I have a pain in my chest then how the hell would Darcy know if I shouted out a safeword? Why use a safeword when the word 'chestpain' works just as effectively?

Use a safeword if you like, just don;t rely on it.

the.dark.

I totally agree with this statement, communication, communication and yes youve guessed it communication.

I like lots of exchanged communication in My scenes/sessions on a lifestyle and professional basis. I have no desire to offer safewords to those that visit me, and I dont, and they do not request a safeword either.

To be honest all of My professional clients, especially new clients/novice's especially, are attracted to the fact I do not offer safewords in sessions. In 9 years as a lifestyle/pro Domme I have never once sessioned/played/scened with a safeword.

Signals I use, and are much more effective in : ball gagged, hooded, inflatable gagged moments lol.

I am quiet curious to the dynamic of play & how some play once a safeword is instilled? Is it a silent non-verbal exchange during play? Also in the heightened intense activities, do some submissives regret safewording too early? Do some subs feel let down by this, and have a huge responsibility to remember all the safeword colours, thus distracting from the actual activities scene/play?

Do the Dominants that play with safewords, feel that their intuition/receptive skills and abilities are questioned when a sub requests a safeword?

I am a sadist to add, so I see quite a few masochists and edge players.

Why cannot the sub/slave/player just say, thankyou, stop, no more please lol, why does it have to be a colour or other ?

I also feel that the dynamic would not work for me, or my headspace if a sub/player had a safeword in our time together. It would be too distracting for him/her and I, too much to remember. I would be focussing way to much on the safeword, and if they remember it, and will they, wont they lol.

To "will" a submissive to safeword is not what I am about, and most definately not my style at all.

These are genuine questions by the way, no offence intended.

_____________________________

My Members Site.
http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/

http://www.clips4sale.com/store/13392

(in reply to RCdc)

Profile

Post #: 86

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 5:38:22 PM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

JustMe696, glad You found something of merit in it. It is a very simple system.

MistressRouge: in response to Your post where You said:

I am quiet curious to the dynamic of play & how some play once a safeword is instilled? Is it a silent non-verbal exchange during play? Also in the heightened intense activities, do some submissives regret safewording too early? Do some subs feel let down by this, and have a huge responsibility to remember all the safeword colours, thus distracting from the actual activities scene/play?

It makes me feel safer, knowing that i can call out 'yellow' and He will check to be sure things are okay. It also makes me feel cherished and protected. By now, He knows that i am not calling it because i'm wimpy and that i don't abuse it just because i don't like what He is doing. If i call 'yellow', He knows that i may just need a few seconds to catch my breath. It does not ruin the mood or break the intensity of the play. It may shift it from one activity to the next.

Do i feel regret safewording too early? i have never done that. i said in an earlier post that i do tend to wait to call 'yellow' (this is getting to be too much, slow down, change) until i am damn near 'red' but that is partly my desire to please and partly the fact that i expect too much from myself and i'm stubborn. The number system supplements the communication there.

To be honest, when i am in my Master's hands, i am often pretty much non-verbal. it might take me a couple tries to form a word. This is why He relies on asking me my color and waits for a reply. We also have a non-verbal signal (opening and closing my hand rapidly) that i can use if i can't speak for whatever reason. Even at the deepest i have been, i did not find it hard to remember my color words nor to answer what my number is. It has never distracted from our play nor felt like a huge responsibility.

And if i got a cramp, i would just say (or try to) "Cramp". This would let Him know what the problem was right away. Just because a color word or safeword is in play, doesn't mean it is the only form of communication. This way He would know that it was just a cramp and not me being overwhelmed by the flogger or whatever He was doing.

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to MistressRouge)

Profile

Post #: 87

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 6:07:40 PM

flowerinyourhand

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

When Master and I started out I used my safe words as we got to know each other and He became to know my boundaries...I haven't had to use them in a very long time....Master knows me well enough that He can tell if I'm having difficulty in a scene or if I've gone to the edge.

I believe in safe words, I also believe in knowing the people you're playing with.

_____________________________

in service to HIM ever minute of every day

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 88

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 6:41:44 PM

sexyteddibare

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/21/2005
Status: offline

i have never used safe words but guess it hasnt gotten that extreem yet

_____________________________

stick and stones my break my bones......but whips and chains excite me :)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 89

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 6:56:17 PM

SubJordanTyler

Posts: 268
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

You sound like a very "open" personality, to me!! *chuckle*
But, I have to admit, reaching into someone's guts and touching their soul is a very exciting event. At leat for me.
And, if there are tears involved, especially from the "joy" of it all, for both parties concerned, it is even more exciting.
Good thing you didn't "code red" before it all transpired!!! You would have missed the ride!!

The ride has always been wonderful, even in the beginning when I was learning to open up and it did hurt a lot and the tears were from that. Now the tears are more from what you said - the feeling of being able to feel someone deep inside you like that and the emotions it brings out, especially when I have an orgasm from it. Nothing else has even felt that good, and it's why I don't mind the consequences of deep anal and wide stretching. I can't get those feelings from anything else.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Profile

Post #: 90

RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 7:28:13 PM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

I don't have a safeword, either.
The only thing I ever safeworded for in prior relationships was a drop in blood sugar... and Daddy knows what to watch for. I couldn't imagine safeword'ing anymore - I'd feel like I was taking something away from him.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Profile

Post #: 91