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when do i tell? - 8/31/2005 10:26:38 PM

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ok sticking my neck out on this one for one of my first few posts but...
the Dom i am seriously talking to knows i am bipolar, schizophrenic, diabetic (which i don't hide at all with anyone) and have did/mpd and ptsd...and i have scrolled thru and read a lot of the posts on mental health/illnesses (being a little manic i couldn't read EVERYTHING)...but i didn't find it addressed at what point you tell people? casual play partners at clubs? friends in the scene? DMs? heck, should i just start carrying around cards with my dissorders printed on it like phone no and email address....
currently not an issue cause i am not playing any time soon.... 1. was sexually assulted 2 months ago...still recovering and 2. am increidbly swollen and can hardly stand...taking care of both...but for future reference...?

thanks
chelle

RE: when do i tell? - 8/31/2005 11:02:10 PM

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I suppose everyone will have a different opinion on this but I would say definitely before you play with someone. You are responsible for your own safety and well being and a Dom not knowing your health problems could put you at risk.. be that physical risk or risk to your emotional and mental health and well being.

I wish you well,
nena{R}

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/1/2005 1:12:44 AM

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I agree. I don't think it's anyone's business, unless it may impact play (and your wellbeing in that situation as noted above) or a deepening relationship, in those situations it's best to disclose.

(in reply to nenakajira)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/1/2005 2:35:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

ok sticking my neck out on this one for one of my first few posts but...
the Dom i am seriously talking to knows i am bipolar, schizophrenic, diabetic (which i don't hide at all with anyone) and have did/mpd and ptsd...and i have scrolled thru and read a lot of the posts on mental health/illnesses (being a little manic i couldn't read EVERYTHING)...but i didn't find it addressed at what point you tell people? casual play partners at clubs? friends in the scene? DMs? heck, should i just start carrying around cards with my dissorders printed on it like phone no and email address....
currently not an issue cause i am not playing any time soon.... 1. was sexually assulted 2 months ago...still recovering and 2. am increidbly swollen and can hardly stand...taking care of both...but for future reference...?

thanks
chelle

i'm not trying to be rude (as i have been diagnosed with at least one of the illnesses you listed)... but... did a Psychiatrist actually diagnose you with all these disorders or did you self diagnose? Or did a therapist just suggest that you "might" have those disorders or show symptoms of them...

DiD and Schizophrenia are two of the rarer mental illnesses and it seems unusual that someone would actually be diagnosed with both. If you were diagnosed was it by more than one Psyciatrist or did the same one diagnose you will all those disorders? Was any other Dissociative disorder suggested (before DiD)? Had you been seeing them a long time..............

........i really am not meaning to be "rude"... or anything like that.. i'm just really curious....

As to when you tell someone, i don't really know.......... i tend to try to tell someone as soon as i'm certain we could possibly be "serious" ~ or.. once i consider someone a friend (which i would have to consider them before i had headed into any other relationship with them). ~ ...... i think they're pretty important things to mention...... especially if you aren't being treated and have a lot of "symptoms" that someone (who wasn't "in the know") might not understand........

-Best of luck.

---
Edit > if anything i wrote bothers you, tell me and i'll remove my "questioning" portion of my reply, okay?? 'cause i really don't want to upset you or... anything like that........ ~ just unusual things make me itch with curiosity!

< Message edited by ragdoll -- 9/1/2005 2:37:06 AM >

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/1/2005 5:44:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ragdoll

i'm not trying to be rude (as i have been diagnosed with at least one of the illnesses you listed)... but... did a Psychiatrist actually diagnose you with all these disorders or did you self diagnose? Or did a therapist just suggest that you "might" have those disorders or show symptoms of them...

DiD and Schizophrenia are two of the rarer mental illnesses and it seems unusual that someone would actually be diagnosed with both. If you were diagnosed was it by more than one Psyciatrist or did the same one diagnose you will all those disorders? Was any other Dissociative disorder suggested (before DiD)? Had you been seeing them a long time..............

while these are very personal questions, i did bring them up on a public board so i will answer them here....

i was diagnosed with major depression and ptsd (for another set of abuse) 10 years ago, "upgraded to" bipolar 7 years ago after a suicide attempt while i was manic, schizophrenic shortly after right after my second suicide attempt (it was a bad year) and have been on medicine for all of the above since then...and though my alters started naming themselves 4 years ago, i have only been diagnosed by one psychiatrist on that one....oh and diabetes is a family thing...diagnosed thru a series of blood tests a year and a half ago...
just going by the order that i find "lists" these are some of the symptoms i exhibit...
Paranoid delusions, or delusions of persecution
Delusions of reference
Hallucinations - Audio, Visual, Tactile (i get the halluconogenic drug question a lot on this one and no i haven't used)
Disorganized speech
lack of emotion
Low energy
lack of interest in life, low motivation
Inappropriate social skills or lack of interest or ability to socialize with other people
Inability to make friends or keep friends, or not caring to have friends
Social isolation
disorganized thinking
poor concentration
poor memory
difficulty expressing thoughts
difficulty integrating thoughts, feelings and behavior
Increased energy, activity, restlessness, racing thoughts, and rapid talking
Excessive "high" or euphoric feelings
Extreme irritability and distractibility
Decreased need for sleep
Uncharacteristically poor judgment
A sustained period of behavior that is different from usual
Increased sexual drive
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
Denial that anything is wrong
Persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities, including sex
Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down"
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Restlessness or irritability
Sleep disturbances
Loss of appetite and weight, or weight gain
Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical disease
Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
Dissociative states
Intrusive emotions and memories
Nightmares and night terrors
Avoiding emotions
Avoiding relationships
Avoiding responsibility for others
Avoiding situations that are reminiscent of the traumatic event
Exaggerated startle reaction
Explosive outbursts
Irritability
Panic symptoms
Sleep disturbance

and if you read all that...congrats...most of that is all within one week if not one day, i have extreme mixed states but from what i understand from my ex's nixie is very healthy, mentally - big chelle protects her...even though she teaches her bad words...the best i can explain it, and just because it doesn't fit into your box doesn't make it any less real......nixie is 4...when shes in control she's like the player in the game, big chelle is the coach and i am a spectator...and while chelle is aware that we are all one, i am the most reasonable and logical one and take over when we are challenged in whatever manner...no, i don't take great offence in your questions, but chelle would have taken it as an attack...anyway...enough ramblings this morning on 5 hours sleep...

hope to have answered your question sufficiently
Michelle

(in reply to ragdoll)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/1/2005 11:34:00 AM

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chellekitty; i am terribly sorry you were hurt, and hope your attacker has been found and charged with a very serious offense. As for your question; it seems to me that sometime when you feel like being exclusive with Him; and preferably before He expends a great deal of money to see you. Honesty and full disclosure are not synonyms, but i think in human nature, we do expect we have heard the critical facts about a romantic interest at some point.

pinkpleasures

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(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/1/2005 3:25:56 PM

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Michelle,

I cannot think of a thing to say about your condition. I do wish you luck in dealing with the various crosses you bear.

As to you're question tho, I can say that for your safety you should advise any potetntial partner about at LEAST your physical conditions before moving into a physical relationship. If there is a problem, he will be better prepared to provide or get the type of care you need.

I strongly advise you to let that partner know of your mental conditions at the same time. Many of them can and most likely will at some time affect your reactions to BDsM activites, especially the more intense ones. His understanding your situation beforehand will prevent a lot of bad feelings, misunderstandings, and pain afterwards.

Good luck with your discussions, and remember if he bails after you tell him he definately is NOT somebody you should be intimate with anyway.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/1/2005 8:06:33 PM

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dearest chelle......your question of when to tell is not a known territory for me so i will not even pretend to know what the right answer - for YOU - would be.

what i do want to say is that i wish i could hug you right now and let you know that you have someone who cares and wishes you to recover from this shitty card you were dealt with recently.....i am sure you will receive more well wishes from the amazing people here on this site

warmest hugs
whisper

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/2/2005 12:26:50 AM

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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

while these are very personal questions, i did bring them up on a public board so i will answer them here....

i was diagnosed with major depression and ptsd (for another set of abuse) 10 years ago, "upgraded to" bipolar 7 years ago after a suicide attempt while i was manic, schizophrenic shortly after right after my second suicide attempt (it was a bad year) and have been on medicine for all of the above since then...and though my alters started naming themselves 4 years ago, i have only been diagnosed by one psychiatrist on that one....oh and diabetes is a family thing...diagnosed thru a series of blood tests a year and a half ago...
just going by the order that i find "lists" these are some of the symptoms i exhibit...

<symptom list editted out>

and if you read all that...congrats...most of that is all within one week if not one day, i have extreme mixed states but from what i understand from my ex's nixie is very healthy, mentally - big chelle protects her...even though she teaches her bad words...the best i can explain it, and just because it doesn't fit into your box doesn't make it any less real......nixie is 4...when shes in control she's like the player in the game, big chelle is the coach and i am a spectator...and while chelle is aware that we are all one, i am the most reasonable and logical one and take over when we are challenged in whatever manner...no, i don't take great offence in your questions, but chelle would have taken it as an attack...anyway...enough ramblings this morning on 5 hours sleep...

hope to have answered your question sufficiently
Michelle

First, thanks for answering my question!

i wasn't talking about if your stuff fit "my box"... just... because of my own trip through down mental-illness lane i read a lot of books and up on things... including misdiagnosis books... and other such things...... i read oodles and oodles about mental illness and psychiatry... ~

But anyway :) i do appreciate you responding.

i understand Dissociative disorders because i have been diagnosed with one (and i fit oodles of those symptoms you listed - and people who have no mental illness at all at times have those symptoms). Just i was never diagnosed with DiD. Which is why i asked you if you'd actually been diagnosed.. because before i was diagnosed i had "self diagnosed" myself with MPD/DiD (i didn't realise there were other "less sensationalised" dissociative disorders)... only... after doing a lot more reading on my own.. and also seeing a Psychiatrist for awhile, i learned i didn't really fit that........ ~ and stuff.... ~that's all.

But.. this probably isn't the place for me to babble on and on... i like discussin' stuff like this though.. so it's taking me all of my effort not try to try get ya' to engage in a conversation with me about it. ~ eeps!

Ummm.. so i'll just end this by sayin' good luck. ~~~~~

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/2/2005 8:48:31 AM

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ragdoll, i admire you for disclosing such personal information to help chelle. i find your posts thoughtful and informative....so despite whatever cross you bear, you are a bright, intelligent and compassionate person. (In my opinion.)

pinkpleasures

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(in reply to ragdoll)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/2/2005 5:57:44 PM

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chelle, I certainly don't mean to sound harsh, but really you should not be getting involved with anyone new until you have most of these problems under control. If you are dealing with those kinds of symptoms on a daily basis, your health issues are not being adequately treated or you have not been in a therapeutic situation long enough.

Certainly, a young girl who has had to deal with an obviously less than picture perfect life needs friends to help her through. However, that saying, "you can't expect anyone to love you when you don't love yourself" (it goes something like that anyway) really applies in your situation. It seems that trying to start an intimate relationship before you are more on the road to recovery can likely cause you to have a horrible setback. This is not to mention the very real fact that much activity in this lifestyle could cause a complete meltdown.

Again, I am not trying to be harsh, but someone experiencing all the emotions and symptoms that you are could not competently enter into a submissive situation. What happens when one of your other personalities come forward and decides that your new dom is actually raping or abusing you and takes defensive action? His knowing about your problems won't protect him from that or prosecution should your alternate stay out long enough. I'm sorry, I realize my response is not the thing you want to hear, and everyone else has tried to come up with a logical solution for you to help someone embark more knowledgeably into a relationship with you. But in all reality, you need to get yourself healthy before looking to find and "owner".

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/7/2005 12:45:57 AM

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Chelle,

One of my friends has many mental and physical problems. she has found the best way to deal with it with people is just to tell them. That way, she knows if they'll stick around, or not.

Also, it helps her if she has an attack. Those that know her know what's going on.

I met her years ago, and have lived with her for a short time. I've seen the effects that mental problems can have on a relationship, esp. when dealing with BDSM. If your going to be playing AT ALL, and the possiblitiy is there, tell your Dom before you get serious. Have CONVERSTAIONS with him about it. Communication is key, and with your problems, paramount to your mental saftey.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/7/2005 1:04:24 AM

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quote:

Again, I am not trying to be harsh, but someone experiencing all the emotions and symptoms that you are could not competently enter into a submissive situation. What happens when one of your other personalities come forward and decides that your new dom is actually raping or abusing you and takes defensive action? His knowing about your problems won't protect him from that or prosecution should your alternate stay out long enough. I'm sorry, I realize my response is not the thing you want to hear, and everyone else has tried to come up with a logical solution for you to help someone embark more knowledgeably into a relationship with you. But in all reality, you need to get yourself healthy before looking to find and "owner".

I agree. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FLButtSlut)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/9/2005 3:45:45 PM

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I am bipolar and I do tell those I play with which are few. But, in the leather community here, many know I am. My nephew is also and he like myself, are respected in our leather community. I am not ashamed of it..I can't help it. Finally, for the first time, have meds that work well for me. I know what I can and can't do...If we are careful, we can do anything we chose to..I like who I am and what I have to offer.

It's a part of me and with that, it's all or nothing babe!

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/9/2005 9:47:44 PM

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sultry,

For one thing you have your problem under control, certainly when the proper treatment is obtained, there is nothing you shouldn't be able to do. HOWEVER, you are not talking about a two page list of daily symptoms that have been diagnosed as some very serious problems. Post Traumatic Stress along from abuse or molestation could potentially manifest itself in a very unpleasant form during play. Likewise for Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder). The ability to consent and consciously play safely comes into serious question for the OP.

(in reply to sultryvoice)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/10/2005 12:43:21 AM

FelinePersuasion

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I think but not sure you mentioned diabeties It is managed by proper diet and exorcise. My grandma was three hundred pounds ate all day and snackedd because she cooked and prepaired 8 people's meals all day so she'd cook 8 meals plus her own eat over half of that clean up have coffe make a sandwhich, and then in about an hour have another meal. all day long.

when mom got" custody" if you will of grandma, meaning she took grandma away from her other daughter who was neglecting grams care she started managing grandma's health stuff and making grandma walk up and down the driveway for 20 mins for exorcise and with in two years grams diabeties was under control and she didn't have to take insulin ever again untill she got back out of controll with it because the nursing home wasn't being carefull.

As to when to tell I'd tell any one once you'd be interested in playing. say right away once play talk has started he look I am ... and.... and..... And it affects me..... And if we play or become more You should know and then see if they accept it or not.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 9/10/2005 12:47:56 AM >

(in reply to FLButtSlut)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/10/2005 10:14:10 PM

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Michelle,

Sounds like you have been through a lot in your short life. I run a social service agency for children with major emotional and behavioral disorders. Seeing your list, I have to say that the psychiatrist(s) in your life have probably screwed up on you more than you can imagine. For instance, I have NEVER seen schizophrenia or DID diagnosed prior to age 18. A psychiatrist that did so can only be guessing. BPD and Schizophrenia are two different disorders that do not occur together. Diabetes, by itself, can cause a host of pseudo emotional/behavioral challenges if not under good control.

If you do indeed have DID, the four year old can never consent and if you can not control her appearence, you will constantly be re-trauatizing youself as you will experience any sexual or BDSM contact as rape and/or molestation of some sort. If your partner is made aware of this and doesn't recognize your going into that personality, I'm not sure that he/she would be free from criminal persecution if he/she knew about your condition in advance.

My advice to be blunt would be:
A. Get one psychiatrist and a good, wholistic workup which includes all your physical ailments
B. Take your medications until your symtoms are under good control
C. See your psychiatrist and therapist as often as is recommended
D. Take care of yourself first before becoming involved with anyone else

Then....when you have fought to get your body and mind to a point where you know yourself well enough that you don't go through all of the symptoms you listed on a montly, not daily nor weekly basis, you can offer yourself to a mate and tell them what you have not only survived but conquered!

Good luck. My prayers and hopes are with you.

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/10/2005 10:47:49 PM

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Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

Michelle,

Sounds like you have been through a lot in your short life. I run a social service agency for children with major emotional and behavioral disorders. Seeing your list, I have to say that the psychiatrist(s) in your life have probably screwed up on you more than you can imagine. For instance, I have NEVER seen schizophrenia or DID diagnosed prior to age 18. A psychiatrist that did so can only be guessing. BPD and Schizophrenia are two different disorders that do not occur together. Diabetes, by itself, can cause a host of pseudo emotional/behavioral challenges if not under good control.

If you do indeed have DID, the four year old can never consent and if you can not control her appearence, you will constantly be re-trauatizing youself as you will experience any sexual or BDSM contact as rape and/or molestation of some sort. If your partner is made aware of this and doesn't recognize your going into that personality, I'm not sure that he/she would be free from criminal persecution if he/she knew about your condition in advance.

My advice to be blunt would be:
A. Get one psychiatrist and a good, wholistic workup which includes all your physical ailments
B. Take your medications until your symtoms are under good control
C. See your psychiatrist and therapist as often as is recommended
D. Take care of yourself first before becoming involved with anyone else

Then....when you have fought to get your body and mind to a point where you know yourself well enough that you don't go through all of the symptoms you listed on a montly, not daily nor weekly basis, you can offer yourself to a mate and tell them what you have not only survived but conquered!

Good luck. My prayers and hopes are with you.

You offered some really awesome advice! ^_^

(in reply to Sunshine119)

RE: when do i tell? - 9/27/2005 10:03:24 AM

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Hello There,
I'm sorry someone hurt you in a non-consensual way. I hope your healing process sppeds you into full recovery soon and that you're taking good care of yourself.
As far as disclosing your state of mind to those you intend to scene with I'd say for me I would have to divulge fully my mental state out of respect for the Top/Dom you choose to play with. I think BDSM play is very hard wired to our minds and emotions. The only safe way to play is to divulge all mental and physical weaknesses to protect not only your state of mind, but hte Dom's choices of play avenues with you.
If you don't trust them with your mind why would you consider trusting them with your body? I think it won't be a deal breaker for your friends, but rather it would be a sign of respect and trust.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to chellekitty)

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