Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (Full Version)

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urtrainer -> Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 9:48:23 AM)

I did a search for this subject but could not find a thread.

I have come across several slaves/subs on this site whose Masters allow them to play with other Doms. Some of these slaves/subs are married to their Masters.

I was curious as to what is the rationale behind permitting slaves/subs to play with others? Also, any suggestions for how a third-party Dom should handle this scenario?



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 10:01:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: urtrainer
I was curious as to what is the rationale behind permitting slaves/subs to play with others? Also, any suggestions for how a third-party Dom should handle this scenario?

Well in my case we're poly and we like the range of experiences and connecting with new people. For some people, they want to try something new, or allow the sub to train for different things with different people, or there's an exhibitionistic/voyeuristic tinge to it...and other possible reasons.

A third-party dom should:
Make sure they know the rules with which they are working, what are the boundaries? Is sex ok? Is kissing ok? Is sleeping over ok? Make limits on all sides clear.

Respect those boundaries once they are set.

Enjoy the relationship for what it is- do NOT try and use this as a wedge in to discard the primary partner.

Be honest to themselves and the other person about whether this is working or not.

Those are some good general guidelines for any non-primary partner to follow.



sub4hire -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 10:14:05 AM)

quote:

I was curious as to what is the rationale behind permitting slaves/subs to play with others? Also, any suggestions for how a third-party Dom should handle this scenario?


They have an opne relationship. Some are cheating on their partner's. Don't assume just because someone is looking and tells you their mate knows they actually do know.

You handle it by negotiating with not only the submissive but their dominant as well.



fastlane -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 10:15:23 AM)

It's a lifestyle choice, just as is the D/s relationship. There are no hard and fast rules, it's what and how you want the relationship to develop into and maintain.
Some Dom's have play partners that are just that and nothing more. Some have a collared sub, but wish for them to learn at the hands and training of others. Again, it depends on the relationship. To some their sub is their property alone and never to be shared. I say to each there own!

As for me, I never did share my toys as a child, call me selfish, but that's just the way I am. So, if you don't like it, I'm going to take my ball and chain and go home!



Kasia -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 1:03:36 PM)

I am not in D/s relationship for my husband and I are equally dominant.
But being experienced swingers, I feel competent to say a bit about the issue.

We are both polysexual (not polyamourous) and we love having sex with more persons at the same time. For me its double pleasure. But the main thing is that we are both thrilled seeing the other one enjoying...... nothing arouses me more than my husband arousal and vice versa.

And I do think diversity prevents from getting bored, but to each man his own kink. We like it in group.

There are few rules and we tell them in advance to all involved - like no kissing mouth to mouth, safe sex, etc.



anopheles -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 2:51:05 PM)

I think for some Doms, it is a thrill to either see, or think about how their sub plays under another Dom's control for a time. You can ask yourself, "Do they move the same way, do they cry the same way, do they moan the same way."

Me personally, I would have a bit of difficulty with it, but wouldn't throw it off the table. As long as the communication was open, and everyone's expectations are met, then all is well.

I don't think a Dom should let his sub play with another Dom if he/she fears that their authority would be in jeopardy by doing so. That would just lead to a situation where everyone ends up confused and let done.


--Anopheles



IronBear -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 4:14:48 PM)

There are three reasons I would allow a trik in my collar to play with others.
1. She may want to try something new. E.g. Breath Play, which I have no experience in and have a hard line there personally. I’ll talk to my Pro Domme mentor and if she is willing, I’ll allow my trik to play.
2. I enjoy watching a male, Dominant or sub/slave get aroused and all hot and bothered but not being able to touch as I arouse my trik until I send her to him… (So I’m a bastard with a very Machiavellian attitude.)
3. Any trik in my collar will be bi and she will have needs in that direction. I enjoy both exhibitionism and voyeurism.



OscarHargraves -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/1/2005 6:02:57 PM)

I'm comfortable enough in my BDSM relationship to allow my Sub to play if she wants too. I know some Doms who feel it might challenge their authority but I'm not one of them. If she wants to try something new or something that is outside of my hard limits then she can do that with someone else as long as I am asked first and agree (and as long as she is safe!) to let this happen. So far this hasn't been an issue.



Virus -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/2/2005 6:20:27 AM)

well... now for the flip side of this i guess

i'm just getting into this lifestyle. have had an interest for a while and have found out
that a coworker and his wife practice.... then again they are fairly open about it. well
after showing interest and talking with him and his wife, they are very open to helping
me along into this. my only gripe which i am getting over (i survived catholic school[:D])
is what was engrained into my head as a child, of not getting involved with others
wife/girlfriend/etc... which i have held true to through out my life, and this would be one
of the things friends would say about me (esp. the ones that are the very jealous type)

so now, even after talking with them i still have resevations. and discussing my limits
with them has helped alot. as compared to my limits for now the sky might be the only
limit they have with what i will be allowed to do.... this weekend will be our first instructinal
play date to go over the "basics". though i feel it will be slow going at first... then again
things that i though would go this way, in the past, ended up me taking to it like a fish
to water...



smilezz -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/2/2005 6:40:45 AM)

quote:

I was curious as to what is the rationale behind permitting slaves/subs to play with others?

The only way that Thorns would ever allow me to play with another person is:
-To feel a toy that He specifically has not yet accomplished.
-To do a Demo with a Person that He already knows and trusts.
To add to that also....Only in His presence. There would never be any fluid exchange of any kind either.

Happy Friday y'all!!

~smilezz~



KnightofMists -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/2/2005 2:10:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: urtrainer

I did a search for this subject but could not find a thread.

I have come across several slaves/subs on this site whose Masters allow them to play with other Doms. Some of these slaves/subs are married to their Masters.

I was curious as to what is the rationale behind permitting slaves/subs to play with others? Also, any suggestions for how a third-party Dom should handle this scenario?



The rational has as many reasons as there is people in this lifestyle and likely twice as broad. I have and do allow my girls to play with others. My motivations are very different depending on the play, the other Top etc. Sometimes it is a play that I myself don't do. Sometimes it is the desire to exercise that Power of Dominance over them so that they must exercise their Power of submission to do my will. Sometimes it is cause they ask me very nicely *G*. These are only some of the reasons right off the top of my head, I am sure if I looked at closer... more reasons would come out as well.

As far as the third-party Top..... I think it should be handled not alot differently than any Top is dealing with bottom for play. Respect!!! Communication!!!! Learn the motivation/desires/needs!! to just name a few things. However, the added complexity of the additional relationship in the mix requires the Top to understand and/or at least appreciate the dynamics of that relationship in so far as how He/She fits into those dynamics. I think it can be alot harder to achieve... but in some ways the gratifcations enjoyed can even be greater. For me, I am not interested in playing with anyone that has another partner, unless the partner is going to get there own enjoyment from the situation. I have a bottom that I play with fairly regular (denika on this site), who is married. He says he is a non BDSM'r, which I don't buy lol, he just doesn't do the intense SM that I will do... thou he does enjoy alot of the softer stuff. The bond that is being developed becuase of this situation is incredible. HE and I have become good friends and it is continuing to grow this relationship. Just as my relationship with his wife is evolving and growing.




slavedesires -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/2/2005 7:20:54 PM)

Why does DaddyMaster allow me to be a bottom cumslut?
We are both exhibitonists and He is very voyueristic.
He wants, i obey.

He sets the rules and they must comply.
i have bottomed with some who break the rules, after they are agreed upon.
He insists on respect for Him and who i am and His rules.
I can play alone, but once again there are rules.

He is very trusting of my gut instinct to allow the right one. But then once again, i know His rules.

i guess, some of what Kasia, anopheles, OscarHargraves amd KnightofMists all are true for Him allowing and demanding me to be a bottom cumslut.

~~shy
PS He also demands i flirt [:)]



WickedKev -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/4/2005 12:27:32 AM)

I agree with a lot of what has been said. There are things I don't do eg, single tails and there are things I do on a basic level eg. Electric play Bondage but not the intricate shibari. I am friends with a Dom who is possably the best in the field of eletric play, and I am very close friends to a Domme here is who is an expert in shibari and on the level with Midori and I would send my slave to these people for her to experience it. My forte is knives and have been asked to top subs by other Doms/Dommes with these. So by sharing her on this level I expand her experience as for sharing her sexually while not opposed to it, it would have to be with someone I know well.



carefulsub -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/13/2005 10:01:12 AM)

well I am one of thses submissives. I am married to may Master/husband and I have a Dom that I play with regularly. It is part of what we want for each other. He also has another submissive that he plays with. There are things that I physically can't do that his other submissive can.

And there are things that my other Dom does that he does not wish to do that I enjoy very much.

careful



ChereeAmoor -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (9/14/2005 7:08:01 AM)

I am shared, because sometimes Master just wants to watch. We have been married for a couple of decades now, and my other Master has lived with us for a year. The two of them often discuss what to do and how to do it before anything takes place. Good communication is vital.



Sub03 -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (10/3/2005 12:18:11 AM)

I am shared between two Doms and owned by both. It started out with my Master seeking another Dom to help train me in ways He didnt know alot about. Then it went on to where my Master asked the other Dom if He would like to be partial owner. But communication is key....while the second Dom was helping to train me all things were talked out and limits set. I enjoy serving two and still care about my Master just as much as when it was just Him.



Rayne58 -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (10/3/2005 2:54:50 AM)

I am shared with other women but no men. I have a female friend who has topped me together with Master and I am allowed to play alone with others in a vanilla sense.

Once at a play party I did a scene with another Dom but my friend and Master were there and it was a flogging/caning scene with no sex involved.



tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Doms that allow their Subs to Play w/ Others (10/3/2005 3:20:47 AM)

I wouldn't mind topping others under Masters direction (no sex)but to allow someone other than the man I surrendered to top me,I would have difficulty with that(but I'm a stubborn wench).



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