First i would have to say that for a long time in this girls life there was not any thoughts spoken aloud because the girl was punished if that happened.
i learned the wisdom of never speaking any thoughts at all.
i grew up believing that women should not speak unless spoken to.
i grew up believing that Men alone are permitted to make any decisions about the women around them.
i do not believe this quite the same any more.
See, i grew up and left home and the world entered the girls life and some decisions had to be made, not by the absent father but by the girl.
i did not do the deciding well but i did it.
i did learn some things though from the childhood that i had. i learned that some of the things i was taught i do believe.
They are this: Men are the naturale rulers. women are the naturale followers. Some Women do not fit into that and this is 'being true' to what They are, inside. To this i say, right on! i am happy that Ppeople find what Tthey are in Ttheir spirits and be 'true' to that, whether it is as a Free or as a slave or Oother.
i have to say that i did try to become a 'womens libber' but it just did not work for me. i do not put down Anyone else for being that or for believing differently. Eeach to His or H/her, own. it just is not for buffy.
i learned that i love to be of use to People, mostely Men. i learned that when Men say that i have done well i feel very happy inside. To serve is to be happy. i feel good when Men pass by and give the girl a lingering look or a smile. That means i have been pleasing in some way, even if it is only in how i look.
i learned that this is how i really feel inside, not because i fear to act otherwise because of punishment like when i was a child, but because that is the innate spirit of the girl.
When i entered the Life, it was using online at first and i actualely decided to be a Domme, when asked what i was (and after someone kindely explained what the heck it was). That lasted a whole 10 minutes so i was not a Domme. i kept asking for help on what to do and begged people to stop asking me what to do. Heck i panicked. Not a Domme for sure, me.
i then decided on a switch (the best of both worlds eh). but that didnot seem quite right either. i do not wish to inflict things but to be the receptor of the inflicting.
Like goldilocks i wandered around in all of this testing the waters until i came to realise what i am it is a slave. Not a submissive, but a slave. Of course, i had help getting there, a lot of it. god knows i needed it.
Now, as to Gor.
i believe in the tenets of John Norman as stated in His books. i believe in the naturale superiority of Males over females, which is the first basis which stands out (at least for me) from His books.
i love serving and being of use, pleasing and obeying. i am a sexuale creature and cannot hide that even if i wish to which i do not. i glory in what i am and that is the truth. i do not ask others to be that way nor do i feel that i am in any way 'better' than anyone else who doesnot feel in the same way that the girl does. it is just what i am.
i help teach others when asked, the serves and positions in r/l that i learned so well in the online and for which knowledge i am so very grateful (well, except for the gorean bow which i cannot do. Can anyone do that? if so, then holymoly you rock, whoever you are).
i am a gorean slave.
i am also one who love the kiss of the flogger and the bite of the ropes when a One bind the girl unless the girl is being punished. Being punished has a whole nother emotional and mental 'feel' to it which removes the joy from the act itself. Of course being bound and flogged for punishment confuses the girl and it is not usualely done by Anyone to buffy for that (god help Wwe should confuse buffy any more than she is eh).
Does that make me any less gorean? well of course not. i am what i am inside, period. There is not a Oone who can take from me that. This is not Ttheirs to take.
One of the most respected and amazing Gorean Masters it is buffy's privilege to know in r/l, is also a Master Flogger renowned for His Incredible Expertise. Is He any less Gorean because of this expertise? well of course not. It means He is what He is and is also skilled in a particular area.
Wwe are what Wwe are.
Wwe do, what Wwe do.
i think that about sums it up for buffy.
< Message edited by buffiyum -- 9/7/2005 8:17:50 PM >