Too much to ask? (Full Version)

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Subboy06 -> Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 2:30:31 PM)

Is asking to play atleast once a month too much to ask?



MissHarlet -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 2:41:16 PM)

Who are you asking ... ??



thetammyjo -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 2:41:38 PM)

Nope but if your partner is under stress or under the weather it might not be realistic.

I was crying in family therapy on Saturday cause the last time I had sex with Fox was back before my birthday. It's been one string of illness after another coupled with finishing PhD, job search, and not on campus visits coming up. (Please wish me luck folks).

Of course we have done some SM in that time but not nearly as much as normal.

And being the dominant I'm in the position to make those calls.

However if Fox came to me and said he felt a desire or need to play more often I'd really listen to him and find a way to do more. While I don't consider it part of my job to fulfill his desires all the time, I think it's only wise that I do consider them regularly. But he's a service slut so just fetching me water and catering to my whims generally does it for him.

What was the point of all of that?

You need to talk to your partner. Be honest, be realistic, and try to find a way to help her find more time and energy to play.



MistressOfGa -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 3:16:49 PM)

quote:

It's been one string of illness after another coupled with finishing PhD, job search, and not on campus visits coming up. (Please wish me luck folks).


theTammyjo,
I understand this part completely. One illness after another. I also wanted to wish you luck on finishing up you PHD, how exciting for you! Congratulations. :)



MistressOfGa -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 3:18:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subboy06

Is asking to play atleast once a month too much to ask?

Is the "too much to ask?" a rhetorical question? If not, then no it is not too much to ask, but who are you asking? Us or someone who is not reading this forum?



Subboy06 -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 3:21:21 PM)

I'd like to know what would be considered reasonable expectations in terms of needs I know everyone is different but I'd like to know what is considered to be reasonable.



darchChylde -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 3:38:27 PM)

Not too much to ask, but too much to espect; maybe.  Real life gets in the way of our good times, it's a fact of life.  Believe it or now, you can actually be in a  relationship for over a year without any serious play or sex without any ill effects (except the occasional days of distraction, lol).



LadyPact -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 3:50:22 PM)

That's going to vary according to the individual.  Some just have a physical need to play more than others and when appetites for such things don't match, it can make the situation stressful.  It's the same as any other type of arrangement.  Say you're in a vanilla relationship where one person has a preference to have sex three times a week and the other only has a desire for sex once every week or two.  One is going to be feeling frisky every couple of days and the other is in the mindset of having their fill just a couple of days ago.  Ask anyone who's been in the situation, and they'll tell you that it can lead to some problems.

It really is the same in a BDSM situation.  The example given of playing once a month, to Me, would be very low.  However, for others, it would be just right.  It really does depend on who you are asking and what they feel a good average is.

The part that Tammyjo threw in about life circumstances getting in the way also happens all of the time.  Work schedules, emotional swings, kids, and countless other things can get in the way of play time.

I think what might be a good idea is for you to sit down with yourself and put some thinking into what you feel is a reasonable amount of play.  Once a month?  Once a week?  Every couple of days?  Then, you know what your needs are in comparison to someone else.



petdave -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 4:20:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Believe it or now, you can actually be in a  relationship for over a year without any serious play or sex without any ill effects (except the occasional days of distraction, lol).


Without physical ill effects, sure. If it's always one partner doing the rejecting, though, i wouldn't want to bet that the reject doesn't experience some negative emotional effects.




darchChylde -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 4:24:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
Without physical ill effects, sure. If it's always one partner doing the rejecting, though, i wouldn't want to bet that the reject doesn't experience some negative emotional effects.


Just speaking for my own personal experience.  Perhaps it has more to do with why it's not happening; and if there actually is rejection, what form that takes.



MistressOfGa -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 4:44:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subboy06

I'd like to know what would be considered reasonable expectations in terms of needs I know everyone is different but I'd like to know what is considered to be reasonable.


I suppose it would depend on your Dominant. If you do not have one, then set your own expectations and live by them, until you are told not to by your own Mistress :)



ThundersCry -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 5:57:16 PM)

If I said what was reasonable to me here....my post would be deleted -L-
 
Figure out what your wants, needs and desires are...when there is no shame left...your ready!



MsIncontrol -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 7:05:42 PM)

I think it is all about what each partner needs/wants.  Life circumstances and personal preference.  For me, I like to "play a lot...at least several times a week.  Does that always happen?  No, not always...but sometimes we play 7 days a week...so it all balances out.  BUT if you are not satisfied in your current relationship, you should speak with your partner and see what can be done to remedy the problem. 

PS - I will be at Winter Wickedness...so if you see me, introduce yourself!!



darchChylde -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 7:33:42 PM)

*darchChylde puts on his Sarcastic Hat* Remember; expressing any sort of disatisfaction with the way your Dominant, Master or Top is topping from the bottom, and not the sort of thing any real or true submissive or slave would ever consider doing.

Edited to add:  The wearing of a Sarcastic Hat is also not the sort of thing any real or true submissive or slave would ever consider doing.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 8:01:06 PM)

DarchChylde looks so good in hats........

Me, I could play every day.  I WANT to play every day.  Does that mean that it happens?  Not by a long shot.  Real life, that whole earning a living and taking care of the family really sucks up time and energy.  Sometimes I am just tired--not the tired that finds energy once she starts having a good time playing, the TIRED that says, lie down or fall down.  If the other party doesn't understand that---Not a Life Support System For A Toybag---well, then it's time to reconsider things.



MistressFaye1 -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/28/2008 10:13:27 PM)

Good Luck TammyJo!

To the OP... I second what's been said by others.  Communication is key to maintaining a relationship and it must be two way.

Faye



briska -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/29/2008 12:53:17 AM)

~FR~
meh; if we don't play once a week i get antsy.......




MissMorrigan -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/29/2008 1:01:21 AM)

It really depends on both persons circumstances, Subboy. When Reality and I first moved in together we worked at constructing a nice routine for ourselves which included set days for 'play', those were our days/nights where we shut out the world and focused purely on ourselves. That was easy to do b/c when I moved I gave up my job and we planned for me to have a month/two off from finding another position while we finished renovating/decorating. Then once work began  and other matters intruded into our personal lives (family, friends, other obligations and illness, etc...) we found it increasingly difficult to maintain that level of intensity and we now play as/when we can. We would both dearly love to play more (we haven't done now for almost two weeks apart from a three-hour 'quickie') and it is something we will aspire to achieving but for the time being, we are limited.

You do need to have a discussion about this with your partner and find a solution that works for you both.



MissMagnolia -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/29/2008 1:11:41 AM)

OP, your profile says that you're into sensual domination and flogging. You are also collared to LadyDomX. She states that sex with her is not an option, so you're really just asking about flogging. What are you offering her? What do you do for her?

As said before, Dommes are people with lives too. She might be overwhelmed with work, money worries, health, anything. Maybe the way she tortures you is exactly what she is doing, witholding what YOU want. Try asking her if there's anything you can do for her. Don't act like it's all about you, because it isn't.

Why are you with her? For her benefit or yours?



Lashra -> RE: Too much to ask? (1/29/2008 5:21:36 AM)

It depends each person is different. Personally I like to play once or twice a week unless one of us is: sick, stressed, depressed (you get the picture). But if we both feel good and are revving to go, then its  a good time to be had.

~Lashra



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