NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (Full Version)

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thedavezone -> NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 4:24:38 PM)

I'm new to all this, and I want to know - what is the etiquette and protocol when contacting a potential slave.

Should I be friendly - like in a dating service?  Demanding?  Make the letter long, short, or what?  I really don't know, I just want to find someone, and I'm not sure if the rules are different or not.



AquaticSub -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 4:27:49 PM)

You find, just as in vanilla land (crazy huh?), that everyone is different. Some want a demanding approach, but it seems (to me) that many want to be approached with respect. I prefer to be called my name and demands are a turn-off, I'm not an insta-sub. It doesn't need to a thesis on why you think the two of you would work out, but something long enough to know that you read the profile and have given some thought beyond "Damn I'd like to see you naked" would probably be nice.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 4:36:48 PM)

my advice

be less domly and demanding or you'll find yourself  "ignored. blocked and deleted" by many submissives. 

merely be your friendly and more importantly respectful self towards the potential slave/submissive. 

also read the entire profile before messaging - nothing like a guy messaging who didn't read the profile.



ThundersCry -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 5:06:53 PM)

What would give you the right to be demanding? <shrugs>
 
I seldom contact anyone, just my ways...if someone has any kind of interest they will eventually make contact..maybe =L=
 
You have to understand what kind of site your on...I think many ladies get some real goofy emails here...
 
Good luck, however in your *hunt*...
 
<grins>



ProlificNeeds -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 5:14:31 PM)

Be polite. Be interesting, offer courtesy instead of demands or titles. You don't need to try and 'domly' just be yourself. Being genuine will likely net you a more genuine sub.



xxblushesxx -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 5:24:12 PM)

Everyone above me has given you excellent advice. If you follow this, and do it with sincerity, you have a much better chance to succeed in your quest.

~Christina



KyttynTheMynx -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 5:29:43 PM)

Never, ever get demanding from the word go, unless you KNOW the person will like it.  Dont make the first message so short that it doesnt say enough, or so long that it just rambles on and on.  Just be you.  Tell her what you liked about her profile, what youre curious about, and a bit about you.



CarrieO -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 5:46:04 PM)

Oh, these are such good answers. Speaking as a sub who is new to this site, pressuring is not pleasent when recieving a email. I've already recieved one such response and it makes me slighty nervous and a bit offened. I  will call you Sir and be respectful, however please understand when I don't say "Master" from the get go. That will be for the One who deserves the title.   Good luck and best of wishes to you in your search.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 6:38:12 PM)

That's exactly what made me respond back to ,y Owner. You have to be a person first.



juliaoceania -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 6:47:59 PM)

Dos:

Do read the s-types profile and comment on the content

Do state what you feel you have in common with her based upon her profile

Do make it light hearted and friendly and free from any expectation of a response

Do be yourself

Don'ts:

Don't expect a response

Don't demand anything

Don't send a form letter out, canned emails get no response, most submissives can spot these a mile away

Don't read a submissive's profile and disregard her desires...  for example if she says she only dates local and has polyamory as a hard limit and you live 2000 miles away and want a harem,  it is kinda disrespectful to act as though her hard limits don't matter and you try to pursue her anyways.

The above is just my opinion




pettingdragons -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 7:47:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

my advice

be less domly and demanding or you'll find yourself  "ignored. blocked and deleted" by many submissives. 

merely be your friendly and more importantly respectful self towards the potential slave/submissive. 

also read the entire profile before messaging - nothing like a guy messaging who didn't read the profile.



**does the happy dance** thanks for that wonderfully insitful post..its sooo true....one must learn to read before they write.:)
Pamela



AnimusRex -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 7:49:35 PM)

First, realize that there is no universally recognized BDSM etiquette "Mistress Emily Post" has not been invented yet-
but also realize that just as in a vanilla site, women receive about 100 plus emails a day, most of which follow the following format-
They consist of a cock pic;  Demand that she get on her knees, even to simply read the miserable thing; use the word "bitch" often, but with various misspellings and give off the odor of being written by a nosepicking loser from his mom's basement.

Just like in vanilla sites, understand that you are the pursuer, she the object of your desire; So you still have to court her just like in any other relationship, and use the same rules of common sense and charm that any vanilla man does. Yes, the usual things apply- honesty, sincerity, patience ( yes,even the most randy of sluts wants to be a slut on her terms, when she wants).
Dominant is not the same as domineering, and firm self assurance is not the same as boorishness.





liminalRapture -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 8:20:10 PM)

I must be doing something wrong (or maybe right)--I only get an average of maybe 1 e-mail a day, and most of them are actually pretty good.  I've never had anyone send me a cock shot (thank god) on this site.

I second what Julia said. 

Someone who responds to something in my profile (and, for me, something non-sexual--my profile isn't very sexual, so you would probably pick up from the tone that I don't like talking about sex with strangers) always gets a reply.

If you haven't opened up my profile, I know it and I keep that in mind.  My profile is way too long (I know--I should hire an editor) but someone who has actually waded through the dissertation, well I appreciate that.  It indicates that they are interested in me and not sex with some generic chick.

Ask me a question!  Make it good, not like "what's your bra size" but "what did you love so much about Beethoven's 9th?"  Or even "have you made up your mind for next Tuesday?"  or anything that shows me that you will relate to me as a human being first.  If you've read my profile, you'll figure it out.

Personally, I think it is nice when a gentleman uses his first name and/or sends a pic if his profile doesn't have one.  I will usually send a pic if I'm interested, but if he doesn't then send a pic in return, something just feels off to me.  Also, if I give my first name, I really like it if he responds in kind.

I won't give my phone number out (I had a horrible experience) and I won't ask for yours.  But if things are going well, after a few e-mails, you might consider sending it to me.

I'm looking to see if you can take charge of a conversation.  If you do it with elegance and you take me someplace that is interesting, I will be interested.   Assuming you aren't married. 



PrizedPosession -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/28/2008 8:25:00 PM)

Third what Julia said.
Just be courteous and if they respond it should be as well. Remember that honey attracts more flys then vinegar...no one wants to be commanded or demeaned as a first impression, it let's on you aren't considerate to them and they will disregard you quickly.
Good luck on your search.
-bobcat



briska -> RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette (1/29/2008 12:44:35 AM)

For me, when a man (sub or Dom, though i'm not looking for a Dom) approaches me, I personally dislike being approached with exactly what your fetishes are. I don't care.  I want to get to know you first, before i even think about touching your naughty bits.  Maybe treat me like a person before you solicit me merely because we may or may not have the same kinks in common. 



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