New Master is confused....

New Master is confused.... (Full Version)

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EmergingMe -> New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 12:19:51 AM)
Okay, here is the scenario and perhaps you can educate me on what "label" best describes it.. (switch? duality, what) Me: Master, strong personality, no interest in being sub to anyone. My soulmate: Strong personality but has choosen to give herself to me, submissive but not a true slave. Our part time submissive: Very much a sub, could even possibly become someone's slave one day. I allow and encourage my mate to spend time with the sub. She takes full control and acts in the dominant role. When I am present I take over and am D to both, but even though SM is sub to me, she remains D to the sub. More of a pecking order I suppose.. Is my SM a "switch", or as one poster in another thread put it, she lives a "duality".. Thanks in advance. EM

AquaticSub -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 1:16:08 AM)
Does it really matter? I only ask because if you choose to define your relationships by other people's definations you are in for a world of hurt. By some definations what you've got is a "real" slave. By others the fact that she takes on a dominant at all means she isn't a submissive.

MissMagnolia -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 1:23:19 AM)
Everyones idea of EVERYTHING in this world is totally different. Every person you ask will have a slightly different flavour. Why do you need a label at all?

MaamJay -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 1:54:29 AM)
OK ... I will agree that labels aren't essential or necessarily all that important. BUT it is very human for us to categorise things and label them, we do it with just about everything! As someone who has been labelled a Duality ... and decided I definitely prefer that to switch because it's a more accurate description of how I function ... it sounds to Me like the middle person in this triad is one if she truly finds it easy to operate in both modes as I do. It's just a little different here in that Master isn't really interested in actively Domming My sub ... He's quite happy to leave that to Me, other than being the overall Head of the Household. So I am in control of how My sub behaves, I would be responsible for them in terms of praise or punishment etc. Another way to look at Your number 1 girl is as an alpha sub ... in some cases, they are dominant over other subs in the family. Perhaps there's a distinction there between Dominant and Top? Is she truly controlling the other sub in more aspects than play? Or is it a Topping role? Labels aside, I think this can be a fantastic dynamic ... I believe it can be easier to manage than 2 subs at the same level where jealousies can become a problem (not saying that's inevitable by the way, but these boards tell Me it's pretty widespread!) ... a clear hierarchy can make the chain of command and expectations easier to delineate and achieve. Good luck ... and if You want to talk in any more detail, please feel free to continue to email Me on the other side. I can also ask Master if He would correspond with You if You want to chat with Him from the Head Honcho role [;)] Maam Jay aka violet[A]

breatheasone -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 2:12:06 AM)
Not REAL sure...but wouldn't that be considered the "Alpha girl" in the relationship....not necessarily a switch?

BiteGirl -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 2:41:44 AM)
Why does it really matter?

NakedGirlScout -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 3:04:39 AM)
It's pretty much a Dom, Switch, Submissive situation. Labels don't really make our reality, they're just tools to help describe it to others. But that's what I'd say if I were keeping it simple and trying to use short-hand to describe it to others.

EmergingMe -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 3:56:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout It's pretty much a Dom, Switch, Submissive situation. Labels don't really make our reality, they're just tools to help describe it to others. But that's what I'd say if I were keeping it simple and trying to use short-hand to describe it to others. Dom here. I think this captures what I was going for.. A way to easily describe our situation as we make new friends in the lifestyle. Sort of "learning the language" perhaps. It's all very fasinating for someone new to it..

EmergingMe -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 4:04:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MaamJay OK ... I will agree that labels aren't essential or necessarily all that important. BUT it is very human for us to categorise things and label them, we do it with just about everything! As someone who has been labelled a Duality ... and decided I definitely prefer that to switch because it's a more accurate description of how I function ... it sounds to Me like the middle person in this triad is one if she truly finds it easy to operate in both modes as I do. I agree. It helps to know the jargon when communicating. And yes, she does operate very fluidly in both modes. quote: It's just a little different here in that Master isn't really interested in actively Domming My sub ... He's quite happy to leave that to Me, other than being the overall Head of the Household. So I am in control of how My sub behaves, I would be responsible for them in terms of praise or punishment etc. Another way to look at Your number 1 girl is as an alpha sub ... in some cases, they are dominant over other subs in the family. Perhaps there's a distinction there between Dominant and Top? Is she truly controlling the other sub in more aspects than play? Or is it a Topping role? Yes, that is a difference. I introduced them and already had relationships with both of them separately. They've just become great friends and sub really enjoys pleasing switch. I will chat with switch about "alpha" sub.. that might be a pretty good "label" too. Switch is very smart and is quite the female leader so I would say she is dominate in and out of playtime. quote: Labels aside, I think this can be a fantastic dynamic ... I believe it can be easier to manage than 2 subs at the same level where jealousies can become a problem (not saying that's inevitable by the way, but these boards tell Me it's pretty widespread!) ... a clear hierarchy can make the chain of command and expectations easier to delineate and achieve. Completely agree! I can not imagine another person being remotely near the same level as switch. I won't rule out a sub in the future that switch does not Dom, but that's certainly not in the cards anytime soon. quote: Good luck ... and if You want to talk in any more detail, please feel free to continue to email Me on the other side. I can also ask Master if He would correspond with You if You want to chat with Him from the Head Honcho role [;)] Thanks a bunch, and I am likely to take you up on that over time. I will drop you a PM with more info. Thanks all! Dom

MistressVnus -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 6:22:19 PM)
quote: Another way to look at Your number 1 girl is as an alpha sub ... in some cases, they are dominant over other subs in the family. Perhaps there's a distinction there between Dominant and Top? Is she truly controlling the other sub in more aspects than play? Or is it a Topping role? Or, perhaps, she is just being an "extension" of the Dominant's hand. Food for thought.

Evanesce -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 7:00:47 PM)
Oh, how I hate labels. Yet, they do tend to make it easier to explain things to others at times and, as such, I would say your relationship sounds very much like Master/Alpha/beta. You could probably swap out Alpha for Switch and it would still mean the same thing (in my mind, anyway). My own situation is very similar to yours, only I am the "Switch" in the middle. The only difference between myself and yours is that I am not submissive at all. I submit to and serve the Kaptin, but my nature is to be dominant and I will take control if He lets up on the reins.

EmergingMe -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/30/2008 10:21:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce Oh, how I hate labels. Yet, they do tend to make it easier to explain things to others at times and, as such, I would say your relationship sounds very much like Master/Alpha/beta. You could probably swap out Alpha for Switch and it would still mean the same thing (in my mind, anyway). My own situation is very similar to yours, only I am the "Switch" in the middle. The only difference between myself and yours is that I am not submissive at all. I submit to and serve the Kaptin, but my nature is to be dominant and I will take control if He lets up on the reins. For now she shall be known as "switch".. We have a lot to learn, but like you, her nature is not submissive. And like you, she too will take any slack in the leash, and pull for more.. I have to watch it closely.. To make the challenge even more fun we are developing many aspects of our relationship that include things such as child rearing (we have kids from previous marriages), work/business, etc.. Much fun to be had. Thanks for the post. D

EmergingMe -> RE: New Master is confused.... (1/31/2008 4:35:19 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce Oh, how I hate labels. Yet, they do tend to make it easier to explain things to others at times and, as such, I would say your relationship sounds very much like Master/Alpha/beta. You could probably swap out Alpha for Switch and it would still mean the same thing (in my mind, anyway). My own situation is very similar to yours, only I am the "Switch" in the middle. The only difference between myself and yours is that I am not submissive at all. I submit to and serve the Kaptin, but my nature is to be dominant and I will take control if He lets up on the reins. Hi there! Emerging Me's Switch here. As I to am not fond of "labels" I understand the need for them in the community to facilitate better communication. Master has chosen "Switch" for me, as it most closely portrays my views and attitudes. Like you I am not submissive to all, and given the opportunity i WOULD take control of Master if he allowed it! Thank you for sharing. I am glad to know that there are more of "ME" out there.

Evanesce -> RE: New Master is confused.... (2/1/2008 8:01:03 AM)
quote: Thank you for sharing. I am glad to know that there are more of "ME" out there. Trust me... there are many, many more of "you" out here. In my own small circle of friends, I've got three that will own up to being dominant types in slave positions. And I know of a few others who ARE, but won't admit it.

girlygurl -> RE: New Master is confused.... (2/2/2008 3:14:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone Not REAL sure...but wouldn't that be considered the "Alpha girl" in the relationship....not necessarily a switch? That was my thought, I agree with you. I just had a thought (in the wee hours of the morning [8D]) For those of you that say "what does it matter" in response to the OP's post... Apparently it matters to the OP. Just because it doesn't matter to you doesn't negate the subject at hand. OK, so I'm rambling, but if labels/titles aren't important, then why is it a requirement (for some) a desire for others to address their SO by a title? girly (I am in sooooo much trouble when He sees how late I stayed up)

Biwesttnswitch -> RE: New Master is confused.... (2/2/2008 4:27:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmergingMe Okay, here is the scenario and perhaps you can educate me on what "label" best describes it.. (switch? duality, what) Me: Master, strong personality, no interest in being sub to anyone. My soulmate: Strong personality but has choosen to give herself to me, submissive but not a true slave. Our part time submissive: Very much a sub, could even possibly become someone's slave one day. I allow and encourage my mate to spend time with the sub. She takes full control and acts in the dominant role. When I am present I take over and am D to both, but even though SM is sub to me, she remains D to the sub. More of a pecking order I suppose.. Is my SM a "switch", or as one poster in another thread put it, she lives a "duality".. Thanks in advance. EM I agree with previous posters, why does it matter?!? If you are getting what You want, and you are happy....and she is getting what she wants/needs and everyone is happy/fufilled why does it matter?

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