is there a protocolfor leaving a Master

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Prinsexx -> is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 5:24:59 AM)
There are clearly three things all happening at the same ime here. First I have post scene blues and have 'come down' from the highs of a scene pretty suddenly 2 i have flu and or work stress related symptoms 3 Master called yesterday and said he was going away, didn't say where but He did say back next week. It hurt me, made me reel with shock, had left me second guessing everything and has also screwed up assignments He gave me. I know this will happen again. I know I feel love and adoratin. I know He feels nothing at least He doesnlt give me feedback of caring, or afetr care or enough intimacy. I have asked to be released and this will be the second time during 7 months where I have asked to be released and told No and been made to feel it is all my responsibility and that it is me who cannot really submit. It is abandment and it has really fucked with my head. The pshyssical aspects of bdsm together are perfect for me and I love Him except this has been a very big, horrible 'drop'. Is there a protocol for me as His slave, to leave, in a way that He gets it and doesn't do blackmailing, emotional manipulation and other things I have experienced whereby dominats attempt to keep me bound? Even as I am asking the questions I know I should know how to do it but I just don't and need advice as I don't want his insults or to lose his friendship based on this ending. Too sad today to think much into the futre with this abandonment thrown at me. Embarassed to post as he has made it all my fault.

Rule -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:00:30 AM)
I get the impression that you are not a slave, but a submissive of some kind. So he is handicapped in some respect, but otherwise he is perfect? My advice is to try to find a viable solution that enables you to stay together. Tell him again that there is a problem and that there will be a consequence if it is not dealt with. As the dominant that is his responsibility. You may as a solution consider to go poly. If he cannot supply your need, then the both of you cannot be a functional unit without a third partner that can.

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:07:32 AM)
That sucks. And I am sorry that he wont release you. Its come down to the fact that you just need to up and leave. Simple as that sweetie. If he tries to blackmail you, well as far as I know, I think that kinda thing is illegal so the law will be on your side. If you are worried about it interfering with your professional life, maybe have a sit down with the higher ups and give them a synopsis of the issue of blackmail. Other than that, I dunno what to tell ya. Stop answering calls, block all emails, yadda yadda yadda. [sm=flowers.gif]Good Luck

MissMorrigan -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:13:30 AM)
It is truly wretched that you are going through this at the moment. You recently played and are now processing the 'come down' time while dealing with work-related stress and possible illness... those, alone, will magnify any problem there may be. Are you able to call your Master and have a heart-to-heart with him, explaining how down you presently feel and that you need some support? You have written your post at the height of emotion, negative emotions which are understandable presently and said that while you feel love and adoration, you perceive your Master to feel nothing in return and there's a concern regarding perceived lack of after-care/emotional intimacy, if this really is the case and you aren't simply speaking out b/c you feel down, why have you placed so little value on YOUR needs for love and affection? You are a woman first and foremost, with your own set of needs for you to maintain an emotionally healthy balance, yet it seems you have placed your submissiveness above your emotional wellbeing. I am, by no means, criticising your Master, that is not for me to do. I question why a person would forge a relationship with another and yet place so little value on themselves. You have previously asked your Master to release you, which has been denied and yet state you feel abandoned. This tells me that your Master isn't into making rash decisions and I am hoping that many questions were asked/and answered as a result. At which point will you accept that you actually do matter and that, inspite of your M/s relationship, you still maintain the basic human right to leave. You choose to remain, why? You leave out a lot of detail and I can only assume that your choice to remain was b/c you felt a. duty bound to remain, and possibly b. you both had discussed the situation and you gained reassurances. I understand submissives/slaves reacting adversely to their situation and asking for release, especially during the 'teething' phase. What you do need is to openly discuss any abandonment issues you may feel. Sometimes we go through life wondering "Why don't they care?" In reality, they do care but we often have a lousy way of conveying that we are struggling. It seems as though the groundwork wasn't prepared prior to entering into an M/s relationship with your Master - this is both persons' responsibility. Presently you are at the phase where you feel you want 'out'... While this clearly indicates something is seriously wrong, it doesn't necessarily mean the dissolution of this relationship, so I can only suggest the problems are diagnosed and dealt with, and that can only come about through communication.

urlittleprincess -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:29:28 AM)
the way i read this post is...you are feeling down...sub-drop perhaps, combined with the fact He is going away "somewhere" for a week and you dont know where...plus feeling ill... so perhaps your imagination is filling in the blanks...you are imagining he is going off to meet/be with another...which magnifies your 'down feelings'...and highlights the lack of affection/aftercare you feel (dont feel) from him... i would sit back and think...maybe get some rest...and really think about what you want/need from this relationship and whether or not it has the potential to fill those needs/wants...ive been where you are and know it isn't a happy place...my gut tells me that this mystery week away is what the crux of the matter is...just ask where he is going!

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:33:35 AM)
Prinsexx....his unwillingness to release you...is more BDSM "fantasy world" stuff....the choice is yours...NOT his....throw him the hell out on his ass and find someone who will truly value you....

MissMorrigan -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:45:04 AM)
Grief! You have no comprehension of what is actually occuring in this relationship, anymore than I, or anyone else does. The post is written with high emotion, when that happens a person's thought processes are skewed... you aren't being constructive nor helpful by telling her she should 'throw him the hell out on his ass'. For a person to feel valued, they most firstly value themselves.

Rover -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:52:59 AM)
He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"? John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding

MissMorrigan -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 6:58:45 AM)
Indulge. We're feeling hormonal - it's a woman's thing.

RedMagic1 -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:01:00 AM)
Isn't this the guy you just met? How is he supposed to understand you perfectly? Maybe he thinks he's demonstrating affection, but you don't see it. Wouldn't be the first time men and women didn't quite communicate on that level. Take some cold medicine, get some sleep, and have a CONVERSATION with him when he gets back. Everyone has to train others how they want to be treated, not just Doms, or people into BDSM.

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:26:05 AM)
No protocol.. just be honest and stick to your decision.

SimplyMichael -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:40:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"? John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding yeah..

LaTigresse -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:46:17 AM)
Okay, here's the deal as I see it. First of all, him leaving for a week seems like nothing to ME, but then I am the sort that might do such a thing and assume that an adult woman could handle it just peachy keen fine. Secondly, it appears that you have an emotional investment in him that he does not reciprocate. That doesn't make him a bad person, just.....well......not emotionally invested. As I see it, you either suck it up and deal, knowing the way he is. I mean, it's not like you just found out he likes to torture puppies and kittens for christsake. OR, you just say "Seeya! Bye bye! Good luck!" and move on. I mean, come on, this isn't rocket science here.

Prinsexx -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:47:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule I get the impression that you are not a slave, but a submissive of some kind. So he is handicapped in some respect, but otherwise he is perfect? My advice is to try to find a viable solution that enables you to stay together. Tell him again that there is a problem and that there will be a consequence if it is not dealt with. As the dominant that is his responsibility. You may as a solution consider to go poly. If he cannot supply your need, then the both of you cannot be a functional unit without a third partner that can. Dear Rule Yes he is an amputee and sometimes i feel that this has made Him psychologically one of the stringest people i have evr known but i am beginning to see the flaws and the flaw is that he is unwu=illing toallow Himself to feel..to 'feel'. I have text to say that there will be a conseuqence and that it is going to be my need to seek a new Master, he already allows and encourages poly but no amount of poly will compensate for His hardness of heart, which both keeps me amd repels me. Also if i do not fulfil His requirements and He is taking others secretly and maintains it is His right to do so then at heart he is a liar and i pit truth above ALL else. One thing is enlightening from what you have said in as much that he does not see the consequences of His behavour as His responsibility: it is always my fault. Thnak you for your input

Prinsexx -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:50:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx That sucks. And I am sorry that he wont release you. Its come down to the fact that you just need to up and leave. Simple as that sweetie. If he tries to blackmail you, well as far as I know, I think that kinda thing is illegal so the law will be on your side. If you are worried about it interfering with your professional life, maybe have a sit down with the higher ups and give them a synopsis of the issue of blackmail. Other than that, I dunno what to tell ya. Stop answering calls, block all emails, yadda yadda yadda. [sm=flowers.gif]Good Luck Emotionally though i can't deal with my own walking away. It sounds pathetic and screw ball when i say it and i posted a friend on private mail to say how embarassed i ws to ask for advise. I would know for others but i feel spinning out and abandoned. having no contact at all at the moment, especially as it was inititated by Him, has flattened me. It's tansition from what i felt was perfect to nothing all in one step. I shouldn't be taking it to others it should be to Him, but he has blocked my route to that.

DesFIP -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:54:42 AM)
How to deal with this. Get caller ID and set it to block his calls. Set your IM to private and remove his screen name. Delete his emails unread. Next time don't get involved with people who you simply aren't compatible with. And yes, just like the rest of us you aren't a twue subby because you insist on healthy relationships that meet your needs.

juliaoceania -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:58:40 AM)
quote: Is there a protocol for me as His slave, to leave, in a way that He gets it and doesn't do blackmailing, emotional manipulation and other things I have experienced whereby dominats attempt to keep me bound? If he was like that, just another reason to end it.

Prinsexx -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 7:58:54 AM)
quote: You have written your post at the height of emotion, negative emotions which are understandable presently and said that while you feel love and adoration, you perceive your Master to feel nothing in return and there's a concern regarding perceived lack of after-care/emotional intimacy, if this really is the case and you aren't simply speaking out b/c you feel down, why have you placed so little value on YOUR needs for love and affection? Dear Miss Morrigan This is absolutely the crux of it and a deep reason why i aable to slave and slave in the hope that at dome point he will show some signs of love and affection. The situation has triggered me deeply into childhood feelings of abandonment and loneliness where i truly believed i had been abandoned because there was something horribly wrong with me and there-was no-one who would love me. Again and again i keep exposing myself to this emotional masochism, i seem drawn to it as it is i suppose the only form of love i know. I worship and i wait and wait and wait but the love is never returned. Hell it's a bind.....

Prinsexx -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 8:03:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES Prinsexx....his unwillingness to release you...is more BDSM "fantasy world" stuff....the choice is yours...NOT his....throw him the hell out on his ass and find someone who will truly value you.... How can I do that? when the dynamic is what it is? i have never thrown anyone the hell out on their ass, my pattern is always to remain and go back until they do the throwing of me out on my ass, clinging on like some linpid jelly fish begging to know what i did wrong....

Prinsexx -> RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master (1/30/2008 8:08:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: Rover He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"? John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding yeah.. to me the time will be both simply a week and also stretch forever..... but it was the method he told me, as ii could hearr the sat nav in the car as he told me and it had already been planned without a care in the world....DROPPED, AND YES I WOULD CALL IT EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT like me being on an emotional bungy jump and someone pushing me over the edge and saying o by the way i just cut the rope......

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