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can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 2:31:25 PM

indierock27

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Joined: 9/3/2005
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i was just wondering what Your opinions were about this subject. And if a sub can Dom what would be the best way for a new sub to get into Doming?

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 3:08:06 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
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Yes ma'm. A Sub can be a Dom. It's called 'Switch' and it's quite common.

If you are truly a Sub and ENJOY being a Sub then you might have trouble trying to switch. I would suggest you read up on it. There are several good books out including one by our own John Warren from here called 'The Loving Dominant'. and 'Screw the Roses, Give Me The Thorns' is another one that's worth a look.

I would also suggest that you read the forums in here extensively. There's a lot of good info here from some very experienced people. I have found that they are more than willing to help and share knowledge. I would recommend you contact 'Iron Bear' for his spin on this and 'EmeraldSlave2'. One Master and one Sub, but both have good ideas and are really worth listening too.

Hope this helps. Drop me a line if you would like to ask any questions. I'm always willing to share what little knowledge I have.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 9/5/2005 3:10:54 PM >

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 3:18:47 PM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
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Hey indierock,

The answer to your question is a question/ How hung up on being a sub is the submissive in question? If the person has no interest in dominating another person, then the quick answe is no (well probably not anyway).

If the "sub" is interested int that end of the power exchange, then yes, she/he can dominate another person. We switches have done, or are interested in doing both (alyho often to different degrees). So if the person is interested, and not hung up on the lables of who can do what, I say Dom away.

Oh and before I go, let me say it might be easier at first to just Top. It'ts a very small distinction from Doming, and I'll explain. The person would control the scenes direction, and wield the toys, etc but there wouldn't be as much emphasis on having mental/emotional control of the other person.

Whatever the sub in question si comfortable trying, have fun!

Nuke }:-

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 3:23:05 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Thanks for the vote Oscar!

If the person is oriented as a switch, it might be confusing occasionally (who isn't confused occasionally?) but if would simply be who they are, like bisexuals.

There's a whole forum here for Switches that has a great store of ideas and information about it.

The best way for a new sub to get into dominating is the same way as a new dom would. :)

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 3:33:35 PM

Elegant

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Joined: 3/15/2005
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I am a slave (pushing away my desire to harp about submissive being a noun) and I have started to Top occassionally..but I would not call myself a dominant when I am the one doing the topping.

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 3:58:22 PM

WickedKev

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Joined: 11/26/2004
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Depends if you are asking can a sub 'Dom' without having any Dominant feelings I wouls say no but they could Top, but if you have Dominant feelings as well as submissive then look into things about Switches. My head hurts now.

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 7:11:00 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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"Can a sub Dom?"

Can fish fly?...yes a flying fish.
Can a cat bark, sure, mine does (old and larengitus).
Can an acorn grow into a big strong Oak, yes, walk in the woods.

Can a sub Dom?
Not on my watch.....but anything and everything is possible!

Ask the oak, the fish and my cat!

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 11:26:20 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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Well here are a few things to clear up Dominance and Submissive

1. Dominant dose not equal Sadist.

2. Submissive does not equal Massochist.

The Dominant is the one who is in control and has what he/she wants most done that pleases them.
The Submissive is the one who does what he/she can in various situations and positions to please the one with demands.

So you can have a Massochistic Dominant who demands and likes pain but wishes not to serve.
You can then have a Submissive Sadist who gives the pain there Dom craves and yearns for.
This relationship comminly known as Topping from the Bottom.

Whoever controls what goes on inside the bedroom, the relationship can be different out side. After all, just because you like the forcefullness done to you on the bed, dosen't mean that you want to be bossed around to do all the house work and such. There are many couples who say Please, Thankyou, I'll get that, Would you like to, and bla bla bla on both sides in a relationship creating a vanilla couple untill the lights go out.

In your 24/7 BDSM relationships, the submissive is one who may like to be punished / trained to better themselves with the aide of an enforcer/Dom. Maybe you know you can do better if someone pushes with spankings to study more, diet better, and that sort of stuff as you know Discipline is what you need. But this is only one example of a 24/7 BDSM relaionship.

Anyhow, you'll find out what and where you stand in the BDSM Life Style soon enough. Everyone is different so no one really has the right to call you a fake or a phoney. You just have to know what floats your boat and flow with it. Welcome to the message boards of Collarme. May it be informative and educational to you and help make the right choices.

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/5/2005 11:27:12 PM

MasterMaxSteel

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Some can, but most who have done so that I've talked to don't particularly enjoy it. Those that do, typically end up being switches. Of those, most I"ve talked to told me they preferred the submissive role, but could top for fun. Very few like to dominate for any length of time. If they do, they tend to end up as dominants.

This if from 10-15 years of talking to bdsm'ers in the Research Triangle Area of North Carolina and the Atlanta area of Georgia.

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/6/2005 4:49:16 AM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
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My experence with a sub that is attempting to Dom.

It just doesn't seem to work. he'll get there sometimes, but, normally, falls flat.

The reason why, he's used to being the one ordered. his fiancee will test the boundries, and gets away with it all the time. It's kinda of funny when he attempts to Dominate Me.

If the person is a sub, then, most likely, they won't be able to Dom. However, the person (I don't know if your talking about yourself, or someone else, so I'm going to assume someone else for now) may be a switch and not know about it.

Hell, I started as a sub, and couldn't figure out why I didn't enjoy it. Then I met a sub, and started to understand that I'm a Dom, not a sub. (My first relationships where with Dominate, not Domme, women).

But, that's why there's this thing called experimentation. The sub may find, like I did, that their on the wrong side of the coin, or that they enjoy being sub much more then being a switch.

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RE: can a sub Dom? - 9/6/2005 9:16:11 PM

Zensee

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Joined: 9/4/2004
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Dom is not something that is done, it is what You are.

I agree with others here, subs can Top but they can’t be a part-time Dominant.

However, I do believe that submissives or Dominants can go so deeply into their identity they can transform into their compliment. The yin-yang thang. (I am talking metamorphosis, not a flip flop.)

Z.

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