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Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 3:25:16 PM   
dizzi


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Is it right for a Dom that one has never met before to want to play on the first meet ? and do you all get quite annoyed when one refuses ?

I was supposed to meet some guy from here tonight and cause i wouldn;t play he called me a an online wanker, even though i go to clubs and play all the time

I am just a little confused as to who is right and who is wrong ?


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 4:01:45 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dizzi
Is it right for a Dom that one has never met before to want to play on the first meet ?

It's not really right or wrong, it just is. It's very common for people to want to play on first meetings.

quote:

and do you all get quite annoyed when one refuses ?

It's an easy way to promote guilt and get what they want. Yes, unfortunately it happens. This is why being confident with saying no and understanding what you are getting into is so important.

quote:

I am just a little confused as to who is right and who is wrong ?

He was wrong for not accepting rejection, for not respecting your feelings in the scenario and for trying to insult and guilt you into something.

He wasn't wrong for wanting it to begin with.

You weren't wrong to know what you want and stick to it, and you shouldn't feel wrong no matter how he thinks.

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 4:10:40 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hiya dizzi, I take it your the dizzi I know. You are right. If you don't want to play on the first meet and he can't handle that think it says a great deal about his Dominance. And if he has to attack you verbally like he did also seems he has a lot of self esteem problems so think your well out of that situation.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 6:20:59 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Nothing should ever be expected dear, especially if it was not agreed upon prior to meeting.

He was a wanker.......and you did the right thing!

Good luck from here on out and don't give an inch...unless it's mine Kevin

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 6:27:06 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the people involved. You can only do what feels right, safe for you. You have to be true to yourself.

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 7:00:03 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		When I was single I had a rule that I made perfectly clear to every Dom that I was thinking about meeting....No S&M on the first meeting. Matter of fact, it probably wouldn't happen until around the 5th date or so. It has to do with MY comfort and safety levels. If he couldn't respect that, then I figured he wouldn't respect much else either.

Keep in mind that you don't know this person and when you play you're putting your life in their hands. That sounds over dramatic I know, but just think....if you're bound and gagged can you save yourself?

First meetings were where I decided if I even liked them enough to go out on a date with them, never mind play with them.

Do what feels right and comfortable for you. Don't let someone else's expections push you into something you're not ready for.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 8:09:02 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I met a wonderful Domme here a month ago. We started with emails and now we are on the phone when I get the chance. Our schedules are rough and mostly out of sync. But we have agreed slow is good for both of us. Our first meet will most likely be followed by play of one sort or another. We share common interests outside BDSM, so we get along really well so far. And even though she is a switch as am I, I want her to be comfortable with me before we meet.

I would say that you must go at your own pace. If it has to be slow, then it can be slow. Anyone who does not respect your wishes should be cast off.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/5/2005 11:17:24 PM   
MasterMaxSteel


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		dizzi,

Don't spend 10 seconds worrying about it. Keep dating until you find someone you're happy with. I've dated a bunch in the bdsm world before I settled down with my current slave. All kinds of situations happened. But one thing I tried to avoid was to play with or have sex with anyone I didn't know really well.

One thing that makes someone want to play on a "first date" meeting is horniness (ain't had any in a while) or a strong need to play (subfrenzy or domfrenzy). Neither of these sort of conditions is a safe or healthy way to behave, either in a relationship or from a health standpoint (think diseases).

One last thought: As a submissive, it's really easy for you to play with someone bdsm wise, then end up having sex or being taken advantage of while you're loaded up on endorphines (some call this subspace). Not playing on a first date is, in my book, a real good way to avoid a buncha problems and to avoid some in a hurry asshole who is desperate and out of control themselves. If they can't control themselves long enough to wait a bit to play, how the heck are they going to control you?

I think you made a great choice not to play the first time you meet someone. I think you shouldn't have sex either.

Just some things to think about,

Max

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/6/2005 2:46:29 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Actually ...i have never ever played on the first meet and im very real. I find that if you play , without knowing the person it can be dangerous. I am a masochistic Slave , so for me , the person needs to know my body or it can get too out of control and id be hurt badly. Don't worry about that one guy ( not using the word Dominant) , because if he can't handle the first meet just getting to know you , what exactly is he looking for? just play time?
quote:

ORIGINAL: dizzi

Is it right for a Dom that one has never met before to want to play on the first meet ? and do you all get quite annoyed when one refuses ?

I was supposed to meet some guy from here tonight and cause i wouldn;t play he called me a an online wanker, even though i go to clubs and play all the time

I am just a little confused as to who is right and who is wrong ?





(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/6/2005 3:12:35 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		It isn't a question of right or wrong. It's more about personal choice and if he can't accept your choice not to play, he's just an immature waste of time for you. Count your blessings, it sounds like you dodged a bullet with this tosser!

Focus50.

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/6/2005 5:22:44 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dizzi

Is it right for a Dom that one has never met before to want to play on the first meet ? and do you all get quite annoyed when one refuses ?



The "wanting to play" is fine. The abusive response to rejection is not. One of the things I tell submissives is, during negotiation, listen to both the answers and the spirit in which they are given. That latter is often the most informative.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/6/2005 6:37:03 AM   
pandora29


Posts: 22
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dizzi
Is it right for a Dom that one has never met before to want to play on the first meet ? and do you all get quite annoyed when one refuses ?


First off if you didn't make arrangements for a play session then there shouldn't have been expectations for it.That's like getting dressed for a wedding and get taken to a mud wrestling match,it doesn't make sense.I personally explain that there will be many meetings before anything happens in my profile.They either get over it or stop talking to me either way i don't care it's what i do.

A miscommunication yes,anyone's fault no.No terms were discussed oops

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/6/2005 7:41:58 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Dizzy,

First meets in the BDSM world should be just like first meets in the vanilla world. Both partners need to be comfortable with each other before anything else happens. Yes I know a lot of people want to play on the first meeting and maybe that's okay if you're going to a club where you have some safety, but even then it should have been pre-arranged and agreed on by both parties in advance.

I can't fault him for wanting to play with you. Hell, I would too! But if he was a good Dom, he would understand your rejection and just take it in stride while he continued to get to know you better (and let you get to know and be more comfortable with him!).

You did the right thing for YOU so just chaulk that one up to experience and move on.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/6/2005 1:53:54 PM   
fundominct


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		Acually for myself I find the very courtious 1st meeting to tell me all I need to know about a sub. Play is not needed!
There may be certian curcumstances where both may want to play, thats OK as well. Just as in a vanilla relationship both may feel they can't wait to "get a room". But if one does not it won't happen the first time.

It sounds to me you made the correct choice in refusal, even though you were somewhat flustered over the results of your decesion. I have never played on the first meet, nor asked or demanded too play. These rules are set ahead of time, especially first meets.. "Rules of engagment" These rules are good for both D/s to abide by. You must be cautious on first meets!!!! This is the beginning of a possible relationship crawl - walk - run !!! Comunicate , feel trust , enjoy play and your roles.

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/8/2005 3:09:37 AM   
dizzi


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thank Y/you A/all for the replies, i thought it was me being strange, he called me a WOL (wanker on line) yet i am the one that attends various munches and clubs .. guess its time to put it behind me and move on ...

Any Safe Sane Doms in the UK,

(in reply to fundominct)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/8/2005 4:03:57 AM   
flaire


Posts: 60
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		dizzi, you mad and wonderful trollop!

Fancy seeing you here. I've only recently joined (came here because of a blog made by MzDragon and I was frightfully curious).

Now, in my brief spell, I've already upset a few people over on the Gorean forum. I've been put on numerous ignores. Apparently, I'm a troll! Had Altheus and me in fits of giggles. They're terribly earnest and serious about their lifestyle - and good luck to them, I say.

As to your question. Well, I think you know my opinion. Would you sleep with someone on the first date, especially if you've never encountered them before? Of course, I'm a fearful tart and I have done. But I wouldn't recommend it. Now, play runs even more risks. Meet them, make your case, and rely on your instincts. But always remember you have only one of you, and I'm terribly fond of you.

Still up for Nemesis on the 24th?

f x


_____________________________

Stand before your god, bow before your king and kneel before your man - Nanny Ogg, Lords and Ladies

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/8/2005 7:45:33 AM   
dizzi


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		gonna book the hotel right now xxx

(in reply to flaire)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/8/2005 8:00:47 AM   
flaire


Posts: 60
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm going back opp north! Hurray!

Who will you be sharing a room with, you saucy wench?

f x

_____________________________

Stand before your god, bow before your king and kneel before your man - Nanny Ogg, Lords and Ladies

(in reply to dizzi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Play Sessions & First Meets - 9/8/2005 7:36:16 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Irrespective who I meet for the first time, I require that we both are comfortable with each other irrespective how long it takes. This means open and frank discussions, she will have to feel comfortable with my Wife/Free Companion too for Neets is part of the deal. Whilst S&M is not on the top of my list of things to do with a new person, I do have a list of things such as Shibari and needle play I desire to practice and eventually master. However I’m Gorean first and last and that will set the tone and pace for any potential relationship.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to flaire)
Profile   Post #: 19
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