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RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 3:07:36 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Ok this has been a extremly frustrating thread and now I regret starting it.


Why Is this? Because not many people agreed with you?

I think this post shows you may not require a gift, but you certainly expect one.
I think it odd and inappropriate to desires something that is of a personal nature and connected to playing.

I think flowers are a very appropriate "First" meeting gift and shows respect to someone you are just meeting. Be pleased, they very well could show up empty handed.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

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(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 7:29:53 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		Gifts are great. The best are ones that show that a person really does see me as a multi-faceted individual.

I must now mention two of the greatest gifts I've received recently. Both are fabulous because they tie more than one aspect of my interest array together and show that the giver saw, remembered and honored various things that make up who I am.

1. The Furry Cuffs mentioned in Veav's post. There was a delightful combination of TWO lifestyle interests that we shared together. "Furry" and "cuffs." It also showed that he was comfortable enough to be humorous, as well as understanding that I love humor and that it was a wonderful way to relate to me. (Not to mention that it completely dissipated the apprehension of a first meeting.)

2. Personal artwork that tied together BDSM, Furry, computer gaming AND one of my husbands interest and online persona. Yes, he managed to tie it all together, even without ever meeting my husband. It showed respect for my home life, my existing family, and my own hobbies that he has not been involved with as well as those that we have in common.

Now THAT wraps up the best gifts ever as well as the best motivations to give gifts.

Oh yeah, I love flowers, too. They make me happy, but I don't buy them for myself. A gift of flowers is a reason to smile, nothing more, unless it's expressed.

Toys, on the other hand, I'm uncomfortable with unless they are willing to explain the intent behind them up front. On a first date... not good. Longer terms friends and playmates is ok, though.

This is a good topic. (It should be understood by any thread starter that as a community, we tend to veer off in many directions. The OP usually inspires quite a variety of good inspirations and thoughts to share. If we don't answer a question, just point us back where we started. We're good like that.)

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Gifts - 9/9/2005 4:12:31 AM   
QueenVamp


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Just for your FYI MasterHyde I am NOT cheating on my husband and if you read my profile you'd know that.


(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 3:45:30 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm... this topic evokes several reactions in me.... the first being... geez some of you people make me feel OLD!

I'm infamous for giving flowers, and have just about kept a few flowershops in business. For me though, that was part of how I was raised. I was taught, for example, if I go to a friends house and he is married or has a live in girlfriend, its good manners to take her flowers as a gift (a potted plant such as daisies, pansies, etc. is generally appropriate, roses are not). Its a way of saying thank you for putting up with me an her SO carousing, anything I might spill by accident, and any mess I might inadvertantly leave which she will have to clean up, plus any cleaning or straightening up she did before I got there. It shows consideration for the consideration they show you. Then again, I was raised in very polite company.

I've given all kinds of gifts to girlfriends over the years... flowers are a virtual standard on a first date and an absolute MUST on Valentines. If I know her somewhat, I might choose something I know she will like, and that's when the really neat gifts come in. I gave one girl a musical carrosel for her bedroom, she loved those. Another got a book she mentioned she liked but couldn't find (it was OP), she got it in the mail a month later. One lass, who has an adopted daughter who has taken up stamp collecting, I went through my old stamp collection and pulled out a bunch of spare stamps from various countries and mailed them to her with a note. Gave one gal a jar of applebutter (which I made myself). Gave one girl a bottle of raspberry syrrup, she got the hint Given away several teddy bears. To one very special lady, I gave an old t-shirt of mine, and while a seemingly odd gift it had meaning for personal reasons... she slept in it every night we were apart. Gifts for someone you know are always easier than for someone you don't. Hence the rule that when someone gives you a gift on a first date, always accept it graciously, no matter what it is... because the thought does (or at least should) count.

As for gifts for Dommes... hmmm... Vamp seems to like lifestyle oriented gifts. I guess you could get creative with that... that bottle of raspberry syrup comes to mind again. LOL Toys can be expensive though for a first date, this lifestyle often isn't cheap. Maybe some BDSM Coupons, even if you have to make them yourself (actually, making them yourself might be even better). There are kinky cards these days... and kinky candy too, could look around for some web sites selling that stuff. Make a personal music CD labelled "Music to flog me by".

For me personally, I don't expect gifts and its always nicer when they come unexpected. One lass once sent me a dozen red roses, personally delivered to me at work... I grinned the rest of the day! Never did explain who they were from or what it was about... just grinned... always fun to leave'em wondering. I've gotten a lot of homemade cookies (course I hint at that a lot, could be why), I love those... and just in case anyone is taking notes, chocolate chip, peanut butter, sugar, shortbread and scones are my favorites... ya know... just incase A nice handwritten note, maybe a photo of yourself is nice (though strictly speaking, the rules of etiquette would be you wait for a photo to be asked for, never offer one, but personally I like them anyway).

Last thought that this thread brought to mind is how much etiquette is being reinvented and changed, that and how uncomfortably many seem to be with etiquette. I'm always surprised at the number of women who don't seem to know how to react to receiving flowers. One poster said she was even embarassed by receiving them on one occasion... to me that is sad. Just seems like some wonderful old traditions are being lost because people have forgotten what they are and what they are about.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 4:20:13 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		i rarely switch, but as a sub or domme, a first-meeting gift of flowers would be something i'd enjoy... perhaps in small potted-plant style would be even nicer (that way, it lasts & brings color to my home and if all goes well with the person is a think-of-them item regardless of if the relationship is purely play or romantic).

it's really hard for someone to give something on a first-meet that is appropriate, so i think something generically polite is best like flowers of some sort. unusual chocolates, too, maybe, though i'm not personally big on chocolate would be a nice thought as it's a generally safe-bet with new people that they'll like chocolate...

second meetings & further on, or a first-meeting after long phone/net discussions, something more personalized would be nice... a book of interest to me or anything i've specifically mentioned wishing for.

tributes/gifts where you can tell that thought was given are always good, but on a first real meeting that's pretty hard.

for me, play-items would be a negative, too, as others have expressed. again, as things went on that would be good possibly, but on a first meeting? no, i think that's a bit too expensive often & a bit presumptuous. if i received a play-item on a first meeting/date i would be put a bit on guard until they'd shown me i didn't need to be.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 7:07:57 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Hmmm... this topic evokes several reactions in me.... the first being... geez some of you people make me feel OLD!

I'm infamous for giving flowers, and have just about kept a few flowershops in business. For me though, that was part of how I was raised. I was taught, for example, if I go to a friends house and he is married or has a live in girlfriend, its good manners to take her flowers as a gift (a potted plant such as daisies, pansies, etc. is generally appropriate, roses are not). Its a way of saying thank you for putting up with me an her SO carousing, anything I might spill by accident, and any mess I might inadvertantly leave which she will have to clean up, plus any cleaning or straightening up she did before I got there. It shows consideration for the consideration they show you. Then again, I was raised in very polite company.

I've given all kinds of gifts to girlfriends over the years... flowers are a virtual standard on a first date and an absolute MUST on Valentines. If I know her somewhat, I might choose something I know she will like, and that's when the really neat gifts come in. I gave one girl a musical carrosel for her bedroom, she loved those. Another got a book she mentioned she liked but couldn't find (it was OP), she got it in the mail a month later. One lass, who has an adopted daughter who has taken up stamp collecting, I went through my old stamp collection and pulled out a bunch of spare stamps from various countries and mailed them to her with a note. Gave one gal a jar of applebutter (which I made myself). Gave one girl a bottle of raspberry syrrup, she got the hint Given away several teddy bears. To one very special lady, I gave an old t-shirt of mine, and while a seemingly odd gift it had meaning for personal reasons... she slept in it every night we were apart. Gifts for someone you know are always easier than for someone you don't. Hence the rule that when someone gives you a gift on a first date, always accept it graciously, no matter what it is... because the thought does (or at least should) count.

As for gifts for Dommes... hmmm... Vamp seems to like lifestyle oriented gifts. I guess you could get creative with that... that bottle of raspberry syrup comes to mind again. LOL Toys can be expensive though for a first date, this lifestyle often isn't cheap. Maybe some BDSM Coupons, even if you have to make them yourself (actually, making them yourself might be even better). There are kinky cards these days... and kinky candy too, could look around for some web sites selling that stuff. Make a personal music CD labelled "Music to flog me by".

For me personally, I don't expect gifts and its always nicer when they come unexpected. One lass once sent me a dozen red roses, personally delivered to me at work... I grinned the rest of the day! Never did explain who they were from or what it was about... just grinned... always fun to leave'em wondering. I've gotten a lot of homemade cookies (course I hint at that a lot, could be why), I love those... and just in case anyone is taking notes, chocolate chip, peanut butter, sugar, shortbread and scones are my favorites... ya know... just incase A nice handwritten note, maybe a photo of yourself is nice (though strictly speaking, the rules of etiquette would be you wait for a photo to be asked for, never offer one, but personally I like them anyway).

Last thought that this thread brought to mind is how much etiquette is being reinvented and changed, that and how uncomfortably many seem to be with etiquette. I'm always surprised at the number of women who don't seem to know how to react to receiving flowers. One poster said she was even embarassed by receiving them on one occasion... to me that is sad. Just seems like some wonderful old traditions are being lost because people have forgotten what they are and what they are about.



Want to trade, Padriag? A dozen choc chip for some posies??? Edited to add the smileys

< Message edited by kc692 -- 9/10/2005 7:08:40 AM >

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 7:55:49 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

Want to trade, Padriag? A dozen choc chip for some posies??? Edited to add the smileys

Well now that's a right tempting offer, you best be careful I just might be inclined to take you up on it. You got any particular kind of posies in mind or do you prefer surprises.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 7:59:06 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag


quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

Want to trade, Padriag? A dozen choc chip for some posies??? Edited to add the smileys

Well now that's a right tempting offer, you best be careful I just might be inclined to take you up on it. You got any particular kind of posies in mind or do you prefer surprises.


Unlike some, I prefer suprises, but, since you gave hints on flavors, I will tell you my absolute favorite color is any shade of purple,(whistles and looks up innocently at the ceiling)

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 8:05:06 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		LOL... I seem to have a knack for finding women who like purple. Last painting contract I bid was for a woman who wanted a purple bedroom... several shades in a color wash. Now all I have to do is figure out where in the world I'm gonna find purple orchids this time of year! I never did care for being ordinary.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 8:16:26 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

LOL... I seem to have a knack for finding women who like purple. Last painting contract I bid was for a woman who wanted a purple bedroom... several shades in a color wash. Now all I have to do is figure out where in the world I'm gonna find purple orchids this time of year! I never did care for being ordinary.

That is because you are not ordinary, sweets, and to let you in on a scary secret, the rest of my house is "normal" colors, but, my bedroom is a deep royal purple, and my office is a light purple. I think I need a touch up on the home colors, I just had a paint party at my office,,,did you want to come pick up those cookies?? lol. I need to patch some holes in the ceiling (it's cream) where I moved some eyebolts, lol.


Edited to add: mmmm, orchids, I havent been given even one of those in decades...you do know how to make me smiles!!!

Edited again to add: the picture on the left was taken in my bedroom...see the wall???

< Message edited by kc692 -- 9/10/2005 8:43:02 AM >

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 11:01:54 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I tend to agree with the majority.. a vanilla gift that shows they have been paying attention to my likes and dislikes since we began communication;flowers, candy, or a book about an area of interest of mine. Gifts/tribute are never required, but i do love them, and i would rather know they considered me a human and a woman before a Domme. If he had brought something play oriented, I agree, he would have taken that home, and the meeting would have been very short.


kc692,

I'm always impressed by your posts. They are a pleasure to read.

I was most impressed by a sub's introductory gift of a single red, boxed rose, a new CD from an artist we had previously discussed, and a newly released paperback by one of My favorite authors. The CD and paperback were thoughtfully presented in a pastel gift bag with matching ribbon and matching tissue paper. He presented the gift bag upon his self introduction and included a cheery 'so nice to meet you' greeting card, then waited until we had struck a mutually agreeable interest in one another before he excitedly asked My permission to go to his car to bring Me something. Upon his return, the boxed rose was presented with a gentlemanly bow on one knee. Had he arrived with a dozen arranged roses in hand I might have been put off, perhaps, but in his case everything he does is done with class and careful attention to detail.

Our second meeting he chose some inexpensive new toys, still in their packaging, from and Adult shop that again, were geared to interests I had expressed. In the coming weeks he presented Bondage tape, body paints, washable crayons, wax for waxing sessions, hosiery (a treat since I'm so tall and difficult to shop for), all offered with consideration, forthought and effort.

His small gifts, and sometimes not so small gifts, whether shower gels, perfumes, soaps, candles, books, christmas ornaments or other seasonal decorations, trinkets picked up at antique shops, vases, paperweights were all carefully chosen with My interests and hobbies in mind and continue to this day.

Like you, I delight in knowing that he pays attention to My interets, likes and dislikes. I came away from our first meeting Most Impressed and very flattered.

In contrast, I once met a sub who presented a brown paper bag filled with approximately 8 lbs of chain in hand for our very first meeting. My kneejerk reaction was 'ewwww, DO ME'. I don't know why I was so put off by it, I suppose I've been spoiled!

Texas Maam

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 2:42:17 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

LOL... I seem to have a knack for finding women who like purple. Last painting contract I bid was for a woman who wanted a purple bedroom... several shades in a color wash. Now all I have to do is figure out where in the world I'm gonna find purple orchids this time of year! I never did care for being ordinary.

That is because you are not ordinary, sweets, and to let you in on a scary secret, the rest of my house is "normal" colors, but, my bedroom is a deep royal purple, and my office is a light purple. I think I need a touch up on the home colors, I just had a paint party at my office,,,did you want to come pick up those cookies?? lol. I need to patch some holes in the ceiling (it's cream) where I moved some eyebolts, lol.


Edited to add: mmmm, orchids, I havent been given even one of those in decades...you do know how to make me smiles!!!

Edited again to add: the picture on the left was taken in my bedroom...see the wall???

Hehe... I'd wondered which room that picture was taken in, you looked quite comfortable so my guess was the bedroom. Nice to know I haven't lost my touch.

A deep royal purple, you know I could do that in a color wash that would give it an almost velvety texture... trim it with some white... no... cream colored crown molding and a low wainscoting with decorative insets trimmed in gold highlights and it would look just stunning. Convert your bed into a four poster with purple velvet drapery and gold, translucent curtains. Add some decorative wall sconces for mood lighting... can you say palatial? Tad expensive though, how's your budget?

As for holes in the ceiling... flat ceiling or popcorn texture? Neither is difficult to patch... but I absolutely despise popcorn ceilings. Best thing in the world is just soak the stuff off, smooth over the ceiling with a skim coat of plaster and paint it white, then maybe add some decorative stencils in the corners. Well, unless you want to really get fancy in which case I could put in a shallow tray ceiling with a hand painted center field and a repeat of the color wash on the walls on the outer edge of the tray with maybe some decorative white plaster pieces trimmed in gold on the inside rim. And then theres the accent lighting... Bit too much?

You should see me do a Victorian dungeon... haven't been hired to do something like that in a long time.

And no... ordinary was something I never quite got the knack of. Just never had it in me.


quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Like you, I delight in knowing that he pays attention to My interets, likes and dislikes. I came away from our first meeting Most Impressed and very flattered.

That's really the crux of it though... someone paying attention to you, to what pleases you, what you enjoy. Now I wonder how many submissives took note of that. Forget the whips and chains, forget the kink, forget all of that... if a submissive can't manage that one simple, essential, indispensible quality... the rest just doesn't matter in the long run. When you think about it... that quality, that attention, is the best gift of them all.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 5:29:23 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I agree - I'm not sure why flowers are so out-of-place, regardless of dom/sub or whatever. I'm not saying I'd bring a dozen perfect roses on a first date, but a few lilies never hurt anyone!


Lilies!!! A man after my heart!

I've only now gotten around to this thread so please excuse me if I repeat stuff others have.

I have never, ever asked for or expected a gift in my life. I'm not saying this to insult anyone because it's all a question of perception and personal values, but I think that expecting/asking for a gift is tacky.

If it brings someone pleasure to give me a gift, then fine. I’ve received really sweet tokens of appreciation, anything from lilies to a bottle of perfume to opera tickets to toys to fine lingerie & shoes (where my taste gets *really* expensive). In all those cases, the person giving the gift got a lot of enjoyment out of it too. I would say however that I would not feel a ease with someone who bought me too expensive a gift when I didn't know him or her well. I would be suspicious of their motives.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 9/10/2005 5:30:25 PM >

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 9:26:26 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		kc692;

i believe, if i thought i could do it,..just coz i like Your posts and coz You have been so nice all the time..i wish i could send You flowers.........

wolf...



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(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Gifts - 9/10/2005 10:42:50 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I like being treated like a woman first, than if we click, we'll get to the kinky gifts later.
Flowers, and in fact anything not directly saying "use this on me" says he is interested in me, and thought about what I might like, so I would apreciate such a gesture. M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Gifts - 9/11/2005 12:56:33 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

kc692;

i believe, if i thought i could do it,..just coz i like Your posts and coz You have been so nice all the time..i wish i could send You flowers.........

wolf...




Thank you wolf, how sweet, smiles....

(in reply to lonewolf05)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Gifts - 9/11/2005 6:31:44 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I think flowers are a great gesture...heck he could have come empty handed . this may be offensive , but ...If you have to hide things from your family(hubby) then maybe , meeting people and having outside relationships aren't a good choice. I personally would never give a First time Meet for a Dom a implement. Ive brought a Rose , or a music CD . Sometimes the Dom has brought me a flower. Its called Thoughtfullness. If Dominants are looking for tributes all the time , maybe they should go pro and charge too. A flogger can cost up to and around 400.00 ( mine did), Cuffs 100.00. It looks when people expect things like this that maybe they are using others to fill their toy bag.

(in reply to SirWaverider)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Gifts - 9/11/2005 8:07:43 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Flowers, and in fact anything not directly saying "use this on me" says he is interested in me,


Ah but what one can do with a rose cane... especially if it has thorns! ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Gifts - 9/11/2005 10:17:32 AM   
MissA


Posts: 192
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I do believe that everyone on here agreed that it is the intent behind the gift that is important, and everyone who stated that they would not want toys also stated that they would not want them because of what that implies about the mindset of the submissive that they are meeting (unless they are meeting specifically for play, in which case, yeah, toys are appropriate - we just don't ever have a first meeting with anyone just for play).


Just clarifying: the instance I spoke about receiving flowers on was not a first meeting, and it was also the weekend of Valentine's Day which added to the awkwardness for me because as I said in my first post I am not romantically/sexually involved. This was a "play date" several meetings later and I had also been conversing with the submissive for more than 2 months. The same submissive also brought me other thoughtful non-BDSM gifts which I had no problem with and would find quite appropriate for a first meeting or any meeting for that matter.

~Ms. A~

_____________________________

Life is not measured in the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away ~Author Unknown~
My Domain

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Gifts - 9/11/2005 10:38:58 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Queen Vamp,

In a previous post I stated that the brown paper bag of 8 lbs of chains gave Me a kneejerk reaction of 'ewwwwwwwww'. I really can't say why, except that like others who have posted I think a lifestyle article for a first encounter is not what I would find appropriate.

I also described the vanilla gift, CD, paperback novel, and a few other items that did please Me.

I'm curious: what kind of flowers did he present to you? Have you determined what it was about them that put you off? Or do you simply prefer BDSM related gifts? If so, then that's Your preference and tell the rest of us that's Your story and You're sticking to it!

One thing that bothers Me about flowers is this: when they're from the wrong guy, they are a real disappointment to Me, no matter who sends them. Seriously! Have you ever been just head over heels for someone and then another admirer sends you flowers? Aaaack! Something inside a gal just goes 'urp' when someone S/she's not attached to sends H/her blossoms. I can relate to that; I think most of us ladies are like that. Perhaps your heart belongs to another and you relegate flowers to that kind of relationship. That could be what you meant when you referred to romance. Please share.

I think this has been an interesting thread and I am glad you posted it!

TexasMaam

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 60
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