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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:40:33 PM

windchymes

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My son is with a young lady who had twins from a previous relationship. Of course, I raised him up right

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:46:17 PM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I don't think that single mothers are overweight or ugly or anything like that. On the other hand I constantly tell my single brother to stay away from women with children - not because of any sort of character defect - but that I don't think its worth his time to have that burden.

C~

To make a very long story short. My ex was a single mother when I met her. I married her and adopted the UM. It was the best thing I have ever done...for ME. Being My daughters father was, and continues to be, the best thing I have ever done and am ever likely to do.

Jeff

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 2/5/2008 3:54:18 PM >

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:53:15 PM

domiguy

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Whenever I catch myself thinking about "my" perfect woman...I always envision an overwieght, single mother receiving aid....If you can't wack-off to that kind of shit then ya's gots to be some kind of a homo.

(The term "homo" was only used out of love in an attempt to show that any man who would not find this type of a female to be attractive must find comfort within the members of his own sex.....If any queers were harmed in the making of this post I apologize.)

Tee-hee...I said "Member."

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/5/2008 3:55:31 PM >

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:54:14 PM

libbiez

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this single momma is only dammaged goods after a good workover with a MasterfulDom hehehehe
sorry got a bit sidetracked there.... i dont feel single mothers are dammaged goods, i believe any man who would think that probably is not worth the air he tries to suck in to spit out such stupidity... you are fine honey and dont let some dubmass on a bus make you second guess the only parent your babies have!

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:54:38 PM

christine1

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yay jefff! i think that if a person wants to deal with another's children, that is a personal choice and i don't fault anyone for a preference, but to call a single or divorced woman with children damaged goods is idiotic. i personally, at this stage in my life wouldn't really be interested in a man with very young children because i've raised mine now and i'm at a new stage in my life.

womens bodies are made for baby making, to get down on that is stupid and juvenile. if you arne't into women with children then look elsewhere, but i don't really see what the issue is. you're willing or you're not, no big deal, just don't criticize the choices others make, it's not your place to do so.

the two "guys" on the bus probably went home to each other out of desperation.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:56:48 PM

Jeffff

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LOL... me either..... but a child wouldn't stop me and it is not nessecarily a burden.

Jeff

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 3:57:54 PM

Gwynvyd

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Firstly, two little wankers opinions shouldnt mean shit to anyone. Since when did it become solely the womans concern about birth control? ( her fault if she gets pregnant) Did any of these people hear of birth control and safe sex? *shudders* I understand accidents happen and condoms snap. ( my son is one of those cases with an ex-fiancee of mine ) However wankers who are only out to get a "quicky" in the first place have no useful input about anyone.. and certainly no respect for themselves, or anyone else~ least of all women. (of any kind) They havent grown up yet.. and I do not care what age they are.

I think it is a huge double standard... We have a ton of single mothers. The rate goes up each year in fact. However how many single dads are there? Not many....

So in the large scale of things most women get saddled with the kids... some wish it, some don't. How many of the males bounce out, never to be heard from again.. or just occasionaly. (Don't get me started on dead beat fathers and child support.. little alone actualy *being there* for thier children.)

I know it is also a two way street. I have met a couple of single dads. They flinch when they tell you they have kids. Even if they know you have a kid yourself. Personaly I would date and be more comfortable with a single dad then with a non. *shrugs* I love kids. I only have one. (thank the Gods) One mini clone of me is enough damnit.

A good point is after you get to a certain age you have to kinda acknowledge that who ever you date are most likely going to have been previously married, and had kids already. If they havent.. you have to wonder why not? How are they "Damaged Goods" to the point no body wanted them...

So you can look at it that way.

BTW if you werent single... you wouldn't be date-able or on the market now would you.

Gods I hate dumbass people.

Gwyn

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 4:04:12 PM

angelslave77

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Ok well I am completely fucked then, by both the definition of the guys on the bus and some posters here. I am a single mum I am 30 years old, I had 4 kids by the time I was 28. Their dad is very much still in thier life, we share around 70/30% custody arrangement although I probably have them more than 70%. I am on a parenting payment at the moment although I am studying so I can get back to paid work, and I am a little overweight although I have lost most of it now.

But you know what, I have a partner, the most wonderful loving caring guy, he loves me he loves my kids and low and behold he is only 26.

My thought is anyone who would dismiss you because you are a single mum wouldnt be worth your time anyway (not necessarily because they are a bad person but becuase obviously you want different things) but people who make nasty generalisations really piss me off

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 5:17:20 PM

Griswold

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyraven1

ok, so i'm sat on the bus heading for school and there's two fellas sat behind me and i can hear them talking over my earphones. they were discussing single mothers. i wasn't listening intentionally, but when i heard what they were saying, i couldn't help it.

they were saying how they would never date a single mother because they were damaged goods. all they were good for was a casual quicky and if they were dumb enough to get pregnant in the first place, it was their own fault. they were generally ugly women, overweight and useless layabouts living off benefit.

ok, so i'm a single mum and i'm somewhat overweight. yes, i receive benefit but i am looking for work if can get it. whether or not i'm ugly depends on perspective. so does that make me damaged goods? is a casual quicky all i'm worth now?

Having never had children and being almost 50, I can readily say that I'd be fine dating a woman with (small) children. Older kids (8 and up) I'd shy away from because a) they remember their Dad and b) I'd be "the other guy".

Younger than 7...I still have a chance of being a Dad.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 5:33:13 PM

sblady

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To the OP....

The two idiots on the bus making dumb ass comments about single moms are probably bitter because they're unable to find someone stupid enough to have their babies....
I've been called selfish, weird and have heard statements that something "must be wrong with me" because I chose not to have kids. To each his/her own.

Take care of yourself and your special one....

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 6:48:48 PM

OmegaG

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyraven1

ok, so i'm sat on the bus heading for school and there's two fellas sat behind me and i can hear them talking over my earphones. they were discussing single mothers. i wasn't listening intentionally, but when i heard what they were saying, i couldn't help it.

they were saying how they would never date a single mother because they were damaged goods. all they were good for was a casual quicky and if they were dumb enough to get pregnant in the first place, it was their own fault. they were generally ugly women, overweight and useless layabouts living off benefit.

ok, so i'm a single mum and i'm somewhat overweight. yes, i receive benefit but i am looking for work if can get it. whether or not i'm ugly depends on perspective. so does that make me damaged goods? is a casual quicky all i'm worth now?

I don't think that single mothers are overweight or ugly or anything like that. On the other hand I constantly tell my single brother to stay away from women with children - not because of any sort of character defect - but that I don't think its worth his time to have that burden.

C~

ehem, my children have never been a burden on anyone. I take care of them completely and have never looked for a new daddy/bankroll for them. But I certianly know a few single no kids golddiggers that would love to be a burden on a single man with deep pockets.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 7:17:58 PM

ShaktiSama

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*shrug* Whether a guy thinks you're "damaged goods" because you choose to raise your child rather than abort or abandon it...says a lot about the guy.

From my point of view, a man who condemns single mothers as "damaged goods" is declaring his worthlessness as a human being. Certainly he's not an option for a life partner. And if anything, I think that these men did you a favor by having this conversation in public, where you could overhear it: you now have the option of being very careful who you sleep with and become involved with, because you know there are men who consider you "only a quickie".

Since I've always been of the opinion that single mothers should be MORE selective, rather than LESS selective than single women...anything that makes you more selective is a good thing.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 7:20:32 PM

Lashra

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The two gents doing the talking don't sound overly intelligent nor informed. Single mothers are in their predicament due to things that happen in life. I'm a single mom due to divorce, I do not consider myself damaged in anyway and I've never had trouble getting dates. I am not into "quicky sex" so if a guy is looking for that he is out of luck with me. I am overweight but I do not consider myself ugly nor do I live on benefits, I own my own company.

So I would have to say that these two fellas were probably just pissed off because someone turned them down for a date and now they have to bash someone to make themselves feel better about it. I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about it.

~Lashra

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 7:27:32 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyraven1

ok, so i'm sat on the bus heading for school and there's two fellas sat behind me and i can hear them talking over my earphones. they were discussing single mothers. i wasn't listening intentionally, but when i heard what they were saying, i couldn't help it.

they were saying how they would never date a single mother because they were damaged goods. all they were good for was a casual quicky and if they were dumb enough to get pregnant in the first place, it was their own fault. they were generally ugly women, overweight and useless layabouts living off benefit.

ok, so i'm a single mum and i'm somewhat overweight. yes, i receive benefit but i am looking for work if can get it. whether or not i'm ugly depends on perspective. so does that make me damaged goods? is a casual quicky all i'm worth now?

How does it benefit your life to listen to dumbasses?

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 7:55:24 PM

TheHeretic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyraven1

ok, so i'm a single mum... so does that make me damaged goods?

        Okay, I'm going for the brutally honest answer. Yes. That doesn't mean you won't meet the greatest guy in the world and live happily ever after, but you'll be looking for him in a smaller pool. And it puts a much bigger obligation on you to make smart choices.

        I never drew a hard line at it, but when I was dating, a single mother was judged first by her ____/s. I was less likely to jump on a quickie either, with a proven 'fertile myrtle.'

        A _____ is going to make you 'conditional' for a lot of guys. I haven't read the whole thread, but I did see a mention of whether the sperm donor is in the picture. You aren't a wild and crazy romance, spontaneous weekends and building a life together from scratch. You are an instant family, and massive responsibility, from day one.

       The man you are seeking is going to have to be conditional for you too, because the dynamite lover who is indifferent to the UM must lose to gassy ass-scratcher who cares.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 8:26:46 PM

philosophy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyraven1

ok, so i'm a single mum...   so does that make me damaged goods?

       Okay, I'm going for the brutally honest answer. Yes. That doesn't mean you won't meet the greatest guy in the world and live happily ever after, but you'll be looking for him in a smaller pool. And it puts a much bigger obligation on you to make smart choices.

......and how, exactly, does your learned exposition imply damage? To the untutored eye it may imply a need to be picky, or possibly experienced....but damaged?

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 8:32:18 PM

TheHeretic

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I decided to just answer the question, rather than quibbling over what metaphor I would use. 'Floor Model' would be more apt, IMO.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 8:56:32 PM

Maya2001

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I was a single mom due to divorce, the judge decide that due to the childs age it would be best in a home where a parent was home all day, so I quit my part time job and went on assistance to ensure I would keep custody, since my husband had a girlfriend moved in with hom only days after I got out, I was not damaged good as a parent, if anything was damaged goods staying with an abusive spouse who threat to harm his child. I used my time on assistance after I got granted custody to go back to school and then a job, sure there are man that do not relationship with women raising children , but would you want a man that felt like that??? Eventually did find a man and lived common law with him for 7 years he had lost his job I ended supporting for 2 years while he kept refusing jobs because they were beneath him, eventually I threaten to throw him out if he did not take something quick, later when he started talking about quitting since I made enough to support all I bought him out and threw him out. I was never fat, I spent most of my years as a taxpayer, I was not a burden to society of anyone other than early on but my son it thru he is now a dad though his relationship failed he learn to become a good parent himself takes responsibilty for his child he brought into this world he pays him $600 a month support and spend a few hour every day with his child while mom works and then as well takes the child every weekend as he is the more nuturing parent the mom thinks of herself first whereas he puts his child first much like I did raising him, I can tell you I don't see my son as damaged goods for being a single parent either instead I look on at him with pride. My parents used to question whether I could raise a child successfully on my own , they now look at my brother and step sisters children who were raised with 2 parents and being around those kids makes them want to cringe and they look at my achievements with pride both in raising my child and at my personal successes despite the hardships and challenges I faced. If anything being a single parent made me a stronger, healthier and better person.

Ignore those guys their opinions mean diddly squat

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 9:34:38 PM

slaveboyforyou

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Well, the majority of women I have dated in the last 5 years have been single mothers. It's just a reality when you are get past the age of 25 and live in a smaller town. Every woman I meet has at least one UM. I'll be honest; I'd rather date women that don't have any. But I like dating my own age, instead of women in their early 20's. When you date women that are 28-36; it's a reality that many of them are going to be single mothers. Of course, a lot of them had their kids with someone that was a jerk and ran out on them. It's a big responsibility, and it can be scary when you are thinking about getting serious with women in that position. I don't think it makes a man a jerk just because he would rather not raise someone else's UMs. I would rather raise my own, if I ever decide to have any. I want my UMs to be a choice I made, not something that just happened. But that doesn't mean I am completely repulsed when I meet a woman with UM's. But it does make me more cautious. I don't want to be with someone who is just looking around for a new daddy or a meal ticket. I have met women like that, and I have dated women that turned out to be just like that. All my women friends know women that are like that. We can't know that at first glance, so that's why single men are cautious.

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RE: Single Mums = Damaged Goods? - 2/5/2008 9:39:57 PM

sweetwenchie

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~fast reply~
Please do not let some idiots on a bus make you doubt your self worth. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to raise children on your own.

For the record, i am "damaged goods" and not just because i am a divorced single mother

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