FTopinMichigan
Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BostonGuy
Any thoughts on why there are such a large number of obese (and even morbidly obese) people within the community?
I have noticed a larger amount of obese men and women, in the BDSM community, in my own neck of the woods. Is it a larger number than is seen in mainstream America? I don't know, but it sure seems that way.
I once had a friend ask if felt my previous larger size (used to squeeze out of a size 22) was a imposing presence that I needed to use to enhance my dominant presence. This made me laugh uproariously  , but it also got me thinking. Another time, I was asked if I thought FemDoms lost some of their ability to really "control" a man, if they couldn't control themselves (i.e. by maintaining a healthy life/weight). Again, insert uproarious laughter, but followed by careful thought.
Yesterday, I received a note from a man on CM, that said I was "very, very, very, very cubby!" I asked him what "cubby" meant, but I'm sure he meant to type "chubby." Had he read the profile, versus only looking at the picture, he would have noticed my note on the "old photo." Losing weight was something I could do (and DID)....but this man will not lose his rudeness, or his ignorance in his inability to read and comprehend profiles. (From what I hear, this happens often to larger sized women, with pictures posted.)
I surely understand a preference for a certain body type...I have my own preference for larger men. It always amazes me to hear from those that feel the need to point out that someone is fat...as if they didn't know it themselves. lol It is a tactic to make themselves feel better, by putting down others, so in knowing that....I just ignore them.
I've made tremendous lifestyle changes (physically, as well as mentally) over seven months, and now I'm happily squeezing into a size 12. I have not really changed my BDSM views, but I've developed a different philosophy on life in general, and have learned to let stresses go. I'm much happier these days, and make a very conscious effort to maintain a healthy life. I didn't want to get smaller, or lose weight, but I also knew that I had to make healthy changes in order to be healthy and strong. Fortunately, I had no health issues, except borderline high blood pressure that has since disappeared. My resting pulse rate went from 90s, to below 70. I didn't want to be fifty and frumpy, so I figured I better start working on myself now, or I'd be dead. I have a few years to go, but I wanted to be fabulous and fit at fifty, and I will be. Maybe....slutty sixty?
I like being physically strong, and even took on some interesting new BDSM related interests that require being limber and physically strong.
I don't want to be too frightened to scene with my partner, because my chest hurts, or my BP is elevated. I don't want to lose my breath, or have an asthma attack. I don't want to have to end a scene...having someone beat on MY chest.
When I first viewed how many men looked at larger sized women (I always just thought of myself as "fat"), I was a bit hurt, and angry by their reactions. With time, I realized my own preferences, and didn't see it as being judgmental, or prejudice. It was just a preference. Now there is a way to approach it though, that is not hurtful, spiteful, or nasty.
I too want a partner that is as healthy and strong as myself.
In discussing this topic with some friends, we thought that perhaps there seemed to be more larger sized people in the "scene" as it takes a confident being to come out, and be active in the public community. You'll find people exude confidence in themselves, and body size has little to do with how they feel about themselves. They know who they are, and they know what they want.
I tend to view many larger folks, in the BDSM community as stronger beings, and their confidence shows through in their acceptance of their body, regardless of the size. I envy those that are large and fabulous in showing themselves off. They know how to enjoy life, but I too question if their life may not be as long and healthy as it might be.
K
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RE: Obesity within the scene: health concerns, question... - 
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RE: Obesity within the scene: health concerns, question... - 
Thanks for making this good point. I too would have a horrible BMI, but based on the fact that muscle weighs more than fat, the BMI doesn't really tell a thing. For the size I am now, I am probably 40 lbs. heavier than in the same "size" in the past (also taking into consideration the new "vanity sizing"). 
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