RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager?

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/9/2008 1:15:37 PM

ShaktiSama

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Clock another vote for Master Fire's approach. I really don't like games, and a person who wants my time and attention needs to reciprocate; I like straight-up mutual and positive interaction, where both parties want to be there and behave accordingly. And I have learned not to put more energy than I receive into any relationship--once you teach someone that they can take more than they give, it sets up an ugly dynamic that is difficult or impossible to change later on.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/9/2008 1:26:54 PM

lronitulstahp

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sometimes Yes...sometimes No. Sometimes i have felt that a Dom was too eager...in a scary way, and i feel myself pull back...other times i have been completely willing to go out on a limb due to a certain "presence" a Dom might possess...it all varies with each situation.

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/9/2008 3:05:56 PM

Cntrolmeplease

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this happens all the time to me! I feel like a younger sister wanting to hang out with the big kids and wind up putting people off..

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/9/2008 4:34:46 PM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

It seems to be a pretty wide-spread trait in humans, that we want the things we seemingly can't have, or will have a hard time getting.

Now, I consider myself to be a good submissive for the most part. I like to play, I try to experience and experiment with new thing, and while I may be nervous about some BDSM activities that I haven't tried, but I work to overcome those worries and I generally find the things I do to be fun and enjoyable. I try to serve in useful and creative ways (when the opportunity presents itself in a relationship), and be entertaining and fun to be around amongst friends. I aim to please, so to speak.

A friend in chat last night said she was enjoying the "challenge" of a submissive whom she met that was playing hard-to-get. She's someone I've had a crush on for years and never seemed to woo, and listening to her last night was something of an eye-opener.

Do you, as a submissive, sometimes feel that you might be too "willing" or "eager", and that this might put some Dommes (or Doms) off? Not that you'll just kneel to the first person who tells you to, but that you might seem to want it too much?

Not quite what you're asking but this thread reminded me of an experience many years back. Quite the opposite of playing hard to get, actually....

First, let me preface by saying there's NOTHING wrong with a sub being eager to experience firsthand domination - anticipation does that! It's especially common with newbies; which invite the dangers of trusting too much, too soon.

But eagerness does not work well with a D/s dynamic. The sub I speak of was not a newbie. We'd been dating a few weeks but we really only had privacy on the weekends (because of her kids). But I'll never forget the first time I had her standing naked before me with her hands bound behind. Her expression was all "wrong" - she had an overwhelming grin of anticipation and she couldn't stop fidgeting. So I instinctively pounced - I slapped her quite hard across the face and demanded of her "WHAT, YOU THINK I'M JUST HERE TO ENTERTAIN *YOU*???"

And in an instant, all was well. I had her attention and focus (the verb AND me) had replaced eagerness - and a D/s dynamic was born.... The rest is no-one's business. lol

Eagerness is not a bad thing; indeed, it's a compliment. But in a lifestyle that utilises discipline and control, it needs to be channelled and controlled in its own right for both D & s to enjoy the benefits of mutual domination/submission.

Focus.

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/9/2008 4:46:29 PM

sblady

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Focus50
"quote" Her expression was all "wrong" - she had an overwhelming grin of anticipation and she couldn't stop fidgeting. So I instinctively pounced - I slapped her quite hard across the face and demanded of her "WHAT, YOU THINK I'M JUST HERE TO ENTERTAIN *YOU*???"

And in an instant, all was well. I had her attention and focus (the verb AND me) had replaced eagerness - and a D/s dynamic was born.... The rest is no-one's business."

One word! Damn....okay, maybe a few more words. That was freakin' hot!!! Sorta gave me goosebumps and oh so lovely memories.

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/9/2008 5:13:41 PM

BlackPhx

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Sounds like you may have two problems. She may like to chase, to take the initiative. She may also think of you as a Friend and not as a prospect. You might want to just sit down and talk to her honestly. She may not be aware that you have an honest interest in her and are not just friendly flirting. I would wait until she resolves the other chase first though.

poenkitten

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/10/2008 6:55:36 AM

StormsSlave

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I drove through the worst snow storm of the year at 10 pm to get to my man when we first started dating.

Was that too eager??

Listen, I didn't give over to the relationship immediately. I wasn't playing hard to get...just being afraid and concerned about ending up heartbroken. Once I decided that he was the one I was going to be with, I threw myself into it with all of the love and abandon I had in my heart.

Every man/woman is different, every relationship is different. I'm with you on putting it out there. Peacocks don't hide when they are looking for a mate! Do what's right for you, is my 2 cents.

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RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? - 2/11/2008 4:37:05 AM

ThistleDown

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I am with someone now, but within our dynamic I feel as though I'm being too eager very often. I get excited about something I see or hear about and then I can't stop talking about it. I want to plan it all out and discuss all the different things we could do with the idea... basically I talk it to death.
Part of it is because we live 2000 miles apart. I still feel as though I'm trying to top from the bottom when I get so excited though. I feel like Master is supposed to be the guiding force in our relationship and when I keep coming up with all these fun ideas I'm starting to take the direction and control away from him. Of course it's important that he knows what I'm interested in but it wouldn't hurt me to tone it down a little and learn some patience. That's my opinion anyway; Master doesn't mind my constant input though so I can't really tell if I'm too eager.

According to him, no, but I'm defeating one of my own needs with my behavior so who's right? Maybe we both are. Anyway, we take it all one idea at a time.
Sorry for the rambling, I'm tired I hope this is all as related as it seems to me right at the moment.
~puppy

< Message edited by ThistleDown -- 2/11/2008 4:38:01 AM >

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