RE: "soon to be had"

RE: "soon to be had" (Full Version)

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laurell3 -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/8/2008 12:39:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetobehad I am quite the sensitive one and wish only to please.. but to lick the dirt from his boots, come on... would a Master ask a girl of something that he would not do himself?? I sure hope so. If he doesn't, I'd be bored pretty fast with him. OP, as you can see from the responses, there are no answers to these general questions that fit for all people. We don't know how "weird" it's going to get, we don't know what he will desire, we don't know him. YOU need to look at what YOU desire and negoiate a relationship that fits YOUR needs. Yes, you can do that, even as a slave. Seriously, slow down and start thinking for yourself and take care of yourself. As LA stated if you believe someone asking you to lick the bottom of their boots is horrible, you ain't seen nothing yet and until you learn to make healthy boundaries for YOU, you're a walking timebomb in this lifestyle.

AbsitInvidia -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/8/2008 12:54:28 PM)
So who is ganna do my buttercream and whisk dance! That's what I want to know. Barnum SixFoot

charlotte12 -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/8/2008 1:31:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AbsitInvidia So who is ganna do my buttercream and whisk dance! That's what I want to know. Barnum SixFoot If you figure out a way to get me to Australia than I will totally obey. [;)] charlotte

lilacs -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/8/2008 3:16:01 PM)
Okay... So I'm going to actually answer what I think the OP is actually getting at. TPE has many definitions. 24/7 has many definitions. Slave has many definitions as does submissive. There are plenty of people (including myself) who would not put me in many of those categories. And that's cool. Sir is always "the buck stops here" guy. I always have a say. He is always Sir and I always defer to him to an extent. However, he has no desire to micromanage me and I don't thrive under that sort of submission so we work well together. He enjoys the fact that I think for myself and have thoughts, ideas, hobbies, and a life in additon to a life as his submissive and he encourages me to keep that as healthy as the submissive aspects of myself. Punishments are rare in our relationship, although small "reminders" happen occationally (a small look that reminds me that I've let the brat in me get out of hand from time to time, etc.) When he wants me to do something for him, he rarely states is as a command, but rather as a request as in: "I would like for you to tidy up the kitchen for me." He is also liberal with his praise. Whether this is because it is how I tend to respond best or because it is simply how he prefers to exert his more gentle and easy form of dominance I'm not sure. So that's a taste of how we do our version of what could be called 24/7. We call it that because we don't move in and out of our "roles" of dominant and submissive - they are always there. Some people don't do it that way and have lots of protocol. Some people do lots of other things. For us, it was just taking a few things at a time and keeping the lines of communication open. When something didn't feel right, we backed up, figured out what went wrong, talked about it, and adjusted things.

batshalom -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/8/2008 3:49:20 PM)
I will answer what the OP is getting at too. I had a Master who had a thing for grossness - the grosser the better, as far as he was concerned (like chewing up my food and spitting it in my mouth, or just spitting in my mouth and telling me to hold it in there). He also practiced karate and I was often his practice partner. He was a black belt - I was not, if you catch what I'm saying. He loved physical "punishments" and could pick any situation apart in order to mete out a whipping. (It wasn't really a punishment - think of it as foreplay.) He was also high protocol - we spent hours practicing being ladylike answering the door, we spent hours folding clothes properly, hours organizing closets, etc. I had a Dom who wasn't protocol at all. Except for the authority, it was a lot like vanilla. I had an Aba who was extremely solicitous, courteous, and kind; he was also a sadist. I was his yaldah and his zona. He liked breathplay and loved pee play, he was great at mind-fucking and creative sadism. There are others, but my point is that each dynamic is very different from the next and to expect to judge one on a past experience is naive. To "become owned" isn't a light commitment and should be considered most carefully with the best information possible, especially since you haven't done this before. Not knowing what it's going to be like and not knowing what to expect is just foolhardy. (I am repeating myself now so I guess I'll shut up.)

charlotte12 -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/8/2008 4:49:53 PM)
There really is no such thing as "what it's like to be owned or to be a slave." There are as many answers are there are Masters/Doms. And that's if you don't even count that each Master will be a little different with each slave he owns. I know that's not what you want to hear though so I will tell you what it has been like for me. Master has gone slowly in many respects but there has never been a question from the day he collared me who is in charge. The thing that I probably would have considered the weirdest and most out of character for me a year ago that he's had me do is the night I auditioned at a strip club. This was also one of the easiest things he's had me do. The hardest is probably having me serve vanilla people as a slave (not sexually, but like bringing them drinks the way he's trained me.) I get horribly embarassed even if he knows they don't mind. I had a really hard time giving up the purse I loved in favor of a smaller one too. I am learning to fuck other men, that's a hard one for me. It's the things you don't anticipate and never could that will be the hardest. You can't figure out all the things he could possibly make you do and then say "I can do all that." You have to decide that you want to obey no matter what it is if you want to be a slave like you are saying. Obedience becomes more important than the action or tasks he is going to set you to do. And believe me, a Gorean man is going to expect obedience whether you were prepared for whatever task he requires of you or not. charlotte

eyesopened -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 6:31:07 AM)
i've said it before but i think it bears repeating. Some people agree to play or be collared by people they would not trust to hold their wallet. Once you have a relationship where you can trust your partner with your credit cards, you will not need to worry about what will be asked of you.

KatyLied -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 7:21:53 AM)
That puts everyone unavailable to me. I was married to someone who couldn't manage money. I wouldn't dream of giving my financial info to another.

eyesopened -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 8:30:53 AM)
Okay.... i forgot to add "your mileage might vary". For me, i have never played with anyone who, if i forgot my wallet at his house (not likely but sheesh i'm just sayin) i would start cancelling credit cards and call my bank. Everyone i've ever played with have been people i have trusted enough that if i handed them my credit cards to hold, they would never dream of using them. i consider my body, my mind and my emotions to be more valuable than the credit cards and i cannot imagine entrusting those to someone i could not trust with something of lessor value. Just me though.... your mileage may vary.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 9:17:29 AM)
I didn't answer what the OP clearly really wanted because I felt like all it would do was feed into her fantasies and give her head filled with ideas- when what really needed to happen was for her to go to the source and deal with some personal reality.

ownedgirlie -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 11:05:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetobehad I am quite the sensitive one and wish only to please.. but to lick the dirt from his boots, come on... would a Master ask a girl of something that he would not do himself?? First, it depends on your owner and your dynamic. For me, licking dirt off boots would be a relatively mild thing for me to lick. For others, it's no way, no how. It all depends on your particular situation and what works for you. As for the part I bolded, my reponse is absolutely. A huge point in my Master owning a slave is to indulge in his perversions of having a slave do things he would never dare to do himself. Another huge point is so that he doesn't HAVE to do things he doesn't want to do himself (domestic stuff, etc.). Keep in mind, though, there is always a starting point, and learning to crawl before standing, walk befor running, etc. is crucial to successful development. You're not thrown into a new job without proper training, right? That would be a set up to fail. Neither would I recommend being thrown into being expected to perform as highly experienced slave when you are just starting out on your path. Thus the importance of serving a Master who can help you adjust to his demands along the way.

BlackPhx -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 2:26:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetobehad what I am asking is... I wanna know how wierd it gets, would should I expect. I have never been owned... I want to know what it felt like to other girls. I want to know what it feels like to be in a 24/7 TPE relationship.. I can't answer that because I have not been there yet.. what did it feel like to you???? I have never been Gorean though I have played on on IRC and are familiar with the books. The only one who can answer what he is likely to have you do is Him. However I think I can answer at least a couple of your questions here. TPE, or EPE is NOT easy nor is it instant. It is a journey to a destination that may never be fully reached. For every 3 steps forward you take on the journey you will at times take 2 backwards. It is easy to say you will give up everything, all choices and will to the person who has chosen you and who you have chosen, but I will caution you to be *extremely careful* in your choice. You will live where he wants, how he wants, he will or may not control your way of dress, address, accounts, how many are in his household, how often you contact family, friends, children. He could concievably kennel you in a dog house as a place to sleep, isolate you allowing for further work on breaking down any resistences you may have to his control. You may be timed going to market and back, denied the right to drive, to doctors, medicines (foolish but his choice and not yours), allowed to work outside the home or not by his choice. You may have TV Privilieges, Book Privileges or not at his whim. Food may or may not be controlled, you may be shared sexually with others, or kept exclusive. How often you bath, have sex, or even relax may or may not be controlled. Those are just some examples or what can be controlled. You will likely fight every step of this and try to negotiate, make end runs or change his mind. He may or may not allow you to do so depending on his mood and strictness. You will alternately be in love with him, hate him, resent him, like him, desire or want to refuse him. It will make no difference, you will obey or be punished if he desires to do so. You might want to look up Stockholm Syndrome and http://www.londonfetishscene.com/wipi/index.php/TPE. Another good site is http://www.enslavement.org.uk/tpe and many of your questions may be answered here http://www.totalpowerexchange.com/ . So why do I say for you to be *extremely careful* in accepting this. It is very easy if you are not to get into an abusive situation. Many of the techniques used to break down that inner resistence are similar, and there are some who are looking for "victims" not slaves. A careful matching of needs is paramount, but even more so is knowing the person well BEFORE you begin the enslavement. Not just online or in email or phone but in person, up close and personal, face to face and I would suggest for several months before acceptance. Remember a person can appear to be what you are seeking up until they have you. As my grandmother say the man you marry is not the man you get up with day after the wedding. Good behavior can be mantained for a while, but long exposure usually lets you see the flaws before you choose to live with them. Once many of the above are stripped from you in self empowerment you will be extremely vunerable. If the person is not honorable you may have lost everything, including your sense of self only to be cast aside like an unwanted dog on the side of the road. It is hard to protect yourself in relationships to begin with, and even harder in a TPE journey. It will take nearly as long if not longer to take BACK the power over your life, if it is the worng person and you have been dismissed. Please don't make the choice with your hormones. Think about every step you are about to take. It can be wonderful. Master and I have been working towards it for 4 years, and we have just really set foot on the path. Maybe on my deathbed we MIGHT have made it if he says don't die, and I manage not to for even a moment longer. Ultimately I know I will fail that last test. poenkitten

BlackPhx -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/9/2008 2:29:51 PM)
The http://www.totalpowerexchange.com/ link is dead but please check out this article it may help http://www.leathernroses.com/eso/esoabuse.htm poenkitten

StormsSlave -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/10/2008 7:10:57 AM)
I'm with BlackPhx. I'm not a slave, nor do I think I would ever be one, but I definitely have done things at the bidding of my man that I would not have dreamed doing with others. I have also been married to an abusive lunatic who enslaved me in our lives. It sounds like you are set in this, so please take a few pieces of advice. This man seems like the answer over the internet, but be very careful. This could be your worst nightmare. Let someone know where you are. Your mother, your sister, your best friend. Someone you trust should have the address of the home you are going to. If yours is a willing submission, as you say it is, then there should be no reason for you to be abducted, and he should have no reason to hid this information from them. Memorize or hide the number of one person who won't change their number, or the email of someone who won't close theirs and checks it regurlarly. If this turns into a hellish nightmare, and you get a chance to escape, you need to know who to contact that can get you help. Don't be so set in your personal commitment to this before you go into it that you refuse to get out. Admit right now that it's possible you'll hate it and that it won't work. As a slave, you have no pride, so it will be easy to get completely trampled. Be willing to admit to yourself, right now, that it might be a miserable failure and you might have to begin again. Otherwise, I bid you good luck, and I hope it's all the joy and pleasure you are anticipating. Congratulation on finding your master.

Huntertn -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/10/2008 9:15:16 AM)
My girl does the dishes[I bought the dishwasher] I do the cooking,I leave holiday cooking to her..I made her start a 401k savings,got her 3 brothers cars out of her name,together we have built up three very large toy boxs..she was there at my grandfathers death..I was there at her stepdaughters wedding..I still growl at her over the housecleaning..she still buys things for everone but herself..would I have her do Anything unhealthy ...No..but I have flogged her,caned her ass, used Hot wax and ice,vibs,clamps, and various stands I have built over the years No two D/s or gorean Masters alike.but if he is into the procalls..there is your hint. Huntertn

Stephann -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/10/2008 10:54:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetobehad I love the flower... a Rudbeckia? The question (s) are more in the line of, and I know this is silly to ask but.. when you finally made the decision to be a 24/7 slave, how, what happened.. I know you have given up your last choice, and the choices are no longer yours to make. Was it hard to change the mindset? What is it like... what happens.. "my Master" is very strict and very protocal driven.. everthing this way and that way and no deviation from it. Were there times of punishment, did you cry.. I am quite the sensitive one and wish only to please.. but to lick the dirt from his boots, come on... would a Master ask a girl of something that he would not do himself?? I have and need much advice on this matter.. I need to know what to expect.. I have to know because once the decision is made there will be no turning back. There are no velcro collars.. A few thoughts, First, have you met the man in person? The 'velcro' collar term is one bandied about a lot online, but I've never heard it made use of in real life situations. If you beg the collar of a man you barely know, there's a very good chance that it'll be coming back off whether it was made of lace or titanium. Frankly, even if you knew him very well, there's two very important considerations. In my relationship, the slave has been made quite aware of the fact that it isn't 'her' collar to wear; it's mine. She wears it because it pleases me for her to wear it, and that collar might be removed at a moment's notice, for any reason, or no reason at all. The truth is, this is a reflection of all relationships (your second consideration); either party can terminate their participation in a relationship (slave or otherwise.) Pretending that you'll be forced to stay helpless and miserable and suffering in a bad relationship is foolish. If you're going to equate your collar with a wedding ring, would you marry the man online? If not, you need to reread what LA said about feeding your fantasies. Second, is a question of compatibility. No matter how powerful of an owner he may be, no matter how strong a man he is, if you can't stand how he smells, can't stomach cooking food he enjoys, and can't fathom obeying the instructions he'd give you, you're not compatible. This too infringes on the fantasy of a 'helpless' slavegirl, but if you're not willing get past that fantasy to realize that even slaves have bad days, and not every owner is the right owner for you, you're in for a rough ride. Here's some thoughts on how I am doing things with my slave. We'd been talking online and phone for about four months. I collared her the first day we met. I made it clear that this was a training collar, with a one year expiration. She could beg release in that year, and we could part as friends. When that year passes, it'll be at our option to put her in a permanent slave collar, or to extend the training collar at my convenience. This allows us the time we need to really get to know each other, decide if we've made the right decision, and if we feel good about the future. She still learns to serve as a slave, while also learning what it means to be my slave. As an added bonus, she gets to indulge (at least in part) that fantasy that obviously fuels many slaves ;) But when we met, we did so with (I believe) zero fears of compatibility. We both knew that I might and would likely order her to lick my boots clean, and that she'd enjoy it. (I haven't actually tested that particular activity, but there's been several other similar situations; point is, we're very compatible in both kink, and M/s terms.) Finally, you mention he's Gorean several times. I have nothing but respect for those who choose to live a Gorean lifestyle; yet, in no way should you be using that as an explanation for 'why' he's so harsh. He shouldn't be harsh or hard because he's Gorean; rather, he could easily be a harsh or hard owner who happens to be Gorean. Falling into the fantasy that you're going to be a beautiful kajira simply by wearing his collar is a pretty sure path towards a miserable experience. The only beauty you'll find in being a slave, will come from you; not some sort of mystical concept of fantasy slavery. Best of luck to you. Storm's slave, Briefly, I'd just like to say that slaves should have pride, same as any other person. I wouldn't want a slave who didn't have confidence and pride in her service. It won't be her lack of pride that enables her to leave an unhealthy situation; it'll be the fact that she does have value and beauty which will allow her to escape if her circumstances warrant it. In any case, a slave moving cross country to become fully dependent on a person she's never met is a very, very foolish idea indeed. Stephan

meticulousgirl -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/10/2008 5:15:46 PM)
slavetobehad, my suggestion for you would be to talk to Him, and to see what He ideally wants, no two Dominants and no to slaves are alike. It took me two years with my current Owner to accept slavery with Him, It will be three years ago on valentines day when i made that choice....and still to this day there are days when i question myself and whether or not this is for, if this is what i can handle etc....the punnishments have changed, they seem never ending and just plain destructive and unbearable but, when it's over you dont ever catch me doing whatever i did again.... we all want to be pleasing as our Master's slaves but, the real question is what He expects of you, and what you in return are ready for and can actually handle. Mine knew i was scared to death and what i imagined to be this horrific and incredibly hard process was in all actuality no different than being His submissive until it came time to be punnished for something i did wrong and then there was no getting out of it, no begging and pleading for Him to choose something else or to stop because He had the control, He had all of me and knew that even though i didn't think i could handle what was happening He knew i could and that i would infact learn from it.....(i'm stubborn sometimes we'll just put it that way). ~meticulous~

OsideGirl -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/10/2008 6:47:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: batshalom . My god, girl. To get involved as a slave, without having negotiated anything, without knowing what to expect, is a spectacularly bad idea. You're not kidding you need lots of advice, and my first piece of it is to stop before you really get started, at least until you learn some things. I ditto this. Have you discussed any of the "what ifs" with this man? quote: ORIGINAL: slavetobehad once the decision is made there will be no turning back. And on this you're dead wrong. There's always turning back and getting out if you're unhappy. You have the right to leave. You have the right to self preserve and protect yourself. We're each in this life because it makes us happy. If you're not happy get out. End of story.

LadyHathor -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/10/2008 7:15:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetobehad SixFootMaster.. I love your answer!!! This is what I am looking for.... *My response would be, if you can imagine it, it is possible--the question you need to ask is: " Can I accept that and accept me in the process"---*

StormsSlave -> RE: "soon to be had" (2/11/2008 8:17:20 AM)
Stephann-- I don't argue the point you're making. However, for a person to get on their knees and lick another's boots...well, there has to be some pride subjugation there. My man seeks to humble me often, to remind me who I am and what he is to me. I tell you form experience, this wounds the pride. However, my desire to serve allows me to step over that pride willingly to meet our mutual needs 99.9% of the time. He wouldn't tolerate my not holding my head high in public, or becoming slothful, uncaring, or sloppy. He prides himself on my appearance when I put forth the effort, and I bask in his pride. But in order for me to do some of the things he asks me to do, setting aside my own pride is the only way.

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