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Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 9:30:28 AM   
AAkasha


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Another thread was moving in this direction, but I thought this deserved a new thread.  Please refrain from posting why online domination does not work for you; we will assume by your lack of participation that you don't endorse it. For those that do, or are curious about it, here's a place to share your thoughts on what you have learned....

My tips:

1) Make sure telephone is a component.  Talk on the phone frequently, and make sure at least some large portion of that talk is without a cam on, not for "play" and just to simply discuss emotions and feelings.

2) Establish ahead of time how long you will be "playing." If two people go online/on the phone (on cam) and are going to engage in power exchange, you need to have some parameters regarding how long they have. Otherwise, one person may have their feelings hurt when someone "has to go," and the person in control of the tempo can determine when things need to wind down. 

3) Remember that intense moments still come with 'subdrop', 'topdrop' or whatever your label is for "feeling emotional after it's done."  No hugging, holding, cuddling is possible via a PC.  Phone is where this should be handled. In my experience, sometimes a very intense moment can lead to a difficult transition back to real life and there's a feeling of emptiness because of the lack of physical contact.  This is the downfall, I would say, of many online relationships - because you don't get closure from these intense moments and the feelings can turn into resentment. There is no easy way out. It just requires a lot of talking, and a nice follow up in the next days.

4) Send gifts.  No, not "tributes," but gifts, from the heart.  Three dimensional things are required if you want this relationship to last. Something to hold, feel, smell.  It goes both ways - dominant to submissive, submissive to dominant.  If you are emotionally involved and it's not casual play and neither person cares, send a small token regularly.  In my most significant relationship, my submissive regularly sent me clothing of his.  Let's just say I sent him clothing of mine as well, but mine was a little more intimate.

5) Don't fall into the trap of relying on "lists of what to do to your submissive" - instead, use your own gut feelings and emotions.  Don't feel like every moment on cam you have to be playing.

6) Webcam isn't the end-all, be-all of online relationships.  Digital photos and digital videos can be just as special.

Those are off the top of my head.   I've had a lot of "online relationships" that remained online, but I would consider them "phone relationships" with cams/pictuires as an added bonus.  My longest "online relationship" was two years and included well over a few gigabytes of video and picture files transfered (and this was in 2001-2002) exchanged, and at its peak included 2 - 4 hours on the phone every night. Needless to say we found real life was more "cost effective" (and got married), but it was never our intent to have a romantic relationship.

Akasha


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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 9:37:15 AM   
AtlantaMistress


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I have several online relationships - and like to use gmail because of this. It is google's free email/chat - and I have my subs set up and account that they only communicate with me through. You can see when one another are online, however - I am often logged in and not on the pc, or home and not logged in, there is a "forwarding" feature that will send a text to my phone when I have an email...so you can send a message that you are online to see if the other is available to chat, and if you are both available - you can hop on and start chatting.

I send out a lesson at least weekly to be done and written about in their journal...which I do always require a journal.

I think one of the important things about LD/online relationships is to keep communication open. A text message or an email out of the blue every day or so keeps the connection strong.


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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:14:30 AM   
Dnomyar


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What is wrong with using the mike on your computer while on cam. Saves on a phone bill.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:18:08 AM   
AAkasha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

What is wrong with using the mike on your computer while on cam. Saves on a phone bill.


I consider myself an early adopter but I can't get into the microphone!   I need to hear from people who use them.  I like the telephone because I listen to every single little details -- breathing, etc.  So I don't even like cell phones a lot of the time.  Are microphones' quality that good?  I think I have skype - and I know you can use a traditional phoneset for that..maybe I need to suck it up and get with the new generation.  I just don't like speakerphone AT ALL, so anything with voice coming out of my pc rather than into my ear is not going to work.

I also like to talk on the phone in bed with the lights off.

Akasha


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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:19:53 AM   
Dnomyar


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You can use a headset. The quality is good on them.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:41:27 AM   
lockmeupplease


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Well said AAkasha!  From prior experience, two common courtesies I would like to add:

1.  Most "play time" is scheduled ahead and doesn't just haphazardly occur because you both happen to be online.  Though spontaneous online play can certainly be fun, it can't be the only source.

2.  No interruptions during the agreed upon time (exceptions of course for emergencies).

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:44:10 AM   
Dnomyar


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lockmeupplease if your at home the no interruptions rule can be hard to follow if you have lots of brothers and friends.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:58:25 AM   
littlebitxxx


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I agree with lockmeupplease...no interruptions duirng online-time.  It IS difficult with family or rommates around but even people who live together need privacy and it should be accorded them when they want it.  Called respect for another's space.

AAkasha, I used skype for weeks, hours every night.  With a decent headset on your computer you can even hear them breathing...lol.  And sighing and the little voice inflections and and and.  It wasn't perfect but I found it better than the phone.  But ya need to set up pee break times...

One thing I would add (from personal experience) would be to chat with each other ONLY at the time.  Being on the receiving end of someone who had other chat screens open at the same time as me was not pleasant.  Even during just everyday conversation, not necessarily intimate time, being the only talker and talkee is just common courtesy in my books.  After all, if you're on the phone you don't expect a conference call to happen while you're talking with your SO, so it's basically the same on chat.

Good thread AAkasha, all great points to ponder if one is in LDR.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 11:00:46 AM   
akisha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

What is wrong with using the mike on your computer while on cam. Saves on a phone bill.


I agree, mic and webcam are way better then a phone. You don't get that dead ear feeling and you can see each other as you talk *S*

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 11:06:59 AM   
charlotte12


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One thing that helped me when I was seeing someone rarely in person so we talked online alot was having things to do for them during the day, when we weren't interacting.  Nice to have a little task to remind you of them during the day and feel a little more connected.

Master and I spent 4 months talking online and on the phone before we met in person and while neither of intended to have an online relationship we did feel that those 4 months brought us close in a way that allowed us to jump into things a lot more quickly in person than if we hadn't talked for hours upon hours.   Our time on the phone was the most important to me and it definitely helped to have set times when you knew you could find the person online or could call.  Otherwise you can end up feeling very distanced.

charlotte


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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 11:08:05 AM   
Dnomyar


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LOL. littlebit you need to meet my brothers. We are from the old days. You dont knock you just walk in..

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 11:13:32 AM   
amadeus77


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Great post, Aakasha. On the issue of headset, using something like Skype with a headset is (for me, at least) much more freeing than having a phone stuck to my ear. Also, you can get cordless headsets that give you greater mobility than a wired headset does.

Amadeus77

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 11:23:52 AM   
Kirren


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I see My girl regularly, she comes down about twice a month, and more when school is out I am sure.

A program that I think is good for punishments is called Fond of Writing. If you google it youll find it, and it offers a few ways to use the pc for written tasks that the Dom/me sets into place.

I also have My girl do self actualizations, journal entries, and we talk about 900 times a day on the phone.

Alot of people talked about phone costs, but for next to nothing you can get unlimited long distance on any home phone, and that works well.

I use the journal entries, the actualizations and a few other impliments as tools for domination, as I give specific times for these things to be completed and very specific things I want included. If they arent, which they all have been thus far, but if they are not, then there is a redo, with more specific focus on the unclear content.



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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 12:50:14 PM   
travelgman


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Nice thread Akasha. I agree phone is a must. Especially from a Dom's perspective in any kind of  on-line relationship. Otherwise it is to easy for the sub to take the easy way out when things hit a rough spot and just type what they think  you  want to hear on the computer. And while things can be faked on a phone as well. It is much harder for most  to do so.

Do they make the bluetooth earpieces for regular and skypee phones? I  never thought I would have a use for them. Until I got one for free with my last phone. They really make it easier to just relax and talk for extended periods of time. Though I will agree that sometimes cell phone quality could be better.. No system is perfect. And  You should definitely try and meet  as often in person as possible/if possible.

Be Well

" I control my destination" - Supafuzz

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:25:20 PM   
ItalianSMistress


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirren



A program that I think is good for punishments is called Fond of Writing. If you google it youll find it, and it offers a few ways to use the pc for written tasks that the Dom/me sets into place.





My slaves HATE this program,,,,, well, most of them and the ones that hate it REALLY hate it.  I always laugh My ass off knowing how frustrating it came be.  I have been using it a long time, great for so many things, punishment, re-enforcment, many many things.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/8/2008 10:44:02 PM   
laurelgoat


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I wish this thread had been around a couple of nights ago when I was trying to describe some of the fine points of online d/s play to someone. And I can't agree enough about the phone calls/voice chat. When I had a sub actively, I felt like I was neglecting her if I didn't make sure she heard my voice. There are a lot of aspects to communication that text is sadly lacking in, subtle nuance being the most notable. I always found that tone of voice was vital to the interplay and it's bloody difficult to convey 'authoritative' with flat, written words.

Mind you, the challenge of getting a sub receptive enough to you that he/she will react to implied tone in text based communications can be a lot of fun.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/9/2008 12:53:30 PM   
kultur


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I like fucking girls from real life too. both ways are fun.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 2/11/2008 2:18:01 AM   
Faeorie


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Just adding on some tips on online domination... some things I do/will possibly do in the future...

-Make them wear panties all day (a reminder throughout the day of their submission to me. I usually have them send me a picture at some arbitrary time where they must go and take a picture of them wearing it, so I know my orders are followed.
- Make them sleep on the floor or not in their bed. This isn't an every night type of thing, but if they have a webcam and leave it on all night, you can see if they do it, and it's a great way for them to submit and follow orders.
- Have them masturbate on camera but not allow orgasm. Usually I only instill orgasm denial for about a day though.
- A good form of punishment would be to just not talk to them. Not saying completely cut them off, but let them know why you won't speak to them and tell them when their punishment it up and you can talk again. I wouldn't recommended this for more than a week.
- Have them alter themselves for you. This can be as simple as having them go get their hair cut, to getting a tatoo or piercing. Could also include losing or gaining weight. For me, I'm just having my subs grow their hair out for now. It's pretty simple and easy to change if things go wrong, it makes them feel more like they belong to me, and hey, I just like my subs with longer hair. IF things start to get serious, I'd consider having them get pierced.
- Nipple clamps or clothespins... that'a all I'm going to say.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I don't have them do a journal (which I should) but I do have them email me a lot, and talk to me about how a session made them feel, what they hope to gain with me... just a whole bunch of different things. I haven't used the phone yet either. I've been meaning to, but there's an awful bug going around and I caught it, which means I can barely get a sentence out my throat is so raw. And for some reason, I'm sitting here at work.... crap.

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RE: Tips for online domination - 10/8/2010 9:34:58 AM   
OBEAHCPL


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How would you set up a online realtionship if the slave is in not in the USA? Phone can be very expensive? What lession would you have them write in a journal? I love all your ideas so far!!!

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RE: Tips for online domination - 10/8/2010 10:42:58 AM   
thatsub


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that is one big necro!

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