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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 9:02:48 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
But some of us date back to the stone age; to us, 10 years is but a hummingbird's wing stroke.


I am sure! I wonder what changes you have seen that were the most unforseen or those that you least thought would happen...what did you see happen that you simply knew would never happen? What hasn't happened yet that you thought for sure would happen?

I know that my ten years of experience are a drop in the ocean...yet I have seen such a change in the lifestyle even in my time (or maybe it was just a change in me...hmmm...)

I would love to hear your thoughts on this...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/10/2005 5:19:03 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
But some of us date back to the stone age; to us, 10 years is but a hummingbird's wing stroke.


I am sure! I wonder what changes you have seen that were the most unforseen or those that you least thought would happen...what did you see happen that you simply knew would never happen? What hasn't happened yet that you thought for sure would happen?

I know that my ten years of experience are a drop in the ocean...yet I have seen such a change in the lifestyle even in my time (or maybe it was just a change in me...hmmm...)

I would love to hear your thoughts on this...

Taggard


Damn, you Taggart. Here I was planning to just skim the board and head out for a nice breakfast and you go and ask a good question!!!

Actually, until about 1984, I was a bit like a Middle Ages peasant in terms of the scene. I thought it was steady state and I'd keep on playing in small groups or dyads until I croked.

Then I discovered the public scene through LA's Threshold. After being in the public scene for a few years, I was optmistic that things would get better and better until we were accepted. Then, about 1993, the Internet, on which I was already active in kink through my university teaching (ASB) exploded into homes and things got to look really really good. The number of people involved in more than dyads and such expanded enormously. It looked like we were a giant iceburg, huge and unstoppable.

Then the forces of repression caught their second wind and we along with gay people became their target. We've had a campaign of hate aimed at us that has included pressuring hotels to refuse to host our events and the public outing of scene folks.

One thing I've learned is not to extrapolate success by expecting it to yield future success. Just a glance at the sexual freedom and legalized drug cultures of the 60s is sobering as it looking at the degree of sexual freedom people enjoyed in the 1920s compared with the 1930s.

I still see that iceburg. The problem is there's another Religious Right iceburg and it's heading right for us.

One bright light I see is unless the Supreme Court does a complete about face (and it could happen in the next two years) is that nonfiction material is pretty much purely protected by the First Amendment. They can crack down on porn and dirty pictures, but the information on how to do this sort of thing and, more importantly, the knowledge that each of us is not alone will continue to be available.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/10/2005 9:09:39 AM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

In short, you learn from everyone who knows something you don't.


Well said.

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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/14/2005 10:42:59 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		Is any one ever to old to learn from any one if so then they must be dead or just not willing to be listen in learnign and listing you are gaining training in life even if its only advice given

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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/19/2005 12:10:05 PM   
firefighteremt


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/5/2005
From: Buffalo NY (AREA)
Status: offline 		1st of all nice questions Taggard and nice reply John. Very informative.

Secondly I've learned a lot from watching other D/s couples in action. I've learned even more though just getting into the mind of slaves and just learning what they really want. I think anytime you get into the scene you will learn something from the early stages. I just try to be as active as I can and network with people. Find those who know who they are and what they want and you will too

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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/21/2005 10:48:15 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlaMatthew

Is it possible for a Dom to train Dom? My personality is dominate but how do you start out?


I expect it happens,also,Im sure subs/slaves have done some training themselves. Might I suggest you take time to read books on the subject to start with so as to get a better "handle" on things,then,if you havent yet,get out and about at munches etc. The person/persons who can/will train you may be at one of those events. Take your time though,nothing will happen over night. Good luck.



HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/30/2005 7:30:29 PM   
MistressAkasha


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		Matthew,

It is natural for a Dominant to train a Dominant. I am a very very young dominant, and I learned from a female and a male dominant on how to use certain toys...and the no-no's. Does that make you a submissive, or less dominant...or evenso less smart? -No. I would argue that you are foolish to just read and go on your own. Now, if this particular dominant wants to do something like spank you for their time, that's different.

All the best,
Akasha

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dom train Dom? - 10/8/2005 5:59:00 AM   
ShereKhan


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/21/2005
From: US
Status: offline 		I am not sure that you are asking the right question. I do not think dominance can be taught for it is something you either are or are not. But the skills of dominating another is another story all together. Skills can be learned and refined over time. Learning occurs from any and all that you come into contact with.

To start out I would suggest that you seek out as much information as possible. Once you feel comfortable then join a group where there are more opportunities to exhange ideas and learn.

Shere Khan

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dom train Dom? - 10/8/2005 6:13:13 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShereKhan

I am not sure that you are asking the right question. I do not think dominance can be taught for it is something you either are or are not. But the skills of dominating another is another story all together. Skills can be learned and refined over time. Learning occurs from any and all that you come into contact with.

To start out I would suggest that you seek out as much information as possible. Once you feel comfortable then join a group where there are more opportunities to exhange ideas and learn.

Shere Khan


I agree with you Shere Khan, as far as you go. However, have you also considered adding a mentor to the mix. The mentor could be of either sex and it here that the new Dom can have safe training in some of the practicalities of for example BDSM practices.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ShereKhan)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 10/8/2005 10:19:31 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
Oh, not so damned long. SM101 was the first nonfiction BDSM how-to for heterosexuals and that came out in 1992 (Jay beat me to print by about six month). Before that, you were pretty much on your own. Even the first public heterosexual group, Eulenspiegel, appeared only in 1970.

This world we live in is a pretty new thing.


Sort of. There was a LOT of publicly available information including discussion, arguments, safety screeds, whining about the online world ruining the BDSM universe, get together and play party organization and so on available on BBS's and the Unsenet as early as 82 (by personal experience).

While that stuff wasn't as widely avaialble in a huge way it was common on Compuserve and GEnie and PCLink. These systems all had relatively large vanilla and mainstream user bases and did introduce many peopel to BDSM with conversation and information.

Certainly the books you guys did are a "watershed" moment, but there was a lot of publically available information before then.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dom train Dom? - 10/8/2005 10:34:57 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Now there is a much more interesting point raised...can dominance be taught? Is dominance a skill, a character trait, or even an inborn way of being?


Dominance is more complicated than that, and none of the answers are universal.

When power disparities are large, then dominance is an inborn trait that will assert itself.

When the disparities are small, who is dominant often depends on skills that are capable of being taught.

There are lots of little philosphical eddy currents to play in here, but int he end it gouls a lot liek this when I am asked.

"Dominance, like charisma, is something that you have or you don't - however it can certainly be enhanced by skills you can learn".

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dom train Dom? - 10/8/2005 10:36:59 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlaMatthew
Is it possible for a Dom to train Dom? My personality is dominate but how do you start out?


It is possible sure. And I mean that in the way I use "train" with my girls - literally. I get trained at my Dojo by my Sensei when he is teaching the classes, and I train others when I am running the school. He is as clear an alpha personality as you'll find, I am dominant and so are some of the students... so clearly it can work.


(in reply to FlaMatthew)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dom train Dom? - 10/8/2005 11:35:09 AM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I learned by watching others play and going to workshops,or internet how tos. Then lots of practice. Impact play,shibari, piercing (the last one I learned by sticking needles into myself-and I am sure as hell not an endorphin junkie).

Play skills only require attention and reasonable coordination to pull off. I have mentored a few newbie Doms over the years. But can I teach someone to Dominate?
Not unless they have it in them to begin with,and I can only give vague pointers.. They have to develop their own styles,I'm not them.

One really funny one was where I had a poly girl I was seeing,(before I burned out on poly, and quit doing it) who got married to a little subby guy. She was a switch, and wanted desperately for him to be her "big bad master". I had the other girl over to a party at thier house-she was this huge pain pig-the sort that will laugh at you if you don't really thrash her ass.

So the little subby guy and the switch are watching me walloping her with this five pound big ass bullhide flogger I had made. I mean ,I am just throwing this thing down on her back and ass full-force. The lil subby boy is wincing and yiping watching us,and the bottom is smiling at him as I bounce her on the couch. He was acting like HE was the one getting beat. wifey had wanted me to mentor him as a top,teach him the ropes. I was doubtful of it having any success.

I took his wife aside later, and just said "Honey,I really don't think he has it in him to go there." She lived in denial of the fact for about a year,but later accepted it-she's Domme to him now.

< Message edited by JustaTop -- 10/8/2005 11:36:14 AM >

(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 33
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