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littlegypsy -> learning (2/9/2008 10:35:31 AM)

hello everyone!  im new to collarme and to the lifestyle. 
 
i'm 23 and have only recently had a sub experience... but i love it!  however my master lives very very far away, and now that he's gone i'm left wondering about a lot of things and feeling needy, or empty, or something.
 
he said it's normal to feel like this, even when your master only leaves for a short time so it's understandable that i have these extreme feelings.
 
anyway, im trying to deal with being a newbie all on my own.  and friends don't seem to understand.  my sister seems disturbed about it and thinks it's weird that im involved in 'constant role playing.'  others fear my safety.  when they ask me WHY i am into this, i dont really have a good answer.  i just AM into this. 
 
how do you deal with these people close to you who care about you?  what do you tell them when they ask WHY? 
 
and lastly, i always considered myself a feminist, and still do and am afraid im a total hypocrite.  so, any feminist subs out there?  or am i the only one?
 
so happy to be a part of this community now!



PonyGroom -> RE: learning (2/9/2008 10:44:58 AM)

After an intense time, it is normal to feel an emptiness.

This is true of spiritually transcendent experiences.

This is true of life journey markers, such as weddings and funerals.

We know to expect emotional exhaustion after intense times - but then in D/s we discover that encounters can leave us with the same powerful emptiness.

The feeling passes in time. Tomorrow you might feel different, or the day after.  The time varies for everyone.  Some hardly experience it at all.

It can make the harsh edges smoother if you have something of his to hold on to.  A lock of hair, a shirt that smells like him, a card you can read over and over, written in his handwriting.  The right thing is the one that works for you, personally.  To work well, it needs to remind you of his presence.  You need to feel him linger.  This can turn a harsh jolt into a smooth descent. 



Nineveh -> RE: learning (2/9/2008 11:46:23 AM)

I am a feminist Dom.  Yes we do exist.  I strongly feel that some people, men and women, need to be controlled, to be led. It doesn't make you weak or inferior to be a sub.  In fact it is an act of strength to willingly give yourself in the way that a sub does.  Don't think of yourself as less than your master, you are not, you are the piece that completes him.  Your need to be controlled matches his need to control.



hopelessfool -> RE: learning (2/9/2008 11:53:31 AM)

I understand your struggle, I to believe in equality between partners, even if I am submitting. Some think as submission as being the more powerful one. You can do something your owner can not. Some think of it as being weak. A lot of people in the vanilla world think this life is dangerous full of abuse because all they have seen are the shows on tv, where in most cases the life is portrayed badly. If your friends dont understand try to help them. Maybe reading material, I recently had to explain it to my mother. (what fun) Even though she doesnt agree she knows it makes me happy. If your friends are your friends while they might worry, they will trust you to make the decision that is right for you. What always helps is explaining safewords and limits ususally. Then they dont fear some guy is going to chain saw your arm off because they like pain. Alot of people in the forums are very nice and helpful, if you have a question post it on the boards youll likely get several good responses. Welcome to our wonderful strange little world, I wish you the best of luck.

-La Kitten



bardtothebone -> RE: learning (2/9/2008 12:29:09 PM)

Welcome. Enjoy your stay.   

The Bard.



kultur -> RE: learning (2/9/2008 12:31:01 PM)

I'm a feminist too. Most of the guys in jail are innocent, though...



Arrrchibald -> RE: learning (2/9/2008 1:48:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlegypsy
how do you deal with these people close to you who care about you?  what do you tell them when they ask WHY? 


I don't tell anyone.  It's not really anyone else's business. 

I made the mistake of telling a few of my friends a couple of years ago I was into this.  The guys didn't care.  The girls had the knee-jerk reaction of "all bdsm is r*pe."  We haven't spoken since. 

When I accidentally do tell people I'm into it, and they ask why, I tell them because it's fun, and the girl thinks it's fun.  Nothing more, nothing less.  The more you say, the more your ignorant listners can misconstrue. 



lostangel39 -> RE: learning (2/10/2008 5:13:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlegypsy
how do you deal with these people close to you who care about you?  what do you tell them when they ask WHY? 


I don't tell anyone.  It's not really anyone else's business. 

I made the mistake of telling a few of my friends a couple of years ago I was into this.  The guys didn't care.  The girls had the knee-jerk reaction of "all bdsm is r*pe."  We haven't spoken since. 

When I accidentally do tell people I'm into it, and they ask why, I tell them because it's fun, and the girl thinks it's fun.  Nothing more, nothing less.  The more you say, the more your ignorant listners can misconstrue. 



That is what is wrong with the world today, because some do not wish to say that they belong to this type of lifestyle. But think of it this way, the more we keep things in the dark the more people will think that this way of life is nothing but about abuse, rape or something worse. Yes, you do have those that do use this way of life to find thier next "victim" but the more that it is educated to this way of life the sooner that those of us do not have to live in the "closet" about it. Personally, i am not ashamed of the path that i, as an adult, have chose to live. Though because of it i have lost all family members that are still alive but as long as my sons are still in my life it is all that matters to me. It is the ones that do not understand or judge that causes us to feel as if we need to hide what is inside each of us. But it is up to us to help to educate those that do not fully understand.
Just my two cents.



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: learning (2/10/2008 5:31:39 PM)

littlegypsy, welcome to CM - and congratulations for finding a Master who treats you to such a session as you had.

I don't tell my friends or family (except my niece) about my involvement in the lifestyle, because I don't want to distress them. They are all concerned for my well-being for medical reasons; they don't need any extra concerns about me. They know I am looking for someone and that I've had relationships, but not the nature of those relationships. My brother (self-appointed protector) only wants to know that The One I Choose will take good care of me and keep me from harm. A good Dom will fulfill his expectations.



Arrrchibald -> RE: learning (2/10/2008 6:30:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostangel39

That is what is wrong with the world today, because some do not wish to say that they belong to this type of lifestyle. But think of it this way, the more we keep things in the dark the more people will think that this way of life is nothing but about abuse, rape or something worse.


If a woman is ignorant enough to think that all BDSM is r*pe, then chances are she won't believe any arguments to the contrary from a man.  Let alone a man into the lifestyle. 

I can't seem to find who said this, but "you can't use reason to persuade someone from an opinion they have formed without it."  It doesn't matter what the argument is...it's the argument of r*pists, and therefore is wrong. 



CelticPrince -> RE: learning (2/10/2008 9:59:19 PM)

gypsy,

Welcome to CM and do us all a favor and up the font size.
Read the boards and most questions will be at least partially resolved.

CP



YourhandMyAss -> RE: learning (2/10/2008 10:15:29 PM)

CL There is nothing wrong with her font size. It shows up on my screen as normal.



littlegypsy -> RE: learning (2/12/2008 4:41:15 PM)

thanks to those with useful imput!  glad to be here



awakenednj -> RE: learning (2/12/2008 7:17:27 PM)

Hi there. I am in a very similar situation. The couple of close friends i have told kinda think I'm crazy, but are trying to be understanding. This has woken so many powerful feelings in me that it's a little hard to come to terms with it all. Especially all by myself. Reading around on this website is helping a little... seeing that the people here are not *necessarily* crazy-but have discovered something about themselves. I don't know if the same things will help you- but you aren't alone!



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