iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains of salt[:)]

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iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains of s... - 7/12/2004 5:59:11 PM

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Taking offense appears to be a growing pastime among posters. The thing about taking offense is it is soooo easy. Everyone tends to rally around the hurt one an everyone tends to forgive them if they act rashly on impulse. It also has the advantage that they can cling to what offends them and leave the rest of their opponent’s argument invalidated. (Yes it occurs mostly in argumentative conversation. “This is how you tie a slip knot,” rarely “offends” anyone.

In my experience (and, trust me I have experience offending people

) About 49% of the time I wonder why they were so thin skinned to be offended. About 49% I see how I could’ve used gentler words to say the same thing. (If the choice is brutally honest or lie I choose brutally honest and then notice the tactful way.

) 1% of the time I am just plain wrong and I apologize. (Hi, SherrieA.

)

One thing remains, however. I do wonder who is really offended and who is shedding crocodile tears.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/12/2004 6:30:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

(Hi, SherrieA.)

One thing remains, however. I do wonder who is really offended and who is shedding crocodile tears.

No "e" in SherriA, sugar.

As for the tears, does it really matter?

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/12/2004 6:37:07 PM

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Maybe I'm just a callous old bitch, but I never really stress about this at all. I'm not so almighty powerful that I can "make" someone feel any way that they don't want to. The issue is theirs, not mine. And when I'm the one offended, the issue is mine.

Sometimes it's good to get irked about things - it makes me think about them, and that's rarely a bad thing for me to end up doing. So, offend away, just don't get pissy at me when I snarl back. :)

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 12:58:35 AM

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Hello iwill,

You have not offended me. Dont give up hope, the millenium is still young.

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 3:25:30 AM

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Thanks MzSuz, Sherria with no "e" (sorry again!),

Sinergy, Yes, the millennium is still young!

I have also notice a lack of a sense of humor. Now I can be as guilty of it as the next guy.

Let me post a sentence as an example:

You are a blooming idiot.

That is an insult. There is no ay to tell about that person's body language, etc. Fortunately their is something we can do about that. They are not perfect, but help.

You are a blooming idiot.

See the difference? He is smiling when he says that, Pilgrim.

The emoticons at left and what they mean:

= I'm smiling. Either light sarcasm, a nice turn of phrase or a little joke, whatever. I'm smiling. (Not grinning feral-ly either.)

= Wide smile, perhaps with chuckle. Like above, only more so.

= Wink and smile. Humor and c'mon either sarcastic or real but humor based.

= sarcasm out of the side of the mouth. This pisses people off, but your comment was so ludicrous the poster does not think it deserves a serious reply.

= trying to keep a straight face. If it had been posted on the web "A Modest Proposal" would be followed by this emoticon.

= angry

= sad

= disgusted I think

= vexed I think

= sleepy I think

= I have no idea ("I'm a surgeon?"

)

= believe it or not that is a tongue sticking out. I thought he was holding his nose

= Again, I have no idea

= Shy, bashful, ashamed

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 7:18:41 AM

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Iwill,

I agree with you: I do think there is some posturing that goes on the boards. See how harsh I am, dominant I am, pretty I am, broad-minded I am, smart I am, that type of thing. What irks me is not argument, or even anger, but ridicule.

I disagree with you: There's tons of humor on the boards. I laugh ALL the time. (Um.. not always because the poster intends to be funny.) Luckily I laugh at myself, too. In fact, I'm deeply offended that you don't realize I'm SO much funnier than you, iwill.

I rarely use emoticons, as I'm hoping most readers will know when I'm so outrageous as to be kidding.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 7:41:32 AM

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From: New Castle, PA
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quote:

= disgusted I think

= vexed I think

= sleepy I think

= I have no idea ("I'm a surgeon?" )

= believe it or not that is a tongue sticking out. I thought he was holding his nose

= Again, I have no idea

= Shy, bashful, ashamed

M. iwill - my take on the emoticons was along the same lines as yours, with the following differences/suggestions

= not only disgusted, but also nauseated

= bored to death

= pbbbttttthhhhhhhh or nyah nyah - giving the raspberry

= thoughtful, serious pondering

just my tuppence

Apply usual caveats here

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 10:55:44 AM

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Crocodiles have verrrrrry sharp teeth, and a LOT of them in nice neat rows, so I stay away from them, tears or no.

One thing I've learned from experience, and from both sides of the experience, is that being offended is NOT fatal. We get over it. Now I know that someone is going to come along and say that someone could get offended and get a gun and blah blah blah. We are talking on the message boards here, and how fatal is someone typing Bang Bang??? Anyway, what I'm saying is...(what was I saying?????)...Oh yeah, don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff. Who said that? They wrote a book by that title as well. Great advice!!!

I heard something once upon a time, some of the guys will probably know more about this than I actually do. This is NOT intended to offend anyone, lol, but I did think it was funny, and I've applied it (not literally) a few times. "If it isn't food, you can't fight with it, or fuck it, piss on it!" Something relative to fire hydrants I think...lol

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 11:46:19 AM

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From: Santiago, Chile
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(sets to building an igloo out of my salt)

iwill,

I can't stand you. You're a snivelling little brat with nothing valuable to say.

Seriously, I like your posts and you've never pissed me off. In fact, I think there's only one poster on this board who is capable of even mildly irritating me - and she's been doing that on a different forum I was moderator for since before either she or I came to this forum.

I like to roll my sleeves up and have a good brawl now and then. Online, it's easy to say nasty, mean, or spiteful words without worrying who gets hurt - after all these are people you will (probably) never meet in real time, so who cares right? That doesn't mean being mean, nasty, or spiteful is right. I'm of the opinion that if someone opens their mouth and shows their ass - they're the ones who have to live down the embarressment.

The biggest point I think, is that this is supposed to be fun. I don't get paid to write here, I don't get paid to surf the net, and I don't get paid to reach post 212. To act indignant because someone's words online have offended me - as you stated - shows that my skin is just way too thin.

I hope all enjoyed the ramble.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 12:14:15 PM

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(Has Her CASTLE of salt built right next to AND adjoining your measly little igloo

)

quote:

I think there's only one poster on this board who is capable of even mildly irritating me - and she's been doing that on a different forum I was moderator for since before either she or I came to this forum.

Oh darn, and I was soooo hoping that I was She. *sigh*

Just kidding, but I just couldn't resist the opportunity, lol. I always enjoy your posts, Stephen, and agree with this one as well.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 6:51:05 PM

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Howdy there, Roomie! Just be sure not to use all the hot water in the shower.

Thanks for the kind words. I really do believe everyone is entitled to their voice. My beef usually comes when the posts start to directly inhibit other posts.

I still have a feeling some village, somewhere, is missing an idiot.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 7:12:27 PM

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Hello,

This may just be me, but emoticons are cute when used once in a while, but tend to become rather irritating if overused. It is like in chat rooms where somebody says "Something I think is funny... LOL" to indicate that it is funny to the reader. Can you imagine watching Jerry Seinfeld's comedy schtick where he talks about something and then goes LOL to let the audience know what he just said was funny? If it is funny, the person WILL laugh out loud, and if it isnt, adding LOL at the end of the sentence wont make it more amusing.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 7:52:14 PM

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LOL

(sorry, couldnt resist)

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 8:37:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

Let me post a sentence as an example:

You are a blooming idiot.

That is an insult. There is no ay to tell about that person's body language, etc. Fortunately their is something we can do about that. They are not perfect, but help.

You are a blooming idiot.

See the difference? He is smiling when he says that, Pilgrim.

IMNSHO, adding a smiley face after an insult doesn't make it any less insulting. I participate in a LOT of email lists, forums, etc and there are countless people who are blantantly rude and insulting and justify it by adding a smiley face.

I find that, unless you know the person and can translate that emoticon into something actually meaningful, then it's just an insult with a cute little icon added to it.

If you don't mean to be offensive, then don't be. If you do intend that, then by all means, go for that too. But don't pretend that a smiley face here or there changes what you say, cuz for the majority of the people who will read it, that little emoticon won't make it any less nasty.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/13/2004 9:35:51 PM

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Sherri,

I disagree only because the 'smilie' has a great deal to do with context. If someone I've never met before said something nasty, winked, and then proceeded to compliment me - I'd assume they just have a quirky sense of humor and take it as a compliment.

But you're right, a smile doesn't make a nasty comment 'unnasty.'

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/15/2004 5:44:23 PM

tanna

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What's that old saying.. You can please some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time..

And there's always going to be someone in every group who will be the one that plays the 'injured' party to the max to get the most attention they can.

tanna

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RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/15/2004 5:55:24 PM

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January,

quote:

In fact, I'm deeply offended that you don't realize I'm SO much funnier than you, iwill.

You need an emoticon after that sentence. I hope.

(To quote Fozzie Bear, say anything about me but please don't say I'm not funny.)

PS. didn't you used to have a lower case "j"?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to January)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/15/2004 6:08:28 PM

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SherriA,

quote:

I find that, unless you know the person and can translate that emoticon into something actually meaningful, then it's just an insult with a cute little icon added to it.

This for you. You talking to me?

OK, using that as an example, you know what that emoticon means. If say JoeX comes along and reads that post am I responsible for his ignorance if he replies, "Yes, she talking to you. Can't you read (in reply too iwillserveu), you illiterate bastard"? (no emoticon, that was a real question.)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/15/2004 7:00:26 PM

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quote:

Maybe I'm just a callous old bitch, but I never really stress about this at all. I'm not so almighty powerful that I can "make" someone feel any way that they don't want to. The issue is theirs, not mine. And when I'm the one offended, the issue is mine.

I couldn't agree with you more, SherriA. We each have only the control of ourselves. I cannot "make" someone mad at me or insult them, if they didn't "choose" to react that way. Being able to insult or offend people to the point they get angry at you is in it's own way a kind of power kick. Look at all that power over themselves they are just handing to you, for example. There is a philosophy/parable/whatever...:) that states...if sometime is offensive or insulting to you, it is because you, yourself have feelings/issues that you need to deal with regarding that situatoin. Things that offend us, are just holding up a mirror.

Prime example of this is the statement " I hate judgemental people".......just think about the absurdity of that comment, and I hear it all the time.

I myself do not think that putting a smiley after an insult makes it less of an insult. I can see where you could see it for humor reasons, however, just saying the words, smiley negateing it or not, puts the negative insulting energy out into the universe in the first place. It is the same thing as a "non-racist" telling "racist" jokes, even if they are harmless....it still feeds the negativeity.

thank you for reading this, have a great day,

pixie

_____________________________

**please note that I realize that I am just as full of crap as everybody else, feel free to remind me anytime**

If you understand it.......you've missed the point.

[image]http://img33.exs.cx/img33/2424/pixieunleashed-2.jpg[/image]

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: iwillserveu's observations - bring your own grains ... - 7/15/2004 7:58:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

This for you. You talking to me?

OK, using that as an example, you know what that emoticon means. If say JoeX comes along and reads that post am I responsible for his ignorance if he replies, "Yes, she talking to you. Can't you read (in reply too iwillserveu), you illiterate bastard"? (no emoticon, that was a real question.)

Honestly, I don't see how the smiley changes that at all. We don't have enough interaction history for me to accurately guess at your intentions, so I read the text. If a stranger walked up to me and made asked if i was talking to him/her with a smile on his/her face I'd assume s/he wanted an answer to the question. *shrug*

If Suz or Lawrence or mely or a few of the others I know personally were to make a crack at me, I'd have a much better sense of how they meant it because I know them well enough to make a reasonably accurate assumption. I try not to make assumptions about strangers, and I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but still....

An insult from a stranger said with a smile is still an insult (to me).

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

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