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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: In response to those frustrated with the submissives on this site... (2/14/2008 3:10:20 AM)
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I have a high degree of empathy for everything you are expressing in your opening post.
I think everything you wrote can apply to many users of CM, regardless if they are male, female, Dom, submissive, slave or switch, single, part of a couple or whatever else.
I have made a few great long distance friends from using this website. Actually a couple of them have had the potential to develop into something deeper. However, issues such as distance, being at different life stages, different mindsets/views on various aspects of life even, have been a bit of a road block. Honestly, i see things for what they really are.
I have tried to maintain things as friendships. I guess in many senses this makes me sane. However, I've literally had submission thrown at me by a few of my female friends from this site. Actually, even where they tried to bait/lure me into DOMing their ass. The fact is that I did not try to Long Distance Dom them for good reason(s).
I really appreciate you mentioning about people being at different life stages in life. I'm not talking about different stages of the lifestyle itself here. I have witnessed some of my female submissive/switch friends blossom and grow over time, and I've even witness some of them get caught up in taking things to the extreme. Extreme activities that I myself could care less about, because I find no enjoyment or pleasure in them. So in a sense, they grew in directions different from my own. I'm not writing about any one single person right now either.
Even with my LD friendships, some of them have slowly faded and some of them have become much deeper and personal. So regardless if one is using this site for making friends, finding somebody for serious LT relationship, or even the proverbial fuck buddy. The dynamics of making a connection still all apply. We all are human with different desires, needs, wants and interests.
The lifestyle is and will forever be apart of my life, in some way shape or form. I went through a period of time in life where I tried very hard to fit into the Vanilla Jello mold and it did not work. If anything it made me realize more about the importance of self acceptence and self love is.
The lifestyle itself has helped sharped up my Spidey Senses when it comes down to spotting true abusers, the insecure control freaks, the creepy Co-Dependent types and whatnot. Some of my vanilla friends have been amazed at how quickly and accurately I spot these things in other people. I tend to speak in relative terms with many people. Such as "Control Good" compared to "Control Bad". "Good Abuse" compared to "Bad Abuse". I'll explain what I mean in contrast to one another. The lifestyle can be somewhat confusing to newbies or other people.
Sure, I have responded to profiles and have had no response back. OK, sure I might have been a little dissapointed but oh well. Life is full of dissapointments. These dissapointments just will make things so much better when one finally finds their match. Basically, keeping a balanced view of the joys and dissapointments in life. They go hand and hand together like Jack-n-Jill in this adventure called life.
Most people don't deal well with rejection. They take things way too personally and to heart. If they want to act like an asshole or bitch about it, then that's there problem and nobody elses. I have seen people come onto the message board bitching about nobody responding to their profiles or emails. I also seen people come onto the message board and ask for constructive advice about what to do better or differently. Both groups of people dealing with the same problem or issue in two different ways.
The reality is here, everybody on this website is a human being. There is diversity amoung us. Just because we are into BDSM does not mean we are no longer human. I do question the amount of humanity some people have left in their souls that find there way to this lifestyle. When I speak of humanity, I'm talking about fulling embracing both sides of thier Yin/Yang wheel. Some of the hardcore heartless abusers in this lifestyle can be compared to the Extreme Right Wing Christians. Basically they only want to be in touch with one side of their Yin or Yang. Basically, BDSM does not mean welcome to the Dark Side of life and selling out the rest of what it is to be human.
Assholes, Bitches, Abusers, Loosers, fakes, wanna be's exist in every aspect or facet of life. They can be difficult to spot in the churches, schools, our governement, in our neighborhoods, out at the Malls. They can be BDSMers or vanilla's. I tend to think this lifestyle is a bit of a magnet for some of these types of people. Then again, Many Churches attract crazy people with fucked up issues who have problems and are looking for answers.
Basically even the abusers are looking for their own place in this crazy world. I'm certain that this Lifestyle has actually become the salvation for some people that have had major issues in life. I wonder how many abuser Doms were first drawn to this lifestyle, and discovered more about their own fucked up issues and were able to gain control over themselves. Something to think about here. If somebody is really sincere and wanting to learn about the Lifestyle, they will grow as a person. People who think they know it all or have desire to learn basically don't grow.
Nobody is really a blow up doll, but it's fun using somebody like there were one from time to time, you know! LOL...
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