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Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 5:03:16 AM

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I don't list myself as a switch, but in my heart I am. I was doing some posting here on the boards and my signature line said: Mistress and slave - and never happier.

It didn't matter the topic; I had people telling me to figure out what I was or get off the boards and out of the lifestyle. This seems so insane to me. I HAVE finally figured out exactly what I want to be - in my case a non-sexual Mistress who chooses to give Herself as a sexual slave to a Dom. Most of us as switches are more in touch with our true desires than people who tend to categorize themselves at one end of the spectrum or the other.

Anyone else facing that kind of rudeness from others?

_____________________________

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 7:24:13 AM

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Some people will argue over just about anything. If you know yourself, know who you are isn't that what really matters?

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
Most of us as switches are more in touch with our true desires than people who tend to categorize themselves at one end of the spectrum or the other.

However, concerning the bit I quoted from your post. Do you genuinely believe that being a switch makes you better at knowing yourself? That you are really more in touch? You are in a sense doing just what you complain others of doing.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 8:10:22 AM

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Thank you for that. I was feeling frustrated and flamed. I am sure that I sounded just as judgmental as some of the people who I have felt attacked by.

Seeing posts from other switches I had a feeling I was not alone in this. I guess I just hate to see people being unfairly attacked, but when you put yourself out there it is the risk that you run.

_____________________________

(in reply to camille65)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 8:26:56 AM

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

When I feel that way I wait a few hours before posting. I write it out, but don't actually post it until I've had a chance to reflect and understand my feelings.Yes it can be frustrating and you're right. When you post things you are fair game but for the most part if you post genuine things you will get genuine responses.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 4:19:10 PM

Dmon

Posts: 82
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

Camille65, you have to admit that Switches to catch the short end of the stick somtimes. I hate to say it, but alot of people use bdsm to cope with insecurity. They have a lack of sureity in there life and compensate by assuming a role. Switches present a greater challenge to that surity because we do embrace the entire spectrum one way or the other. We are quite comfotable in saying "somtimes I'm this, sometime's I'm that, and somtimes I really just don't know". And so we show that unsurity comforatably. Making all those who have a hard time dealing with it, that much more uncomfortable in there own "self proclaimed" role.

So no, not all D's and S's have a problem with Switches. But the ones that assume the role to compansate for there own insecurities, would rather stay away from us, because we reflect show them just how inscure they are.

(in reply to camille65)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 4:22:25 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_323643/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#323643
How do you respond to a direct denial?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 5:40:12 PM

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

It doesn't matter what role you are, what you say or what you do...you will find asshats whose apparent sole purpose in life is to partipate in asshattery. The best way to deal with an asshat is realize they are an asshat and move on. If it wasn't your role it would be the color of your shoes..you will never win the asshat game...don't play it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 6:50:12 PM

Dmon

Posts: 82
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

Acutally I like when those kind of people come at me. They tend to use a condicending tone, which just sets of my sadist alarms. By the time I"m done with them, I"m laughing up a storm, and they're red in the face trying to prove a point they never will. I've already written them off, but it's fun to wind them up a bit before I'm done with them.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 6:59:31 PM

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I don't list myself as a switch, but in my heart I am. I was doing some posting here on the boards and my signature line said: Mistress and slave - and never happier.

It didn't matter the topic; I had people telling me to figure out what I was or get off the boards and out of the lifestyle. This seems so insane to me. I HAVE finally figured out exactly what I want to be - in my case a non-sexual Mistress who chooses to give Herself as a sexual slave to a Dom. Most of us as switches are more in touch with our true desires than people who tend to categorize themselves at one end of the spectrum or the other.

Anyone else facing that kind of rudeness from others?

yes, not so often as of late. But I also don't get alot of mail from others either unless I initiate it.
not much of that goes far and there seems to be the distance issue also.
Not many local female switches here in MN. Most are involved.
I really am not looking for someone with a Dom.
Is that wrong?

< Message edited by liketophoto -- 2/15/2008 7:00:54 PM >

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/15/2008 8:24:09 PM

Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

I had a bit of this early on when I joined the site (this is my third profile). The first two times, I got pissed at people trying to shove me in on or another hole ... and not in a fun way. I had a dominant profile, because most of the time, that's the dynamic I feel. Then I had a sub profile because I was bottoming more often than usual and thought; "oh, guess that makes me a sub". Eventually I said, "You know what, I'm a switch, and anyone that has a problem with that isn't worth my time." I know in many of the switch forums, we tend to be preaching to the choir, but knowing who you are and being secure in that will always be more imporant than some prick on a forum tellin you what's what.

Cheers

(in reply to liketophoto)

RE: Switch Rant - 2/16/2008 2:02:39 AM

Zmey

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline

I've never faced that kind of discrimination. (Yes that's exactly what it is) but if I did I would told then to go frack them selfs with something sexually unpleasant. I am who I am and I'm not changing for anyone.

(in reply to ToysAndTies)

RE: Switch Rant - 3/4/2008 11:11:28 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline

Chamberqueen-- i know how you feel, i think alot (but not all) people here are very caught up into labels" , like a friend of mine said:
some people here feel pretty much the same about switches as they did about bisexuals back in the 90's, kind of like "are you going to pick a side already?" ..they feel that they label themselves as switch because they are just confused &havent figured out what they truely are etc...
but i dont even get how alot of these other people really know who they are!theyre changing themselves- labeling from dom to sub etc.. i think until someone has really been out there and experiemented and had experience can they really know themself &should they try to start labeling, and even then.. is there really such a thing as a "true dom" or "true slave".. i keep reading all these profiles where people go on about explaining what it means to be a true dom or slave etc.. and im really interested in knowing them as a person, what makes them different then every other dom/or slave on here.. i want to see some personality...been on here since july (about 8 months now) and only found a bunch of crazy ass people (and not the good kind of crazy lol)..
*sighs* where are all the Real people at?? seriously

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 3/8/2008 11:11:50 PM

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/21/2008
From: World Citizen
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I don't list myself as a switch, but in my heart I am. I was doing some posting here on the boards and my signature line said: Mistress and slave - and never happier.

It didn't matter the topic; I had people telling me to figure out what I was or get off the boards and out of the lifestyle. This seems so insane to me. I HAVE finally figured out exactly what I want to be - in my case a non-sexual Mistress who chooses to give Herself as a sexual slave to a Dom. Most of us as switches are more in touch with our true desires than people who tend to categorize themselves at one end of the spectrum or the other.

Anyone else facing that kind of rudeness from others?

I consider that sort of behavior as someone trying to test their assertion, or my will power. There may be some switches who yes, aren't sure of what they are into, but that isn't everyone. Proper dominants and full submissives/slaves have their mindsets, switches just have multiple ones.

My suggestion to you is to keep your head up (unless told not to *wink*) and be proud of the fact you have found a place you feel happiest. Anyone who can't handle who you are likely can't handle the rest of you either, in any way.

My hats off to you comrade!

xxo

_____________________________

I am the White Rabbit. So if you dare and if you please, follow me and you shall see just how adventurous my thoughts can be.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 3/9/2008 1:10:50 AM

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I don't list myself as a switch, but in my heart I am. I was doing some posting here on the boards and my signature line said: Mistress and slave - and never happier.

It didn't matter the topic; I had people telling me to figure out what I was or get off the boards and out of the lifestyle. This seems so insane to me. I HAVE finally figured out exactly what I want to be - in my case a non-sexual Mistress who chooses to give Herself as a sexual slave to a Dom. Most of us as switches are more in touch with our true desires than people who tend to categorize themselves at one end of the spectrum or the other.

Anyone else facing that kind of rudeness from others?

Ironically, I feel like you're completely justified in your frustration, yet your position comes off a little rude to people who aren't switches. I'm not a dominant because I can't take orders (something you learn to do very well in the Marines.) I'm a dominant because I enjoy giving orders and controlling others. I don't think one needs to label themselves as anything, to be in touch with their feelings. Having said that, people who are in touch with their feelings often have the means to express their feelings and identity more effectively.

I have a strong dislike for people getting hung up on labels. I think it's usually counterprodutive to say "a good submissive is X" or "a true dominant is Y." A good submissive is someone who enjoys being submissive. Just about everything else is a variable. I can certainly say "I think cooking skills helps make someone a good submissive" yet the lack of cooking skills hardly makes one a bad submissive.

Regards,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switch Rant - 3/9/2008 8:23:29 AM

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

Interesting, I havn't gotten much flack anywhere in being a switch. Ethier here or in my local community. (have gotten alittle, but just shrugged it off.) Like Laurell said, some are just asshats, (asshattery? lol. I like that.) And ethier ignore them, or do what Dmon does, and skewer them. Some maybe just trying to get a rise out of you, others may have wanted to see how you react, (I confess I have done that once or twice, but I try not to be a bitch about it.) But anyways sweetie, let it roll of you like water off a duck. **hugs**

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: Switch Rant - 3/9/2008 11:26:23 AM

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

It doesn't matter what role you are, what you say or what you do...you will find asshats whose apparent sole purpose in life is to partipate in asshattery. The best way to deal with an asshat is realize they are an asshat and move on. If it wasn't your role it would be the color of your shoes..you will never win the asshat game...don't play it.

So true. But it's really difficult sometimes when those asshats are eloquent and more well-established in a community than you are.
I've dealt with the "but make up your mind!" attitude before - with my bisexuality AND with my switch orientation - I've learned to just smile and say "it's made up, thank you."

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Switch Rant - 3/16/2008 7:43:22 PM

solia

Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

I have found it interesting to encounter more judgemental people online than offline. I have yet to meet a person at an event who told me to make a decision one way or the other. But online? Wow. I've decided that those who are judgemental in this way must be pure onliners and purely unrealistic. When I do encounter these people, I quickly make the switch to my very dominant side. It shows up in how I type clear and full sentences without online abbreviations. There is never any doubt for these onliners and I've even had 'dominants' switch to yes ma'aming me in chatrooms. Weirdness. Sometimes I think it is a desire to just be a brat for them.

Hmm, it's just occurred to me that maybe why I've not encountered this offline is that perhaps people are more discerning of voicing their opinions so they can gain play time ...

(in reply to chamberqueen)

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