Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Escape clause


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Escape clause Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 9:20:09 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR

I think the phrase "escape clause" is making my teeth itch. I'm not sure what to call it, but I agree that a financial safety net of some sort is wise is any relationship. It doesn't have to be for the purpose of leaving the relationship, but in case of any calamity or catastrophe. It seems that it would be essential if the two people are not married and one depends on the other for financial security.

Cali



I was going to address that too and forgot.  You are spot on with my thoughts.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 9:20:25 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		It all sounds great in theory but how does it sound in application?

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 9:21:32 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR

I think the phrase "escape clause" is making my teeth itch. I'm not sure what to call it, but I agree that a financial safety net of some sort is wise is any relationship. It doesn't have to be for the purpose of leaving the relationship, but in case of any calamity or catastrophe. It seems that it would be essential if the two people are not married and one depends on the other for financial security.

Cali



I was going to address that too and forgot.  You are spot on with my thoughts.

ETA: To me "escape clause" denotes a mistrust that the relationship will work.  I believe that if people have an inkling in their mind that it won't work, they won't put 110% into making it work.


_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 10:33:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think everybody, straight, bi, gay, dom or sub should have at the minimum of six months of savings and far better to have two years worth. Instead of just making her start a savings acc't why don't you both work on your budgets? But it isn't the dom's responsibility to take care of an adult. She's old enough to have a job, buy a beer, drive a car, then she's old enough to be a responsible adult money wise. I would wonder if the 'subs' you've been talking to are in this not because they are naturally submissive but because they want to be taken care of, and not have to be self sufficient in any way whether financially, physically or emotionally.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 10:36:38 AM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have a roommate who I share my rent with, so if I choose to live with my Dom and he acts up " I Gotta Go" "See you when I See You"

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 11:13:20 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nightlander

Has anyone reading this had problems getting away?

No.
quote:


Has anyone had an escape mechanism built into their relationship?

Yes. If I stop loving him, I leave. Even if I were tempted to stay out of a misguided sense of duty, he wouldn't want a woman who didn't love him.
quote:


Do you think a submissive should insist on a clause like this in their agreement/contract?

With variations for the relationships involved. At the very least, it seems there should be something for her if the owner grows bored with her and sends her packing. Doesn't mean she has to be able to access it, but if the slave spent years serving faithfully and did her job well, a sort of "severence package" when her owner is done with her doesn't seem out of place.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/18/2008 11:17:03 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Nightlander)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 11:27:53 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nightlander
I like this idea. I take my responsibilities as a Dominant very seriously. The question is- this escape clause, would it damage relationships or trust, if you were to move in with a Dominant/Master, and he insisted on setting up a way to get you out of the house?


An escape clause?  Bad phrasing.  Escape clause denotes an expectation of failiure.  It's saying, hey I have a way out.
Regardless of what kind of relationship you are in - then discussing financial stabilities, responsibilities, insurance, medical payments etc are all sensible and viable discussions to have.  But calling it an escape clause is misrepresenting sensible communication.

quote:

Has anyone reading this had problems getting away?


No. 

quote:

Has anyone had an escape mechanism built into their relationship?


No.  Darcy and I have discussed all the important financial issues, but these aren't a means of 'escape' - they are forward planning.

quote:

Do you think a submissive should insist on a clause like this in their agreement/contract?


No.  I do believe to not be financially secure or aware however, is foolish.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Nightlander)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 11:34:07 AM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		This is a good idea, regardless of what it is called.  Really, everyone in any relationship should have access to money of their own that no one else can touch.

What peace of mind that brings for everyone!

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 11:46:38 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		If you choose to "group" train your slaves and that is what they want, that's great.  To each their own.

However, I want my slave trained to ME...and ME only.
And if they want to go, let them go.   If they want released, all they have to do is ask.
I take slave's.  Not prisoners.  I take more comfort knowing my slave never runs because their Mistress takes good care of them and their training has been effective.  And, I certainly don't want 5 other people using my slave sexually.  I can't even fathom that to be ok for many, many reasons.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to TheGorenSociety)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 12:17:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well this is only an issue if you choose to make the slave financially dependent on you without any marriage or legal understandings in place already.

If you choose to make such a situation, then it would indeed be prudent to discuss these issues and work out a good plan in case of emergency or such.

But since a married couple who looks and acts in every way like a normal vanilla married couple can also be a Master/slave couple, for a lot of people they don't need to even consider the problem at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 12:47:25 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I think it's a lovely idea.
I think it shows responsibility, concern for the slave, even when he's not getting anything else out of it, integrity and honor.
There are few who would go so far to ensure the slave's safety and security.

~Christina

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 4:52:17 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		<FR>
Great idea.  Kudos to the OP for caring even if it doesn't work out.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 5:32:21 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		HoneyMaster agrees as well. He said there should be more Doms like the op out there.
We think He is honorable and loving.
HoneyMaster also said that only doms who have something to fear, or are insecure would be resistant to something like that.
After reading Mercandbeth's post, I'm not sure I agree with what HM said, but, I do understand His thoughts on the matter.
HoneyMaster says the way to keep a slave is through love and devotion, not by stripping her of any chance of escape. And that submission is voluntary, not enforced because of loss of any other options.
I really doubt the OP will be single for long at all.

~Christina

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 6:17:55 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I think the phrase "escape clause" is making my teeth itch. I'm not sure what to call it, but I agree that a financial safety net of some sort is wise is any relationship. It doesn't have to be for the purpose of leaving the relationship, but in case of any calamity or catastrophe. It seems that it would be essential if the two people are not married and one depends on the other for financial security.


I gotta agree with you on the teeth itching thing, Cali, and I also agree with those who view that particular phrasing as an anticipation of failure. 

With no disregard meant for those who've said because of their orientation that they'd have no use for such a thing, I don't think it has anything to do with orientation.  Submissive, slave or two-bit whore, adults should be capable of being responsible for themselves.  If someone wishes to have accessible money set aside for an emergency, I hardly think that changes their "lifestyle" status.  Personally, I think it just makes them prudent. 

If, however, they are willing to face whatever challenges life may throw their way without any resources, then more power to them.  It doesn't make them any more "subly" or "slavely", just more confident... or perhaps just comfortably reckless.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 7:29:06 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I think that it speaks volumes about the insecurity of a Dominant that won't provide for a slave to leave if she's had enough. Making someone totally dependent on you is just a way to enable abuse.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 9:49:33 PM   
MasterBlueTiger


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the OP. Though I would also agree that escape clause sounds like a disney movie.
I could see how having a slave hand over everything might add to the feel of a M/s dynamic, but it doesn't seem that practical without serious planning ahead. What If I died in a car accident or something, it shows that I care in that case. I would expect my slaves to be self sufficient as a way of proving that their not just looking for a free ride. I like the idea of having slaves not permitted to use their account, but as another way of proving their trustworthiness. That way if something does happen the money is their. I can't see myself throwing somone on the street with nothing, that just seems wrong. I would try to weed out the flingers and free reiders ahead of time. Should I fail I have no one to blame but myself.
Saying that adults are responsible for their actions works both ways, I just see this as the Dominants part of the deal.

_____________________________

Men may be stupid, but call me that and I'l throw my abbacus at you.
"I speak softly but carry a Big Stick!" Theodore Roosevelt(aka the man)

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Escape clause - 2/18/2008 10:25:56 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think all slaves should have access to some "emergency money", I think its very unwise not to have some money put away as you never know what could happen.  I personally know one kajira who after being owned (and abused according to her)for 5 years left with only the clothes on her back because as her Master put it, everything is mine including your clothes. She walked to a convience store and luckily for her someone allowed her to use their cellphone to call some  friends to come pick her up and help her get to a safe place.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MasterBlueTiger)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Escape clause - 2/19/2008 3:34:55 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR

I think the phrase "escape clause" is making my teeth itch. 
Cali



My grandparents - who I have at times, thought were doing this long before it was popular, and at times have thought were simply a more traditional style of married couple - had this.

They called it Grandma's Mad Money. When I asked my grandpa why they called it Grandma's Mad Money, he told me it was so if she wanted, she could go shopping and spend like mad. When I asked my grandma why they called it Grandma's Mad Money, she told me that grandpa liked to say it was for shopping, but that they'd set it up just in case she ever got so mad at him that she decided to dump him.

Now, since Grandma and Grandpa got married when she was not the age of majority and he was barely over that age, and stayed married until the day they died, I'd be inclined to a)believe grandma and b) think it worked real well for them.

By the time my father was taking care of their estate, Grandma's Mad Money account had grown to six digits. She'd never had a reason to dip into it. (Then again, she evidently took the advertisements during WWII seriously when they called for people to "buy bonds" cause we found boot boxes packed with those when she passed (she went first) and up to that point, grandpa never knew they existed.)

juliet

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 38
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Escape clause Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109